Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Beautiful
Chinese
Women
of
CLM
Beautiful
Asian
Women
of
ALM
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
Articles :
92
Views :
562669
Comments :
3456
Create Time :
2013-10-20
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

We're born alone. We die alone.    

By Barry Pittman
28690 Views | 254 Comments | 5/19/2016 4:02:07 PM
Comments
(Showing 61 to 70 of 254) First Previous 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 More... Last
#2016-06-12 15:22:51 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@paulfox1
@anonymous15034

Whoaaa Paul, Hold Onto Them Horses!!!

I think you've made a pretty extreme over reaction to what was not an unreasonable comment by anonymous15034.

I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the comment, but I can certainly see why someone might take the position that anonymous15034 took when he/she said:

"You two made love (we all know this from reading your blogs as you sometimes described in such a detail), she probably regarded you as her husband - her most intimate and trustable person. But you refused to get involved,"

He/she did not say "you two had sex" but specifically that Barry and Tina had made love, which I take to mean that Barry and Tina had formed a bond in which the act of sex had moved far, far above and beyond what you are describing when you write:

"I've had Chinese women sending me naked pictures of themselves. I've even had them sending me videos of them masturbating. I've been met at the airport by Chinese women who are not wearing any PANTIES in order to save a few seconds when we arrive at the hotel - and guess what? Not ONE of them considered me to be their husband."

In Barry and Tina's case, as described by Barry in his many blogs, clearly we all thought that they had moved their relationship to where they were deeply in love, and were not seeing each other for a quick, exciting bang, and I think that's all that anonymous15034 was saying.

And I don't even think it is cultural at all. The comment would have been equally meaningful and valid if it was about an Australian man with an Australian woman. Some Australian women will head off to the airport sans panties to have a lay with a guy they don't consider to be their partner or husband, others will not. But all Australian women will, at some point, consider the sexual act they are having with the man they have come to love and treasure as a true partner to have turned from 'having sex" to "making love". And when they do it means they feel and believe they are in a committed relationship.

Anonymous15034, rightly or wrongly, feels that Tina had reached that point and was therefore hurt and disappointed when Barry opted not to help support her daughter. That's a perfectly valid POV and she could possibly be right. The only person who could possibly know if it is right or not with 100% confidence is Tina, and she's not talking so far.

So I think "Who the hell do you THINK you are, coming here anonymously and spouting all this holier-than-thou bullshit?" and "Now please go and crawl back under your rock!" is a pretty harsh overreaction to someone simply expressing their thoughts on what might have been going on in Tina's mind.

Just saying...

#2016-06-12 18:40:38 by fj1383 @fj1383

@anonymous15034
The Biggest Bastard and Most Selfish person is the father of Tina's daughter.8)8) Maybe you're too blind to see this!

#2016-06-12 21:24:38 by anonymous15047 @anonymous15047

I'm the anonymous 15034. I comment anonymously not because I have dark inside, I just don't want people come to check my profile as we all know it's likely to happen after we make a comment.
I had intended to keep silence after reading two Australian guys' responses. Normally when in face of angry people I choose to keep silent. I stay away from hot- tempered, rude people, for I think they are likely to over react or even be violent.
Maybe I'm a Chinese woman of a different kind from those described by Paul, I take romantic relationship very seriously, tend to idealize it. Sex and love is different, as Woody Allen said in one of his movies:" For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches...". Here is how I felt about Barry and Tina's relationship. I thought I could read their success story every time I came on CLM. For the last 2~3 years, I don't come here often, but every time I came first thing I checked here was success stories part. I like to see update there.
Barry, in most cases, Chinese would lend money to friends in need, some rich ones would give money to help friends out. You said THIS IS RUBBISH! So no matter what I say concerning what I will do, you would not believe, what I said is rubbish anyway.
If I remember it right, during Barry's first trip to visit Tina, Tina paid for everything , at least in the beginning days and several blogs later Barry was urged by guys here to go to the bank to get his own money out and not let the woman pay for him. I would do the same when someone travels such long distance to meet me. When I read this, I felt Tina was the kind of woman who would not hold back when she loves someone, I think she just loves whole heatedly . Anyway, that's just how I felt then. OK, what I said is just my POV, as John said - the only person who could possibly know if it is right or not with 100% confidence is Tina.
Thank you, John! I always have the utmost respect for you !! I respect wise people.
I've said what I want to say, now I'm crawling back under my rock. (doh)

#2016-06-12 22:12:38 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

@paulfox1
@JohnAbbot
Wow .... wow ... wow... horses are running wild Hi Yo Silver and away ! :D:D
To save space I will not repeat Paul's experience with some women ... :D8)
Kudos to John for allowing this to be written and double kudos to John for his comments.
I ain't never seen this happen to me .. but then again ... I have heard about it through the rumor mills ... LOL -- I do not think Paul actually meant any harsh criticism ... but rather simply ... it got his goat... triggered a red flag ... and so on .. and was his reaction to what he perceived the anony mouse was saying... however, the part about the financial aspect of finding someone to help contribute towards a kid is surely common enough ... or the prospect of finding someone to be underwrite many aspects of living with loads of financial resources is prevalent enough ... thus for now I decided to help whoever might attempt to do this with me -- to become invisible until I get enough time from my busy schedule to deal with it once again ... (giggle) Actually, the comments about the Westerner to continue living in China and not to move back to the Western country definitely applies to me -- in fact, me and a Chinese friend (male who has an apartment and a car and a suitable job and is over 30 ) were discussing these points as well as the reasons he is "not" actively seeking a Chinese wife even though his parents are grilling him to do so . Thus I was keenly interested in his story as well which is fraught with similar issues regarding Chinese women he has met . We had an enthusiastic discussion concerning the huge hassles of living in the USA for middle class social level such as him and I . In Wechat, several Chinese gals were persistent with their insistence upon asking Westerners -- how many houses do you have ? and so on .. which created quite a lengthy chat session with various people involved. I do not see anything wrong with various social phenomena nor Chinese women seeking whatever they wish to seek by living in a Western country either. Should the Westerner have more than enough money or wealthy or really rich then a couple could live virtually anywhere . Paul might have it .. Barry might have it ... and numerous others might have it .. .but I am not in that category . (giggle)(wasntme);) However, I cannot comprehend why me and another can not follow what many middle class folks do anywhere ... work together to build something valuable ... My Chinese friend told me he really does not wish to get hitched simply because she wants an apartment for her emotional security and then turns on the chilly heart attitude towards him ... then has both in-laws bearing down on his life like control freaks ... then pushing for the baby to arrive ... then having what happens to another close Chinese husband -- he can get along with his mother well enough -- his mother will cooperate more with his ideas about how to raise the baby -- however, his mother in-law drives him crazy with her relentless bickering bothersome behavior barking orders like some drill sergeant daily ... :o Sure there are most likely major cultural sociological habits that both sides have ... but IF there is going to be an International mixture taking place ... compromise would seem to be much more healthy than either bland lifeless cold hearted office style life or endless bickering to determine who runs the show ... the recent blogs of the marriage life of one of the bloggers here while living in Australia (a woman) demonstrate that having sufficient financial resources and a happy compromise between them is surely a healthy goal to achieve ... I propose that emotional security should be in a person not a concrete living area ... I often used to ask many Chinese women ... does the wall that you hug feel warm and cozy ? (wall, door, furniture, etc -- obviously, to me , Chinese women mostly have no habit of hugging anything except their tykes .. but they surely catch my point since they are annoyed by my question ... (giggle) Actually I have been called a Loser and Unsuitable more than enough from members here in CLM ... Paul gets photos and videos ... go figure ... :D

#2016-06-13 02:09:56 by anonymous15051 @anonymous15051

Barry a thought crossed my mind about Tina's calloused ending to your relationship. If memory serves, when you originally went to China to meet her she was adamant in paying for most things and refused to let you pay, you had to give Tina the money under the guise of helping Wendy's schooling costs. Such a complete reversal when it came to her expecting you to help in paying for "her" daughters schooling in Australia.

Unless there are/were more issues that were more deep than this one(maybe you weren't privy too) then she has to understand that Wendy is not your daughter and you have no obligation to give one cent or RMB towards Wendy's schooling nor should she expect it. I think she is doing what most women do when they don't get their way...they play the victim card..sad but it happens far too often.

Based on a few female anonymous replies to this blog, I think one of them might be Tina herself, she left you over money...this is something most western fear the most being used for money and a ticket out of China although I don't believe Tina was looking for a ticket out as she stated to you she prefers to stay in China but it sure seems the money thing was something on her radar. Interesting how the Chinese female anonymous replies are based mostly on Chinese culture alone not taking into fact you are not Chinese. They want Western men but make no effort to adapt to western culture.

You are so much better off with out her and I feel sorry for her next man...

#2016-06-13 13:36:56 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous15039

I am a Chinese woman and here is my point,

NIHAO.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE.

I don't think Barry should pay for Tina's daughter's education fee, it is NOT his obligation,

EXACTLY CORRECT

plus, now I suspect Tina's motivation to hook up with an Australian guy

TINA WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO SEND HER DAUGHTER TO A CANADIAN UNIVERSITY BEFORE SHE MET ME

BUT SHE CHANGED TO MIND AND DECIDED TO SEND WENDY TO AN AUSTRALIAN ONE INSTEAD, SEEING AS I WAS AUSTRALIAN

BUT THIS MEANS TINA WILL BE BEST SERVED NOW TO FIND ANOTHER AUSSIE GUY TO BEFRIEND, BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER WILL BE IN AUSTRALIA.

THIS WILL LIMIT HER CHOICES AS THERE ARE LESS AUSTRALIANS ON DATING SITES THAN CANADIANS OR AMERICANS.

I think the purpose is very important, for man and woman here, ask yourself what you are really looking for? you look for a partner or looking for someone to help to raise the kid you have with another man?? Is it fair that you ask a man who is not the real father of your kid to support the kid you have with another man??

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

IN FAIRNESS TO TINA THOUGH - SHE HAD SOLD HER APARTMENT IN CHENGDU TO PAY MOST OF THE COST OF HER DAUGHTER'S EDUCATION. I WAS ONLY EXPECTED TO PAY A SMALL AMOUNT, BUT I DECLINED TO DO THIS, BELIEVING INSTEAD THAT THE DAUGHTER'S NATURAL FATHER SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER.

Hi Barry, when you reply other people's comments, can you not write in capical letters? it is really not easy to read,

SORRY ABOUT THIS.

you can do like this:
Other people's comments
Barry: you can write your reply here, just put your name first, can you understand my suggestion?
Just put your name Barry: before you write your reply

THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IS THAT SOMETIMES IN MY REPLY, I WRITE SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS.

SO I WOULD NEED TO ALWAYS BE WRITING IN FRONT OF EACH PARAGRAPH

"Barry....

Barry.....

Barry..." that might look a little confusing.

MAYBE CLM COULD INCORPORATE A NEW FEATURE INTO ITS COMMENTS WHERE BOLD CAN BE USED? IF THIS WAS DONE, MY REPLIES COULD THEN EASILY BE SEEN IN BOLD TEXT WITH NO CAPITALS BEING NEEDED.

SUCH A CHANGE I THOUGHT MIGHT INVOLVE MINIMAL COST, SEEING AS NO COLOURS WERE NEEDED - JUST BOLD PRINT? :^):^)

THANKS FOR YOUR INTELLIGENT COMMENTS! (y)(y)

#2016-06-13 15:36:21 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Barry1

I am guessing that this entire conversation has been painful for you and yet probably somewhat healing as well. I don't wish to fuel the flames that might cause more pain, and what I am about to write is meant solely as food for thought and not as criticism in any manner. When people who were deeply in love breakup, the causes that contribute to that breakup are both countless and largely incomprehensible to both the parties and the bystanders. It is rare indeed that any one person is totally to blame.

But a couple of things that you wrote above in your last comment really caught my attention and I just wish to see if you've given any thought to certain aspects of those things.

You wrote

"TINA WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO SEND HER DAUGHTER TO A CANADIAN UNIVERSITY BEFORE SHE MET ME

BUT SHE CHANGED TO MIND AND DECIDED TO SEND WENDY TO AN AUSTRALIAN ONE INSTEAD, SEEING AS I WAS AUSTRALIAN"

and

"IN FAIRNESS TO TINA THOUGH - SHE HAD SOLD HER APARTMENT IN CHENGDU TO PAY MOST OF THE COST OF HER DAUGHTER'S EDUCATION. I WAS ONLY EXPECTED TO PAY A SMALL AMOUNT, BUT I DECLINED TO DO THIS, BELIEVING INSTEAD THAT THE DAUGHTER'S NATURAL FATHER SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER."

It seems to me that Tina, and presumably Wendy, changing their plan for Wendy to go to University in Australia instead of Canada was no small decision to make, and that in doing so they were clearly at that time both planning on you being in their lives for the long term and probably forever.

At the same time, you were not being asked to contribute a lot to the cause, and as you say, you had no obligation to do so and the deadbeat dad should have been covering that small amount and more.

But as I see it, the fact that it was the father's duty, morally for certain, to contribute to his daughter's education, did not change the reality that he wasn't going to do it. He's a deadbeat and nothing was going to change that.

So is it possible that when Tina and Wendy made the decision that Wendy would change her plans and go to Aus it was because in their minds and hearts you were becoming the new Dad, and the three of you were already family, or certainly about to become one.

In that case, is it possible that they were shocked when you refused to contribute, and maybe even saw that as a rejection of Wendy as being part of a family in your eyes. I mean, your decision all seems reasonable on a rational, at the thinking level, but on an emotional level is it possible that it sort of shattered their feelings that you were the husband Tina had been lacking and the father Wendy had never had?

Again, I am not trying in anyway to place blame of some kind on you, and am just hoping to maybe help you make sense of what has happened. After all, "in matters of the heart nothing is as it seems".

#2016-06-13 16:21:03 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@all

OK, you want it, you got it. Over-reaction or not, I do not take back what I said.

Thanks to John for trying to put a sensible slant on it and apologies to anony-mouse if I offended.

During the trials and tribulations within Barry and Tina's relationship, I was always there for Barry when he needed to chat. We would chat regularly on wechat, sometimes for hours, as we discussed what he was feeling towards Tina at the time.

Tina dumped Barry at least 3 times before this final time, and each time she dumped him, I strongly suggested that he didn't go back to her. He ignored my advice each time because he obviously loved her..

Barry would ask me point blank if I thought he had done anything wrong. I was always honest with him and 99% of the time I agreed that he was not the party to blame..

Of course, there is more than one side to every story, but as the months went on and these long chats became more frequent, I began to get a truer feeling about what was going on much deeper inside their relationship than you guys reading his blogs got.

Perhaps that has partly to do with what caused my reaction to anony-mouse. Almost a feeling of empathy towards Barry, rather than sympathy, if that makes sense?

Sticking up for a mate is one thing, but sticking up for a friend in a situation like this, (when you know ALL the facts), is a little different - perhaps.

So there you have it. Sorry Barry, but I just had to come clean on this. I'm not going to be berated for sticking up for you on points that other people don't know about, nor understand.

Now perhaps you will all stop over-analysing what went wrong between Barry and Tina and allow them both to move on.

Relationships fail every day. This one was no different to millions of others.

#2016-06-13 17:39:00 by Sunshineinwinter @Sunshineinwinter

Hi Barry, I am anonymous15039, thanks for your reply and I read John's comments, I think John view the things in a very kind way of thinking
And here is my thought, I guess in Barry's mind, maybe he has doubt about Tina and her daughter's motive, though he didn't speak out clearly, maybe deeply in Barry's mind, he suspects Tina was trying to use him?
Love is really a very big topic, how can we know someone really love us? or just want to use us? I think the answer probably is by time, by time we can see things clearly and see the truth
Also, even Barry refused to pay for Wendy's study cost, it is reasonable, let's say, even Barry marry Tina, it is not his obligation to pay for her daughter's study cost, standing in Barry's position, he may think are you marry me just expect me to pay for your daughter?
My thought is, sometimes, some smart people would use the name of love or marriage or family to use another person, how can we know the truth?
Even it is truth that Tina and her daughter regard Barry as family, just because Barry refused to pay, then they dumped Barry suddently? So money is everything for them to test if Barry love them?
My point is, Barry refused to pay now, which is reasonable, if they didn't dump Barry and still treated Barry like before, maybe by time, when Barry really have family feeling with Tina and Wendy, I trust Barry would offer to help finally.

#2016-06-14 13:29:09 by Barry1 @Barry1

@JohnAbbot

I am guessing that this entire conversation has been painful for you and yet probably somewhat healing as well.

YES JOHN, IN ONE WAY IT'S RATHER CATHARTIC RESPONDING TO THE EMAILS BUT YET THE END RESULT REMAINS I HAVE LOST A LOVED PARTNER.

I don't wish to fuel the flames that might cause more pain, and what I am about to write is meant solely as food for thought and not as criticism in any manner.

I UNDERSTAND JOHN

When people who were deeply in love breakup, the causes that contribute to that breakup are both countless and largely incomprehensible to both the parties and the bystanders. It is rare indeed that any one person is totally to blame.

EXACTLY RIGHT.

YET I BELIEVE LILY THINKS SHE IS MORE RIGHT THAN ME

But a couple of things that you wrote above in your last comment really caught my attention and I just wish to see if you've given any thought to certain aspects of those things.

You wrote

"TINA WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO SEND HER DAUGHTER TO A CANADIAN UNIVERSITY BEFORE SHE MET ME

BUT SHE CHANGED TO MIND AND DECIDED TO SEND WENDY TO AN AUSTRALIAN ONE INSTEAD, SEEING AS I WAS AUSTRALIAN"

and

"IN FAIRNESS TO TINA THOUGH - SHE HAD SOLD HER APARTMENT IN CHENGDU TO PAY MOST OF THE COST OF HER DAUGHTER'S EDUCATION. I WAS ONLY EXPECTED TO PAY A SMALL AMOUNT, BUT I DECLINED TO DO THIS, BELIEVING INSTEAD THAT THE DAUGHTER'S NATURAL FATHER SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER."

It seems to me that Tina, and presumably Wendy, changing their plan for Wendy to go to University in Australia instead of Canada was no small decision to make, and that in doing so they were clearly at that time both planning on you being in their lives for the long term and probably forever.

YES, CORRECT.

At the same time, you were not being asked to contribute a lot to the cause, and as you say, you had no obligation to do so and the deadbeat dad should have been covering that small amount and more.

CORRECT.

But as I see it, the fact that it was the father's duty, morally for certain, to contribute to his daughter's education, did not change the reality that he wasn't going to do it. He's a deadbeat and nothing was going to change that.

YES.

So is it possible that when Tina and Wendy made the decision that Wendy would change her plans and go to Aus it was because in their minds and hearts you were becoming the new Dad, and the three of you were already family, or certainly about to become one.

GOOD POINT.

In that case, is it possible that they were shocked when you refused to contribute, and maybe even saw that as a rejection of Wendy as being part of a family in your eyes. I mean, your decision all seems reasonable on a rational, at the thinking level, but on an emotional level is it possible that it sort of shattered their feelings that you were the husband Tina had been lacking and the father Wendy had never had?

YES JOHN, WITH THE BENEFIT OF HINDSIGHT, I SEE NOW THAT MY QUIBBLING OVER A FEW THOUSAND YUAN COST ME A RELATIONSHIP.

MORE ACCURATELY, IT LOST ME A RELATIONSHIP, OR AT THE VERY LEAST, FORMED A SIGNIFICANT PART OF THIS NEGATIVE SITUATION.

Again, I am not trying in anyway to place blame of some kind on you, and am just hoping to maybe help you make sense of what has happened. After all, "in matters of the heart nothing is as it seems".

I'VE LEARNT THE LESSON THAT MONEY IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN LOVE.

LOVE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY.

SHROUDS HAVE NO POCKETS - WE DIE PENNILESS IN AS MUCH AS WE CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING WITH US - SO WHY QUIBBLE OVER SUCH A THING?

GREAT COMMENTS, THANKS JOHN. (clap)

Comments
(Showing 61 to 70 of 254) First Previous 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 More... Last
Comment
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask Barry Pittman a Question : Click here...