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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Chinese Ladies: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (Part 2)    

By Barry Pittman
794 Views | 22 Comments | 11/25/2018 1:58:21 PM

This article is a continuation from part one of this series. Various examples of the ladies I've met through Chinalovematch.net are given here. If you're easily bored, please stop reading now. The 1.5 per cent of you that are continuing to read, well done!  I can see that your attention spans and intelligence levels, unlike the rest, are above that of a hampster!



In my last article, I mentioned meeting someone called Lady One. She was physically quite atttractive. But for some reason, I wasn't really interested, despite her nice looks. Physical attraction is such a nebulous, personal thing, after all. On occasions, it defies logic or reasoning. Some Sino ladies in the past for example, had referred to me as being "handsome", when of course, I knew they must have had plenty of starry-eyed roses in their vision. Because most Western ladies in their rather blunt fashion, had in the past told me my looks were rather average. I unfortunately had no reason to disbelieve them.



On this note, I'm surprised how many ladies - both Chinese and Western - described their appearance as being "beautiful" or words to that effect. Yet to me, often they were far from it. This puzzled me, why heaps of ordinary looking ladies described in their profiles that they were good looking when self-evidently, they weren't.



So they were not just rather plain, but they must've been blind as well! Come on, ladies - if you weren't born the prettiest flower in the flowerbox, why not admit to it?  I do, after all. On a scale of one through to ten, where ten is the most handsome, I'd rate a three at best!



This reminds me of an old anecdote. To do with ugly men, sorry guys. I had an Aussie lady friend named Debbie who'd joined a Western introduction site. I saw her one day and out of curiosity, asked how the romantic pursuits were faring. The conversation went something like this.



"The dating site? Are you kidding me, Barry!  Take a look at this!"



Debbie then opened up the site on her phone and began showing me the collection of men there. Oh, my God!  The guys I saw were mostly dour looking individuals, many of them wearing sunglasses so you couldn't really see them, many had scowls on their faces and the rest looked kind of depressed as if their dog had just died!



Plenty also were holding a fish they'd just triumphantly caught or were standing beside a motorcycle, seemingly believing that sexual proxess was directly linked either to the size of the fish on display or how big the bike was! Owning a Harley gained extra points for them! Or so they apparently thought.



"I can see what you mean, Debbie!  These men make Quasimodo, the wretched hunchback of Notre-Dame, look like handsome Prince Charming!"



"Tell me about it! I think I'd rather marry a walrus with a bad case of acne! I reckon most ladies on this dating site will choose to remain single for a long time, unless they're really desperate or else uglier than most of the men on display, which would be damn near impossible!"



I sympathised with poor Debbie, who remains single to this day. Unfortunately I also was a bit too ugly for her as well.



But Chinese ladies, bless them, unlike most Westerners, are not unduly obsessed with external appearances of men. The content of the character of the man, plus the size of his bank account, are far more important. Many won't openly admit to the latter though, at least in the early stages. In fact, I wrote a blog about this some time ago, referring to how beautiful Chinese ladies often were prepared to marry the most grotesque Western men imaginable, provided he possessed a big package!  By this, I don't mean the size of his Johnson, but whether he had plenty of money, a good job and a nice house that he owned and didn't rent!



https://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Why-Do-Beautiful-Chinese-Women-Like-Ugly-Western-Men



In any case, back to the topic at hand. The Chinese lady who'd contacted me didn’t appeal. End of story. When as tactfully as possible, I advised her sooner rather than later, that she wasn't of particular interest to me, this turned out to be a big mistake. Unbelievably she became quite angry. Note the word tactfully. I wasn’t rude or unduly brusque, merely upfront. Honest. Before I knew it however, she was swearing and cussing with words I'd never heard from a Chinese lady before, let alone a pretty nymph like this. I was stunned and quickly exited from the alarming exchange, my ears quivering from the many verbal barbs that had so unexpectedly been hurled.



I felt mortified at what had just gone down, wondering what on Earth had caused such an over-the-top reaction. Had I provoked her? No. Had I told her she was too poor? No. This was behaviour not even expected from an artless Western woman, let alone a supposedly gracious Chinese one. Though if any of you have read my "Darkness Behind Hollywood" blog, it's fair to say that absolutely nothing surprises me any more. The world is rife with unexpected twists, turns and traps. It seems I'd just stumbled into one, lurking in plain sight.



The lesson here was that simply because a lady at first blush looked nice, one needed to probe deeper to know her true character.  I was lucky in this instance that this firebrand more quickly than most, showed that she'd ultimately have made a rotten partner, given her short temper and self-evident rudeness. I'd dodged a bullet. One wonders though, if the next few guileless men on this website that she spoke to maybe were lured in by her initial coyness and nice superficial appearance, not knowing she was fundamentally a vitriolic vixen best avoided. Okay, let's call a spade a spade here. She was a bad tempered bitch, if you'll pardon the French!



I wondered then how many other Chinese ladies were like this? Had I made a grave mistake in coming to this site? Please keep reading, the answer will be coming in next week's blog. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, your family and your neighbours. And don't forget the dog!



Loneliness begins as soon as we're born

Ripped from the womb, so cruelly torn

To a life of pain, dark blackened sky

Till finally we're finished, and then we die

Oh joyless world, why treat me so?

Oh heartless heaven, my tears do flow

Please please, I beg,

Let me go



(To be continued)


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 10 of 22) 1 2 3 More...
#2018-11-25 14:47:41 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, you've hit a couple of notes here that I am familiar with, and I have some explanation that may go a little way to helping the men understand what was happening. Of course I may be completely out to lunch on this too, so I'd love to have the ladies who are tuned into the blogs give us their opinions.

First, regarding the fact that Chinese women tend to believe they are each beautiful. In hanging out with my first Chinese live in girlfriend I was quite surprised how they all seemed to continually tell each other how beautiful they were. By that I mean A would tell B, C and D how absolutely beautiful they were. B. C and D would also constantly praise othe ther 3 in the same way. This would involve more than 4 ladies, I just don't feel like going through the whole alphabet.

But in reality, a few out of many of these ladies were really quite beautiful, say 9 or 10 on a scale of 10. Many were attractive but not stunning, say 6 through 8. But a few were average at best, and a few were truly unnatractive, at least physically. But I am convinced that they all believed the compliments they were constantly receiving, and therefore believed they were beautiful, whether they were or not.

At first I thought this seemed kind of shallow, but over time I started to see it as pretty healthy, because it gave them all confidence, and with that confidence, each of them did gain in their attractiveness, just by virtue of confidence being an attractive quality in a person. Due to being confident they were all outgoing, and displayed their sense of humour, their ability to have good conversations, etc.

My wife and I did not socialize so much as I had with my girlfriend, at least not outside of her family. But when we did, for example with my Expat friends and their Chinese wives or partners, I did see a similar sort of behaviour, although to a lesser degree. But the women did still tend to be very complimentary of each other.

Second, regarding the Chinese woman who was very angry with you for letting her know you were not attracted to her. I think this is explained by the Chinese concept of "face". Chinese do not believe in ever causing another person to lose face, and they go to great lengths to avoid doing so. So, if they are not attracted to someone they will always find a way to avoid telling him/her that they don't feel any attraction.

Sometimes they will achieve this by simply disappearing, especially when they are simply disappearing "online", say by changing their email address, or closing their CLM membership and starting a new one, etc. But even in real life, they would go to incredible links to disappear. I knew one young woman who physically moved from one apartment to another to avoid telling the guy she was dating that she didn't wish to see him anymore.

Normally they will just create some other reason why they cannot continue to date, or start to date. This might be that their Mom has taken very ill and they'll be busy for the next few years taking care of her, or they have a new job and will be working 20 hour a day, or some other excuse.

Of course, the person receiving this excuse is very unlikely to believe it, but they are okay and have not lost face because they can pretend they believe it and use it to explain why they are no longer dating the woman they have been bragging to all their friends about.  And truly, their friends will all recognize that she just gave him that excuse to save face, but that's ok because she did it for him to save face.

None of this makes sense to us, but it does make sense to Chinese. So the Chinese lady you "honestly" let down by telling her you were not attracted to her was likely very upset that you did not protect her face. You thought you were letting her down easy, but to her you  were being incredibly blunt and disrespectful, because you did not give her face.

Better that you had told her you were sorry but your Doctor just told you that you have cancer, stage 5, and you would be dead tomorrow. She would have known it wasn't true but she wold have saved face.

Again, I would truly love it if a couple of the Chinese ladies would tell me if I am correct in the above or totally out to lunch (wrong)?

#2018-11-25 16:04:33 by Barry1 @Barry1


@JohnAbbot

 

Thanks for the interesting comments, John. Everything you said made good sense to me. So you're not out to lunch at all!   (giggle)

 

On a more serious note however, if you refer back to my "Why Do Beautiful Chinese Women Like Ugly Western Men?" blog penned in 2013, I counted about 16 Chinese ladies who were bold enough to reply. Great to see and very welcome. These days however, apart from dear @autumn2066, we're lucky to receive a solitary comment from a Chinese lady. They do occur, but they're irregular, spasmodic.

 

In fact, going back to the 2013 blog, I then noticed a much wider range of men also replied to it. These days, apart from a small handful of regulars, newcomers to the site don't submit comments to blogs anywhere near as frequently as what they used to. Damn shame, as fresh viewpoints on a topic from a diverse spectrum of individuals are always very healthy.

 

Have you - or any of the regulars - any thoughts or ideas why this is so, John?  :^)

 

 

#2018-11-25 22:48:21 by autumn2066 @autumn2066

@Barry
@JohnAbbot

Interesting blog. Barry, you seem the first one whom dares to post ugly photos of Chinese angry women in this website, it makes me laugh loud.Good for you.(clap) 

I agree with John's explaination, and his suggestion about that works well in China.

Usually, if a Chinese don't have interest in someone, she or he would try to soften the blow, making up a few excuse or telling a few white lie to the one whom he or she don't want to date any more.In this case, Chinese people tell a few lie in social just mean to save the other's "face" (face=dignety = ego = self-respect in China ),so a few lies in dating usually are treated as polite and kind and thoughtful.Telling lies such as he will have to move to another city for a new work,or his business has broken down and he doesn't want to waste his girl's time, or her mother is badly sick needing her full time care, or she has a cancer and she doesn't want to draw your life down so she want to end the relationship with you,,,,, all these stories might be true or might be just an excuse to refuse a new date or end a relationship in Chinese dating field.Some Chinese might hate hypocrisy and selfish lies, some might be forgiving and could appreciate the kindness behide the lies. Different styles of Chinese might have different reaction, it depends on what kind of Chinese you are dating with.  (coffee)

#2018-11-26 13:27:02 by Gr33nThumbMatt @Gr33nThumbMatt

@JohnAbbot

Lol! I'll have to use that cancer line in the future! I too, am blunt and honest, without ever thinking about saving face. It's definitely the difference between those of us in the West and the East. When I come across someone whom I find unattractive, I just ignore them. I don't do it to be rude but I find it easier to do. No need to spend the time introducing yourself just to say that you find the person unattractive. Not very cool IMO.

#2018-11-26 13:48:23 by Barry1 @Barry1


@autumn2066

 

As usual, wonderful comments, Autumn. Thank heaven you're on this site, as without you, we'd barely receive on the blogs any interesting viewpoints from a smart Chinese lady!   (f)

 

 

#2018-11-26 13:52:35 by Barry1 @Barry1


@Gr33nThumbMatt

 

"When I come across someone whom I find unattractive, I just ignore them"

 

This is where you and I differ, Matt. I personally feel an obligation to respond in some way to EVERY lady that reaches out to me, even if straight away, I know there will be zero chance of anything progressing.

 

I just feel it's the right thing to do, given that she's been bold and brave enough to reach out, especially when probably she's been rejected, sometimes hurtfully so, by many men in the past.    (think)(think)

 

 

#2018-11-27 00:08:53 by newbeginning @newbeginning

Barry, I think alot of men and women here have shied away from the blogs or replying because of all the conspiracy crap. I know I have replied alot less than I used to because of it. It is disheartening to see this trend. We need the Chinese women to be reading and replying on a regular basis.

Chinese women lose their temper just as much as western women do, it is just shocking to see it because it seems out of place with the body it is coming out of lol, It is a scary site. 

NB

#2018-11-27 14:59:25 by Barry1 @Barry1


@newbeginning

 

"I think alot of men and women here have shied away from the blogs or replying because of all the conspiracy crap"

 

Well, I guess that's a valid point.  But now there's a specific conspiracy area, those who aren't interested in it can simply bypass it.

 

Though to be honest, I find some of the conspiracies out there to be extremely disturbing. Citizens are being - or have been  - murdered by (or with the cognisance of) elements of their own government.

 

If citizens don't hightlight this through protest or publicity, the situation will get worse. The dark side will ramp up their nefarious activities, more and more.

 

I personally salute John Abbot for possessing the far-sightedness and the true grit for doing his small part in attempting to ensure the many evil psychpaths out there occupying high positions within the CIA and governmeent, get their just desserts. Life imprisonment, for starters, without the possibility of parole. They definitely need to be stopped before it's too late.  :^)

 

 

#2018-11-29 03:21:39 by autumn2066 @autumn2066

@Barry1

Thanks. I was just being honest.(beer)


@newbeginning @Barry1

Since when guys here started the conspiracy topic? 2017? 

I just read IMi's blogs since 2016,in his《Could It Be My Last Christmas?》(2016), he posted his beautiful fiancee's photos after his romantic stories,but much less comments comparing with 2015, and only one Chinese woman ( outside of China ) replied in that blog.

It seemed that long time before you guys started the conspiracy topic, much less Chinese women have started replaying here.So I guess that conspiracy might be one of the reasons, but there must be other reasons. 

Clearly that conspiracy topic must be a bit hard for Chinese women to join and enjoy, since it comes from fragmented, disordered, specious,and ambiguous and information, and it requirs a person well understanding and a wide range of basic knowledge such as international relations, geopolitics, economics, history, culture, religion, science, technology, geography, physics, chemistry, biology, aviation, military theory, psychology...... And the person must have been paying close attention on current affairs and political news for many years,and certainly he must have a big curiosity about this world, and a humanistic concern for the present situation and future of mankind, otherwise he can't string all kinds of clues, nor bring out any question, nor enjoy exploring deeper into it.Usually, Chinese women more into real love stories or food topic or family problem topics.

Another reason, personaly I think that with the enhancement of China's national strength and the rise of economy,most of Chinese women obviously have an clear sense of national pride which seems have made Chinese women less and less desperate to marry with western men comparing five years ago.It could be said like this way, western men are less attractive to Chinese women now.

Another reason, I guess it might because Trump's trade war with China, somehow it has effected Chinese women here to worry about whether dating with foreigners might be suspected or controlled by the government in the future. 

Just my simple thought, might be not right.

#2018-11-29 16:10:03 by Barry1 @Barry1


@autumn2066

 

"It seemed that a long time before you guys started the conspiracy topics, much less Chinese women have started replying here.So I guess that conspiracy might be one of the reasons, but there must be other reasons........  Chinese women less and less desperate to marry with western men comparing five years ago. It could be said like this way, western men are less attractive to Chinese women now......Trump's trade war with China......"

 

As usual, your perceptive comments are spot on the mark, exactly correct.

 

Well done, Autumn2066!   (f)(clap)

 

 

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