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Anonymous1007

7 types of people I do not want to meet in China

@Anonymous1007 Time : 2013-12-17 10:24:49

Gearing up for a trip to China, one of my greatest fears is encountering annoying people. And by "people" I mean fellow WESTERNERS.



These are the 7 types of westerners I do not want to meet:



1. The Bar Guy - you will be resting at a table and this guy will plop down across from you and yell "Howdy!" or "G'Day Mate!" followed by a "Let me buy you a drink!" All you wanted was a moment to yourself, or perhaps you wanted to talk to some ladies. Now you have to deal with THIS guy.



2. The Know-It-All Expat - this guy will latch onto you and try to show you "all the best spots in town". He'll constantly say "Don't go THERE" and "You HAVE to go here."



3. Mr. ESL Philosophy Guy - he's been in China so long that he's become ultra-Chinese. He spouts classical idioms like there is no tomorrow. He claims to know the Chinese mind in all its complexity and has almost achieved "oneness" with the land. Perhaps he is garbed in out-of-date Chinese clothing, just to be more "Chinese". On the plus side, this guy will probably float away on his own hot air.



4. The Happy Traveling Couple - this is their first trip to China, and boy are they gonna let you know it! They'll sit wherever you sit and accompany you on every tour. Hard to shake these photograph-happy folk. Say cheese!



5. Ms. Depressed Western Woman - this woman was once enamored with coming to China, but after realizing what a male-centric society it is, and seeing her fellow guy friends hook up on a regular basis with the local female populace, she has sunken into a major self-loathing depression. She remains in China because she believes her luck will change one day and she will be on the leading edge of feminism there. Unfortunately she has a long wait. Bumping into her means you get to listen to her gripes as well as having to deal with her unwanted advances. Yuck.



6. God Stud Rock Star - this guy has had more Chinese girlfriends than you want to know. But he WANTS you to know. His scorekeeping makes you nauseous as you resist the urge to knee him in the groin repeatedly.



7. Mr. Lost - he can't find his way around in China, so he wants to hang out with you the whole trip so you can lead him along. He will definitely put a cramp in your dating life because you have to take care of this baby boy.



Did I forget any?


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(Showing 1 to 9 of 9) 1
JohnAbbot
From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2013-12-18 13:52:11 #1
@Anonymous1007 - In answer to your question, I'd suggest you probably forgot dozens of other types of annoying people, but this was a nice start (clap)
Anonymous11059
@Anonymous11059 Time : 2013-12-18 17:39:07 #2
Don't meet with westerners. Problem solved.
aussieghump
From: China 江苏(jiang su) 苏州(su zhou ) @aussieghump Time : 2013-12-18 21:23:43 #3
Hahaha...I can think of another 20 'types' in China.

1) The BabySavers - expat women with too much time and (maybe at some time) good intentions - they start a charity for the local orphanage (or equally needy organisation) that quickly becomes a hot-house of bragging and political intrigue - they fight it out sitting around coffee-tables in Starbucks while alternatively gossiping about each other's bitchy habits, their lazy housekeeper and the poor situation of their husband's pay package because they can only travel home 6 times a year instead of 7. They will ear-bash you how bad China is because they cannot get some type of obscure chocolate biscuits, complain about everything, angrily call their driver to pick them up to take them to pick-up the kids and complain about the house-keeper's cooking.

2) The Evangicalist - a saver of souls and bringer of the Word to the heathen masses of . Invariably young starry-eyed do-gooders on their first trip out of the Potato Belt or a neo-Chinese (born-again Chinese from a British-administered former colony) trying to tell everyone to repent the God of Money, 'I am better than you because I and am brother in Christ' and sing-songs about being saved, just before they get deported for disturbing the peace. Turn to the Devil - it's an easier ride!

3) The Drunken Captain - the captain of a large ship that has no idea where the engine room is, can't read the charts and is able to belly-bluster their way for a few years until the Admiral finds them and court-marshals them. They start with the 11.30am bottle or Red, return to the office for a few hours from 2 until 4.30pm and then down to the local Happy Hour until sundown. They can tell you how easy everything is, how many friends they have in high places and exactly how to cheat the system, but neglect to mention the Personal Assistant who arranges everything and the Driver that makes sure they get home in their sizzled state. Icebergs ahead, sail around!

4) The China-Plus. Another lost soul who somehow made it to China because nobody else in their company wanted to come (and they were running away from wife or felony) and did their expat fun-time for 3 years. Once over, they decide to leave the company and work in a local company on a local wage to be with the woman of their dreams, drink bottles of liquor every night and just 'live' a great life...what they forget is the difference in wage only covers their accommodation so you find the sitting morosely in old clothes in bars trying to become everyone's friend so they will buy them a drink. Move on - nothing to see here!

5) The Tickler - a person found working with small children and possessing just one too many of the 'cool toys', newest computer games or some other child-friendly gimmick. They are there because nobody notices, and when they do, they slide to the next location. Be afraid, and report them to the authorities

6) The Felon - a man on the run. Probably in China because of the they cannot be extradited to their home country. Often big mouthed, bold but ultimately tripped up as they renew their visa in another country.

7) The Travelling Salesman - yep, Cheesy grin, motor mouth and con-man attitude. Able to charm any lady they like, move into their home, empty their bank balance and disappear. They will usually hang out in salubrious bars, often trying to meet new people to chum up with, talk big ideas, claim to represent money, splash a bit of cash and then somehow fade...beware they have your wallet in sight.

8) The Old China Hand - 10+ years of service in the country but probably hasn't learned the language - condescending, racist, sexist and misogynistic with a streak of sexually aggressive humour. They are often found at the cheapest bars and move about the night to the best haunts, nastiest nightclubs and places with the best deals on everything. Discuss for a laugh and compare notes (judging if you have sunk that low) but don't engage for too long!

Interestingly - I am sure you can replace the country with any around the world! Especially developing or obscure ones!

Don't think I've described myself yet! Better think about that one! You wouldn't want to meet me in a bar, cafe or nightclub either!
JohnAbbot
From: China 浙江(zhe jiang) 杭州(hang zhou ) @JohnAbbot Time : 2013-12-19 17:40:53 #4
Hah! There you go. That's the difference between Gareth (@aussieghump) and myself. I knew there were at least a dozen or more unmentioned types of Westerners to avoid, but Gareth was able to actually come up with most of them in no time at all. Great list and very accurately described.
Barry1
From: Australia Queensland Brisbane @Barry1 Time : 2013-12-20 15:25:02 #5
@Anonymous1007
@aussieghump

What a wonderfully entertaining thread this is - thanks heaps for the amusing yet insightful observations.

You guys are a laugh a minute - thank you so much!


I even had to laugh at @Anonymous11059 who said,

"Don't meet with westerners. Problem solved."


This sounds either like an annoyed Chinese man who is frustrated at seeing so many ignorant Westerners stealing beautiful Chinese ladies away from him. Or else she's a Chinese lady who has had one too many bad experiences with a loud mouthed or arrogant Westerner. Hopefully we're not all like this!

In any case, - what a cleverly written and captivating topic this is - good onya guys!




Marrisa
From: China 广东(guang dong) 广州(guang zhou ) @Marrisa Time : 2013-12-20 23:25:40 #6
@anonymous

@aussieghump

Your guys are good at observation and full of humor too. I can't help laughing. (rofl) Good job.
ChinaCathy
From: China 吉林(ji lin) 长春(chang chun ) @ChinaCathy Time : 2013-12-24 09:07:55 #7
It is a good article. Learned someting from it.

However， I admit that reading English article is not easy.
paulfox1
From: China 山东(shan dong) 济宁(ji ning ) @paulfox1 Time : 2013-12-24 14:16:13 #8
Haha - Great stuff !!!

Totally agree ! Unless you are traveling WITH a fellow westerner in China - avoid them at all costs !
spiderboenz
From: United States Pennsylvania Pittsburgh @spiderboenz Time : 2016-08-18 19:29:22 #9
You forgot about the "came to China so that no one at home would watch them die."
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