Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian

The meaning of life,(well.... for me anyway) or dont give up

From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-04-25 08:50:43

This thread is only about my personal experience with dating, courtship, friendship and marriage of a Chinese woman.

It will bore some to death but I am hoping it will give some a little insight and inspire some NOT to give up the persuit of thier love quest.I will try to keep it as brief as possible.

Like many I joined several Chinese dating sites to find true love, this was more than 3 years ago now.  Like many western men I was very pleased by how many charming ,facinating, beautiful women there were on these sites and after quickly working out which ones were just scamming sites I stuck with just two,CLM obviously one of them.

I read as many blogs as I could as I wanted to know as much as possible about Chinese women and also read about China. I learned to speak some very basic Mandarin.

After some months my search was narrowed down to one very special lady. She suggested I join QQ (similar to skype) and we bagan to chat every night. This was also when I first seen that she was the same beautiful lady as in her profile photo's. This went on for several months and one night as I was about to say "wan an" (goodnight) as usual, without thinking I said "I love you"   She said "I love you to" . This was a bit of a bombshell realization and it was on my mind constantly the following days. So I decided I MUST go to China as soon as possible.

So I told her I was coming to meet her and she happily agreed. We made all the plans for accomodation etc over the next few weeks. I went to China and was amazed by how stunning this wonderful woman was. Facinating, elegant,smart,friendly,even funny and of coarse very beautiful.

We had a wonderful two weeks together and I proposed to her at a special dinner she had arranged with me as guest of honour.I had bought the ring in Australia before I left.I met her parents and family, including cousins ,uncles,aunties etc etcI had to go back to Australia and after a teary goodbye (mostly from me) haha I said "i'll be back".

I went back two months later. We had all the papers to apply for immigration, which we lodged. I got even closer with her /my family and know they accept and love me. The month soon came to an end and I had to return to Australia again. However this time we agreed that next time we meet she would come to Australia.

This happened after what seemed like waiting an eternity but she arrived at Sydney airport and I was over the moon to see her again. We went to our home and made plans for our wedding. Although it was not grand like some Chinese weddings, it was beautiful,sweet, touching and we were both happy. We had a great honeymoon and then began to settle into married life.

The next part of our story was waiting for her/our son to arrive from China. As many women of her age would already have had a child I had been aware of this and accepted this before I had even met her. So I see him as my own son and we get along great.So be aware you might have to accept another child.

My wife and I get along great with each other and are very much in love. So I wanted to tell my story to hopefuly inspire some pepole here who may be starting to wonder if it will ever happen for them or not. Dont give up. There are many lessons however for both sides to learn and I must stress that both sides have to be willing to accept some changes and to be flexible and very tolerent. It is very easy to have a missunderstanding come from a simple thing.

I also want to explode some myth's. Well in our case anyway. My wife accepted me and fell in love with me even though I have only high school education.A ordinary job.A old cheap car and the bank owns most of my house. Some say Chinese women only want the Big housse ,car and bank account. well im sure thats true for some women all over the world but thankfully its not always the case.

I want to also send a warning to both sides on something that caught me by surprise in a big way. My wife had been here about 3 weeks and was talking to her Mama on the phone and her Mama was crying her eyes out missing her daughter. So my wife was also crying her eyes out with sadness for her mum. She was feeling she had let her parents down. This had a profound affect on me and I began to question myself as to how could I put these people whom I love through such pain. This was the only time I ever doubted what I had done. I felt thier pain of seperation. So people be aware that it is a HUGE step (emotionally) to relocate to another country.

I had more to write but I can add some later if anyone has anything to say.

Keep searching for your other half ,because it CAN happen for you just like it did for me and my wonderful wife. GOOD LUCK TO ALL

Comments to Thread
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From: China 广东(guang dong) 广州(guang zhou ) @Grace172 Time : 2014-04-25 17:07:20 #1
Great story Andy. (clap) Congratulations!(f) Your success of finding true love proves that not all the Chinese women are gold diggers.
"She was feeling she had let her parents down. This had a profound affect on me and I began to question myself as to how could I put these people whom I love through such pain. This was the only time I ever doubted what I had done." You are a very kind and thoughtful husband. With your love and care, I bet she will overcome the homesick quickly.
Best wishes to you and your new bride!
From: China 辽宁(liao ning) 丹东(dan dong ) @evahuihan Time : 2014-04-26 11:13:08 #2
congrats for your happy marriage!i believe you do love eachother but something you need to do for your wife is to let her stop feeling lonely crying and missing her hometown mom etc...often talk with her go out with her once you dont work and have time to make her know more the culture there meet friends.or later on find her a job.she ll be more confident to conquer all the different situations compare with china where she has been used to .
From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-04-26 20:31:58 #3
@Grace172 xiexie ni
From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-04-26 20:38:48 #4
@evahuihan Thank you for your advice and best wishes.
We do talk constantly as her English is not to bad and I speak a little Mandarin. I find her very interesting and love to talk together.We often go out together and my family love her and support her very much.
We have friends and some are also Chinese. She starts English classes next week and will think about a job later. So all is great for us but I will continue to try make her life better every day, just like she does for me.
xiexie ni
From: China 河北(he bei) 保定(bao ding ) @sandy339 Time : 2014-04-27 22:52:54 #5
Hi Andy
Thanks for sharing your story, it does not bore some to death, I find as long as the love and heart are real, all the stories are pleasant to read:)
Yes, your story inspires me, I know not all the guys in this market are bastards , haha, as listed in Paul’s blogs, there are still some real guys like you. You are lucky to find your lady. I like the people from Xichuan, they seem enjoying daily life very much, a good parner in life. You are really a good match. As long as both parties feel good, that would be a happy marriage.
I suggest you could buy some chocolate for your wife, chocolate can really lift up one’s mood, at least she would appreciate your efforts and consideration for her homesick. Maybe your wife also needs a career training, so that she could be more competitiveness in the job market. Happy Marriage!
@Anonymous13160 Time : 2014-04-28 04:05:19 #6
Andy, this is what I like to hear and to read about, this is constructive for all on tis site. I am also jealous :)

I would love to hear more about your experiences....keep the articles coming!!!!!!!

I wait patiently for your next installment.....
From: Australia South Australia Adelaide @melcyan Time : 2014-04-28 16:04:35 #7
I enjoyed reading your message written from an open and caring heart. Your commitment to learn Mandarin and Chinese culture is great to see. I wish you, your wife and your son all the best for the future.
PS Keep Mama happy!
From: China 江苏(jiang su) 苏州(su zhou ) @aussieghump Time : 2014-04-28 16:44:38 #8
Hi @AndyPanda,
not sure if you remember, but you did post on a blog I did a few years back on this very topic!
Interestingly, your observations from this forum post are similar to mine!

Looks like the Caramello Bears and the TimTams won the lady over!!!

Great to hear that things are going well for you both - keep us informed of the issues as you find them - this is the real wealth of CLM - getting some real information and assistance from friends on the forums and (sometimes, when we're not being idiots!) blogs! Cheers and best wishes to you both!

@Anonymous13179 Time : 2014-04-29 00:12:59 #9
Andrew, nice to hear from u again, i am happy to hear u lead a happy marriage... i was living with my bf for six months, it is still hard for us to decide whether we should get married a lot, even though i had paid for his every life expenses in Zhuhai, he said he had no money, now he is in his country, one week ago he flew back , because he couldnot apply for another visa....during his stay in my houses, he helped me to teach students spoken English , helped me watching students sleep in my houses at noon,,,,,the first month when he came here was terrible, i shouted at him a lot....i donot know what was wrong....up to now i still try this relationship... i admire ur marriage ...if u feel me, u would know who i am .... i am alway needing ur help.....u in the past always told me i needed some help....
From: Australia Queensland Brisbane @Barry1 Time : 2014-04-30 16:15:37 #10

"her Mama was crying her eyes out missing her daughter"

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, Andy.

I can easily imagine that your wife's mother would be very lonely without her daughter being close to her - even more so, if the mother lived alone. This reminds me of my current situation, where my lady friend in Sichuan goes to her parents' house every day and has lunch with them.

IF my friend and I decide to marry and she eventually comes to Australia to live, then just as in your situation, her parents will in one fell swoop, lose a big part of their social life - a regular as clockwork visit from their daughter. This would be heart breaking for them, given that they're computer illiterate and probably don't even own a computer, so this means of comunication is out for them.

In one way, it's selfish of we Western men expecting the lady to come live with us. Why can't we go over and live with them?

Maybe the ideal solution is to spend half a year in one country and half a year in the other? Though who could afford to do this, due to financial and work commitments (unless one is retired with a regular income)?

The only other suggestion I can think of (in my case, at least) is to buy a computer for the parents, get it connected to the internet, then have the parents patiently shown how to access chat services such as QQ, including how to use a webcam.

So thanks Andy. Now that you've recounted your experience to us here, I'll ensure the above is done IF my lady friend and I decide to be together (I fly to Chengdu on 26 May to finally meet her). The last thing I want to do is to be responsible for a loving pair of devoted parents to feel bitterly disappointed and lonely IF I take their sweet, loving daughter away from them. (sweat)

Best wishes to you, mate.

From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-05-02 19:35:46 #11
Sandy thank you for your comments and support. I am happy that our story inspires you.
We are very happy together and I feel we are very lucky to have found each other.
Chocolate is a very funny subject with my wife and I. You see our chocolate is to sweet for her tastes and she does not like it much. She also says I like it to much hahaha

aussieghump thank you also for your best wishes for my wife and I. I have read many of your blogs and have learned heaps from you. I envied your life for quite a while, living in China and seeing first hand all thing's “Chinese" I also wish you luck in your quest.

Barry, gi'day mate
You have a very similar situation to me. My wife lived with her parents ,so it was a BIG shock for all.
Months before she came to Australia she began to teach her mama to use QQ (like skype)
So your idea to buy a computer for them or even a second hand one and teach them worked for us.
What a coincidence (considering how big China is) that my wife and your girl are both from Chengdu,
lastly ,yes your right that we tend to assume that the woman will move to our country with us.
We want to retire to China in 5 or 10 years or earlier (if I win lotto) hahaha.
All the best to you and your Chengdu girl.
From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-05-02 19:46:00 #12
@Anonymous13179. I wanted to answer your comment separately. Although I dont have any great advise for you.
It is difficult to know your situation from what you say. At first reading I was going to say dump him but on second reading it is not so clear cut as to what the problem or problems are.
I wish I could give you a magic solution but I dont think that exists for anyone's relationship.
I feel I have let you down but all I can say is this.
Keep believing that there is love and happiness out there for you, because there is.
The problem is each of us dont know how long it is going to take us to find it.
As for getting married,it is normal to be nervous or even scared, but I say if you are not sure, then dont do it.
I hope you find your happiness soon.
@Anonymous13375 Time : 2014-05-06 11:25:52 #13
Thanks, Andrew , u are really responsible for ur family , a good man. i am stupid because i donot know how to judge whether a man is real for me or not. after six month stay with me , he is in his country . he is almost 50, in the past had no good jobs and been single up to now...he kept chatting with other women when he lived with me together...after heading back home , he ingored me , and his qq was invisible for three days, then i felt frustrated, and decided to break up with him several days he is always online, he tries to talk with me .... he wants to come back and some salary if he comes here again... i am not sure whether to agree or not... i was sincere to be his wife , and spent for his everything in CHina ... lots of money.... he bought nothing for me ....i feel he is not ready for a marriage....he always likes chatting with many women , thinking other women are better than me ... i think that is why other chinese women refused to meet him in China, because i am more silly than them... up to now i am not sure of this relationship ...i am not poor now , many students and houses after i has worked hard....i think i should wait ....i think maybe i should refuse him to come here again...
From: Australia New South Wales Newcastle @Andypanda Time : 2014-05-06 19:56:19 #14
We have all been silly at some time in our lives, some of us more times than others.
you have learned from this.
I try not to judge this man I dont know, but I must be honest with you and tell you
I dont think anyone would say to give him another chance.
You sound like a really nice woman who deserves a good man.
I hope you find one soon. take care.
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