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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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What's in a Photo? Breaking News for Chinese Women!: Chinese Matchmaking    

By David Lee
5133 Views | 2 Comments | 7/4/2010 2:14:28 AM
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Breaking News!

What’s in a Photo? Everything! At least for starters. I’ve got some “Breaking news” for all you Chinese women. Apparently many of you out there still don’t get it. Men are more visual than women! Get it? They are attracted to a woman based on initial looks. This is a basic fact of life in love and marriage and also in the workplace when looking for a job. Right or wrong, people formulate an opinion about you in about seven seconds or less based on what they see. I will not reply to and I will delete messages with no profile photo like many Chinese women and foreign men will also do.

No photo for whatever reason usually equates to little or no chance for success in online dating. Yes, I’ve heard all the old lame and tired excuses like, “I’m a beautiful girl and too many men will send me messages” (Years ago I fell for this BS. Then after I gave them my E-mail address and her photo(s) were sent, she was “As ugly as home-made sin” or “A face that would stop a train locomotive”), “I’m married or separated”, “I don’t want my colleagues, family or friends to see me at an Internet dating website.” (Your boss, Momma or Daddy is on CLM? Really?), “I don’t have any photos.” etc.

• If you just absolutely cannot post a photo for some legitimate reason and you’re serious about a long-term relationship, then attach your photos or photo password to your initial message or Kiss you send on CLM. No profile photo or photo sent with message or Kiss on CLM will probably get no response and you deleted by me and many others.

• Lose the dark sunglasses, photos from 50 meters away, hats pulled down over your eyes, back shots only, National ID photos, dark rooms, etc. for your Main Profile Photo. Post these for additional photos, if at all. Good quality current close facial and full body shots are best. Note, I said quality, not fuzzy or blurry photos. You don’t need to be in a bikini, but all covered up in a big thick winter coat with five layers of clothes underneath and a wool hat pulled over your head is not very flattering.

If you don’t believe me on this issue, maybe you’ll believe female Freelance writer Laura Gilbert who has contributed to Health, Maxim and Cosmopolitan. In her post on MSN Dating 6 profile mistakes women make, she says:

“Common problem: A picture that doesn’t really show you at your best. We all have a shot of ourselves that we love, regardless of the fact that it’s a little blurry, distant… or that you’re wearing sunglasses that hide your eyes or a huge comfy sweater that obscures your figure. That’s fine if you like it and feel free to keep it for the fond memories — post it in your profile, though, and guys will wonder what you’re trying to hide. “An obscured photo is as good as no photo,” says Roman Griffen, author of Internet Dating: Tips, Tricks, Tactics. “Men are suspicious of a shot where they can’t make you out and since they’re so visually oriented, they’ll just skip your profile if that first picture doesn’t look good.”

Guy-friendly alternative: Easy: Set your main photo to one that shows you at your best — and leaves nothing important to guesswork. It doesn’t matter whether the background is boring — your goal in that first picture is just to present yourself as accurately (and positively!) as possible. It’s fine to include your beloved, more obscure photo in your secondary shots.”

• Never post a photo of you with another foreign man in a bar or nightclub, even if you have photo-shopped out all of him but his arm hung around you holding a beer bottle. You look like a Disco Queen and assumptions are made about how many foreign boyfriends you already have and your lifestyle.

• Never post a photo of you lying across some mans bed in a hotel room especially in lingerie ready for a night of “hot action” as I’ve often seen unless you’re a Gold digger or Chicken Girl. If you are, then ignore my advice so all of us men can see you for what you really are. For that matter, avoid any photos of you obviously taken in a hotel room or lobby no matter how innocent it is. One girl who has “Haunted” several of the main Asian internet dating websites (including CLM) for several years previously posted photos of her in cheap Chinese hotel rooms with her big toothy grin and her big boobs hanging-out all over the bed. It shouts… Come on baby! Let’s do it now while I’m hot! Now she has wised-up and just publishes her art photos with her big toothy grin and boobs hanging out in more natural settings.

• Sexy half naked or fully naked art photos are nice, but save them for someone special you’ve developed a relationship with as a surprise. To do otherwise, if you’re a serious Chinese woman looking for a long-term relationship, invites every sexual predator from Beijing to Boston. Keke, who often lacks common sense, did just this very thing after I first met her online. I asked her “What the Hell are you doing posting naked art photos?” She replied, “I like”. I explained what could happen and within a few days she removed and replaced them. One of the few times she listened to good advice and exhibited some semblance of common sense and reasoning ability.

• Have some decent clothes on. Dress for success.

• Don’t advertise your financial assets! When you state your assets or show your car, home, etc. you are a magnet for every Gigolo, Himbo or criminal from Shenzhen to Seattle to Stockholm and everywhere in between. It only makes determining their true intentions more difficult than it already is. If you have no financial assets, don’t advertise this either. Divulge the good or even the bad after the relationship develops. Once again, I’ll again use Keke as an example of a Chinese girl who was advertising her car and home ownership in her profile narrative or description. Later she also took my advice to remove this. Thank God at least she was educable!

• Ideally post photos from within the last year, but certainly not more than two years ago. If your weight, hair color or hair length has changed, then post a photo that depicts how you look now. If it changes after posting your profile, then you can easily edit and post a new photo.

• Absolutely don’t publish some beautiful celebrities’ photo or your beautiful friend or younger Sister’s photo!

I resent women who attempt to turn the tables and put me on a “Guilt Trip” by saying “Are you so shallow you only look at a woman’s looks?” Sell that old tired line of BS to someone else. “Homey don’t play dat game.” Hell yes! I am a man. Like most men, I will ultimately learn your inner-self or inner-beauty AFTER I get past the looks and we develop a relationship. Do you even consider buying a pair of shoes still in the box you never saw before, but think maybe you’ll love later when you get home and open the box? Why hell no!

Furthermore, when a Chinese woman tries to put me on such a guilt trip, I pose a simple question. “If you were walking down the street, or were anywhere for that matter, and a man approached you with a bag over his head and tried to talk to you, would you?” Why Hell no! You’d walk away as quickly as possible or even run. It is human nature and a normal expectation to “Lay eyes on” or see the person you are talking to unless, of course, you are unfortunately blind.

The choice is yours.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 2 of 2) 1
#2010-07-04 09:19:31 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

I would add one more suggestion to all the excellent guidelines David stated--which I think encapsulate the thinking of many men on the site--and that is to post more than one photo. Or am I the only one that gets suspicious when a woman posts only one photo?

#2010-07-06 11:01:28 by kalzorch @kalzorch

The last thing I want to do is to have to tell a girl I'm not interested simply she is not visually attractive to me. I know it sounds hopelessly shallow, but if I'm not attracted to the girl, then there is absolutely no point. "A man learns to love the woman he is attracted to. A woman becomes attracted to the man she loves." That's why I want to see photos up front.

Photos demonstrating good body contours are particularly important if you are, ahem, undertall. I don't want to start chatting up a girl, only to discover later that she has a butt the size of Texas. To avoid that scene, I pass on girls that appear to have a weight problem, unless their photos prove otherwise.

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