Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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Chinese Love Languages:A Follow Up

1911 Views | 4 Comments | 0 Articles | 2/17/2019 11:10:01 AM

This article is a follow up on the previous blogpost. If you haven’t read the previous article, don’t worry. I’ll summarize. For an English class, my wife, Yong, had the assignment to take a survey from a book “Five Love Languages” (5 The premise of the book is that there are five basic ways couples communicate with each other. These five ways are: (1) Acts of service; (2) Quality Time; (3) Physical touch; (4) Giving Gifts; (5) Words of affirmation. A happy relationship is premised on knowing your partner’s main communication styles and working with them. Read more…

Chinese Love Languages: A Challenge

1206 Views | 9 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/2/2019 12:33:51 PM

Mike Royko, the classic curmudgeon and commentator of human foibles writing for the Chicago Sun Times, was one of my favorite columnists. In response to a famous survey that found women would rather snuggle than have sex with their partners, Royko commissioned one of his own studies, polling his readers about whether they would rather go bowling with their buddies or have sex with their wives. Sex won, but Royko was on to a larger point that would later be validated by John Gray in his classic, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: Men and women communicate affection in different ways. In particular, men bond by doing and women by talking. Read more…

Building Bridges and Mending Fences: A Chinese Dream for America

2410 Views | 30 Comments | 0 Articles | 11/27/2018 1:57:06 PM

I was wakened this morning by the sound of Chinese—the nasal enunciation of those jack hammer monosyllables aroused me from my sleep as sure as if someone had poured cold water over my head. As my mind focused, I thought I recognized the rapid-fire monotone of a newscast or documentary emanating from some distant electronic device. Suddenly, the thought occurred to me that, for reasons my half-awake state of consciousness could not currently recollect, I had returned to China—or perhaps had never left. Turning towards the window and seeing the blue sky I relaxed, knowing I could not possibly be back in Chengdu. Realizing Yong was beside me in bed both cemented my belief that I was indeed in the States and revealed the source of the sound. Read more…

If You Want a Successful Relationship with an Asian Woman, Don’t Do This

2690 Views | 27 Comments | 0 Articles | 9/28/2018 12:26:33 PM

It is hardly surprising that the skills and abilities which allow one to excel at one undertaking can be a positive hindrance to success at another.  The risk taking of the firefighter ill serves the estate planner, whose actions must abound in caution; the loquaciousness of your average salesman would probably get your average librarian fired.  I have recently gained first-hand experience of this truth. The desire to produce fluid, flawless prose which was my goal as an academic would paralyze me in my present position as psychiatric crisis worker, where reports must be filed immediately leaving time for only the most tangential concern towards the niceties as grammar and style. Read more…

Leap of Faith

3781 Views | 5 Comments | 0 Articles | 4/13/2018 10:10:54 AM

My friend Wayne (not his real name) is a medical doctor at a large university hospital.  Twice divorced but ever the optimist, he is currently in search of the woman to spend his remaining years with.  Recently a female researcher from China visited his university.  He was interested, and not only in a scholarly sense, as I deduced from a couple of emails I received from him querying me on matters of Chinese culture. After not hearing from him for a while, I decided to check on  how things were going, and received the following response: Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 4: Lessons Learned

1341 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 2/7/2018 3:01:32 PM

I started this series by describing an incident that occurred while Yong and I were travelling in which she uttered a statement about the superiority of Chinese culture that seemed dubious to say the least in light of the historical record. Rather than confront the situation with reason and logic (which in my experience are of limited value in any relationship), I suggested that the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (DMIS) is a more useful tool to bring to an intercultural relationship.  According to the DMIS, there are six levels at which we can relate to a culture other than our own:  Denial, Defense, Minimization, Acceptance, Adaptation, and Integration. As we progress through the various levels, we come to realize the filter through which we inevitably view other cultures, abandon the ethnocentric belief in the superiority of our own culture and ultimately adopt an ethnorelative stance that grounds itself not in critical judgment but in clear-eyed understanding. Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 3: Culture and Gravity

1989 Views | 12 Comments | 0 Articles | 1/21/2018 1:54:34 PM

In the previous entry, I distinguished three initial stages of intercultural understanding: Denial, Defense, and Minimization. All of these stages can be roughly characterized as “ethnocentric” insofar as they assume one culture (usually my own) has the correct stance/attitude on cultural matters. This is a natural enough state for people to exist in and if I had to guess I would say that most of humanity ends up spending their lives in this state—convinced of the rightness and rationality of whatever system of beliefs they happened to have been born into. However, we can only move forward to a level necessary for a healthy cross-cultural dating by abandoning this naïve belief that our culture alone has attained the true way and adopting instead an “ethnorelative” perspective that refuses to pass judgment but instead contents itself with understanding the endless variety of cultural expression. Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 2: The Eyeglasses of Cultural Bias

1571 Views | 8 Comments | 0 Articles | 12/27/2017 3:13:04 PM

Now, one objection that might be raised with respect to the rule with which I ended my previous entry—that one should not say anything negative about China to your Chinese partner—is: Don’t couples need to be truthful with each other? And if the negative statement about China is true, shouldn’t I inform my partner about this fact? Read more…

Don't Mess with China, Part 1

2191 Views | 7 Comments | 1 Articles | 12/18/2017 9:56:45 AM

Yong and I recently returned from a long delayed honeymoon to Greece. The location was her idea. My occupation has fortunately afforded me numerous opportunities to visit the birthplace of Western thought, many of which I have taken advantage of. As a result I have spent by my calculation approximately nine months over the course of my life wandering the islands and mainland, the mountains and seas of that amazing region. Hence, I would have preferred to explore a new part of the globe. But on matters such as where to spend your honeymoon (and on most other matters as well) I have found it best to defer to my Chinese wife. Read more…

What do the F-bomb and Shaving have in Common?

1909 Views | 10 Comments | 0 Articles | 8/19/2017 3:00:05 PM

Nothing—not sex, not politics, not money issues—is more important to a relationship/marriage than communication. You might read somewhere that money issues are the single biggest reason for divorce, but dig down and you will find that it was not the money that caused the breakup but the inability to communicate about finances—and often anything else for that matter. Read more…

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