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Pain and Pleasure

From: Australia South Australia Adelaide @melcyan Time : 2021-09-11 14:02:54

The last week has been one of considerable pain and difficulty for me. I spent most of last week with my partner. Today I am alone and very happy.

 If you stopped reading after those first few sentences your brain would fill in the gaps and more than likely be incorrect. That is not a failing.  It is just the way the brain works. Our brain is always trying to make sense of limited information and more often than not gets it wrong.

I will now attempt to fill in the gaps. Nine days ago I had to climb into the cramped space beneath my roof to replace a faulty extension cord that was connected to a security camera.  I initially thought the problem was with the camera and then the powerpoint. It took me an hour to fix and my head and body often had to stay in uncomfortable positions. That night, alone at home, I fell asleep in front of the TV. The next day I awoke with stabbing pains in my neck. The pains came and went, but by mid-afternoon, I had to do something. The earliest doctor's appointment was 4 days away. I bought a foam neck brace from the chemist instead. That helped.

On the following Monday morning, I arrived at my partner's front door wearing a foam neck brace and using a walking stick due to bursitis in my right foot. My partner had many jobs for me to do, but she took pity on me, put the list away, and looked after me for 5 days with massage, healthy food, and rest.

Today I am walking freely and without a neck brace. I have just finished washing a mountain of dishes at my place that should have been done 9 days ago. While washing dishes I listened to "Walden" by Thoreau. It is so great to be pain-free. It is also great to have a thought, earlier this morning like "I use quotes by Thoreau but I have not read his books" and then immediately be able to purchase online "Walden" on kindle for $1.50 and the audible version for $3.

My partner and I enjoy spending some alone time each week. I enjoy any form of learning. My partner is fulfilling a lifelong wish by learning the piano. The only teaching she gets is from me and youtube. I had no idea that I could teach piano because I only really played piano as a teenager. However, there is an Australian music teacher on Youtube who is brilliant -Jazer Lee. I am learning so much about how to teach piano and improve how I play.

Right now I am very happy because I am surrounded by great learning opportunities and feelings of immense gratitude towards my partner. I wonder, how much did working through the pain of last week set the foundation for the great happiness that I am experiencing right now?

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From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2021-09-12 23:51:44 #1

It seems that you have a great and very giving partner. We have to assume that she can say the same thing and no doubt does say so when the subject comes up. I don't know of any lasting partnerships where one partner is great and giving and the other is not. In such cases the great and giving partner will eventually realize that his/her giving is being done so in waste. I have seen many lasting relationships such as yours, but I would certainly number them in the minority. They make up at most, in my estimation, 20 to 25% of total relationships.

I have also witnessed many long lasting relationships in which neither side is either great or giving. Both partners are totally selfish and every thought they have or action they take is calculated entrely on what is best for them. These relationships often work because of each other's recognition that the other is totally in for himslef/herself but that being together they share costs of living and daily chores to an extent that they both are financially better off and have less work to do. I would also estimate these long lasting relationships to make up 20 to 25% of total relationships.

The other 50 to 60% of relationships are primarily ones in which there is one giving and one selfish partner which relationships generally don't survive.

Much of what I am saying here is based upon my observations during the 1980's and 1990's when I was actively practising as a divorce lawyer for about 30% of my legal practise.  

From: Australia South Australia Adelaide @melcyan Time : 2021-09-14 01:41:47 #2

Writing a relationship forum thread on the present form of CLM could be described as optimistic.  Presenting these words about ten days in the life of a relationship between a Western man and a Chinese woman feels very much like lighting a candle in the dark.

From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2021-09-15 11:11:06 #3

@melcyan - first, I owe you an apology. I wrote the above comment on your forum at the time I posted the thread, but then I forgot to take the second step and approve it to actually go live. My bad.

Second, we are living in a world in which maintaining a Chinese dating site like CLM is no small task. All the major players that can affect small operations like ours are affecting us and entirely in the negative. Google, Paypal, Facebook and a few others to a lesser degree are all doing their best to force us, and many others like us, off the internet. Those companies are all owned and operated by members of the Global Elite and just as in the real world, they are also out to silence and destroy all the small businesses that might take away 15 minutes worth of their profits.

We are currently running CLM at a loss because we don't want to let one member down. In the present form of the world that's all the present form of CLM can do.

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