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Born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Daniel has lived in Toronto, Canada for 28 years. He’s a loving father, practicing dentist, divorcee and a well traveled “citizen of the world”. Having had extensive experience with online dating, travel and life in the Philippines, Daniel will tell it like it is and will no doubt open some eyes. He is currently engaged to a Chinese lady that he met on CLM and will very soon get married. However, he's seen a dark side too. Get ready for the good, the bad and the ugly.
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Why Do People Cheat On Their Partners?    

By Daniel Chermont
5166 Views | 11 Comments | 3/29/2012 10:28:38 PM

“Someone who thinks the world is always cheating him is right. He is missing that wonderful feeling of trust in someone or something”. Eric Hoffer

“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife”. Ann Landers

This is the age old one million dollars question. What makes people sometimes deliberately put their relationship in harm’s way risking all for a frivolous afternoon interlude, an office adventure, a night escapade or to get involved in a trivial affair? Why the temptation to jump the fence or check what is in the other side of the wall is so overwhelming?

If we leave a toddler run free inside a candy store and tell the child “You are free to pick and choose but you can have only one candy”, it is easy to understand why the kid will be indecisive about which one to get. Knowing this, the candy industry makes their products as appealing as possible to the eye. The child will grab and drop a dozen different ones till settling down for a favorite. If was left up to her or him, the child would probably pick them all.

As teenagers, during the growing process, somehow it is difficult to choose a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Somehow psychologists will find an empirical way to explain this common behavior. Human nature? Hormones at play? Scientifically, I don’t know of any logical explanation. It is an axiom.

But what can we say when adults commit themselves to each other, pledge eternal love and loyalty and end up acting as toddlers or teens? Immaturity? egotism? insecurity? revenge? boredom? an over reactive physiological activity? to get away from daily routine? frustration? or simply lust? We can come up with a thousand excuses, none of them convincing or justifiable.

Infidelity is the surest way of destroying a relationship or causing an open sore in the very core of one’s soul that will never heal fully. Bitterness, mistrust and resentment will linger forever.

The Bible and the Torah tell us that God created ONE man and ONE woman. Why not two men and one woman or one man and two women.? I guess the message was crystal clear.

Paul, the Christian Evangelist, in his letters to the early Christian communities wrote “The body of a woman belongs to her husband and the body of the man belongs to his wife”. He was dealing with people that were idol worshipers before embracing Christianity and the prevalent moral principles pattern of those days were, shall we say, relaxed.

The “belong” in this case, does not mean that we “own” our partner. However, for as long as we are committed to each other, we should not engage into lustful behavior or seek adventures outside the wedlock. Matrimony is and should be sacred. In the moment your heart is no longer in the relationship, neither should you. Get a divorce and only then seek for another person. As they say, you can not have your cake and eat it too. It is better an amiable divorce and you can still be friends and look at each other eye to eye, than to be remembered as a liar and a disloyal individual.

Is humanity going back to the days of Noah or Sodoma and Gomorra, when even the direct intervention of God was necessary amidst total moral chaos? Societies were exclusively devoted to instant gratification, preoccupied only with the calls and urges of the flesh? Nowadays we all know that there are such things like “sex parties”, “open marriages”, “swing clubs”, “singles’ bars” etc. Recently I came across a dating site for married people looking for an extra-marital liaison. There is no limit for this? It is imperative to draw a line. Indecency serves no purpose other than to corrupt our very soul and feelings.

I am not a Puritan, a Hospitaller Crusader, a Saint or Mr. Righteousness, but what do we have to gain with all this? I figure we all lose somehow. A family is indeed the mother cell of any society and if we allow morality and decency to go down the tubes, anarchy will follow. What kind of world will our children inherit?

History tells us that Oliver Cromwel, Lord Protector of England, a regicidal to some which was a rigorous Puritan, once had a tree put down, because its branches interlaced and had the appearance of a couple doing intercourse. So much for being radical. Nowadays, I feel he would benefit from a visit to a psychiatrist. I am not in any way advocating extremism or doing apologia for peculiar behavior based on anything, religious or otherwise. I am just appealing for common sense. Never hurt your partner physically, spiritually or emotionally.

In a recent live interview on TV Julio Iglesias, the famous Spanish singer, shared with the audience that he had slept with over two thousand women. A Chinese Emperor deflowered one thousand young virgin girls because he believed that this would grant him eternal youth. I bet many men would envy these two characters that could easily get an entry in the Guinness World Records but did this really made them better or happier men?

In my humble opinion, the difference between having sex and making love is the difference of having an unappealing burger to appease your hunger in the middle of the night and a lavish 10 course banquet, with profiteroles covered with melted Belgian chocolate and hand whisked Chantilly cream for desert and Chateneuf Du Pape, Champagne Veuve Clicquot or Crystal and a good Armagnac for drinking. For the Grand Finale, a small cup of Blue Mountain coffee brewed the Vietnamese way and Finnish chocolate truffles.

Some people get so traumatized, so deeply hurt after being cheated, that they never reach closure. Cheating is the ultimate act of treason.

If things deteriorated to a point where the differences became irreconcilable, at least end your relationship properly. It is better to leave by the front door, your head high and preserve the good memories, than to leave in the shadows of night, with mountains of guilt on your back, leaving behind a person with his or her feelings and emotions shredded to pieces. Happiness can not be built at the expenses of the suffering, sorrow and misery of others.

I sincerely welcome your opinions, comments and suggestions.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2012-04-01 19:21:54 by michael11 @michael11

well dan.. not much to comment on this subject.. you hit the nail right on the head,man!!

#2012-04-02 11:23:43 by raybaby40 @raybaby40

Anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists have answered the question why do both men and women cheat on their spouse. DNA diversification is the answer. A DNA study conductioned in the 1990's found that 1 child in 3 was not conceived by the man who believed he was the father.
In this study, the women also believed their husband was the father of all of their children. This paradox is explained by "sperm competition".

A similar DNA study more recently conducted on Geese, which have long been presumed paragons of lifelong monogamous fidelity, showed the exact same ratio. One egg in 3 was not fathered by the gander guarding the nest. An amazing coincidence that gives a glimpse into the mind of "God".

The Roman man of Paul's time, had the right to beat or divorce his wife if she refused him any form of intimacy he desired. If she were unfaithful he could kill her. He, on the other hand, had the right to have sex with any person (or any animal) he desired. Ah, the good old days of Roman/Christian Republican virtues. Seems familiar.

The obvious conclusion is that evolution has favored promiscuous, unfaithful, men and women and even animals with superior reproductive rates and superior offspring who out reproduce their more "virtuous" neighbors. The law used to presume that a child was fathered by it's mother's husband. DNA has proved that to be presumptuous.

#2012-04-05 04:30:47 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

Dear Raybaby

Thanks for mentioning this study. At a first look, the percentage of children born out of wedlock or as a result of promiscuity seems way too high. Since I am an eternal student, I would ask you to provide more details about his study. Was this published int credible Medical Journal? How many people participated in the study? Was is this? a Thesis? Please tell me a bit more if you will. In pure mathematical terms, are we to believe that 33,333333333333% of children are product of adultery, promiscuity, infidelity? Animals do it by instinct to improve the chances of their species surviving. Logically, the strong offspring will have better chances to escape from his predators. What we are daring to discuss here is the morality of human behaviour. Leaving Genetics aside, even if there was such a thing as a gene the favours infidelity, I never heard anything along that line, we should have made some progress from our cousins of the Stone Age. If this data you provided to us are correct, humanity is really doomed and the Earth will become a huge brothel it is just a matter of time.

Studying the "Leibsborn Project", one of the most immoral, perverted, sickening experiments ever conducted in the world, we see interesting things. Himmler was convinced that prime German young men and prime healthy young girls could produce the Nazi dream, the "Super race". It was a total fiasco. Seven thousand and five hundred kids were born in Germany, under close controlled environment and about 10 thousand in Denmark. The allies when finally conquering Germany, came to the conclusion that the Leibsborn program was bunk, as the intro films, showed a type of dance by ladies, extolling propagandist virtues of the Reich.

It was intimated later however, that development went much much deeper and there was a slight meddling with the gene matter structure.

What is known is that inputs into the offspring child, we accomplished by the careful selection of very prime SS soldiers and eligible German and Danish girls.

The problem with the SS, is that they were encouraged to take anabolic steroids.

The taking of anabolic steroids and conceiving later on, can affect the nature of a child as it matures.

The Mendellion improvements, via gene soundings inputs, only shows thirty even one hundred years post the primary input.

What is known of current gene augmentations, is that again prime male and female subjects are chosen, however there might be adaptive range mechanics, placed by graft into the gene?

This is not a well rounded individual as an output candidate.

During the "program", believe it or not, even the SS soldiers, people brainwashed and trained to kill in cold blood, started to question the morality of the experiment and Himmler decided to abandon the idea.

I sincerely thank you to bring this up. Really amazing.

Incidentally, that specific letter written by Paul, was sent to Christians in Greece, not to Rome.

#2012-05-09 20:12:27 by smile01 @smile01

“hand whisked Chantilly cream for desert” ,“desert"means "dessert"?

and What is meaning of " Hospitaller Crusader"?

#2012-05-12 22:35:06 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

Thanks, smile 01

Yes, it was a misspelling, sorry. Please read "dessert", which comes from 16th Century French, it is the past participle of the verb "desservir" which means "clear the table". Sorry about that. Try profiteroles with melted Belgian chocolate (melt the chocolate ii a small pot inside of a pot with hot water which is called "bain-marie", please do not use microwave, it will degrade the flavour of the Belgian chocolate that is very delicate) on top and hand whisked Chantilly cream (it is easy to to do, all you need a bowl, a good whisker and 45% fresh milk cream very cold and use the right technique, it tastes better than a machine made, because you can control the thickness of the cream to your liking) and you can also have a bit of ice cream on the side (I suggest you make your own, Vanilla for example, using real Mexican Vanilla, not artificial man made one) and you will feel in Heavens. If you want to get fancy, pour one spoon of Porto wine (Ferreirinha) on top of everything. Wow... "Hospitaller Crusaders" were Crusaders that became monks and made a vote of chastity. Even though they were courageous knights, many fought in the III Crusade under Richard I, the Lionheart, from England. Their main duty though was to take care of the sick and the people hurt in battle. They were like male nurses, a voluntary work of love. They would dress wounds, give the pain medication they had available in those days and support the people that were suffering. In the battle field they would be ferocious Knights like all the others though. I am not sure, but perhaps the word "Hospital" comes from this. I will research, I am an eternal student. As Aristotle said, the more you know, the more you see you don't know nothing. Metaphysics philosophy.

#2012-05-13 03:46:02 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

Hi smile01. There you go, "hospital" comes from medieval Latin "hospitale" as I suspected. It is neuter of Latin ""hospitalis" which means "hospitable". Have a good weekend. Health and peace for you and your family. God bless.

#2012-05-13 03:55:14 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

Dear Smile 01. Ni hao ma? Researching further, I found the link I was hoping for. Above any doubt, "hospital" historically was an hospice ran by Hospitaller Knights. So we established the connection, it is indeed were the word hospital came from. Good luck, good health, bonne chance, bonne sante.

#2012-05-15 23:24:36 by smile01 @smile01

Thanks for your explanation .
I indeed substantially benefit from your artcles.
I feel you are a great man of great knowledge and profound wisdom by way of reading your articles.

#2012-06-26 12:20:18 by someday8989 @someday8989

"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife" pourquoipasamour,please, what's that meaning?

#2012-06-29 06:00:34 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

Dear someday8989,
First of all, thanks for your kindness in reading my article, I sincerely hope you and your family are well, in good health, happy and in peace, To answer your question, basically what means that this type of behavior is usually structural and will quite possibly be repeated. A cheater is a cheater by nature and statistically has great chance to do it again to a new partner. Nothing justifies cheating, if the person is not happy with his or her relationship and is beyond repair, better end the relationship legally and THEN start seeing other people. Ann Landers was warning women that if they marry a cheater, there is a quite strong possibility that he will do the same to her sooner or later. The wife of of a famous American billionaire was his former secretary. He left his former wife to marry her. She never allowed him to hire a secretary, she continued to be his secretary and never allowed him to travel alone. In an interview she said that she did not want to take chances of him doing to her the same he did to his former wife .....

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