Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
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Anonymous1594

I am completely confused and need advice

@Anonymous1594 Time : 2016-06-27 02:35:57

I am currently 61 and she is 50. In 2014 I started emailing a Chinese woman through this website that speaks good English. After 1 ½ years of emails I visited and lived with her for 5 months. During this visit I began to have anxiety, a very bad verbal temper, depression and crying spells which of course affected our relationship. We shared many wonderful times together, meeting her parents, siblings, son and friends. However, these unexplainable symptoms obviously hurt her deeply.



Upon returning home I immediately visited my doctor because of these symptoms. The culprit was the new medication to prevent migraine headaches I was given 2 months prior to visiting her. Another factor that escalated the side effects was my prescription bottle stated for me to take 3 pills each day. The doctor said that his instructions were for only 2 pills each day. Obviously, not knowing this, I was overdosing on this medication creating what could have been an extreme serious problem. I no longer take these pills and I no longer have these bad side effects.



We continued to email each other and she expressed her concerns about my behavior and the hurt she went through and wanted to end our relationship. On the surface, I do not blame her for this. However, these characteristics I displayed truly are not me and it is obvious what the problem really was. I sent many emails explaining this problem. She eventually was convinced and our relationship seemed to be restored and she wanted me to visit her again.



After another 2 months of normal emails, she suddenly changed her mind and wanted to end it again. I tried again to explain the real cause of the problems she saw in me. I should say that for some reason she always had a difficult time understanding the medication overdose problem. Also I knew that she has never trusted doctors and never goes to them. She has a college education and has been a teacher for many years. I consider her to be a well rounded person when it comes to intelligence.



I recently received an email from her saying that if I bought her a new car that she would love me and believe everything I have told her. I was completely startled to read this. I can not believe that scammers work over a 2 ½ year period. I have written a letter that explains this is wrong and that we should end the relationship. I have not sent it yet as I am here looking for advice.



I understand there are differences in our cultures, but this seems very, very strange to me.



So, therefore, I am asking for help in what my response should be to her.



Thank you for any advice.


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Anonymous24881
@Anonymous24881 Time : 2016-06-27 17:19:08 #1

First of all, I don't think the Chinese lady you have known 2 ½ year is a scammer, because you have met her and her parents, siblings, son and friends, you have also lived with her with her for 5 months.

Secondly, from what you mentioned this Chinese lady has a college education and has been a teacher for many years. So I also consider that she must be enjoying her comfortable retired life in China but she also wanted to find someone to spend her rest of life together, and the problems you have might make her stands back.

Thirdly, I supposed 1. she was trying to test you and see if you are trusted or not ? 2. Asking you to buy her a new car was a way which made you think that she was a greedy Chinese woman, then you would end this relationship as she wanted.

Based on that, I guess she is worried about her rest of life if she got married with you, would she be happy and safe in your country if you were uncontrol due to you problems to hurt her, what would she do? She might be helpless. To ask yourself, are you sure you can give her a happy life ?
Anonymous24883
@Anonymous24883 Time : 2016-06-27 19:32:40 #2
My mental health is my greatest weakness. I have shared that weakness fully with you. Are you prepared to work with me to achieve the greatest mental health possible so that I can best serve both our needs? If you can serve that need with genuine love and patience, I promise to love and serve you forever.
Anonymous24886
@Anonymous24886 Time : 2016-06-27 22:54:26 #3

Dude she has done you a favour by ending the relationship. Buy her a car? lol GOLDIGGER/SCAMMER or she is testing you but do you really need a woman in your life who would do this? You explained your reasons for the behavioural issues from the meds, if she cannot understand these reasons then she has no ability in her heart to be forgiving. If the roles reversed she knows you would undertand.

On another side of it I almost get the feeling she has other suitors and is not totally sincere in her motives with you.......

 

just my 2cent worth.

From: China 山东(shan dong) 济宁(ji ning ) @paulfox1 Time : 2016-06-28 14:00:26 #4

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about your problem, but it seems to me that you have had a lucky escape.

Obviously buying her a new car will 'fix' her problem with you, at least for the time being, then she'll move on to wanting a mansion in Beijing and a private jet.

I don't want to sound rude, but at your age you should be intelligent enough to realise that this woman should be dumped in the biggest trash-can you can find. Then delete her e-mail address, all other contact information and forget she even exists.....

From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2016-06-28 15:59:16 #5

First, just to get some clarity what we mean on CLM and ALM as to what a Scammer is, it is a person who is not the person whose photos are on her or his profile, and who is attempting to get another member to send money or something else of value before they have actually met and with no intention of actually ever meeting. @Anonymous24881 is quite right that your ladyfriend by definition could not be a Scammer. She could be a Golddigger, however, because that is a person who is the person in his/her profile and who is out to get your money and not really interested in you as a true love or life partner. A Golddigger might spend years pretending to love you in order to get your money, if you have enough of it.

Regarding your situation, I think you need to temper some of the above advice a little, in that you yourself know this woman far better than we do, and only you are able to judge what was behind the suggestion you buy her a car. But since it startled you that she asked, after living with her for 5 months and knowing her for a long time, I assume it's safe to say the request for a car seemed totally out of character for her.

It's easy for others, who do not know her, have not lived with her and do not love her, to offer kneejerk advice like dump her or be glad to be rid of her. Those same people, if they were in the same position as you are, would not likely throw away a woman they loved simply because she asked for a car, if that request seemed unlike her. They would, I suggest dig deeper before tossing away someone they truly cared for.

I might add that she has good reason to wonder who the real you is, the kind gentle soul she saw some of the time and cared for, or the moody "nut job" she saw at other times. And it's easy for you to fly home and concoct the whole story about your meds. If I were her I'd be asking myself some serious questions about how to know who you really are and if risking a life together with you is smart without proof you are the kind gentle soul and not the nut job.

So maybe she is a gold digger just out to get a car, or maybe she is someone who loves the one side of you and is seeking some dramatic way of having you prove you are that guy and not the other one. Maybe she couldn't think of another way, maybe her friends suggested it, but whatever brought buying a car into the picture you obviously cannot blindly buy her a car to cure the problem, because if she is a golddigger then she doesn't deserve it, and because either way it won't solve the problem. Buying her a car will not prove you are the good guy.

But there is a dramatic way for you to prove you are the good guy, and that is to show up on her doorstep and be that good guy. The guy she loved and not the guy who was on the wrong medication. Don't give her advance notice, don't delay and just get your butt over there and surprise her and show her you are the right guy for her and just how much you love her.

My only concern is that maybe you don't really love her enough, because it surprises me that you aren't already back there if you really, truly love her. So you might want to give that some thought. What gave you pause from immediately going back to be with her and let her see the real you as soon as you found out it was the meds that caused your problems?

I might add that if she is a golddigger as suggested by comments above, and is actually already tied up with some new victim, then showing up at her doorstep is likely the best way you have of finding that out for yourself.

So while I am aware that it is costly, it isn't as much as a car and it isn't anywhere near as much as you stand to lose if she's not genuine, so unless you flat out can't manage it financially, I suggest it's the only real way you can prove you are real, and perhaps the best way to determine if she is real. And it could cement a really fantastic life long love.

Those are my thoughts and that is, for sure, what I would do if I was in your shoes.

Anonymous24904
@Anonymous24904 Time : 2016-06-29 13:30:26 #6

Actually I do not believe this Chinese woman is either a gold digger nor scammer .  I am going to impersonate Columbo since the mystery is in the beginning of this episode.  Let me guess ... Which part of China does she live in?  Maybe Northeast?  If this Chinese woman has been a teacher for many years then I seriously doubt she should be thrown into the "rubbish bin" -- contrary to our illustrious world renown Mr. Fox (giggle)(giggle)(clap)(clap) .  I also do not think this Chinese woman is attempting to "fix" any problem at all ..  One of the comments above considers this situation to be a potential way to cleverly end the relationship .  Mr. Fox never needs to feel he is being rude either -- like him or not -- he gallantly continues onward .  Let me guess .. If the guy above actually lived with her for 5 months then surely he would realize that she has her own apartment or they were renting ??  Thus no need to worry about that inane mansion in Beijing or the ludic fallacy of acquiring a private jet . (giggle)(giggle)  The best suggestion came from John should the guy above wish to attempt to solve this mystery .  With an additional suggestion added --  Find another suitable place to stay while visiting this Chinese woman and take a sufficient amount of time, effort, and patience to build another bridge over past troubled waters ..  Rather risky indeed but IF your heart is determined then Damn the Torpedoes and full speed ahead  --  thus the other option is to ask our resident quintessential blogger and commenter Mistah Barry for his ability to deal with Chinese women .  (giggle)(clap)    

From: China 四川(si chuan) 眉山(mei shan ) @jessieabc Time : 2016-06-29 20:06:14 #7

If I were you, I  will say, honey, I will buy you a car if you can come to my country and marry me , after we get married. then when she does marry you, when you buy her a car, you can write your name and her name on it. if she doesnot want to go to your country and live with you, and just want you to buy her a new car, she may not talk with you any more after you do that.

Anonymous24909
@Anonymous24909 Time : 2016-06-30 02:14:30 #8

@johnabbot Dude, are you crazy giving the advice to this guy about going over to china unannounced to this woman's place and showing up at her doorstep?  The guy will end up rotting in some chinese jail cell quicker than shit. The lady simply was not into him and it may be due to his erratic behaviour but to make it easier on him she asked him for a car. That way he would get pissed off and end it in his mind at his point. She just made it easier for him on purpose. She's educated, right?  So she is nobody's fool. Its the "its not you, its me" thing. 

From: Switzerland Bern - Berne Bern @kalzorch Time : 2016-06-30 03:46:35 #9

This would tend to confirm the assertion of Anonymous1590 (https://blog.chinalovematch.net/forum/post/Chinese-women-are-selfish).

From: United States California San Diego @JoyFly Time : 2016-06-30 11:57:56 #10

To op, "I consider her to be a well rounded person when it comes to intelligence."

 

==> That's for sure!   How clever she is!!! 

Because you "refused" to let her go, she started playing as a scammer to scare you away.

This is something I may need to learn......lol

She is smart enough to know what she want & need......you are not her type probably!

Anonymous24921
@Anonymous24921 Time : 2016-06-30 18:16:09 #11

If you really love her and it's difficult for you to give up this relationship, in my opinion, you had better buy her a car as she asked, provided that you afford it. Firstly, her loving toward you deserves a car; secondly, if you show your loving toward her by this great action, she will be moved and love you more than before, even tolerating your erratic behaviour.

Through your description about her and about you living together, I sense she is a real and vivid woman but not a gold-digger.  

This is a right time to test you how deep you love her.

Anonymous24952
@Anonymous24952 Time : 2016-07-05 21:54:28 #12

@Anonymous24921 oh for god's sake, your either as stupid as they come, or you are the gal the guy is writing about. 

Anonymous24955
@Anonymous24955 Time : 2016-07-06 00:26:21 #13

@Anonymous24921 you are more than likely a Chinese woman for your reply. If he buys her a car he is a fool....if they are both sane adults they will discuss the situation and come to a mutual understanding in regards to what will happen. 

 

Maybe in Chinese culture women expect these kinds of gifts(we all know why) but in the west normal average men dont prove their love by giving lavish gifts(some fools do) this "demand" of hers shows she is not ready for a western/chinese relationship. 

Time for him to realzie he is a lucky man and to escape while he can....

Anonymous24963
@Anonymous24963 Time : 2016-07-06 22:54:37 #14

@JoyFly-

==> That's for sure!   How clever she is!!! 

Because you "refused" to let her go, she started playing as a scammer to scare you away.

This is something I may need to learn......lol

She is smart enough to know what she want & need......you are not her type probably!"

 

You my dear just keep digging your hole deeper with each reply. YOu are starting to become quite rude and obnoxious to people who are seriously looking for advice, help and answers. By saying you need to learn how to become a scammer even if in jest is a serious mistake on your part! You continue you to try to portray yourself here as a wordly woman but you are showing yourself to be small minded and petty, not good traits to expose to the community here on CLM.

Maybe it is time for you to actually think before you type your messages and hit "submit"

 

Bye Bye....

Goodluck

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