Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
我出世在一个美丽的国家,经历了动荡的时代和历史的变迁,终于回到了祖国。当岁月积淀女人的智慧与理性,我终于剥下华丽与虚荣,学会积累生活和人生的体悟,我在这里与大家分享生活的心灵感悟,感悟人生的真谛。I was born in a beautiful country, Vietnam, and lived through the turbulent era and the history of changes, then finally returned to the Mother China. With years of accumulated wisdom and feminine rationality,I finally peeled off the gorgeous and vanity. I am here to share with you inspiration, love, hope and thankfulness and their role in understanding the depth and true meaning of life.
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You Are the Legend of My Life - 你是我今生的传奇    

By Xin73
2543 Views | 19 Comments | 7/13/2020 12:19:13 PM

Short But Beautiful Time Together

I haven't logged in CLM for years, and I've been trying to write something. I wish to speak but stop on a second thought. This time I am here to write an article about the love I found here. Let's condense the eight years of dribs and drabs into one article. And so everyone will get a general understanding of my unexpected predestined relationship here.

I have always believed that there is a kind of encounter in the world, which is not on the road, but in the heart. I use the pen of time to write the most beautiful meeting in the heart, and I use the years as the paper to treasure the fragrance of my first encounter along the way. Turning over the old calendar, it was December 30, 2012. I had planned to delete my member profile and leave CLM if I did not meet the person I wanted before December 31.

Sometimes fate is really wonderful, it makes you frustrated one moment and surprised the next. All of this happened inadvertently. That afternoon, I casually opened the CLM platform which sends me an email notification of new members. There were a few new members and I took a fancy to him at first sight. He was a paying member. Then I took the initiative to send him a message, I didn't care much if he replied. Surprisingly, he quickly replied and left me his email address. From the next day we began to communicate by writing emails.

His appearance filled in all my losses. With our daily mail exchanged, we spoke out freely. Sometimes I would reply to him immediately when I received his mail even in the midnight. We got to know each other better. Gradually, I became emotionally dependent on him. He said he would return to China soon because he had just returned to the UK on a business trip while he registered as a CLM member. We planned the day we would meet, and I devoted all my feelings to him. Maybe I was indulging in love, which inspired me to write down my touch and feelings for him. The first blog ("A wisp of love"), which was the beginning of the enlightenment of my feelings for him.

In the eyes of others, long-distance love is so unrealistic to say nothing of foreign love. I think age and distance do not matter, and love has nothing to do with personal wealth. I believe that it's enough as long as we are together. But what a luxury it is for an exotic lover to meet. I endure the yearning, pressure and loneliness. Whenever I'm alone, I wonder if he is holding on to such fragile love as I am? People who are not in long-distance love can't feel this feeling, it also requires great courage to hold on. It's a kind of courage that dares to challenge the reality. The reality is a powerful and intangible force, and it's impossible to predict what will happen. For the sake of love, I can take courage to compete with this force, but also can take courage to accept the result of failure.

I naively think that we will all stand the test of time and space. Geographical distance is not a problem, but the distance of heart is a sharp weapon. As time goes by, we keep an email every day until four months later. That day, he sent an email to tell me that he was going to meet a woman on the weekend. He said that he didn't want to keep writing every day for such a long time and he didn't want to hide anything from me. He said that in order to be fair to the woman, he decided to give her a chance to meet her. After I read that letter, I felt that all of me had been emptied and my mind was blank. I think of the words of warm love in the letters that we used to have, and was everything false? Suddenly, I came down to earth, and it turned out that love was so fragile. Love can withstand wind and rain, but cannot stand ordinary. I suppressed my sadness and pretended to be indifferent to reply him that he had the right to choose the woman he liked, and I wished him happiness. I had been naive to think that he only contacted with me. I should be clear to know that since he can come here to look for a relationship, he can't just know me. People come and go here, and the beauties like clouds, who knows how many women will he contact here?

At that time, I was extremely confused. The sound of heartbreak and the loneliness in tears. Every midnight made me sleepless. I quietly guarded the heart of that attachment and longing. At that lonely sleepless night, I devoted all my emotions to write a sad poem for him again ("Tonight"). I had once written the poem for him to appreciate that we had met in my most beautiful years. However, all sorts of despair about life made me have another idea, which is to die in the most beautiful years. I was scared that I had such a suicidal idea. What happened to me who had always been strong? I was asking myself. Then, I had a deep and profound conversation with myself. If I was devastated just because I lost my love, then life will be even more challenging. Is it just because of the one-time's love blow that I can't live anymore? I told myself that I had to get out of my low-spirited.

A few months later, I couldn't help to write an email for greeting him. He quickly replied me and told me about his life in recent months. Gradually, we returned to the state of our first acquaintance, and the feelings were rising that relived our passion again. There is nothing in the world that touch our heart easily but one thing, which is love without reason. His plans to come to China had failed many times, and I had been used to the disappointment after every surprise. My expectation of his coming to China has become indifferent. Relatives and friends also advised me not to wait for him, and said that if he really loves me, he would have come to China to meet me already. They often persuade me to find another man to marry. I know that fate can be met, but not forced. I won't go to a man casually just because I feel empty or lonely. Love, it is not to find one because of lacking, and not to mention to change because of tiredness. For love, I always listen to my heart and my feel. My feelings for him at first sight as if the spilling water can't be gathered up.

Year after year, we kept in touch in the commonplace. Until 2016-2019, Because of an accident, I had to stop contacting him for more than two years. He had left me a message before my accident, but I was not able to reply to him, for which I felt bitter about it. Fortunately, I found his email address in February 2019, and I wrote a letter to him to let him know my encounter in the past two years. I also left him my new phone number. My email may surprise him that he replied me immediately and added my WeChat. He told me that he would come to China in June 2019 because of work needs. The itinerary had been arranged and the air tickets had been booked. We had known each other for seven years, and the time when we want to meet was finally settled.

I counted the days, and I cannot wait to see each other. I deeply understood how those waiting days were suffering. Full of expectation but afraid to wait. My crazy thoughts liked grass on the field, growing and spreading; the lonely moments liked monsters that will devour me. Looking back on the seven years, it felt like a flash of time. Although it was still four months before we meet, it made me feel so long.

I once thought that the sweetest thing in life is to be met, and I did not realize until we had met that in fact, the most touching thing is to meet again. June 26, 2019 is a memorable day in my life. The moment of meeting at the airport and the long-awaited hug, which release so many years of missing.

We only had seven days together since he had business to meet clients. After all, I took him to my home to meet my family, and I arranged our trip to Guilin. Seven days passed quickly. Every minute we spent together was so precious. How I wanted time to freeze in that moment! In the seven momentary days, I looked very happy, in fact, I hid my sadness. As after this farewell, we do not know when to meet again. Watching him enter the security check and his receding figure, my tears finally slipped. When tears came down, I know that parting was another way to understand.

During the few days we were together, he told me that he would see me again in China in September and takes me to Bali. As a result, he didn't keep his promises because he was hectic with his work also because of the coronavirus. He said he would reschedule his trip to China, but failed again and again. This year's epidemic has made us look forward to seeing each other again, but it has become hopeless remote. Every time I missed him intensely, I'll leave a message to him, the words seemed to be happy. However, across the phone screen, I was already in tears. He will never know my loneliness, vulnerability and helplessness as I would always keep a pleasant chat with him.

All my relatives and friends think that when I meet him, we should have thought about getting married. After all, we are not young. How many more seven years of one's life can be wasted? I really don't know what he thinks about marriage, and I'm embarrassed to ask him. This love makes me feel very passive. For a relationship, it's not enough for two people to love each other. It also needs a business strategy, rather than a person prop up. Love is like marriage that needs to be managed. But I don't want to force him. God has given me too many tests in my life, and I don't have too many requirements. I just want to reorganize a family and grow old with the man I love. But why is it so difficult?!

What worries me the most is that our love will eventually be defeated by time and distance. If loving a person too long, it will be exhausting. Moreover, it will be disappointing if waiting too long. Sometimes, I really want to give up, and it's not a sudden idea, but a long accumulation of disappointment and helplessness. It's not that I don't love him, but just I really love him that makes me feel too tired.

Sometimes I can't understand myself. What makes me so persistent about the feelings for him? Why do I keep the same feelings for a man of different races and cultures for so many years? As the emotional philosophy says, love does not distinguish skin color, national boundaries and age, love is no reason to say. I haven't written anything for any man in my life. For him, I wrote a blog record of my feelings with no regrets.

Lastly, to all CLM members: The rest of your lives are precious. May all your deep feeling be lived up to and all your expectations come as scheduled. All shall be well, Jack shall have Jill!


















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(Showing 1 to 10 of 19) 1 2 More...
#2020-07-13 12:18:58 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Xin73, this is a stunning blog. Your patience in allowing this relationship to take so long to reach a time of meeting really astounds me! I don't mean that in a negative way nor in a positive way. I don't know if it is good or bad.

But I do know that it is extremely rare for anyone to be so patient. Frankly, it is especially unusual for a Chinese woman. Most Chinese women, due to the social and familial pressures to get married and have a child NOW, are putting on the pressure to get married within weeks of meeting a potential mate online.

By the second chat they are pushing the man hard to get his butt over to China so they can meet and start planning the wedding. I am not exagerating.

Your man should be extremely thankful for your incredible patience.  I hope he realizes what a special woman he has and acts to earn your loyalty before he is too late. I really admire your loyalty to your love of this man.

I am sure I will have more questions coming to me over time, but for the moment I have just these.

Do you feel you owe him this loyalty or is it more that you just aren't interested in anybody else because of your feelings for him?

Have you ever thought of maybe meeting other potential partners while waiting for this man to finally commit to a permanent life together?  

This is an amazing blog Xin73. I am so glad that you gave this gift to us. I feel that it took great courage on your part to do so and I hope you are rewarded for that courage by greater understanding of your own feelings through the very process of writing about it. 

Thank you, John

#2020-07-13 13:06:56 by melcyan @melcyan


Great blog! I love the way you share your thoughts.

#2020-07-14 20:12:05 by newbeginning @newbeginning

@Xin73, thank you for your incredible story. You are a deep human being. If he does/didn't not know about your heartache he does now....

Question for you: if he had asked you to get married while he was with you in China, would you have done so after being with him in person for only 7 days? Afterall we all know online is different than knowing someone in person.



#2020-07-20 12:21:05 by xin73 @xin73

Xin73 has been having troubles logging into the blogs to reply to us. She contacted me (John) and asked if I would log in as her and post the following replies. Here they are:


Hi John,thanks for your comment.I know this blog post will make many readers feel the same as you.Because it takes seven years to stick to a foreign love affair, many people can't do it.

Everyone's life background and ideas are different.Some people want to get married as soon as possible if they meet the right person after divorce, which is the inertia of most Chinese people.I never urge him to come to China, nor ask him embarrassing topics.I think he should know how to deal with emotional issues.

Yes, he was grateful for my incredible patience, he often said That I was a special woman and that no woman had more influence over him than I do.He is a smart and sensible person.And at the same time, he blamed and remorseful that he did not come to China to see me earlier.

I am a person who is very devoted to feelings. As long as I firmly believe the person, I will hardly change. Not that I must be loyal to him, but I think I put my feelings in him, and only true love will be loyal.Love is a very abstract thing.It is a feeling, a taste, a pure and beautiful reaction of body and mind beyond reality. It affects the whole body and mind, as well as the emotions of sadness and joy. Moreover, its power is so great that it is often beyond the control of reason or unreasonable.Only those who have experienced it know what I'm saying. Love is not measured and maintained by time or money, nor acquired for a certain purpose.For me, it's a especially spiritual food.

It's not that I'm not interested in other people, but I feel that I have been in a relationship with him, so don't be of two minds to find others. If I had to hide his association with other men, I really couldn't do it. If so, I would be ashamed of my behavior. Unless he says he doesn't love me anymore.Whether I can live with him for the rest of his life depends on him. This time, I will set a deadline for myself.

In writing this post, I just want to share my emotional experiences with all of you, and I sincerely wish everyone who meets true love a perfectly satisfactory ending.


Thank you for enjoying reading it.


Thank you for your comment and enjoy reading it.

It's not because I wrote this post that he knew how I felt about him,he already knows everything. Maybe he has his own difficulties. We are able to maintain contact for so many years, which has a certain emotional basis. Although I never asked him to marry me, he knew my thoughts.We only met for 7 days, but we got together like a couple who have been married for a long time. So if he asks me to marry him, I will agree.

If I just knew him for two months, and then we only met for seven days, he asked me to get married, and I would not agree. After we have communicated for at least half a year and met twice, I will consider whether to marry him.

#2020-07-21 12:08:28 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@xin73 - thanks for your thoughtful response. Your description of how you feel about your love for your man takes me back to what I was already thinking about the way you love him with such patience and such satisfaction with the status of your relationship.

I mentioned in my first comment to this blog that "I really admire your loyalty to your love of this man" and I meant exactly what I said. What I see in your blog and in your comment to me is not so much a loyalty to the man that you love but a loyalty to your love of the man. You are not being faithful to him. You are being faithful to the love you feel for him.

And I really do admire you for being faithful to your love. That love obviously has great meaning to you and provides much value for you. That love must provide an ongoing blanket of warmth and security. So long as you are feeling that love you will feel secure because with that love in your heart what, in day to day living, can possibly harm you. That love is your shield against all the day to day hardships, disappointments, insults or arrows.

So, of course, you are patient with the man you give that love to. Of course you will not betray his trust in you because that would bring the death of the very love that gives you such great comfort.

It is no small thing to be faithful to love. I have on several occasions involving several relationships failed to be faithful to my love of someone. Looking back on it now, through new eyes that are aided by your experience that you've described, I can clearly see how much I lost (or threw away) by not being true to my love.

So I can't help but admire you for your strength and your wisdom in being loyal to your love. I wish you all the best going forward in this relationship that has offered you the gift of love.

#2020-08-03 13:52:56 by Map1 @Map1

As my now wife that I met here on CLM told me, "good things are worth waiting for." We were supposed to meet for the first time in the fall of 2014 in her place of work and residence. But her university was insisting that she go to the US as a visiting scholar. I even tried helping her to get a position at a major university in the south and my city of residence where I'd taught as an adjunct-faculty member. I had guanxi with the Vice-Provost who was also a visiting scholar at the Beijing University of Culture. How I established  a relationship with this university official is a long story that I may write about in a future blog. She was able to go to a small college in AR for a semester. I had to remain in the PRC and study Mandarin at my organization's language program in the north. So I remember I was at the city airport ready to fly to Thailand for my group's annual conference. She called me on my cell to tell me her plane was about to leave Shanghai for the States. We continued to date via Skype and go through a great book, "Devotions for Dating Couples."

#2020-08-07 19:47:35 by QinQL @QinQL







#2020-08-09 16:53:17 by xin73 @xin73

John,I can finally open my blog today.Thank you for sharing your experience. Life accumulates experience in all the experiences, and then we know what is worth pursuing and owning.I hope to have a good ending with him as you wish me. thank you.

Map1,Thank you for your reading and comments.Yes, as your wife said, good things are worth waiting for.The long wait is indeed frustrating at times, and only those who have experienced it can know how much perseverance and patience it takes.Only when you truly love someone can you have such a tough willpower.Look forward to reading your new blog.


#2020-08-12 10:25:45 by anonymous21020 @anonymous21020


#2020-08-12 20:24:52 by zhangquaner @zhangquaner


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