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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Chinese Ladies: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly    

By Barry Pittman
622 Views | 14 Comments | 10/25/2018 1:47:33 PM

I've been registered on this site on and off for years now.  I joined in 2013, but this was my second stint here. I originally had joined a year or so earlier than this, on my first stretch, that only lasted a few weeks, before I quickly met someone, causing me to leave CLM in high spirits. I eventually made a special trip to China to meet this lady, named Alice. Great stuff. Sometimes luck’s on your side. But a few months later, the friendship unfortunately petered out, causing me to rejoin CLM, feeling both somewhat disillusioned yet optimistic at the same time.



The experience with Alice was good whilst it lasted. It was this lady in fact who had the badly blocked toilet I've written about in earlier blogs (several years ago now). We lived on the fifth floor of her apartment and to cut a long story short, I ended up having to throw handfuls of excrement out her window onto the pavement below, near where the security guard and smokers used to sit in the courtyard. Giggling whilst I did it, like an immature schoolboy. My apologies to anyone reading this who may've been hit on the head by a giant soft turd whilst visiting Xuzhou! 



Despite the failure, the experience with Alice was good whilst it lasted and whetted my appetite for more. One day, I might write an article about Alice and I. She was absolutely beautiful. I felt like an ugly toad being with a sweet princess, whenever I was with her. Ahh, I have some wonderful memories locked inside my head whenever I have the time, mood or inclination to reflect back upon them.



The worst part about memories though, however good they are, is that inevitably they're associated with varying degrees of sadness, guilt or regret. On one side, you're warmed by them, comforted by them.... followed a moment later by bitterness or regret simultaneously associated with them. Pain from the past sometimes assaults me worse than any thuggish mugger on the street could achieve during a robbery. Though in some respects, being tormented by disappointments from the past is way better than being crucified upon fears for the future. Both disappointment and fear are two thievish emotions, slyly stealing satisfaction and happiness from our lives that are - or should be - our birthright.



Following the separation from Alice, things were reasonable as far as my emotions went. The festering process of lingering regret hadn't yet had time to commence. I innately also knew that as one door closed, another one would seamlessly swing open. Unlike some poor souls who stand and stare at the closed door that through circumstance had been brutally slammed in their face, unable to move. Akin to rigor mortis. Catatonia. They thus fail to see the partially ajar doors, ready to be pushed wide open, just down the admittedly challenging corridor of existence.



Few people fully understand that it's not the length of life that's so important, but the depth one has achieved within it. The differences one has made, the accomplishments achieved. Overall, hopefully each of us will leave this world at least a little better off overall, than when we first stumbled and bumbled our way into it, crying effusively within our mother's gentle embrace, her loving eyes instinctively balming our soul, subconsciously preparing us for the testing journey ahead.



Over my considerable time on Chinalovematch.net, I've been contacted by plenty of sincere Chinese ladies. Some have been quite lovely. All have been interesting in their own unique way. One or two showed a little rudeness, quite surprising actually. I’ve thus been forced to learn various lessons during my sojourn here as I slowly came to grips with differences between Eastern and Western cultures.



This article gives a few admonitions and scraps of advice, to those hardy, hopeful men who like me, have been actively engaged in meeting Chinese ladies. Ultimately of course, hoping to form a permanent relationship with one of them. Perhaps if I share some anecdotes concerning the types of ladies I’ve encountered over the years, it may be of a little passing interest to some members here.



But first let me share a few personal, generalised observations of the differences between Chinese and Western ladies.



Ordinary looking Western men  are often viewed as being better looking in a Chinese lady’s eyes, compared to how a Westerner perceives them. A reason for this might be that a Western man’s appearance is somewhat unfamiliar to a Chinese. The facial features are a little unusual to her and hence more interesting. What’s average or even ugly to a Western lady could be engaging or intriguing to a Chinese, bless them.



Another factor I believe, is that most Chinese ladies are more polite and less arrogant than their Western counterparts. So they’ll tell an ordinary looking guy how good looking he is, even if privately she knows this isn’t the case. It’s in their culture to not be so candid or forthright as Westerners, some of whom think their shit doesn’t stink, such is their haughtiness. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Every country, every culture, has their fair share of bad eggs and black sheep, China included. But on average, Chinese ladies are less up themselves compared to their Western peers.



A third reason why a Chinese lady may be more complimentary to a Westerner is simply because she wants to get out of China. To live in the West. Though with the rise and rise of China’s economy over the past few years, fewer ladies now feel the strong need to be out of the country compared to say, twenty or thirty years ago. Particularly when it’s realized that unemployment may be a major problem for the lady in the West. I wrote a blog about this serious problem in fact, that can be viewed here.



Employment Problem for Chinese Ladies in Western Countries



To summarise, let me say that Chinese ladies are far from perfect. But certainly, to me at least, they are a better choice than a Western lady, many of whom are too brazen, ungracious and indelicate for my liking. Arguably the women’s lib movement in the West has spawned a generation of ladies there who are more masculine than feminine in many respects. To me, a lady should be a lady - and act like a lady, not like a male. They should be a little demure, not rough nor outspoken. Sensual, yet without gaudily flaunting it. Committed to a life long relationship, not ready to dump you like a sack of garbage at the first hurdle.



But enough. It doesn't take a genius to perceive that I take a dim view of many spoilt Western women. Let’s look now at examples of some Chinese ladies I’ve met over my time at Chinalovematch.net. This blog will in fact form a short series, each particular article describing in depth the types of ladies I’ve stumbled across here. So without further ado, here's the first example.



LADY ONE



I was contacted by a Chinese lady who at first glance, looked nice. She said all the right things. But drama soon ensued.To my astonishment.



Unfortunately however, we've run out of space here now. So much to say, yet such limited parameters in which to say it. This is just another example of the harshness and bastardry of life. No surprises here. A full description of the surprising events surrounding Lady One will be given in part 2 of this series.



For legal reasons, let me state that any similarities described in this series that are in any conceivable way remotely similar to persons either living or deceased, this is purely coincidental and no direct deprecation or insult is intended. For anyone who does take personal umbrage at what I'm saying however, judicial redress or remedies will most certainly not be entertained. In other words, stick it up your gob and live with it!



Thank you for your attention.



Butterfly breeze upon quivering cheek

She looked so fine, my knees went weak

I thanked the almighty powers above

For granting me at last, the one I love

I'd suffered so much, shed so many tears

Patience finally rewarded, after many long years

But wait, but wait, uttering a silent scream

As terribly I realise, 'twas just a fanciful dream



(To be continued)


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 14) 1 2 More...
#2018-10-25 13:47:15 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, this is an interesting series you've started, and could be invaluable for new members if we can get some of the more longer term members and bloggers, who do have experiences in meeting and dating Chinese ladies, to participate with their own examples of different aspects of Chinese (and/or Asian) ladies that they have encountered and that set them apart from Western women.

In addition to offering different points of view and different situations, they might also trigger more recollections by yourself that will cause you to extend the series. To me that's important because the more our male members can learn from the blogs the better their chance of succeeding in meeting and making a great Chinese or Asain match here on CLM and ALM.

Let's see who responds and even put our heads together to list certain members or bloggers who we think a letter from CLM to get them to come back and contribute some thoughts would be well worth the sending. Anyone reading this comment is also welcome to suggest people from the past they'd love to hear from.

#2018-10-26 10:05:31 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

 

"Let's see who responds and even put our heads together to list certain members or bloggers who we think a letter from CLM to get them to come back and contribute some thoughts would be well worth the sending. Anyone reading this comment is also welcome to suggest people from the past they'd love to hear from."

 

Thanks for your comments, John.

 

The vaguely sad thing about CLM is the number of members who arrive here like a fiery meteor, but who all too often soon disappear.  On one hand, you're happy that they may have met someone nice. But on the other hand, you're wishing they'd stay and keep contributing to the site.

 

Some of my favourite bloggers/commentators (both male and female) from the past are (in no particular order):

 

1.  @twilightsmith aka Ken Silver. 

 

Mr Twilight Smith was always a hoot to read.  A witty rascal, I hope he's doing well, in between sipping those margaritas on a tropical beach somewhere!

 

2.  @WarmLifeGz7  

 

Jim lived in China and Taiwan for many years. It'd be hard to find someone more conversant with Sino affairs than this gentleman. When the Chinese government  introduced the new age limit limit of 60 for foreign teachers, I believe Jim was unfortunately forced out of the country. I'd love to hear how he's going and where he is now.

 

3.  @prana

 

Annie was a Chinese lady who possessed an innate sense of great decency and tremendous goodness about her. Another fine person I'd love to hear more from, particularly her experiences with Western men.

 

4.  @panda2009

 

Panda was another interesting lady who ended up marrying a Western man. Her unique writing style in English reflected a very high intellect. Where are you now and what are you doing, Panda? 

 

5.  @Map1

 

Mark is a Christian gentleman with huge experience in China. Whatever Mark writes is well worth the read. Particularly in these days where pervasive darkness and creeping evil on so many fronts is inexorably tightening its malicious net on us all, some of whom can see it, yet many cannot.

 

6.  @Grace172   @autumn2066

 

Another two smart Chinese ladies whose good-natured words and depth of knowledge in all things relating to China, always shone a most welcome spotlight of humour yet abundantly laced with plenty of common sense and wisdom, on whatever subject they chose to reflect upon. 

 

 

#2018-10-26 13:34:33 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@JohnAbbot

I'd love to hear from Gareth, but sadly.............

Great blog, @Barry. I too have recently found myself reminiscing over some of the encounters I've had with Chinese ladies, though sadly, these seem to somehow be now part of a 'previous life', lol.

I agree with a lot of what you say. Chinese ladies are a far better choice than any western woman, and the reasons you mentioned are far from exhaustive.

Sure, one may argue that Chinese women can be somewhat 'high maintenance', yet I have found them to be far more humble, (if I can use that word), than any western woman I have ever known.

I have had many experiences in China, not just with women, but with Chinese people as a whole, and I find them far more genuine than most westerners.

I remember writing a blog, a few years ago now, where I told the story of how I was invited to a country farm for Lunar New year. I was with a Chinese lady-friend who had a friend, who had a friend, who invited us.

Of course, I was the only foreigner amongst many guests at this gathering, but I was made as welcome as you could possibly imagine.

There was no floor covering, nor was there any heat other than that coming from the boiling pot that was on the stove. This pot was constantly being topped up with chicken and vegetables that were produced on the farm. In one corner there was a stack of beer cartons. It soon became obvious that these 'peasant people' had saved every spare penny for this annual occasion, and they were damn-well going to enjoy themselves.

Personally, it was the most humbling experience of my life. When you are in the company of people who, quite literally, have nothing, and yet they will give you all they have, it's actually beyond humbling.

Yet to me, this demonstrated the TRUE heart of China, and the TRUE heart of most Chinese people.

It was certainly an experience I will never forget, and one that I still feel honoured to have been part of.

 

#2018-10-28 00:00:20 by newbeginning @newbeginning

Barry, I really enjoyed this blog, many in depth analogies here. Question: did you not have an episode with a plugged toilet when you were with Lily/Tina in Leshan? On a side note to any western men here that are planning to visit China for the first time, do alot of squats before you go as there alot of squat toilets in China versus western style throne toilets, your knees will thank you for the preperations you take in advance. 

I am surprised you only found a couple of the Chinese women rude. I have found many of them to be rude by our western standards. No verbal filters....

I agree that a chinese women is a far better choice than the fat, loud mouthed, tatted, masculine, feminist females that pollute the West. I am now worried that any Chinese woman coming to live in the West with their men will be disgusted by what they see in the women of the west. There is also a huge chance they will be subverted by these said feminists and become a western woman.

Looking forward to episode 2.

#2018-10-28 14:42:58 by Barry1 @Barry1


@newbeginning

 

I really enjoyed this blog, many in depth analogies here.

 

Thanks mate.

 

Question: did you not have an episode with a plugged toilet when you were with Lily/Tina in Leshan?

 

Yes, you're right.  But Lily in Leshan actually lived on the ground floor of her apartment. So I used POETIC LICENCE in attributing an event that actually happened with Alice in Xuzhou, to Lily in Leshan.  We poets are allowed to do such things.  (giggle)

 

On a side note to any western men here that are planning to visit China for the first time, do alot of squats before you go as there alot of squat toilets in China versus western style throne toilets, your knees will thank you for the preperations you take in advance. 

 

Yeah, ain't squat toilets the very pits! (If you will pardon the pun!)  :o

 

I am surprised you only found a couple of the Chinese women rude. I have found many of them to be rude by our western standards. No verbal filters....

 

You may be right.  Maybe I've struck more than a couple of rude Chinese women?  You've got me thinking here...  (think)

 

I agree that a chinese women is a far better choice than the fat, loud mouthed, tatted, masculine, feminist females that pollute the West. I am now worried that any Chinese woman coming to live in the West with their men will be disgusted by what they see in the women of the west. There is also a huge chance they will be subverted by these said feminists and become a western woman.

 

Yes, the dismaying arrogance of many Western ladies makes even their virtues appear as vices!

 

Looking forward to episode 2.

 

Cheers mate...  whilst you're waiting, please have a beer on me!  (beer)

 

 

#2018-10-28 17:19:18 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@newbeginning

 

PLEASE don't ask him to give us another account of his experience with a squat toilet, lol.

Once was more than enough, haha

#2018-10-29 14:16:12 by Barry1 @Barry1


@paulfox1

 

"PLEASE don't ask him to give us another account of his experience with a squat toilet"

 

Just one aggravating episode out of many was when Lily's teenage daughter accidentally kicked my shaver down the plug hole of the squat toilet in the bathroom - never to be seen again!   :o

 

 

#2018-10-30 12:55:20 by Barry1 @Barry1


@paulfox1

 

"When you are in the company of people who, quite literally, have nothing, and yet they will give you all they have, it's actually beyond humbling. Yet to me, this demonstrated the TRUE heart of China, and the TRUE heart of most Chinese people"

 

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us, Paul. Wonderful and inspirational stuff indeed.  (y)(y)

 

 

#2018-10-31 13:37:14 by Gr33nThumbMatt @Gr33nThumbMatt

@Barry,

Gentlemen,

Maybe a bit off subject but several years ago I chanced upon the book "Wearing Chinese Glasses" by Greg Bissky and I wondered if any of you have thoughts about the book or have any similar good reads that I can add to my library? I know that Greg mentioned somewhere in the book that his first marriage ended because of miscommunication, the differences between the East and the West.

Btw, it's nice to be here.

Matt

#2018-11-01 14:26:49 by Barry1 @Barry1


@Gr33nThumbMatt

 

"several years ago I chanced upon the book "Wearing Chinese Glasses" by Greg Bissky and I wondered if any of you have thoughts about the book or have any similar good reads that I can add to my library?"

 

Thanks for the comment, buddy. I haven't heard of this book and unfortunately am ignorant of any other decent, pertinent reads that I could recommend.

 

Oh, except for one novel that's way off topic.  "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. It remains still as one of the best books I've ever read. 

 

Cheers mate.  (y)

 

 

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