Is this fairytale true, or would dating a Chinese woman make a difference?
Originally, when I first saw this, my thought ran something like this - "If this is how you feel about relationships and women, then dude, you've been in the wrong relationships and been choosing the wrong kind of women! A good, Chinese woman will most certainly shift your perspective and you'll have a genuine happy ending." But then I thought, maybe that's just me, and maybe I've just been lucky.
So let's think about this a little more. Why are we driven to have a partner when being single is so much less complex, so much easier? Why do we need someone in our life who introduces a lot of rules for us to live with that we would normally not consider important at all?
I don't think there is much doubt that, if not for the woman in our lives, we men would probably eliminate about 80% or so of the little things we do repeatedly that are done solely to keep her happy. In fairness, the same thing can be said of women. Wouldn't their lives be dramatically simpler too, if not for trying to please their man?
So why don't we all choose to live happily ever after, ALONE?
Anybody got an answer?
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There's another important point, John.
It's been proven that happily married men LIVE LONGER than single men.
Yet women live about the same length, whether married or not.
So clearly, marriage is a very significant issue for men in particular. It's in all men's interests to get married! (sweat)
One of the jokes that came about because of those studies was "Sure married men are living longer, but they are also the ones who are more willing to die."
But your point is well taken.
The world's shortest fairy tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, partying, eating out, watching favorite TV channel, and didn't worry about cooking, timing, cleaning,getting dressed and dressing up,etc. And drank beer, eat peanuts and farted whenever she wanted.
It seems no one needs a marriage?(makeup)
I really hate hearing that you are struggling so hard to find someone who is right for you and will improve your quality of life. I don't say this lightly, but sometimes the failure to connect is about spending too much time looking around and too little time looking within. Are you sure you have become everything that you can be to be a great match for her, so that she will recognize you as the one she wants to spend her life with?
I think @melcyan says this better than I can, and I welcome him to join in, but first you absolutely must love yourself. Only then will you find that the best of women will want to spend their lives being with you, pleasing you, and being pleased by you.
I agree that marriage is not now and never was a necessity. It is a state of being that most people find preferable to living alone, but fewer and fewer feel this way people it seems. However, it is no more a necessity than is owning a car.
When I lived in Canada I believed that owning a car was a necessity. I felt I could not live without it. When I moved to Shenzhen, China, I immediately realized I was not prepared to drive there, and I haven't owned a car since. Not owning a car has given me a sense of freedom that I really enjoy, as it is so much easier to just go out my door, grab a taxi or bus, and get to where I am going. I prefer being in a state of carlessness.
However, in those times when I have been single, I have not felt that same sense of freedom. Stepping out my door and experiencing the company of a different woman some nights, and no women other nights, did not give me a sense of freedom, but rather one of loneliness. I am a one woman man, and I prefer being in a state of partnership with one good woman.
But I am not an easy husband because I still need times alone, times to my own thoughts. Sometimes I need a week or so alone. If I don't get some time to myself I slowly become surly and grumpy. Many women, and I think especially Chinese women, do not understand that, and I think it can be difficult for my wife to accept. I am pretty sure that often, to my wife, that burrito looks like very good company indeed. (rofl)
You have said it well enough. You need to love yourself first. It is the most important stepping stone towards being relationship ready. You teach others both men and women how to treat you. When you do not value or respect yourself as a person, you make it so much harder for others to respect or value you.
Your self-image as child is influenced strongly by your family but once you are an adult the way you see yourself becomes your responsibility. You can lock yourself into the restrictions of a childhood image or your you can grow into being a person that you fully love and respect. Once you do this you make it so much easier for others to do the same.
I find the comments about farting interesting and in my case inaccurate. My partner and I fart whenever we want. So being partnered does not necessarily deny you the luxury of farting whenever you want. My partner's mother also doesn't hold back. Maybe the Chinese are less inhibited about farting?
Hi John,
As per request, anyone interested in my comments to this article please see Gongji's Blog.
Additionally,... self love, self understanding, and self acceptance are criteria I consider vital for any relationship regardless of the venue.
Peace,
Gongji,
Y.T.Y.
I know people say you must love yourself before you can love others, but I have to compromise. I'm ready to let love in, but I need to find a woman patient enough and persistent enough to put up with my social shortcomings. If someone can love me as I am, maybe I finally can too.
āLoving yourself is easier said than doneā I agree. Especially when your parents did not love themselves. At least that was the case for me. I entered adult life not loving myself. I was also anxious, shy and never satisfied with myself.
I am now 63 years of age and I do now love myself and I do now accept myself the way I am.
When did I change? It was not a single change. I changed a little at the age of 32 when my first child was born. I changed a little when I had marriage counseling at the age of 33. I changed a lot at the age of 42 when my wife died and I received extensive counseling. It was not until I was 57 years of age that I finally felt genuinely ācomfortable in my own skinā.
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At 57 years of age, I could honestly say that I loved myself. At 58 years of age I started a relationship like none that I had ever experienced before. Now, that loving relationship grows stronger and stronger with each passing year. I believe that being able to fully love, forgive and accept myself was the crucial stepping stone to my present high-level loving relationship with my partner.
The pain in my life has been large, but now, the joy in my life is way beyond what I could ever have imagined to be possible.