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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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What’s in a Photo? Breaking News for Foreign Men!: Chinese Matchmaking    

By David Lee
3076 Views | 1 Comments | 7/5/2010 2:23:15 AM
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Breaking News!

What's in a photo? Everything! At least for starters. I’ve got some “Breaking news” for all you men. Apparently many of you out there still don’t get it. Just like the women, no photo for whatever reason usually equates to little chance for success in online dating. Yes, I’ve heard all the old tired and lame excuses like; “I’m still married in the process of a divorce or separated and I don’t want them to see me” (Your wife is on CLM looking for a Chinese man or woman? Really or are you married and just playing with the girls here?”, “I don’t want my co-workers, family or friends to see me at an Internet dating website.” (Your boss, Momma or Daddy is on CLM? Really?), “I don’t have any photos.” etc. Right or wrong, people formulate an opinion about you in about seven seconds or less based on what they see. No profile photo will usually get your messages deleted or chat requests ignored with those beautiful Chinese women.

• Chinese women aren’t impressed by your bare chest and “Six-pack” or in conjunction with some provocative pose. Save it for the additional photos. This especially holds true if you’ve got a shaved chest or naturally no hair. They can get bare no hair chests with most Chinese men and are more turned on by hairy-chested men. I’m pretty hairy front and back and Chinese girls sometimes like to pick at my hair through the top of my shirt as they do with other foreign men as I’ve observed. They’re fascinated by this, but I don’t advertise it on my Main Profile Photo. I’ve heard countless times in Chinglish, “You monkey!” Furthermore, if an older putzle-gutted guy like I can find Chinese women without displaying this, then so can you.

If you don’t believe me on this issue, then maybe you’ll believe female Freelance writer Laura Gilbert who has contributed to Health, Maxim and Cosmopolitan. In her post on MSN Dating 7 profile mistakes guys make, she says:

“Profile problem #6: Posting a shirtless photo

Women browsing your profile don’t necessarily want to see what all of you looks like… or at least not just yet. “A man’s vanity can come through in the pictures he posts,” says Griffen. “Women usually say they are not impressed by seeing a guy flexing, even if he’s in great shape. It’s not what makes them want to sit down and write you an email.”

Female-friendly fix: This one’s self-explanatory — put on a shirt for your next batch of photos. Women aren’t going to be any less attracted to you if they see you in a nice collared shirt or t-shirt... we promise! “

The choice is yours guys. Your way, or maybe the highway!

• Don’t advertise your financial assets! When you show your sports car, home, etc. you are a magnet for every criminal, Gold digger and Visa/Green Card hunter from Shenzhen to Shenyang and everywhere in between. It only makes determining their true intentions more difficult than it already is. If your sports car, boat or home is all the substance and depth to you, then by all means advertise it. You will probably get what you deserve… A Gold digger who will leave you for any man with more money ASAP. I often wonder in these photos with mostly the car showing if the car is looking for a mate or the man? If you have no financial assets, don’t advertise this either. Divulge the good or bad after the relationship develops.

• Never post a photo with another woman unless it’s “Dear old Momma”. I made this mistake years ago on another online dating website. It was a Christmas photo at my cousin’s home and his cute blonde wife was in the photo with me in front of their Christmas tree. Oh my God! It was endless questions, “Is that your girlfriend?”, and “Is that your ex-wife?”, “Who is she?” On and on endless questions wasting my time answering. Bottom line… it can only create some unfounded doubts no matter what the truth is.

• Have some decent clothes on like John Abbot has already said. Dress for success if you know how. Learn if you don’t.

• Have some decent quality facial and full-body shots. Photos that look like some probation officer took them or you’re in your “Wife-beater shirt” proudly displaying all your tattoos is sure not to impress 99.9999% of the Chinese women. Men with large numbers of tattoos displayed in China are often Mafia, Gangsters or Triad members and they may assume this about you. But you’re welcome to play the odds. Hey… maybe you’ll win the Power Ball Lottery too since you’re feeling lucky!

• Once again, like I suggested for the Chinese women, ideally post photos from within the last year but certainly not more than two years ago. If your weight, hair color or length has changed, then post a photo that depicts how you look now. If it changes after posting your profile, then you can easily edit and post a new photo. I’ve actually seen guys in their forty’s and fifty’s posting profile photos from their university or maybe high school annual or year book. Amazing to say the least. It’s like a girl looking at this dim -wit would need some sophisticated aging software like we used with the state police to age children who had been missing for many years to project what they would look like now.

• Absolutely don’t publish some celebrities’ photo or you’re best friend or young Brother.

The choice is yours.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2010-07-09 04:10:03 by oneforall @oneforall

Hi Dave...new here to the blogs. Still, I see some disparity with some of these blogs and rejoined just to put in my .02 worth. I have to agree with your photos. Any woman, no matter what the country, would be hard pressed to get excited over a photo of Carrot Top lifting weights!! The pic from "Ugly.SE" shows a man that grew so fast all of his hair slipped off his head...what's with the tattoos? Must find an area to address a CLM oversite so will hope to chat with you later. Be well!

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