Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian


From: United States Minnesota Saint Paul @shenzshen2015 Time : 2015-01-28 08:44:45

Hello everybody! First thing I want to say is a big thank you to all the staff at CLM for doing a great job keeping the scammers off this site. I really appreciate it and makes online dating much nicer and enjoyable. As a new member I find the security photo a valuable feature. First time I have seen that on any site. The primary photo and the additional photos some members put on are not always reliable or even honest. But with the security photo I can see how the person looks like now since the date is on the photo. And that the person I am talking with is real and not somebody else. That adds a level of trust I find reassuring.

I have talked with many members thus far and have had some nice conversations. Unfortunately, not all have a security photo. So I at some point during the conversation ask if they can provide one for me to determine if they are real. And I do point out mine is in my profile for their inspection. Well, surprisely enough, none of them ever provide me with that request and I never hear from them again! Wow! What is going on? A serious person interested in meeting somebody I would think will honor such a request considering the scamming situation online with dating. I will try again asking to those I felt were real possibilities but to no such luck. Still no response. Gives me the feeling they were not real or hiding something else or just playing games. Who knows?

Very few members I noticed have a security photo in their profile and I was  wondering it might be a good idea to make it a requirement to join. I was wondering how other members feel about this. I know some do not wish to post their photos on site. But at least the staff can check it out to determine they are real and sincere.But it will not get posted in the profile. This I think might help in keeping out the insincere and dishonest. And will help match the primary photos and additional photos with the security photo. And will see if they match the person. Any thoughts and/or comments regarding this subject will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


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From: China 山东(shan dong) 济宁(ji ning ) @paulfox1 Time : 2015-01-28 19:34:33 #1
With the best will in the world mate, you are talking rubbish!
I see you have a security photo - great, I certainly don't, and if a woman asked me for one I would not bother talking to them either - not that I have anything to hide!
Online dating on CLM (or any other site for that matter) is based on 2 initial things -
Gut Instinct
We tend to trust people on face value, but we should trust our gut even more - if something ain't right - Get Outta there!

If you like her and she likes you, don't frighten her away by asking for a security picture - ask her to video chat with you
And if you don't know how to video chat just ask the nearest 6 year old kid - lol

In my opinion, as soon as you ask for a security photo, you may as well shout "Hey, I don't trust you!" and hence the reason women are running away from you

If a security picture was made compulsory, I reckon half the members would leave!

Let John and his staff worry about the scammers - they know they will get scammer prison!

Just go-with-the-flow mate....women can see you are genuine (you have your security picture) but my advice is DONT pressure them into giving you theirs

Good Luck and Happy Hunting!
From: United States Minnesota Saint Paul @shenzshen2015 Time : 2015-01-30 06:01:27 #2

Thanks Paul for your input. I really appreciate it and it is great to see things in another way from somebody else. I will take your advice to heart and try things little different as I do not really enjoy asking someone for a security photo. As you said it is like I do not trust them and maybe that is why I am not getting any response back after I ask for one.

By the way, I really enjoy reading your story about your Thailand trip and the part where your partner tried to help out the Japanese patrons was great!

Best wishes to you mate if I may say that as an American.

From: China 山东(shan dong) 济宁(ji ning ) @paulfox1 Time : 2015-01-30 19:00:23 #3
Thanks Harry (Harold)
The Japanese 'thing' was hilarious, but sadly it was one of those moments that you HAD TO BE THERE!
in order to fully appreciate how funny it was

Describing it does not do it justice!

I still laugh about it when I think of it - lol - and I am sure the Indian waiter has told many of his customers just how funny it was at the time !
From: United States Texas Canyon Lake @YinTingYu Time : 2015-01-30 22:57:09 #4
Hi Harold,
Please allow me to jump in here for a little bit and remember that what I write is ONLY from one fellow's perspective.
I sense what you might be experiencing is known as "The Process". You are not alone my friend because I and others have gone through the same sort of trials. I might suggest a modification in your approach technique. Here's what I do...

Research the ladies' profile paying close attention to what she has written. Then, check the blogs / threads / comments to see if her writings support her profile. If all seems in order, and you wish to proceed, try to establish contact. Have an 8-9 sentence, reassuring, introductory letter prepared and ask for "permission" to send her your current (decent ,clothes on) picture. Request some chat and see how it goes.
Do NOT pressure her too much for a recent photo at first. It might create an initial impression of distrust. Give her some time to respond (24-36 hours).

Before current pictures are exchanged or webcam is established the lady might need a little time to find that special blouse that helps her feel pretty or brush out her hair for good first impression. Some of us guys do the same thing. This is totally understandable from my view but,...after all is requested / considered, and they are not willing to present a picture or engage on webcam,...cut the possible losses politely. You have tried in earnest so,... pull up your socks and move on !!

I would suggest in these proceedings that you find a way to remove yourself from any possible "expectations" as if these are not met, will most surely cause discomfort.
If you get "dumped", don't take it too personal. What a fellow from the US might think is polite may not be considered as such in Oriental culture. Be ready to practice some "catch and release".
I know this sounds like a lot of consideration and work but I really feel it is time well spent and just part of due diligence for "The Process".

Good Grief!! We are dealing with women here and,... Asian ladies as well. I have been told by two ladies on this site that the Oriental female mindset can be very complex at times and I now know this to be true for me. I sense special considerations need to be acknowledged and respected especially considering the 50+ ethnic minorities in China (study up).

One of the greatest obstacles I have found is the language challenge. Many of the ladies I have tried to contact are very self conscious about not speaking or understanding English very well and have just stopped communication, never to be heard from again. You might also be given a little test by the lady to see how you react in a communication breakdown situation.
Do not deceive yourself though, many Asian ladies are very smart and strong but,... they are women and, Bless Their Hearts, sometimes have a different grasp on what men perceive as proper conduct.

Now, regarding your question about a "security photo". I must stand in complete favor with Paul on this topic except that I don't think you are talking rubbish. I sense you are just a (self admitted) new fellow that's asking a question. When I first came to CLM (about 3 years ago), I had the same query.

Let us imagine a possible scenario. A member wishes to join. They have a current "security photo".
The CLM staff reviews the profile and picture then, might need to have have a brief webcam chat with the new member for proof. To be thorough, updates every few months might follow. This is just the way I imagined.

I started to consider the amount of members on this site. There's a LOT and the backtracking involved would be enormous! I also considered John and the CLM staff. Even though they have a certain passion for CLM and the uncovering of scammers (world wide internet) they also have lives independent from CLM. The extra burden placed on them for security photos would be too much. Besides, they are already checking IP addresses and photos as well.

Suddenly I realized that I was coming from a puny, self centered perspective and, I changed. Don't forget that John Abbot is a smart fellow and approachable as well. I am fairly certain that he has considered the "security photo" thing and decided to leave it as such. Give all who wish to join in a chance and then,... let the members investigate each other. This seems most sensible to me. Personally, I am happy for the option of photo / non photo.

Oh,...I want to make a suggestion concerning any wording in your profile or letter of introduction that has to do with sex or sexiness. I have found that this topic is VERY delicate when first establishing contact or presenting yourself publicly. Just a clue....

Also I wish to convey (prepare) that when you finally meet that special Oriental lady on the physical plane, more than likely, she will be the sweetest hunk of long lasting , ginger / lemon flavored piece of Hard Rock Candy you have ever experienced. She will burn into your skin and your heart will be "done for".
Game Over,... Love Score,... Advantage Lady!! (rofl)

OK buddy,... there's my $10.00 worth.
Happy Fishin'
From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2015-01-31 01:47:25 #5
Hi Harold - you've already gotten answers from two of our best bloggers and I endorse both of them, but @yintingyu (Blogger Gongji) and @paulfox1 (Blogger Paul Fox) have both made comments on security photos that are prompting me to join in.

First, Paul's response gives you the first hint at why we don't force people to post Security Photos. At least half the members would walk away and never come back. For some people they are a common sense security measure, for others they are an enormous pain in the ass and one more rule to follow in a world with too many rules. We get suggestions everyday for new rules we should impose on the website to make it better, and about 99% of the time they ignore the fact that not everyone feels the same way about things.

So while trying to keep the website as safe as possible for everyone we are also trying to keep it as rule free and enjoyable as possible for everyone. People are here to try to meet their perfect match, but how will they ever find their perfect match if we are chasing everyone away with endless rules we are enforcing. We'd have lost Paul by enforcing a security photo requirement, and to be honest, if I was a new member to a dating and ran into that rule, I'd walk away too. If we imposed a rule Paul would strongly favour, no posting of only glamour photos, we'd lose a lot of our beautiful women. I could list many more examples of items if made mandatory would cost us a lot of good members..

In his comment Yintingyu has actually written a brief but well composed guide on how to enjoy online Chinese or Asian dating for Western men. I would love him to expand on it and make it a blog article. It is quite brilliant. It isn't for everyone, but for most men, if they were to follow his advice they would both enjoy the Chinese and Asian dating journey much more, and they would be far more likely to succeed in the end.

Both he and Paul have hit upon our number one reason for not enforcing security photos. While they are one useful means of helping ensure a person is real, they are not by any means a sure thing. And they are a very poor excuse as a replacement for a good quality video chat. If we made security photos mandatory, we would be giving members a false sense of security that a video chat is no longer necessary. In doing that we would then have to relentlessly ensure they are really the person who is in the security photo and the person who has registered. That means we would have to start interviewing every member via video chat ourselves to guarantee the security photo was real. And suddenly those reasonably priced Gold upgrades, which have not gone up since we opened the site 8 years ago, would at least have to triple.

Security photos can be faked quite easily frankly (I don't wish to say how) so we don't want people relying on them, and we don't want to make them a crutch for members that forces us to take steps that cause us to impose much higher fees. As things stand, we already spend roughly 50% of our manual time enforcing security on the site. We already have a very secure site and a very good system of constantly reminding and educating members about scammers through Scammer Prison, Scammer Warnings and the Blogs and Forum.

As both Paul and Yintingyu point out, asking for a Video Chat is a way of expressing strong interest in a member and a compliment, that has the added and unstated benefit of ensuring she/he is real. Asking for a security photo is an outright statement of mistrust that has the effect of being slightly insulting. At the same time a video chat is much, much more reliable means of being sure the person you are dealing with is really who she/he says she/he is. This is why we have only one type of upgrade that includes video chat, whereas most sites have two levels with video chat being available at an extra cost. To us it is irresponsible to allow our members to communicate without having the benefit of the #1 security measure available.

I hope all of this helps explain why we do not make security photos mandatory.

Cheers, John
From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 宁波(ning bo ) @zqy2014 Time : 2015-03-06 11:38:12 #6
Yes, the security photo here was taken as one of ways to show that member is a real person and this is why CLM would have that option.However not all members w/o a security photo is scammer or not in real person as shown those profile photos.I think the most reliable way to decide if that person is scammer or serious is to feel & judge(rationally,logically,not blindly,dogmatic and trust your instinct) by ourselves since only the involving persons know what is going on between.
From: Malaysia Sarawak Miri @mar63 Time : 2015-04-11 14:59:18 #7
Yes l agreed some of us here used their old photos or young photos to put on their profile, but when we cam with them it's much different from the photos..they seem to be more older..they are not honest with themselves..
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