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John Abbot is co-owner of Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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What a Woman Really Means: Chinese Women Too?    

By John Abbot
2010 Views | 2 Comments | 7/14/2015 12:53:52 PM

Chinese women are also talented in the art of double-speak, so leave nothing to chance.

There are people who would suggest that "if you think the language barrier makes having a Chinese girlfriend more complicated than having an American girflriend, you have another thought coming! Being in a relationship with a Chinese woman is so much more satisfying and worthwhile because they are more secure with and confident about themselves." Our talented staff writer Achelle, a Filipina, suggested just that when she saw the images posted here.

But I am not so sure about that in the case of these images, which I think are clear examples of double-speak, or saying one thing and meaning another. I have already said in an earlier post that I think Chinese women are simpler and easier to understand than Western women, but by that I meant that it is easier to understand what they are thinking and sorting through their motives or reasons for thinking as they do, but it doesn't mean that you can simply assume that a Chinese woman means what she is saying. In my opinion you are putting yourself at great risk if you make that assumption. Chinese women can be, I humbly submit, masters at the art of double-speak, and they can challenge the best that Western women have to offer in that department. 

Here's an example that I have encountered in two different long term relationships with Chinese women, and with a few Western women as well.  The double-speak is the same, the results at failing to recognize it are the same, but the reasons behind what the Chinese women were thinking were probably much less complicated versus what the Western women were thinking.

Both the Chinese women and the Western women are feeling quite ill (genuinely feeling ill, not faking it) the same evening you have been planning for some time to spend on a fun guy's night out. All of the women say roughly the same thing:

"I am really, really feeling lousy, and I hate to be alone, but I know you've really been looking forward to this so I want you to go ahead and have fun. Don't worry about me, I'll just take care of myself. Probably nothing will go wrong." or words to that effect.

Regardless of whether it is the Chinese women or the Western women what they mean is:

"You sorry bastard! This is a test and if you step out that door for any reason other than to fetch me some medicine, you are going to suffer my wrath for a long, long time!"

The only difference is that the reason the Chinese women are saying the one thing and thinking the other is that in their minds, based on their cultural beliefs, whether based in reality or not, no Chinese husband would ever leave his wife home sick alone and tonight, brother, you'd better behave like a Chinese husband. She's feeling sick and all logic or cultural compromise is out the window when a Chinese woman is feeling sick. To a great degree this is also true when they are feeling hungry, which is why I always carry a snack bar of some kind in my pocket when there is any chance we might not be eating before she begins to feel very hungry. But anyway, it is that simple. A good husband doesn't do it and you'd bloody well better not do it either. And in fairness, your Chinese wife or girlfriend would not leave you alone feeling sick and would likely drop her plans to go out with the girls in a heartbeat.

With the Western women, while the actions and the results are the same, the thinking behind it all is a convoluted and almost impossible to understand jumble of thoughts that come out of war they perceive themselves to be in with all males, and this is just one more battle in the quest for domination, or perhaps a better analysis would be it is just one move in a complicated chess game. It isn't about whether or not a good husband would do it, and it certainly isn't that she, herself, wouldn't step out with the girls without a second's thought if the tables were reversed. It is just that if you step out under these circumstances you will be perceived to have won a round, and she will therefore be obliged to clobber you in at least three rounds in the future in order to regain her rightful domination in your relationship. 

That's how I see it, and while I am certainly generalizing, I stand by my belief that it is a reasonable generalization.

BTW, you can view the original posting of these images in here...

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2015-07-16 09:59:10 by williamallman @williamallman

Having been married three times (to American women) and been in another dozen or so relationships besides, I got a good laugh from the "5 Deadly Terms". Thanks John!

#2015-07-16 22:58:24 by twhite725 @twhite725

On the local radio station I just now heard announcement of the summer season at the playhouse putting on a production of 'I love you, you're perfect, now change"... Am I a male chauvinist to assume the title is from a woman's point of view?

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