Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Originally from Seattle, USA, I've lived in China for 27 years now, 22 of them in Taiwan. For those 27 years I have been teaching English to Chinese people of all age levels; kindergarten, primary school, junior high, high school, College, University and many business managers. I have traveled to many countries, enjoy cycling very much, enjoy reading and studying and love Chinese Art Museums and walking through Nature. My favorite musical instruments are 古筝。。 古琴 。。 琵琶。。 二胡 。。 笛子 。。 (guzheng, guqin, pipa, erhu, dizi).
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The Benefit of Being Friendly    

By WarmLife
1419 Views | 7 Comments | 4/1/2016 2:01:26 PM

    The title is concerned with seeking positive social behavior towards others...

Imi has jet lag...  (glad I do not suffer from this condition )  His girlfriend can't speak English good enough too.  

There are also many other situations between foreigners and their chinese significant others that can lead to frustrating or annoying circumstances.   Yesterday I told a really charming Chinese single mother .  You are trying to describe Chinese cultural life to me ..  

  As I listen ... I think most foreigners will hear what she is saying with their minds...

So after she finished ... I told her about this idea.  However, then I told her that I also was listening to what she was describing ... but I was not listening with my mind --- as much as I was deeply resonating with her words deep inside ... as I have actually lived these descriptions for more than two decades .  

   So I begin to understand the big challenge at times for foreigners getting together with their Chinese significant others.  Sometimes I think it is a fruit talking to a vegetable.

both came from the same garden.  both have been grown with about the same care and tools as well.   there has been different fertilizer used at times (cultural habits)

Why do I say I begin to .....    because I am a free agent now instead of my previous experience of being tied to the same fence post.  hahaha

So although I am definitely a mixed hybrid of both fruit and vegetable I continue to be perplexed at times.  

  Most likely, many foreigners who come to live in China (inclusive of two SARs and that Island )  spend most of their social life experience with other foreigners or expats that they meet at work or in local pubs, restaurants or bars . Or many foreigners spend their time involved in business transactions with their Chinese counterparts. There is certainly nothing dysfunctional or unsuitable or inappropriate for this sociological phenomena.

However, there are more than enough side effects that happen to create or generate unhealthy, dysfunctional or unsuitable social circumstances.  When fruits attempt to persuade or heavily influence veggies to become more "fruitful" then the social dynamic within their relationship tends to become more like Animal Farm .. instead of the political agendas or economic agendas present in that fictional story ... there is the interpersonal agendas that becomes more akin to the knights from Camelot (so to speak) attempting to exterminate those supposedly nasty Middle Kingdom Dragons from inscrutable dark caves within very high mountains.  (apparently from the perspective of those Knights and those in power behind those Knights)

 Imagine if you will ---- watching the following portions --

   (--- the following is mostly for Westerners --- yeah I stretched it a bit ... )

 ... Monty Python's -- In search of the Holy Grail

where the episode of King Arthur talking to the French guards ... leads to utter confusion and ethnocentric views of each other yet offers viewers a humorous setting ... or the Knights that say Nee...  Or King Arthur coming across a peasant in a field criticizing his "right" to rule over him as a King -- Or crossing the bridge ... With bizarre questions ... which propels several of the Knights and finally the Troll itself screaming Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh ! into the abyss...

Or the Black Knight episode where appendages are chopped off sequentially ...yet this Knight continues to be stubbornly insistent on continuing to fight ..Or even the infamous Parrot skit ... I bought dis parrot not 'alf an hour ago ... these skits or portions of the movie illustrate the conundrum of fruits talking to vegetables.  

At first viewing .. can really fundamentalistic , conservative folks appreciate the various nuances, satire and humor of "I wanted to be a .... Lumberjack!"

(if you have not ever viewed these ... you should .. then come back here ... )

What's the point?  In all of the above scenarios there is a definite lack of communicating social, personal and cultural experiences in such a way so that each side can comprehend or appreciate the fuller impact of the shared conversational meeting.  In other words although fruits and vegetables came from the same garden there is a lot of misunderstanding between the two.

 Or there could be deliberate subterfuge in their conversation..

Everyone inside China or outside China has heard about the necessity of having good communication skills.  I hope to continue in the next blog to share from my thinking how this is often misunderstood in the context of cross cultural exchange between Chinese and foreigners.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2016-04-01 14:17:21 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

WarmLife - not only have you used great examples we can all relate to (well all us Western guys can) in order to explain the way cultural differences can interfere with and impede our cross cultural relationships, but you have made me crave a chance to rewatch all of the Monty Python movies.

But something else you said tweaked a sudden thought in my mind that for some reason had escaped me up to now. You wrote:

"...I am a free agent now instead of my previous experience of being tied to the same fence post."

Which caused me to ponder what is a guy who has lived in China for 27 years, albeit the Mainland only a portion thereof, doing on a Chinese dating site?

Out of that comes more questions (remember I am a retired lawyer) such as:

How long was he tied to that same fence post?

How did he come to be wandering free as of late?

After 27 years why had he no other suitable fenceposts near at hand to tie himself too?

And many more...

Not to put you on the spot, but the answers to these questions will give us greater insight into the way you see and describe the world around you, and why you believe and write about the things you do. However, it is your privacy I am trying to invade so pay no heed if your prefer.

#2016-04-01 16:41:20 by WarmLifeGz7 @WarmLifeGz7

Hahahahahaha LOL You have actually demonstrated a future point I am going to share in a future blog post ... Hahahahaha Thanks for a very good laugh ... So I will try to make it brief ... You unwittingly demonstrated that although Chinese have a knack for asking many questions following the main or first question ... continuing along the "yellow brick road " Foreigners might do the same ... :D:D Thus the so called inscrutable Chinese annoying foreigners by rapidly asking too many personal questions ... are not that far removed from the same potential situation by foreigners ... You did ask these questions in a easy going polite respectful manner ... the funny or humorous aspect was reading this from a foreigner while I have recently been bombarded with a few Chinese people asking one seemingly "innocent" question followed by a myriad of personal questions --- as IF I was involved in an Interview for a job ... LOL ... One person over a period of weeks bombarded me with the same questions ... as if they were trying to peel an onion ... layer by layer ... digging for what .... I have very little idea since I have always been rather transparent with certain questions concerning my Lifestyle or POV ... point of view concerning my Life ... Apparently there are some folks who have an issue (psychological issue?) with Trust or Authenticity and so on ...
As for me ... hahahaha Why am I here? I got very weary and tired of "age discrimination" ... As far as my past living situation ... I prefer to take a different way then the other new blogger who is telling it all .. or as another Chinese woman explained her past relationship with a foreigner... I view the Interview strategy in a humorous way ... although it is some frustrating ... These people are actually being counterproductive ... especially IF they are looking for someone asap ... ASAP or seeking to find a future marital relationship from some desperate emotional mood or need is walking on very dangerous thin ice .. My past? hahhaha I will imagine that I am not much different than others who become members here ... as far as Marriage goes ... Thus my focus is towards the Future and not the Past -- So I seldom ask many questions to whomever I might be talking with in Gz or Online ... In my estimation this is being polite as well ... since any dark sides of the Force will naturally show itself rather soon by using healthy social skills of interpersonal interaction ... A person's past should not be poked or dug out until that person feels comfortable , safe , and is willing and ready to divulge those intensely personal experiences ... to another person who has gained that trust ... Of course, the two bloggers who have shared their personal experiences and many others who have done this on the Women's side -- discussing various situations -- but these discussions are mostly done "between Sisters" as they called themselves ( I understand this quite well - yes I try to spend time using translation to read some ) I am also very careful in my interpersonal interaction with everyone ... simply because One's reputation is very important to me ... Thanks very much for making your comments ... and thanks for the kudos concerning Monty Python too ...I sincerely hope that my blog posts and future blog posts will enhance the healthy aspects of Chinese and Foreigner relationships ...

#2016-04-01 19:39:03 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Everyone inside China or outside China has heard about the necessity of having good communication skills. I hope to continue in the next blog to share from my thinking how this is often misunderstood in the context of cross cultural exchange between Chinese and foreigners."

I absolutely agree Jim, that accurate communication between Western males and Chinese females is often fraught with difficulties. One example of this is humour. Chinese ladies as a general rule, have no idea about Western jokes. I've given up trying to tell them, as most of the time they elicit nil response.

One language though that is equally shared by both parties is money. Money talks louder than words in many instances. A Western man can be as quite plain and ordinary, but if he can flash plenty of currency around, gorgeous Chinese ladies will take to him like bees to a honeypot. (rofl)(rofl)

#2016-04-02 10:27:53 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Only one thing to say here Jim
Monty Python is 'GOD' !!!!!

The black knight skit is one of my all-time classic favourites
'Come back and I'll bite your kneecaps' - Hilarious!

#2016-04-02 13:42:18 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@WarmLifeGz7 - first it is pretty apparent that your comment is directed to me, but you can't count on that. It's important that when you are responding specifically to one person's comment you should start by typing his username preceded by a @ sign and followed by a space, as I started this comment. That way the person will not only be aware that you mean them, but they will also receive an email from us telling them that you have responded to their comment, which will prompt them to come back to your blog and continue the discussion.

- second, bravo, for cleverly talking about my questions for some time without ever actually answering them in anyway. Well done indeed.

#2016-04-02 15:07:27 by Barry1 @Barry1


"bravo, for cleverly talking about my questions for some time without ever actually answering them in anyway."

Your personal questions to @WarmLife were basically answered in just six words, John:

"Mind your own business, sonny-boy!" (giggle)(rofl)(giggle)(rofl)(giggle)(rofl)

#2016-04-02 15:24:51 by Barry1 @Barry1


"So I will try to make it brief "

You gave me a good laugh Jim, when your "brief" reply not only told us basically nothing, but used about 500 words in doing this! (giggle)(rofl)(giggle)(rofl)(giggle)(rofl)

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