Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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When My Long-Distance Relationship Came to An Unexpected End    

By Achelle Vinzon
3028 Views | 5 Comments | 2/25/2014 1:19:29 PM

Sometimes, things that seem "made to be" don't work out. And sometimes, you get a second chance.

After sixteen years, the time and circumstances were finally right; they weren’t perfect, but they were right.  We were together again.  Third time’s the charm, they always say.  A year into our long-distance relationship, he was finally able to visit me from the U.S.  Seventeen months later, that long-distance relationship came to an abrupt end.

First Love

I first met him when I was in high school.  He came back to the Philippines from the U.S. to go to college.  He ended up doing some part-time modelling work, too.  Suffice it to say that the age difference between us made our families frown upon our relationship.  They frowned, but they didn’t forbid us from being together. 

As young and inexperienced as I was, I knew deep in my heart that he was a decent guy.  I have always felt that I was an old soul, anyway.  The first few months were very happy, which is how almost all relationships are during its early stages.  He was my first boyfriend.  But between college and his modelling job, plus the fact that he had to travel more than an hour to see me when he could see me, I saw him less and less after about 4 months of dating. 

Being aware of our age difference; that his being in college and being a part-time model meant that he met a lot of beautiful girls his age on a regular basis; that he was a very attractive, smart, and funny guy; and that, well, he’s a male with the typical predispositions of most males when it came to girls/women, and he’s at an age when these predispositions were hugely influenced by his hormones instead of the head above his shoulders… as young as I was, well, I had no illusions that our relationship was going to last, and that he was a saint.  Like I said, old soul. 

Our relationship soon evolved into a long-distance one.  We talked on the phone and wrote letters to each other (yes, snail mail; wow, I feel old all of a sudden) during those weeks (which turned into months) that he couldn’t visit me.  Soon, even those came to a stop.  But the whole time, I never nagged him, started fights with him, questioned him, demanded more time and attention from him… you know, the typical behaviors most females (especially at that age) are also predisposed to.  (Have I mentioned that I’ve always been an old soul?) 

My birthday came and went.  I was half-expecting him to visit, but he never came.  There wasn’t even a phone call or a letter.  At the time, I knew he was out of town for an ad congress (some sort of modelling convention).  And then Christmas came and went; still nothing.  That was when I finally accepted that the relationship was over and that I should stop waiting.  I gave him a call.  He gave me a lame excuse about why he couldn’t see me anymore.  I didn’t press for more; I just accepted it.  We said our goodbyes. 

Was I heartbroken?  Yes.  I cried long and hard after that phone call.  Then I moved on.  Given our age difference and the circumstances, I always knew our relationship, my first love, wasn’t going to have a happy ending.  But even if I saw it coming, even if I had been bracing myself for the inevitable, it still hurt a lot.  That was inevitable, too.           

Several months and a few harmless and non-intimate rebound flings later, I was leaving for college and I felt a strong desire to contact him.  I decided to try to give him a call.  I mustered enough nerve and dialed his number.  I was surprised when the person who answered told me to wait; he implied during that breakup phone call that he might go back to the U.S.  And then he was on the phone.  We exchanged the usual pleasantries, got caught up on our lives as much as we could.  I told him I was leaving for college in a week.  He said he wanted to visit me the next day.  He never came.  I didn’t feel any anger; I simply shrugged it off.  I was excited to start a new chapter in my life!

The Second Time Around

The wonders of the internet made it possible for me to reconnect with him again.  But, once again, the timing and circumstances were not right.

I had a daughter by then and was still involved with the father.  He had two children by then, was in the middle of an ugly separation, and also involved with another woman.  He was 8,000 miles away.    

The reconnection was casual, aimless, restrained, unaffected.  The connection between us have always had a je nais se quoi quality to it; deep, intimate, and as warm and comforting as one’s fondest childhood memories.  I guess, this is in part because he was a significant character in that stage of my life in between childhood and adulthood.  Another reason was that he was the boy to whom I first opened my heart.  But it was the kind of connection that I’ve always known neither time nor distance could erase.  Later on, certain characters in our individual lives tried to sever this connection, and succeeded, but only briefly. 

This reawakening of our relationship was short-lived.  It didn’t have any purpose; it was more like two, old friends catching each other on the same train, getting off at different stops, and then continuing on separate paths. 

In spite of this, I was grateful that we found each other again.  I had never felt for anybody else what I have always felt for him.  He always had a special place, not only in my memories, but in my life.  In many ways, I idealized him too much in my head that no other guy after him could measure up to my expectations.  It didn’t mean that I was incapable of truly moving on; there was just that certainty in my heart and mind that he was The One, the other half of my soul. 

There were countless times, in between our breakup and this brief reunion, and also afterward, when I wondered if there was still a tiny possibility that we’d end up together, many years down the line and despite the divergent paths we seemed to be on.  They were passing thoughts; what-ifs.  I didn’t hold my breath; I didn’t put my life on hold.  But I often wondered….

To be continued….  

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-02-25 15:29:41 by Barry1 @Barry1


Thanks for this, Achelle. It's always interesting to learn more and more about your interesting past life, especially when written in such lucid terms as is your specialty.

Though I must admit to being just a touch confused. Is the person you're writing about in this article, the same person that you wrote about in your last article , "An Unexpected But Much Longed For Reunion"? Why I ask this is I recall you back then you were so excited and happy about the prospect of you both coming back together again.

Please don't tell me you've broken up. I hope not! And if so, what happened to Elv? How is he, by the way?

Or have I entirely misunderstood all of this?(think)

#2014-02-25 19:17:15 by shirley9183 @shirley9183

This man in the photo is too handsome and young, maybe he can be a good lover but it is foe sure he can not be a good husband or life partner because there is no security and sense of belonging with him.

#2014-03-01 03:02:05 by anonymous9081 @anonymous9081

Achelle, love all your blogs, so thoughtful and full of wisdom and insight. I am not sure which direction this blog will take but I am looking forward to each entry!

Shirley913....are you serious? Such a narrow minded reply! Because a person is good looking they cant be a good husband??? I was a model when I was younger, I had lots of women chasing me but that does not define who we are. I was a very good husband and father!! It was my exwife who was the player........Like they say in the West.....wake up and smell the coffee!!

#2014-03-02 20:52:37 by yeranyi @yeranyi

The same person you have contacted in three relationships?

Move on ,you will find the nice and right man who deserves your love,give you my hug,(handshake)

#2014-03-03 17:48:46 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

Hello all, thank you for your comments and especially for the kind words. :)

@Barry1, I don't want to give away any spoilers! ;) But Elv is doing great, thank you for asking.

@shirley9183, good men are hard to find these days; and when you do find them, they're either taken or gay. I do hope you'll find your true happiness one day!

@anonymous9081, thank you, Sir. This multi-part story is turning out to be a very difficult one to write. But I intend to see it through.

@yeranyi, I appreciate the hug!

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