Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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Leap of Faith

454 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 4/13/2018 10:10:54 AM

My friend Wayne (not his real name) is a medical doctor at a large university hospital.  Twice divorced but ever the optimist, he is currently in search of the woman to spend his remaining years with.  Recently a female researcher from China visited his university.  He was interested, and not only in a scholarly sense, as I deduced from a couple of emails I received from him querying me on matters of Chinese culture. After not hearing from him for a while, I decided to check on  how things were going, and received the following response: Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 4: Lessons Learned

634 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 2/7/2018 3:01:32 PM

I started this series by describing an incident that occurred while Yong and I were travelling in which she uttered a statement about the superiority of Chinese culture that seemed dubious to say the least in light of the historical record. Rather than confront the situation with reason and logic (which in my experience are of limited value in any relationship), I suggested that the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (DMIS) is a more useful tool to bring to an intercultural relationship.  According to the DMIS, there are six levels at which we can relate to a culture other than our own:  Denial, Defense, Minimization, Acceptance, Adaptation, and Integration. As we progress through the various levels, we come to realize the filter through which we inevitably view other cultures, abandon the ethnocentric belief in the superiority of our own culture and ultimately adopt an ethnorelative stance that grounds itself not in critical judgment but in clear-eyed understanding. Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 3: Culture and Gravity

861 Views | 12 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/21/2018 1:54:34 PM

In the previous entry, I distinguished three initial stages of intercultural understanding: Denial, Defense, and Minimization. All of these stages can be roughly characterized as “ethnocentric” insofar as they assume one culture (usually my own) has the correct stance/attitude on cultural matters. This is a natural enough state for people to exist in and if I had to guess I would say that most of humanity ends up spending their lives in this state—convinced of the rightness and rationality of whatever system of beliefs they happened to have been born into. However, we can only move forward to a level necessary for a healthy cross-cultural dating by abandoning this naïve belief that our culture alone has attained the true way and adopting instead an “ethnorelative” perspective that refuses to pass judgment but instead contents itself with understanding the endless variety of cultural expression. Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 2: The Eyeglasses of Cultural Bias

762 Views | 7 Comments | 0 Articles | 12/27/2017 3:13:04 PM

Now, one objection that might be raised with respect to the rule with which I ended my previous entry—that one should not say anything negative about China to your Chinese partner—is: Don’t couples need to be truthful with each other? And if the negative statement about China is true, shouldn’t I inform my partner about this fact? Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 1

857 Views | 7 Comments | 1 Articles | 12/18/2017 9:56:45 AM

Yong and I recently returned from a long delayed honeymoon to Greece. The location was her idea. My occupation has fortunately afforded me numerous opportunities to visit the birthplace of Western thought, many of which I have taken advantage of. As a result I have spent by my calculation approximately nine months over the course of my life wandering the islands and mainland, the mountains and seas of that amazing region. Hence, I would have preferred to explore a new part of the globe. But on matters such as where to spend your honeymoon (and on most other matters as well) I have found it best to defer to my Chinese wife. Read more…

What do the F-bomb and Shaving have in Common?

967 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 8/19/2017 3:00:05 PM

Nothing—not sex, not politics, not money issues—is more important to a relationship/marriage than communication. You might read somewhere that money issues are the single biggest reason for divorce, but dig down and you will find that it was not the money that caused the breakup but the inability to communicate about finances—and often anything else for that matter. Read more…


845 Views | 9 Comments | 0 Articles | 7/15/2017 1:40:15 PM

Yong and I are at the doctor’s office. She has had some worrying symptoms lately. Indeed, the fact that we are here is some indication of the severity of the problem. The Chinese medical model does not dictate running to the doctor’s office at the first sign of a cough or occurrence of a broken fingernail. Instead there exists a list of foods you should or shouldn’t eat depending upon your specific condition as well as a host of concoctions to ingest to assist in the healing process. Read more…

What are a Chinese woman and Western man doing in India?

901 Views | 7 Comments | 0 Articles | 5/10/2017 4:19:05 AM

This India adventure has been interesting. Four months as a Fulbright scholar has offered me the opportunity to interact with Indian college students, Uber drivers, and vegetable vendors; to walk in the footsteps of the Buddha, trace the journey of Rama, and float on the holy Ganges; to view Bollywood movies, Indian art shows, and the classical dance form of Bharatanatyam; to learn the difference among nan, roti, and paratha, as well as that among tabla, tampura, and sitar. In short, to experience first-hand—even if only in a limited and at an ultimately superficial level—India. Read more…

Intercultural Relationships and the Holidays

1153 Views | 6 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/18/2017 1:11:10 PM

“If all the year were playing holidays/To sport would be as tedious as to work.” --Shakespeare Read more…

A Chinese Woman Living in the Four Seasons

1354 Views | 2 Comments | 0 Articles | 12/30/2016 7:29:32 AM

[Note: In case anyone is wondering how things our going for Yong eight months after our marriage, here is an essay she wrote for her ESL class about her life in the west so far....Peter] Read more…

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