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On Children 论孩子

From: China 湖北(hu bei) 武汉(wu han ) @panda2009 Time : 2014-04-10 13:54:24

Lebanese poet khalil Gibran wrote in the 4th chapter of "The Prophet":

 

On Children

 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thought

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their soul

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

But seek not to make them like you,

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

As living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

And He bends you with His might,

That His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

So He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

The translation of 冰心 is the best. I love to share with you all on CLM.

 

论孩子

 

你们的孩子,都不是你们的孩子,

乃是“生命”为自己所渴望的儿女。

他们是借你们而来,却不是从你们而来,

他们虽和你们同在,却不属于你们。

你们可以给他们以爱,却不可给他们以思想,

因为他们有自己的思想。

你们可以荫庇他们的身体,却不能荫庇他们的灵魂,

因为他们的灵魂,是住在“明日”的宅中,那是你们在梦中也不能想见的。

你们可以努力去模仿他们,却不能使他们来像你们,

因为生命是不倒行的,也不与“昨日”一同停留。

你们是弓,你们的孩子是从弦上发出的生命的箭矢。

那射者在无穷之中看定了目标,也用神力将你们引满,使他的箭矢迅疾而遥远地射了出去。

让你们在射者手中的“弯曲”成为喜乐吧;

因为他爱那飞出的箭,也爱了那静止的弓。

 

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From: China @QinQL Time : 2014-04-13 16:19:56 #1
@panda2009

多美的一首有趣又让人富有启迪的小诗!谢谢你的分享 (f)

我看了这首小诗至少5遍,中文英文都仔细阅读,再中英文对照着,后面的4句中文翻译还真的帮助我更好地弄明白了对应的英文。赞叹冰心的翻译既忠实了原文,又富有中文文采,更加惊叹的是她始终能以一种通俗易懂、简洁的方式展示 !

在享受这首小诗美好意境的同时,让我也明白一些道理:孩子就是一个完完全全的个体,他们不仅需要从父母那儿得到爱的关怀,同样也需要得到个人意愿的尊重。他们今天可能还未有思想,但他们明日的思想是你无法想象的!你和他的关系就好像弓和箭的,你是弓,他是箭。你可以享受拉弓的喜悦,欣赏自己的箭向着既定的目标飞射而去!------ 从中我又明白了一些为做个称职的妈妈该怎么想、怎么做了。

其实为做个好妻子、好丈夫是不是也能从中受到启发呢?我想,按照时间的顺序,我们都是先为人妻,为人夫,然后才为人父,为人母的,这种爱的体验和付出是逐渐加深的。如此我们是否可以说好妻子好丈夫可能会成为好爸爸妈妈,而好爸爸好妈妈多半是好妻子好丈夫呢?

From: China 湖北(hu bei) 武汉(wu han ) @panda2009 Time : 2014-04-14 12:01:36 #2
@QinQL
我儿子十二岁以前,我一天都没离开过他。中断了十年后,他现在又回到了我的家,我每天又能看到他了。就算他再叛逆,再倔强,再大脾气,我也非常珍惜这段时光。这是他这个阶段的习性,他焦虑,渴望飞翔。为了能去法国,他的确做了很多事情。我们能拥有孩子的时间其实非常短。我庆幸我生命中有个孩子,他丰富了我的人生。
From: China 广东(guang dong) 广州(guang zhou ) @Grace172 Time : 2014-04-15 09:03:25 #3
@panda2009
我好喜欢这首富有哲理的诗,它与我的教育理念吻合。谢谢分享。(handshake)(f)
我们给了孩子生命但他们不是我们的私有产品。他们是属于他们自己的。他们有自己的性格、思想、理想和他们自己的人生轨迹。我们做父母的只要给与他们关爱和从旁指导。
Panda, 通常孩子在12岁到14岁开始出现叛逆。刚好你在这个时候不在他身边,而他的祖父母可能会溺爱他,所以形成现在这样的性格。他现在已经22岁了,虽然在父母的眼里永远都是个孩子,但他其实是个大人了,所以不要把他看成叛逆的孩子。我理解你的心情,你是个全心全意为他着想的好妈妈。你希望在他出国前好好服侍他来补偿这十年不在他身边之苦。而且你希望他能感受到你为他感到骄傲。而他无法理解你的心意,所以你会感到失落。而对他来说,你对他在生活上无微不至的照顾就像他祖父母对他生活上的关心的延续。他觉得你还是把他当孩子看所以总想逃离。他其实心里很爱你的,他对你的照顾表现出不耐烦可能就是因为他更希望你把他当一个大人来看待,一个真正的男子汉。所以我觉得你是不是在他还没出国前让他好好表现一个男子汉保护妈妈的角色。就是说你可以适当的扮演弱者让他关心你,让他做主。当然有些方面他还是个孩子,需要你给他指导,譬如社会交往,与各种陌生人交往等等他可能还不够成熟,特别是他将要独自到一个完全陌生的环境生活,他会有些焦虑不安,但他不想在你面前表现出来,作为一个男子汉也不会承认这点。但这种焦虑不安的感觉可能是他的脾气暴躁不安其中一个原因。 你需体谅他并想法子走入他的内心世界。如果他不愿为你打开心扉,没什么的。等他在国外独自生活一段时间他会长大。男人不到三十不成熟。我弟弟从小就被父母宠坏了。到了成年还要父母操心。在他27岁年还因为赌博被带到派出所,我去把他保出来但没有告诉父母。现在他成熟了。也懂得关心家人关心我呢。给你儿子时间,他会长大的也会孝顺你的。不要太担心。像你说的好好享受在一起的时间,但你也要让他好好享受和你在一起的时间,对吧。那就让他成为大人吧。
From: China 湖北(hu bei) 武汉(wu han ) @panda2009 Time : 2014-04-15 12:32:50 #4
@Grace172
他从小学就叛逆,爷爷给他改作文上的错别字,他都要发脾气,不准别人改他的东西。我在博文中秀了他的两篇关于摄影的文章附图片。我曾经担心他不会写字,他非常懒,不想做作业。但我看他的法语笔记写非常干净美观,全部买的日本无印良品笔记本和文具,到底是学艺术的,他还有点洁癖,衣裳,雨伞,鞋,书包等颜色,品牌搭配得非常协调。作品集也弄好了。有什么事情叫他帮忙,他还是很乐意为之。他现在偶而还在接活儿,在对外交往方面,他可能比我还成熟。我现在必须少跟他讲话。他有需要自然会找我。
From: China @QinQL Time : 2014-04-15 21:00:23 #5
Panda, 我能感受到你对儿子的那份强烈的母爱,不禁让我潸然泪下 ......

Panda, 你的儿子和你的感情基础应该是好好到,因为他的童年记忆里因始终有妈妈的陪伴而始终美好!而在他12岁以后,他逐渐开始有了他自己的“明日的思想”了,这个时候的孩子逐渐渴望得到精神上的帮助和共鸣。我家宝宝13岁,正处于Grace提到的“叛逆”期。她之前生活的乐趣以吃为主,能以超凡的侦探能力发现我们大人藏在任何角落里的零食,然后很快在她的小嘴里消失。而现在呢,我就是把美味放在台面上,她也不一定会看见!不小心言语上得罪了她,很容易连饭也不吃 -----我心疼啊!可这个时候我也只能let it be.。她有更多有趣的事和你分享,你一定要认真听,而且最好和她一样觉得有趣极了!她不再老是要跟在你后面了,她可以独自出门,或和她的好同学一同玩耍了。你说得不对,她会毫不留情地坚决反对!哈哈,我感觉我不能再是“权威”了,也好,我放心架子,虚心地问她“宝宝你的想法和建议呢?”,能采纳的尽量采纳,皆大欢喜,她的参与热情会更加高涨。。。。。我们不要觉得这是孩子的叛逆,我们要高兴看到孩子在长大呢。

Panda,现在你的儿子已经长到22岁了,其实你不要因为有10年没有陪伴他感觉愧疚,你要认为你已经为他做到你所能做到的最好的了。我想这个时候的他最满意的是妈妈能帮他实现他的愿望和理想---- 去法国学习。在他倔强,大脾气的时候,就让他去按照自己的想法去尝试,哪怕是失败也是值得的。给他一个成长的空间和时间,相信他会慢慢品尝到的他的生活和学习美味的。

Panda,我要向你这位可敬的妈妈敬个礼 !

From: China 湖北(hu bei) 武汉(wu han ) @panda2009 Time : 2014-04-15 22:10:54 #6
@QinQL
是的,我给了他世界上最好的爷爷奶奶。十二岁以前,是三个大人围着他转,后十年我一人在武汉上班,读书,健身,实力得以保存,使我有力量做更好的自己。感谢生活!
Anonymous13159
@Anonymous13159 Time : 2014-04-28 04:03:07 #7
i guess this is the line that gets everyone out of trouble with law enforcement when the kids destroy the neighbors property, [excuse me if you all live mostly in high rise apartments no one valves anything only the government owns all the nice looking things] i see nothing i hear nothing? SAY WHAT ? here we go a poetic long thought out put together in bits and pieces over too much time looking into a dictionary, sorry but your kids are your responsibility they are not your neighbors, and if you decide to have kids it's on you for the choices they make and how they turned out period, why would you want to be like your kids, then you will be the big baby WITH THE BOW ? are most chinese girls like this? believing this rubbish? unless or course you believe your kids are the buddah of enlightenment, is this why chinese girls want only the best for themselves and hard on the kids about school hardcore discipline? what about you? are you not the important one? this might be the way since later on you need to live with your kids, frankly i'd rather be a monk. sorry author or not you need a reality check miss big words JMHO wow maybe i don't want a chinese wife after this i think we would be fighting everyday about convoluted thoughts, see what you wrote he was rebellious stubborn temper? maybe from being preached this, see once the love fades and you can't stand another person cause i'd probably be saying i can't take it anymore
Anonymous13161
@Anonymous13161 Time : 2014-04-28 04:14:52 #8
@panda 2009-you're kidding right? the kids are produced out of love from 2 people you do not try to emulate them or nothing gets done, they become rebellious like you stated, they should want and need heroes and and people they look up to and want to become some day that they respect, otherwise they will be stuck in a diaper syndrome their whole lives like here in the states expecting everything to be handed to them, if you strive to be like them here i have a big rattle for you, life not goes backwards or to yesterday but moves forward, perhaps your just a big baby inside? what happens if they destroy someones property? no responsibility or i see nothing hear nothing
From: Canada Ontario Mississauga @DiscoveryGuru Time : 2014-04-28 13:31:22 #9
Anon 13159
Anon 13161

Maybe you two should go back and read the poem again, perhaps a little more slowly and think about it. You clearly have missed its meanings. Let me give you the reader's digest summary: Children are gifts from god and they are the future. The parent and god are responsible for setting them on the proper course to the future.
While I don't personally agree with it's religious overtones, the poem is still a beautiful thought. I have no idea where you extracted all the other ideas, except that you seem to be taking some lines literally. The line about emulating the children is not about acting like a child, it means that the adult should adapt to the changes in the world brought on by the children. Like my Dad using a computer, or an old dude like me using slang like LOL and LMFAO.
While I support your right to disagree with opinions posted, you should at least take the time to understand that with which you disagree.
From: Canada Ontario Mississauga @DiscoveryGuru Time : 2014-04-28 13:36:41 #10
Anon 13159
Anon 13161
Sorry for the second post ... But I, the arrow, was taught by my parents, the bow, that only a coward posts anonymous criticism. If you are going to criticize, you should have the courage to put your name to it.
They also taught me that it's better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and prove it.
From: Australia South Australia Adelaide @melcyan Time : 2014-04-29 10:12:55 #11
@panda2009
We may disagree at times but I have to thank you for this poem. Reading this poem encouraged me to read about the author on the internet. Gibran is the third best-selling poet of all time behind Shakespeare and Laozi (Lao-Tzu). This poem was written in English in the U.S.A and his words are studied in English speaking schools across the world. I now realize that I have known many of his words without ever knowing the author.
It is amazing that three Chinese women working outside their native language get this poem and Anonymous13159 and Anonymous13161 do not.
From: Canada Nunavut Kugaaruk @Christopher53 Time : 2014-05-02 00:19:50 #12
Our Friend Panda has been attacked after posting a wonderful poem by Kahlil Gibran called ‘On Children.’
Grace172 and QinQL, along with melcyan and DiscoveryGuru, have recognized the wonderful and instructive message of the poem and given Panda guidance on implementing its principles. This is what Panda was hoping for by sharing it.
Some people, whose minds always turn to the negative and who seek to confront and challenge rather than to understand, have taken the poem as a justification for lax and neglectful parenting or for parents pandering to each tiny wish of their children. It is nothing of the sort.
The poem is telling us that we should not seek to impose our own wishes and values and ideas on our children. We have no right to do this. They are our progeny but not our property.
They will adopt our ideas and values and take some of those ideas as their own in spite of any actions on our part because of their desire to please us. As parents, we should seek to lead by setting the best example we can. We as parents are not perfect but we must be the best we are able. I have heard this described as being the ‘idealized’ version of ourselves.
Those who seek to impose their ideas and values on their children are the ones who end up with discipline problems. Those who allow their children to develop naturally do not have these problems.
At the end of the poem, Gibran tells us that there is as much glory in being the bow as in being the arrow that strikes the mark. We should not seek to take credit for the accomplishments of our children just as we do not accept all of the blame for their failures.
@grace172
I think you are correct. Kong and Panda have a conflict at this point because Panda is still trying to take care of Kong’s needs. To feel like a strong and independent man, Kong needs to feel capable of taking care of a few of his mother’s needs. She should ask for his help on a few minor issues (although since Panda is highly capable this may be difficult for her.)
@Anonymous13159
Although you have disguised yourself, I recognize your thinking.
You sound like a very angry and hostile person. Panda has been generous enough to share her experiences with us. She is not now and has never shirked her responsibility as a parent. Kong has never been involved with the police and has never shown signs of violent or aggressive behavior.
From reading your posts, I don’t think you have to worry about finding a Chinese wife. Women, you see, can sense insecurity and hostility from thousands of miles away. Women are charitable and kind enough to put up with many of our flaws, but they don’t want to feel intimidated by a man and they don’t want to be put on pedestals either (as you have done in other posts.)
@Anonymous13161
You are also struggling to extract a negative from what is essentially a positive poem. We should seek to be like our children and to see the world through eyes of wonder and amazement. Being open to new ideas is a sign of strength. Being closed to new ideas is a sign of weakness and insecurity. Although I am not a religious man, our Christian Bible calls this ‘being a stranger in a strange land.’
Anonymous13298
@Anonymous13298 Time : 2014-05-02 21:11:28 #13
法语真的很难学啊,据说它的语法比英文多三倍。22岁大学毕业该考研了吧?今年的现在还没有通过法语考试那就得等明年啦,难怪妈妈要着急啦!
最近有个说法是:父母皆祸害,还是放开孩子吧,人生的路总要自己走,经历磨难才会更快成长。
我的孩子今年初通过的托福,虽然他只有14岁,但我还是毫不犹豫的让他自己去美国读书去。而且我还不会送他到美国,我要他自己去学校。
在他学前班的时候,我从未因为他被其他孩子欺负去找老师,我告诉他这是他的事,需要他自己解决,所以最后他做了学前班的班长,并且一直做了九年。
昨天他为我考了点心,上面还刻着我的名子。
当然青春期的他还是会叛逆,但是即使生气也会和你讲道理。
我们已经为孩子做了很多,剩下的是他们自己的舞台,我们坐下来观赏就好。
From: China 黑龙江(hei long jiang) 牡丹江(mu dan jiang ) @Rainie2013 Time : 2014-05-05 18:41:42 #14
:)在教育孩子的道路上,让女人变得更加成熟,有耐心。
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