On the day I saw the girl on the bus, I was late for work. The gardener fired me. I was right. He was just waiting for a reason to say goodbye to me. I expected myself to be sad about it, but somehow, I didn't care. I still had my other job in the restaurant. I was able to make decent money (cash) there. Also, I could go back to English school in the daytime and continue my studies that I couldn't do because of the long working hours with the gardener. Read more…

   The alarm clock tried very hard to get my attention. It was only 5:30 in the morning and my eyelids had opened halfway a few times already before they shut tightly again under the weight of my weariness. They were still shut when I hit the button on the top of my old alarm clock a few seconds later. Everything went quiet. Only the barely audible tick-tocking and my tired groans interrupted the silence as I sat up on my bed. Abruptly, a shiver shook me and said good morning as the cold air in the room gripped my naked ankles and coated my entire body with goosebumps. I felt tempted to climb back under the sheets and forget about the whole day of work ahead of me. But it was only a teasing thought of my half-asleep brain when the sheets exhaled a last puff of warm whiff onto my backside before they lost the battle to the cold and kicked me out of bed. Read more…

As I was listening to her story I started to realize that I might have made a mistake to break up with her without even attempting to ask her one more time what really happened and make my decision after I completely understood everything. Read more…

In my previous blog article I was talking about a few relationships or should I say some failed attempts to find love in China. When I'd written that article I was unaware of some details about my last relationship with a Chinese woman that I became totally conscious of after I submitted my previous article for publishing Read more…

I am emptied from all human emotions, there's nothing left inside me only the rubble of my collapsed hopes and dreams. I try to numb this dismal feeling with a cold shower in a desperate attempt to wash off my own disdain. I can see, I can hear, I can feel as the cold water hits my skin; all of my senses work perfectly, and yet, I'm still in the dark trying to find my own shadow. Read more…

I woke up one Sunday morning and saw Lily's message on QQ. I hadn't talked to her for over two months. She just wanted to know how I had been and said, she had been busy recently and didn't have time to chat with me. She was still online and we started chatting. She said, they would try to apply for Canadian visa and come to see me in October. A travel agency was going to handle everything including the visa. She told me how much money I had to send and gave me her bank account number and swift code. Read more…

Everyday I checked the site for her story. I loved it! Her style of writing reminded me of one of my favourite writers.  I decided to write her a message. I told her how much I loved her blog and the way of her writing style. I also thanked her for letting us members, especially male members to learn about Chinese women by her experience. Read more…

The following few weeks had been like a roller coaster ride. One day she was sad and depressed, asking me to find another nice Chinese woman who wasn't sick in the head. The next day she was happy and asking me about our future and telling me. “I know for fact that you will be my future husband.” Read more…

I checked the CLM blogs and forum threads one morning while I was eating my breakfast, but there were no new ones there. I started checking the photos and suddenly saw Lily's profile there as a new member. My heart sank, my stomach was in a knot. I wanted to forget her, but seeing the Chinese woman I loved looking for another man made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't stop myself and sent her a message. She replied with offering her friendship and wished me good luck with my search. I didn't bother her anymore, but I saw her on the site everyday for hours and hours. She seemed really determined to find a man. Read more…

Monday morning Sally went back to work, but she returned always at the evening time and did her duties as a “chaperone”. Lily was very cold with me after that drunk evening. She might have felt ashamed of herself because of what happened between us or what she said or all of the above. I tried to catch her eyes, but she looked away all the time. She made herself busy cleaning and cooking, I felt that she didn't want me there anymore. Read more…