Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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When My Long-Distance Relationship Came to An Unexpected End – INTERLUDE    

By Achelle Vinzon
4745 Views | 13 Comments | 4/12/2014 8:17:09 AM

It happens.  With no conscious effort, without meaning to, or deciding to, or choosing to; you fall in love.  You may wish really hard for a different ending to a story you’ve read over and over; but just as fruitless as it is to hope against hope that a beautiful night will never end, the inevitable will always happen.  You don’t get to choose with whom, or when, or how.  You fall in love.  And you are as helpless as a bird in the air with a broken wing.  But it happens.  Sometimes, two people find and fall in love with each other at the worst possible time and in the least ideal situation.   

For 16 years, I pined for him.  Through my writing, I expressed my nostalgia. 

The faintest whisper sighed in between heartbeats

Like the palest hint of color in the sky as dawn breaks

The mildest sweetness of a drop of nectar

The softest caress of a summer breeze

The slightest whiff of coming rain

A quiet, lingering ache

Borne through seasons

To whisper your name

See your face

Taste your kiss

Feel your touch

Smell your skin

Once again.

 Remembering was sometimes painful, always bittersweet.  I lived in my memories and my dreams of what could have been; reality was but an unwanted pause, a caesura to my vivid reveries.

A cello’s deep timbre plays

A heart’s whispered yearning;

A sweet and sad melody

Plucking at the strings.

Vivid melancholy shrouds

The resonance of memories unfading;

As a cello’s deep timbre plays

A wistful heart’s muted strumming.

Fate, destiny, pure chance, or just the inevitable result of the collective choices we make; but it can be simply amazing how two people walking parallel or even divergent paths eventually find each other and, from that point forward, become forever intertwined despite being separated again and again by circumstances and time.

Girl meets boy, says hi and goes.

More than a few full moons rose

'Til their paths once again crossed

And their hands were locked together

Before dawn's rose-colored sky broke.


Boy leaves girl, says bye and goes.

For many suns their bridge remained closed

But a stumble through the overgrowth

And their paths once again crossed

As kindred souls, found comfort once shared, long sought.


Girl leaves boy, says bye and goes.

For good this time, heartbroken, she thought

Their bridge, never again will be crossed

And so on separate paths each set off

And once again, to each other, they were lost.


Girl meets boy, says hi and goes

"I found our bridge again, can I go across?"

He met her halfway and pulled her close

Their hands found each other, now locked forever

And he said, "Never again will I let you go."

*These are some of the free verse inspired by my constant wistfulness, stirred up by memories of that first love.   

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-04-12 08:15:41 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Achelle, there is a romantic and poignant quality to your writing here, your poetry especially, that is quite remarkable. I really admire your ability to paint a picture of what it is to truly feel love.

However, I remain very worried about where you are going with all this? If your goal was to create a feeling of pending doom, you have succeeded. Or maybe I am missing something?

#2014-04-13 10:20:01 by Barry1 @Barry1


It's always a pleasure to read your reminiscences, Achelle. From my past comments, I think you know I'm a steadfast admirer of you.

In this comment however, may I trespass slightly off tangent? Perhaps even act as a Devil's Advocate, one of my favourite roles. Not that I enjoy being a Devil, it's just that I like to think outside the box sometimes.

You said,

"the inevitable will always happen"

Sorry Achelle, but I disagree with this.

We choose our own pathways. We choose our own endings. Very little in life is in fact inevitable. Periods of both happiness and sadness are inevitable; the possession of both questions and answers are inevitable; and of course, illness and death are inevitable.

But as far as break ups, romances and love - none of these are inevitable. We CHOOSE who we fall in love with - it doesn't just happen. We CHOOSE to either be accommodating and caring to that person. We also CHOOSE to break up or separate.

All of our thoughts are able to be controlled, if we CHOOSE to do this.

Take anger for example. If someone annoys us, we make a CHOICE as to whether to reciprocate in like manner or not. If we dislike someone, we CHOOSE this option. If the person we're in love with continually disappoints or annoys us, we CHOOSE to feel disappointed or annoyed. No one says we have to feel the way we do!





You also said,

"You don’t get to choose with whom, or when, or how. You fall in love. And you are as helpless as a bird in the air with a broken wing."

Once again, I beg to differ, Achelle.

As lovely, romantic and warm as your words are - reminding me of those dainty little love fairies dancing happily at the bottom of my garden - everyone has a CHOICE as to whether to love - or not to love. There is no way that anyone is "helpless" in this matter, as your poetic words above claim.

I may be a bit of a hardened cynic, but I also possess a university degree in Science. So it's the scientist in me speaking here. To believe that we're all so emotionally frail and bereft of conscious decision making in the area of love is to me incorrect.

Maybe - just maybe - love struck teenagers full of surging hormones and plenty of naivety perhaps could feel as you describe. I submit however, that any normal, mature person makes an informed, conscious decision as to whether he or she really likes another person and in due course, whether they will ALLOW THEMSELVES to fall into love.

Now I recognise that that these non-romantic facts may not necessarily be the most appropriate words to write on what is after all, a dating website. But the TRUTH must out. The truth will set us free, after all! We'll then no longer be bound by myths, superstitions or elegant poetry, as delightfully written as it is by yourself, dear Achelle.

Apologies in advance to all those lovely, kind and innocent souls out there who still believe in dancing fairies at the bottom of their gardens! (rofl)

#2014-04-15 06:43:27 by anonymous9653 @anonymous9653

@Barry1 Ahem, Barry.

The fairies don't dance at the bottom of my garden.

They have wings so they can FLY!

Did you pull the wings off of butterflies as a child too?


#2014-04-15 08:24:51 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@Barry1 and @Achelle
You are both wrong!
Yes, this is a dating site and a little romance is expected and is certainly good for the soul
However, it seems that there are many members of late who definitely appear to subscribe to the 'fairies at the bottom of the garden'

Barry, you are correct insofar as it is possible to CONTROL our actions, no matter what our feelings may be

If someone annoys us, we can choose how to react - ie, get mad or angry, or simply ignore
Likewise, we can choose to ignore the person we have secretly fallen in love with. We can choose to avoid them, we can choose to look for reasons to dislike them - even 'dis-love' them

However, the deepest of feelings are things we cannot control. These feelings are the ones that keep us awake at night when we are alone in our beds

Imagine you fell head-over-heels in love with your best friends wife - what can you do about it ?
Can you make those feelings simply 'go away'? I do not believe that you can

You may CHOOSE to do nothing about it (which would be quite sensible), but you have no CONTROL over those deep emotions - even though you know it is wrong to fall in love with your best friends wife
A long long time ago I fell hopelessly in love with a girl that all my common sense and reasoning told me I should avoid at all costs
She was a co-worker and I was 21 years old at the time
No matter how hard I tried and no matter what I did to avoid contact with her etc, I could not control my innermost feelings
My head did it's best to rule my heart, but in the end my heart was stronger than my head
We had a short relationship together but when it ended I was devastated - almost suicidal in fact
Sounds crazy I know, but even now when I think back to those days 30 years ago I feel that it was a huge learning experience and one that I would never want to forget

So yes, we can control our ACTIONS and how we deal with emotions, but we CANNOT control the emotions themselves

#2014-04-15 18:52:09 by Barry1 @Barry1


"there are many members of late who definitely appear to subscribe to the 'fairies at the bottom of the garden"

In case some folks aren't sure what this saying means, it refers to people who are ROMANTIC DREAMERS.

You also said,

"the deepest of feelings are things we cannot control"

Sorry mate, but I disagree. A more accurate description is:

"For weaker minded individuals, the deepest of feelings cannot be controlled. For strong minded persons however, they can, at least to a reasonable degree where the situation can be adequately dealt with".

You said,

"Imagine you fell head-over-heels in love with your best friend's wife - what can you do about it ?
Can you make those feelings simply 'go away'? I do not believe that you can"

My reaction to this is - of course you can! You make someone who's in love sound to be some sort of helpless fool, Paul. A mature person can monitor himself; he doesn't need to act like some sort of dribbling idiot, simply because he's in love.

You recounted a story about how at age 21 you had a bad experience with a romance gone awry. I put it to you that you were simply too young and emotionally immature at that time to properly deal with things. Were the identical situation to recur to you today, I bet you'd handle it much better.

Thus your ultimate premise that "we CANNOT control the emotions themselves" is not quite right. It refers to IMMATURE people or more emotionally WEAK MINDED people. I submit that mature, strong minded individuals certainly don't become emotional fools or spineless jellyfish, simply because they love someone. I know I don't - and I don't think you would now either.

#2014-04-16 20:14:07 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Oh Barry......Barry, Barry, Barry! - You make it sound so easy - you make it sound so sensible! You make it sound like IF we are a mature person and NOT a spineless jellyfish or an 'emotional fool', then we can easily control our feelings

To this I say just ONE WORD...... BOLLOX!

Since becoming a blogger here on CLM I have essentially 'bared my soul' in many ways and have discussed openly, many of my private thoughts and experiences

The whole series of 'Types of women you can expect to find on a dating site' for example - do you think I made it up ? Or do you think that I was actually telling the TRUTH and talking from my own experiences ?

In a previous blog, I have explained this before, but just in case you missed it, please allow me to run it by you again - perhaps in a little more detail....

We are talking about the CONTROL OF EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS - right?

So please let's keep this in mind as we discuss in more detail

One year ago I had the privilege to meet a lady on CLM, After several weeks of chatting we decided to meet for real - only for a few days. We had a great time together and we got on very well. Further visits to China saw us making time to be together and every time we met we had a wonderful time together. It really seemed as though we had some genuine feelings for each other

Sadly, after a few short months, things went 'wrong' for us and we decided to part. We remained friends and we kept in touch reasonably regularly on Weixin (WeChat)

Somewhat 'desperate' to find a 'replacement' for her, I delved deeply into CLM and one other site in order to try my best to find another girl who would take my mind off her

I wasn't desperate to find another as much as I felt 'desperate' to try to forget her

I needed to divert my feelings. I needed to find another woman to become the centre of my attention and to take away my disappointment at losing her

It's really difficult to explain, but I either lay in bed each night thinking of the woman I had lost, or lie in bed each night thinking of the new woman I had just FOUND!

The latter appealed to me more

So my quest continued. A one-week trip to China (for business purposes) would often see me meeting 3 or 4 'new' women

Some were great, others were not. But I would always find myself comparing them to HER

During the 7 or 8 months following our separation I must have met close to 15 - 20 women - many of who became the subject of the 'Types" series of blogs)

I have to say that the closest to my heart was the subject of the RMB100 blog. She was indeed a lovely. lovely, wonderful woman who would have made a 100% perfect wife

My head told me so, but my heart was not in it. I just KNEW that if we got together that I could probably NOT have stayed faithful to her - and that would not have been fair

So I moved on......

I went to China for 2 weeks during Xmas and New Year. I had lined-up a few 'candidates' to spend some time with - but after meeting 4 of them, I called HER and said I wanted to go to Shanghai for the weekend just to say 'Hello' to an old friend

We spent 3 very emotional days together. She lived at home while I lived in a hotel - but we met everyday and spent a long and wonderful times together

After 3 days I went to see the the subject of my RMB100 blog. It was the second time to meet and we had a lovely 3 days together. As much as I liked her and as much as I knew that she LOVED me - and as much as I knew she would be the 100% perfect wife - my heart was not hers

On the 3rd day before I left her town, I still had a few days left to spend in China
I still had 2 girls 'up my sleeve' who I had not yet visited, but essentially I could have gone ANYWHERE

The 3 days in Shanghai (with my friend who was my ex gf) had re-enforced my feelings for her
It was during that time that I realized I had only been looking for a 'replacement' for her and that no matter how hard I tried, there was no such thing

I called her and told her that I was heading back to Shanghai for the last few days of my trip
She asked me why - I simply said "You KNOW why!"

We both became quite 'emotional' during that phone conversation, but needless to say that after I returned to Shanghai for my last few days in China, we both realized that splitting up some 8 months prior was probably a big mistake

She had spent those 8 months trying to forget all about me - I had spent those 8 months trying to find a replacement for HER

Yet we both realized that no matter how HARD we tried, we could not succeed

If that makes us both 'emotional fools' then I am happy to wear that 'hat'

But in reality, it has been a HUGE learning curve for both of us and has certainly strengthened our relationship - because we BOTH know what we want

You CANNOT control your true feelings mate - been there, got the T-shirt !!!!!

God knows I tried! God knows we BOTH tried!

Fate and Destiny has it's own way of winning and you of all people should KNOW that if something is 'on-the-cards' or even 'pre-planned' - you cannot escape it!

#2014-04-17 21:49:06 by Barry1 @Barry1


"To this I say just ONE WORD...... BOLLOX!"

Thanks for this, Paul. It looks like you've won yet another argument. Well done, mate.

Although I'm a little puzzled by this strange word "bollox"?

For the sake of our dear Chinese lady friends - and me - could you please explain what this term means? Perhaps draw a vivid word diagram of it for us all, if you will?

#2014-04-18 08:00:21 by bmccull @bmccull

There is an American marketer who has coined a popular phrase: "Attraction is not a choice."
This means you either are or are not attracted to someone. You cannot decide to change.

#2014-04-18 08:02:16 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Bollocks = Bollox !
Balls, Testicles, Nuts etc etc

Essentially an English synonym used as an abbreviation for the following phrase -

"Sir, I think you are talking out of your backside (arse) and have no idea what you are talking about, Of course this is my opinion and you are as welcome to your opinion as I am to my opinion. However, in this instance I have to disagree with your point of view and with your opinion. Therefore Sir, to my mind you are talking utter BOLLOX!"

Hope that explains it -(rofl)

#2014-04-19 11:00:48 by evahuihan @evahuihan

i agree with Barry .its rude to say that word .if he can say it here he ll definately say to a chinese lady in the future if he have had a relationship with chinese girl.wonder why he has so many time and energy to meet and find so many chinese girls in china or any other country ?super hunter.

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