Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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We're born alone. We die alone.    

By Barry Pittman
30107 Views | 254 Comments | 5/19/2016 4:02:07 PM
(Showing 31 to 40 of 254) Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 More... Last
#2016-05-26 17:17:23 by Barry1 @Barry1


"about 10% of members are very regular readers of the blogs & forum. About another 15% come and go"

Thanks for this, John.

Your numbers are about double of my estimation, so it's good to stand corrected.

So Tina, if you are reading this, please do not worry about these blog articles. At all times, I described you as a very lovely, kind and caring lady. Which of course, you are. So all the men here would be very happy now that you are single and they can at last have a chance to be with you. (y)(y)

#2016-05-31 15:32:51 by Barry1 @Barry1

I'm receiving a few expressions of complaint about my alleged poor behaviour with Tina in the inbox of my profile that is listed on this website's database.

Here's the latest comment from one lady:

"I only am felt that is very fearful

Any good woman will associate fear with you

Full disclosure of everything on the Web Chinese woman like kind and honest man"

So what this lady is saying is that due to my supposed actions, any good Chinese lady will associate fear or apprehension with me, as they do not believe I am a kind and honest person.

Can anyone explain what I did to cause this type of reaction from certain Chinese ladies on this website?

Or do ladies automatically assume that in any breakup, it must always be the man that is at fault? :^):^)

#2016-06-01 18:27:18 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

@Barry1 I do not think the issue is "who is at fault?" From my perspective and it is something seemingly intangible in ways -- The perception of your shipwrecked relationship could easily be viewed by Westerners in several ways -- which probably would have much less emotive effects than viewed by Chinese. Although I admire and appreciate your blogging and others with personalized accounts of what transpired during the beginning middle or end -- this is a lighthouse beacon shining everywhere within this Website. For Chinese I will hazard a view that female members (who have not spent enough time living in a Westernized arena or country) will consider any guy who breaks up as the suspect in the proverbial crime case. Secondly, I will risk yet another view that would have Chinese women dealing with relationships that become shipwrecked with Chinese guys as some event that commonly happens and so what ... In my Wechat area there has been a topic that has surfaced repeatedly -- Are Chinese women too easy ? The perception is that foreigners are easily able to get to first base and frequently hit home runs with Chinese gals . Thus, this controversial topic flows like lava from an active volcano . I have not encountered this social phenomena for decades yet it is prevalently accepted. Yeah, I do know chronologically young age guys who either are studs or have plenty of green stuff (or whatever color it might be ) who actively embed themselves within various pubs, bars or nightclubs or even coffe shops which have a pub-like environment or surf through dating apps or websites and have plenty of fishing trips. Thus this social phenomena has created a stereotype that foreigners are very eager for "hot extracurricular activities" while ensnaring "innocent" Chinese gals (yeah, right ) Takes two to tangle (dance)(d)(beer)
Also, I will risk yet another view that believes that most likely many of the Chinese women here are definitely not involved in the above scenario and thus are much more conservative in their social behavior than most Western women. Thus shipwrecked relationships are considered common entities in Western countries and viewed as such... therefore there is much more willingness to quickly accept a person who has encountered this scenario. Foreigners are not classified as Chinese males in Chinese women's eyes . I will try an analogy (wasntme) Invite a Chinese person to eat breakfast -- the invitation is specific -- eat at Pizza Hut -- Tell the Chinese person you will order FOR them an omelette with whole wheat toast, hash browns, strawberry jam, biscuits with honey or a waffle with butter and honey along with coffee, orange juice ... eh .. uh... um... er .. :x This is not accepted as a norm within their social cultural eating habit ... no way hosea... So I might hazard a view that states that You are now attempting to order For them the above selected items for breakfast ... and wondering why these Chinese women are basically telling you .. you are really out in left field .. or up the creek without a paddle .. (giggle) On the flip side .. IF only 10% of active regular female members view these blogs ... and You are back in the Land of Oz (hehehe) then there could be more than enough fish that are definitely interested in living in the Land of Oz especially should You have sufficient or above this financial resources to attract such fish . (I am not talking bout gold diggers either -- in my view it should be relatively easy and simple to spot these "dog fish" -- why dog fish? :D This is a term my father used during countless fishing trips near Vancover, BC (well not so near -- Active Pass is where the Canadian Ferries go ) to call the fish that is small in size and looks like a mini shark .. he would be extremely annoyed and quickly cut the stinger near its tail along with using a very sharp knife cutting a long deep line from head to tail and then tossing it back into the ocean again in order to attract other dog fish to prey upon this carcass) There is certainly nothing wrong or inadequate about Chinese women hoping to move to the Land of Oz or that dysfunctional society whence I came from -- (ok just joking hahaha)
I and these particular Chinese females certainly have a very different view of what a truly delicious, palatble, scrumptious, satisfying breakfast experience can be had.

#2016-06-02 00:18:14 by anonymous14997 @anonymous14997

Barry, you last line "Or do ladies automatically assume that in any breakup, it must always be the man that is at fault?" is absolutely correct! It does not matter where in the world women are from they (almost) always feel this way. It could be this not too bright woman is playing the proverbial "victim" card in order to express her own opinion of how "all" the rest of the chinese women here will feel about you. Do not give it too much thought Barry i.e. do not stress over it.

If anything is clear you have shown you are very noble and honest about your respect for Tina.....she is most fortunate that you are a good man, most men would be abit more vocal and negative towards Tina in the way she ended your relationship coldly and abruptly.

Cheers mate!

#2016-06-02 22:01:56 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

@anonymous14997 Maybe we are reading the same story with different exegetical lenses . (nod) From my perspective I do not think Tina ended this relationship either coldly or too abruptly . If she was reading his blog posts then she probably saw the handwriting on the proverbial wall .. Or even picked it up from nonverbal communicative ways ... As for the apparent cold front moving in to end those sunny, partly sunny, or partly cloudy days .. both here in China and as well back in the States -- there are many cases of the weather turning from warm balmy skies to cool -- cold -- or even frigid weather . The abruptness stems from the message sent to him ... Unless there is aggressive domestic violence or some stormy situations due to various addictive behavior -- then what often can or could occur might be considered "no fault" clause or irreconcilable / incompatible syndrome .. Instead of seeking someone or something to blame or consider at fault -- take time to have enough introspective musing over might be the pitfalls or potholes that caused the upheaval ... then move on towards the rest of our life journey . If possible there could be an attempt for continued friendship (but this is rather a big challenge too ) I have tried to explain to many people who kept digging for more and more information as to my previous divorce -- until I realized that these people might not even accept or acknowledge anything I told them ... LOL ... If I had asked them the same questions -- Whoa -- fireworks might ignite ... or there just might be a lot of reasons -- In my thinking, if the man is not quickly seeking "hot extracurricular activity" for an indefinite period of time nor the woman not gold digging or seeking to find a money tree -- then what happened in the past of each person's life should not enter into the beginning of getting to know each other at that level . Unless the man or woman is seemingly desperate or seemingly without any patience to quickly acquire a marriage license. Example -- I used to attend many intercultural social meetings -- I asked a female ( need to use female instead of girl or woman -- because in China there is a certain view that unmarried means girl -- unless the female is a single parent?) I simply invited a female to eat lunch or dinner with my friend(s) -- more than several times - I would be asked many personal questions -- my thought was .. hmmmm Am I on any Criminal Wanted list ??? Is there an "interview process" for inviting a female to lunch or dinner especially with other people attending it ? yes, there is enough social stigma associated with a single guy inviting a single female ... Getting to meet someone should not be like the Indy 500 car race -- zooming to the finish line or trying to hit a home run in a single inning ... I suggested several times (for the sake of argument ) hey would you like to take the MBTI, Enneagram, or something similar so that we could understand each other's social preferences?? Or at another time I might ask the other person which year of the Chinese animal were they born in ... The other people quickly insisted that financial resources, suitable job, housing, vehicle ownership were the most important criteria for getting together -- :P(call)(think) Outside of the pub, bar scene with its partying atmosphere -- then dating at times became like life insurance salespeople or real estate salespeople trying to hustle someone to sign on the dotted line ... LOL ... There should be more tolerance and acceptance in today's society for those who have left a previous relationship .. Meet someone and try to find a common ground .. common interests .. before bringing out that stringent interview checklist ...

#2016-06-03 11:16:23 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Don't forget the proverbial sayings -

All men are bastards
All men are liars
Men can never be trusted
All men are playboys

The list goes on.............and on.................

Women are all perfect angels who can do no wrong. When they play the 'bitch' card they wonder why men retaliate, and then they just keep on repeating the (above) list

It's a never-ending circle.

Maybe we should all become gay? (rofl)

#2016-06-03 13:05:57 by Barry1 @Barry1


"do ladies automatically assume that in any breakup, it must always be the man that is at fault?" is absolutely correct"

Thanks for this, Anon14997.

Upon reflection, I can see where various mistakes were made by BOTH Tina and I. It's never just one person who needs to shoulder all the blame, nor should they.

The situation here was complicated also by Tina's daughter, who is soon heading to Australia to study for a graduate degree. Substantial money is needed for this. Tina paid for this from her own pocket. I would've gained a lot of kudos though if I'd volunteered to chip in a whack of money also, to help pay for the 18 year old daughter.

Was it wrong of me to decline to do this? Was it wrong of me to assume that the daughter's natural father should be the one here to financially help Tina here, rather than me, given that we were not yet married?

Or is Tina right, in thinking that I'm a mean spirited person for not throwing money into the hat for the daughter? :^):^)

#2016-06-03 13:20:38 by Barry1 @Barry1


"female members.......will consider any guy who breaks up as the suspect in the proverbial crime case"

Thanks for this, Jim. You've confirmed my thoughts here. Most of the Chinese ladies here who read the blogs automatically will assume I'm the rotten scoundrel that caused this break up. Cheers mate.

Another interesting comment you made was:

"The perception is that foreigners are easily able to get to first base and frequently hit home runs with Chinese gals........ this social phenomena has created a stereotype that foreigners are very eager for "hot extracurricular activities" while ensnaring "innocent" Chinese gals"

I can confirm this is true. Although I regard myself as a fairly ugly bastard, I nevertheless have been the subject of admiring glances from some nice Chinese ladies.

Why is this so? Simple, the answer can be found here:

All in all, Jim, you gave another interesting bunch of thoughts, recollections and musings that will be of benefit to everyone smart enough to take note. I always enjoy reading them.

Thanks mate! (clap)(clap)

#2016-06-03 22:09:43 by melcyan @melcyan

Barry , you and Tina were in a relationship for 2 years. I doubt that your problems were recent.

I was told a long time ago that a long distance relationship needed a definite mutually acceptable pathway in place within the first 18 months. In my past failed distance relationship I found that to be true.

Maybe Tina has had serious concerns for the last 6 months. Maybe you have failed in her eyes repeatedly in that time. If that were the case then the "abrupt" end would make sense.

In a genuine relationship problems are always shared. For Tina, her daughter's education was something she had to make happen regardless of the hardship that she had to endure. Your response? Not my problem.

Is your relationship finished? Your profile back on gives the answer - yes.

#2016-06-03 23:53:22 by anonymous15004 @anonymous15004

Barry, if Tina expected you to pay all or some of Wendy's school expenses she may feel you are Dad and husband material? I agree the biological father should pay some as well if he is involved in Wendy's life, if he is just a monthly payment with little or no contact with Wendy then the situation becomes more difficult. Question for you: how did Tina react when you refused to share/pay Wendy's expenses?

I also would like to add that I have found most if not all the Chinese women I have met would expect you to pay in this situation, it is almost like a sense of self entitlement on their parts something that we as western men see from western women on a daily basis. Coincidental? Also it is their way of testing you...

On the flip side: I feel personally that if you and Tina were engaged to be married then you could have volunteered to pay or help out in this situation. If there was no firm commitment to marry why should you be expected to pay as you are not Wendy's father.

WarmLifeGz7- your thoughts are interesting, almost "Chinese" in the way you think.This is cool in a way as you can possibly see things, behaviors from Chinese women in a way that we don't.

Paul- you said:

All men are bastards
All men are liars
Men can never be trusted
All men are playboys

The list goes on.............and on.................

how true this is in today's societies but this goes back to women's sense of self entitlement does it not?

My Chinese gf says she does not care about my past but sure brings it up quickly enough if we have an argument and she is losing lol I would think this sounds familiar to most men?

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