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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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We're born alone. We die alone.    

By Barry Pittman
28685 Views | 254 Comments | 5/19/2016 4:02:07 PM
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(Showing 11 to 20 of 254) Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 More... Last
#2016-05-20 19:17:46 by Barry1 @Barry1

@JohnAbbot

"I am sorry for your loss. Truly, painfully, irrevocably sorry."

Thanks so much for your comments, John.

Losing a loved partner is difficult indeed. Especially when it happens unexpectedly. It's akin to suddenly being fired by your boss at work for example, when you had no idea it was coming. In my case, it was like a bolt from out of the blue.

You also said,

"let me say that what you have written above is amazing."

Thanks again John but I simply wrote from my heart what and how I was feeling. I was and still am in shock at what transpired; it'll take quite a while before this wears off. If my words approached a type of eloquence, then I can only thank the good Lord above for granting me the ability to do this.

You also said,

"Tina is not leaving you because she doesn't love you enough; she is leaving you because you don't love her enough!"

This is an interesting viewpoint John and I appreciate you making it. On the other hand, sometimes worldly pressures are such that tough decisions need to be made. In my case, there's a good chance I'll be returning to China if I can find a suitable teaching position back here. So it was my intention to hopefully return to China soon enough. It was never my plan to abandon Tina altogether. (h)(u)

#2016-05-20 23:05:40 by Barry1 @Barry1

@melcyan

"Choose the answer that gives you the power to create a better life."

As usual, you're spot on the money, Melcyan. Cheers mate. (y)

#2016-05-20 23:36:45 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous14929

"Why did you make your profile visible so soon? That action tells CLM members and especially Tina that your relationship is 100% finished."

Why I did this was because I am leaving China next month and thought maybe I should hurry to get myself out there. But this was a mistake.

If Tina reads this, I apologise for reactivating my profile so quickly. I did not want nor intend to send a message to her that I considered our relationship was dead. I am hopeful it may still be able to be revived.

As for living in China, I would be prepared to do this for a few years. Or maybe spend half the time in Australia and half in China. I like the place in so many ways. I'm getting used to it. It does indeed take a while to settle into the society. My initial culture shock has thankfully abated.

Cheers mate. :)

#2016-05-21 08:03:21 by Barry1 @Barry1

@woaizhongguo

"There are no words that can console at a time like this"

Au contraire Peter, your solicitous words as well as those from John, @PaulFox1, @melcyan, as well as some anonymous writers have helped me considerably. Thank you to everyone who has written them.

Your anecdote about your lost love in China was interesting. It reminded me of the fact that life goes on, no matter what happens. Keep moving forward, don't look back. Don't wallow in self-pity or inconsolable grief. What good do these negative emotions do?

But of course, a period of grieving is normal. One must accept that one's life has changed and deal with it. Plans can in due course be made for the future, a hopefully even brighter and more enduring future than before. I'm a fatalist and believe things happen for a reason. Everything and everybody has a purpose.

Once again, thanks for the sincere and most helpful advice, Peter. (clap)(clap)

#2016-05-21 08:16:19 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous14931

"I am interested to know if your work visa expiring is the reason you were heading back to Australia? If my memory serves a work visa is issued at 1 year intervals or am I wrong?"

The main reason I'm heading back to Australia is to attend to some business affairs back there. This includes renting out of my house, a place I had only purchased six months or so before leaving for China last year. It's the best house I had ever owned in my life on a big block of land that runs down to a creek, so it was a difficult to leave it to live in rather small, uncompromising places as I have been doing. Hopefully this attests to my commitment to make this relationship work, one though that at the time of writing, has in fact failed.

The work visas do go for one year. They can be commuted to temporary tourist visas however, if one chooses to extend one's stay.

You also said,

"In hindsight you have nothing keeping you from China and Tina, is your salary from your teaching job more important than Tina and a life filled with love?"

I think you're right. The more I reflect upon this invidious situation, the more I agree with you. Maybe I've made a bad mistake in telling Tina that I would be leaving this low paid job to find a higher paying job elsewhere? Is money so important?

Please watch this space to see what develops. (y)(y)

#2016-05-21 11:04:40 by anonymous14945 @anonymous14945

I agree with John! I am a Chinese woman, but I am not sure if I can treat my boyfriend like Tina did, all she did for you Barry, because she loves you deeply! If you love her, why can you wait for her retired? You want to leave her teach in other city because that a little more money? Accordint to your blog, Tina has a good life, she wants a partner near her, not that a little money. After all the things she did for you, you wanted to leave her because you want to make more money! Have you realized why Tina is so heartbroken to leave you?!

You use a lot words to say how you want a partner but you chose a peanut over a diamond!

#2016-05-21 11:34:58 by Barry1 @Barry1

@JohnAbbot

"if it felt like I was being harsh or uncaring, that was not my intent. I meant simply to suggest that you think very carefully about what is really coming between you and Tina, and be sure you don't want to go back and fix it, because it may well be possible to do so if you want to."

I understood completely what you were saying the first time, thank you John. You're always quite intelligent and clear in what you say, after all.

But I'm sure all the readers here took great interest in your past life experiences re the relationship break ups. It's only by going through these terrible events that we can fully understand what it's like when someone else goes through them.

As they say though, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

To this I'll add, it makes you wiser as well.

As far as Tina goes, I have nothing but great admiration and respect for her. If ever she wanted to try again, I'd be with her in a heartbeat.

I shall consider very carefully everything that both you and others have counselled to me here. I feel both honoured and privileged to have been the recipient of such caring and well meaning advice.

This unpleasant situation both justifies and highlights the importance of these blogs. Poor plodders like me can be assisted back onto their feet by their buddies and guided in the right direction when the wortld around them is at its darkest and most bleak.

Once again, I give sincere thanks to everyone.

And I give a sincere apology to Tina, for my actions - however accidental or inadvertent they may have been - for causing her to feel that she needed to separate from me. I accept that I could have and should have, been a better partner to her.

#2016-05-21 14:35:30 by Barry1 @Barry1

No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
No-one should take delight in saying 'I told you so'. That is, unless their middle name is 'Bastard'.
'Well Hello Mr Paul Bastard Fox !'

HELLO TO YOU TOO, PAUL.

As a time-served acquaintance of Barry's, I can quite categorically tell you that what he has written here is 100% true.

CHEERS MATE


However, he may have missed out one or two small details that he doesn't want to make public, and I respect that so I won't either.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BORE EVERYONE WITH TOO MANY DETAILS, BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN HERE


However, what I WILL tell you is this.......

When Barry first decided to move to China to be with Tina and to teach English, I gave him nothing but encouragement. I helped him with his TESOL qualification and continually gave him help and advice whenever he asked me for it.


YES PAUL, YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND

Initially, I saw a problem that Barry didn't. It was the paltry salary that he was going to be paid every month.

I REMEMBER YOU WARNING ME ABOUT THIS AND IT TURNS OUT YOU WERE DEAD RIGHT


Fortunately for Barry, he has this really exciting vegan diet of seeds and nuts. Occasionally he may throw in a bit of fruit as a special treat, but as a non meat-eater he would never need to buy poultry with his paltry pay.

POULTRY... PALTRY.... A NICE BIT OF WORDPLAY, PAUL

Pretty soon Barry realised that the salary he was earning was simply not enough. Had he been living alone at the university, consuming nothing but sunflower seeds, then there would have been no problem.

I ALSO EAT PUMPKIN SEEDS, PLEASE DON'T FORGET ABOUT THESE :)


However, he was in a relationship and living part-time with Tina and part-time at the uni.

YES, CORRECT

Therefore, there was inevitably too much month left at the end of the money.


ANOTHER CLEVER BIT OF WRITING

Now I have no 'grapes-to-grind' or 'axes-to-crush', but Barry's little dilemma grew into a bit more of a problem. I told him on many occasions that his relationship with Tina was doomed, even as far back as last Christmas.

YES, YOU SHOWED GENUINE FAR-SIGHTED PERCIPIENCE. YOU'RE A SMART GUY IN MANY WAYS, THIS IS UNDENIABLE.

Whilst I will always wish Barry, (and Tina), all the best, I sincerely hope that they have both learned a lot from this and can both move forward without regret.

THANKS PAUL

In the meantime, I have decided to adopt Barry as my step-father. He has no kids of his own, so when he shuffles-off-his-mortal......Paul Bastard Fox will be there to make sure that his estate is well-managed and cared for by the 'Paul Bastard Fox Institute for the Ever-So-Slightly Mentally Deranged'

HEY PAUL, UNLESS YOU CAN QUIT SMOKING SOON, MAYBE IT'S ME WHO SHOULD ADOPT YOU!

I'VE SPOKEN TO YOU AT ABOUT THIS BEFORE. BUT NOW MY OLDER BROTHER'S WIFE HAS LUNG CANCER AND IT'S SLOWLY AND TORTUROUSLY KILLING HER.

LUNG CANCER IS A SHOCKING WAY TO DIE, PAUL. PLEASE GIVE UP THE CIGARETTES!

HAVING GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS, PAUL. EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID HAS BEEN DIGESTED CAREFULLY AND WILL BE REFLECTED UPON EVEN MORE SO. (y)(y)

#2016-05-21 14:53:11 by Barry1 @Barry1

@seekdream

Today read your the blogs, and can understand you write mean here. You're very interesting, sincere, no matter what kind of opinion, praise or blame, also calculate will deal with them.

XIE XIE @SEEKDREAM.

Pick the petals of flowers that are not representative have the beauty of the flower

THIS IS A BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN METAPHOR

Different culture of love, have to knowing and understanding each other more.

LOVE BETWEEN CULTURES IS CHALLENGING...... BUT THE REWARDS ARE WORTHWHILE IF ONE DOESN'T GIVE UP. I HAVE LEARNT A LOT FROM MY LIFE WITH TINA.

Marriage is two people together to get man and woman to live, how to have a good day, happy life and too moist is the key of the marriage operate, marriage needs two people together to business, no matter men or women, in marriage to play their own role, don't cry because it is own fault, to trouble marriage and affect the stability of marriage.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT

MARRIAGE IS A COMBINATION OF THE TWO WORKING TOGETHER AS HARMONIOUSLY AS POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE A HAPPY LIFE FOR BOTH

NOT ONLY SHOULD THE TWO PEOPLE BE LOVERS BUT HOPEFULLY THEY CAN BE BEST FRIENDS ALSO

Not already had the modern marriage once and for all, need two people together to sustain carefully, otherwise, the marriage will appear constantly. Now marriage actually very fragile, it is difficult to withstand the wind and rain, also very easy in the sudden storm. So, cultivating affection attentively, cherish together of two people is not easy, be kind to each other, be kind to the other half. Must learn to be grateful, respect and be respected, equality and mutual respect.

YES, A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK IN MANY WAYS.

I ADMIRE COUPLES WHO CAN STAY TOGETHER FOR LONG PERIODS

BUT WHY ARE ALL OF US ON THIS DATING WEBSITE, I WONDER?

IS IT BECAUSE WE ARE FAILURES AT LIFE? FAILURES AT RELATIONSHIPS?

ARE DATING WEBSITES FILLED WITH LONELY PEOPLE LEADING EVEN LONELIER LIVES?

God bless and good luck to you Barry

GOD BLESS YOU ALSO, @SEEKDREAM.

I AM TAKING THINGS SLOWLY AND WILL NOT RUSH INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CARING. (f)(f)

#2016-05-21 15:00:31 by Barry1 @Barry1

@anonymous14934

"Barry,I still believe your kind and sincere. Don't be disappointed and sad"

Xie xie for your kind words, Anon14934.

I know time will heal everything.

I believe better times are ahead.

Many blessings and peace be with you also, sister. (f)(sun)(f)

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