Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
489 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 4/6/2018 10:52:44 AM

My friend Wayne (not his real name) is a medical doctor at a large university hospital.  Twice divorced but ever the optimist, he is currently in search of the woman to spend his remaining years with.  Recently a female researcher from China visited his university.  He was interested, and not only in a scholarly sense, as I deduced from a couple of emails I received from him querying me on matters of Chinese culture. After not hearing from him for a while, I decided to check on  how things were going, and received the following response: Read more…

671 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/21/2018 11:00:55 PM

I started this series by describing an incident that occurred while Yong and I were travelling in which she uttered a statement about the superiority of Chinese culture that seemed dubious to say the least in light of the historical record. Rather than confront the situation with reason and logic (which in my experience are of limited value in any relationship), I suggested that the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (DMIS) is a more useful tool to bring to an intercultural relationship.  According to the DMIS, there are six levels at which we can relate to a culture other than our own:  Denial, Defense, Minimization, Acceptance, Adaptation, and Integration. As we progress through the various levels, we come to realize the filter through which we inevitably view other cultures, abandon the ethnocentric belief in the superiority of our own culture and ultimately adopt an ethnorelative stance that grounds itself not in critical judgment but in clear-eyed understanding. Read more…

914 Views | 12 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/14/2018 4:41:40 PM

In the previous entry, I distinguished three initial stages of intercultural understanding: Denial, Defense, and Minimization. All of these stages can be roughly characterized as “ethnocentric” insofar as they assume one culture (usually my own) has the correct stance/attitude on cultural matters. This is a natural enough state for people to exist in and if I had to guess I would say that most of humanity ends up spending their lives in this state—convinced of the rightness and rationality of whatever system of beliefs they happened to have been born into. However, we can only move forward to a level necessary for a healthy cross-cultural dating by abandoning this naïve belief that our culture alone has attained the true way and adopting instead an “ethnorelative” perspective that refuses to pass judgment but instead contents itself with understanding the endless variety of cultural expression. Read more…

999 Views | 11 Comments | 0 Articles | 11/22/2017 1:41:34 PM

Most fairy tales from Disney world usually ended up with “and they lived happily ever after.” Everything is wonderful. Of course, happy ending is guarantee. But back to reality, how many of you live happily ever after once you get married? Read more…

2721 Views | 40 Comments | 0 Articles | 11/16/2017 11:17:01 AM

            My name is Roger and I am rather new to CLM, having joined on September 24th.  I am a 52-year-old divorced man currently living in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.  My ex-wife is a Chinese lady whom I met through online dating.  Unfortunately, our marriage lasted only for three years.  I'll go into more detail about the reasons for the failure of my marriage in a future installment. Read more…

1005 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 8/5/2017 9:25:48 PM

Nothing—not sex, not politics, not money issues—is more important to a relationship/marriage than communication. You might read somewhere that money issues are the single biggest reason for divorce, but dig down and you will find that it was not the money that caused the breakup but the inability to communicate about finances—and often anything else for that matter. Read more…

937 Views | 7 Comments | 0 Articles | 4/28/2017 2:22:05 PM

This India adventure has been interesting. Four months as a Fulbright scholar has offered me the opportunity to interact with Indian college students, Uber drivers, and vegetable vendors; to walk in the footsteps of the Buddha, trace the journey of Rama, and float on the holy Ganges; to view Bollywood movies, Indian art shows, and the classical dance form of Bharatanatyam; to learn the difference among nan, roti, and paratha, as well as that among tabla, tampura, and sitar. In short, to experience first-hand—even if only in a limited and at an ultimately superficial level—India. Read more…

1193 Views | 6 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/10/2017 9:23:18 PM

“If all the year were playing holidays/To sport would be as tedious as to work.” --Shakespeare Read more…

1169 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 9/30/2016 11:01:33 PM

I took my shirt off. Jeans, too. I wrung all the water from them into the drain in the middle of Janessa's father's bathroom. He seemed to be a nice man,—quiet, just like Janessa had told me earlier—and my kind of person. I marveled at the impression I must have made on him with my wet clothes as I gave them a final wring and hung them on a loose nail that was sticking out of the wall. I used the towel that Janessa's father had given me to dry myself, then I put the damp clothes back on. A few seconds later, I joined Janessa and her father in the living room. They were sitting on a wooden bench and talking when I entered, and for a good half a minute, they didn't even realize I was there. Read more…

2123 Views | 13 Comments | 0 Articles | 7/26/2016 12:38:42 PM

I was already thinking of throwing a "doing business in China" oriented blog in here, and then a friend sent me this and I decided that this was more to the point than what I had planned on writing. You need to pay very careful attention to this because there is an important point here that everyone planning to start doing business in China or with Chinese businessmen must understand. It is also relevant often enough in negotiating your future with the Chinese woman you are dating and considering as your life partner. Read more…

1215 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 6/5/2016 5:31:23 PM

The first few days in Thailand were perfect. I loved everything about it. The weather, the beaches, the food and Noi. Every day was an easy day just relaxing, eating in restaurants and a few beers in a bar. I was mindful that this was a holiday feeling. I was determined not to be seduced by the vacation atmosphere. There are no responsibilities when on vacation and dating a new, beautiful Asian woman. The hard yards come later when there are decisions to be made about serious matters such as accommodation, location and in our case - what to do about Kamon, Noi’s niece. Those things could wait. I was still in holiday mode. Read more…

1692 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/23/2016 5:41:41 PM

There are some, many or numerous foreigners who often make an interesting comment about Chinese people and their social behavior or thinking .  I have heard (and in the beginning years of living with Chinese I also used the same comment ... ) -- Chinese have no logic!!  In other words, these foreigners assert that Chinese social behavior is devoid of rational logical thinking ... So, I am going to write more than enough blog posts to consider this assumption .   Read more…

1010 Views | 4 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/29/2016 1:33:28 PM

I recently told a really good Chinese friend of mine ..  maybe one of the myriad of reasons for the misunderstandings between Chinese and Westerners belong to Ethnocentric social behavior on both sides of the proverbial fence.   Read more…

1206 Views | 3 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/23/2016 12:17:55 PM

I have received enough suggestions ... I write too much and too long and with too much fluff....  Hopefully this is better .. Read more…

1358 Views | 8 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/15/2016 1:42:08 PM

If you really wish to be happy living in China (excluding the SARs and that Island ) Read more…

909 Views | 1 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/23/2016 10:54:36 AM

Recently, I noticed a new member into a Wechat group asking for help ...  She complained about Chinese doctors (actually most likely complained about one Chinese doctor).  This situation has polarized both Chinese and foreigners.  Both sides screaming at each other more or less about the "dirty" things they experience from each other. In my thinking it is very easy to "dig up" enough "dirt" on either side .  Instead, I usually ignore such incidents.   Read more…

1232 Views | 16 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/14/2016 11:51:09 PM

What is culture?  What is "face"?  Is it relevant for intercultural communication?  With Globalization making the World seemingly smaller and smaller is there any differences between Cultures now?  The notions of face and self-image are considered universal characteristics, and yet they are conceptualized differently from one culture to another, depending on the underlying cultural values and beliefs. What do you consider to be a major aspect of the intercultural communication between you and Chinese?  Do you believe Chinese are inscrutable?  Do Chinese believe Westerners are "too open"?  People and things are increasingly out of place’especially due to easier travel from many countries to China and vice versa. But at the same time, we are discovering that the most heavily policed frontiers are not physical but linguistic and cultural. Read more…

1472 Views | 3 Comments | 0 Articles | 4/6/2016 5:36:19 AM

The lawnmower had gotten me and flattened me onto the ground. The razor-sharp blades cut into my flesh, and an insanely unbearable pain blocked the deafening noise out of my ears. I could hear nothing else but the bawls that I gave out when the blades turned me into a braying chunk of meat. The pain was just too overwhelming. It tested my threshold in waves like an angry sea tests the rocky shoreline. I couldn't bear it for too long. I just wanted to die—drown right there—in the waves of agony, as soon as possible. Read more…

923 Views | 7 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/14/2016 10:44:57 PM

    The title is concerned with seeking positive social behavior towards others... Read more…

1629 Views | 7 Comments | 0 Articles | 3/3/2016 10:13:45 AM

Writing is something that I came to love. It gives me a route to escape, forget, and heal, all at the same time. I had come up with the story Autumn in Guilin during last year's Mid-Autumn Festival. Janessa (my current girlfriend) always wanted to travel to Guilin, so we went, and this is a story about that. Read more…

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