Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
AmyLu grew up on a farm in South China’s Guangxi Province. She dropped out of high school early to go work in Guangdong and help support her family. Present living in Shanghai, AmyLu admits that when she talks she talks a lot, but when she doesn’t she listens, watches and learns. She likes to keep learning and to try new things. AmyLu is flexible and easily contented. When life knocks her down she stands back up and learns from the fall. This is her first time to write down her stories about her life in China, and she hopes to also debate society, culture etc. She says she also hopes to find another missing piece from our CLM mother! :)
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Wanna Marry? Wait Until Age Thirty 结婚要等三十岁    

By AmyLu
4391 Views | 6 Comments | 3/22/2013 4:10:51 AM

Mom contact uncle li (he send the woman for the agent company charge fees between agent and nanny) come to our house to see if my appearance is ok to be a nanny in this morning. He said “my look is not bad, just a little old, because the people from Shenzhen they prefer to hire who are under the 13 old. Easy to teach to be good, but this is not a big problem. Some people are like the age of your too”.

Final he tell us “3 day later concentrate in the station of town. There will have other village girls, aunts looking for the same job will go to shenzhen together”. I hear what did he said, kind exciting about that.

After uncle li left Mom said “All right you are happy now you can go out see the world, but remember have to be good girl and don’t find a boy friend, wanna to marry. Have to wait until you are 30 old”.

Dont worry about this. I dont have interesting with finding a boyfriend yet. But if i wait until 30 old to get marry dont you think is that too late for me? At that time I’m old nobody will like to marry me. Why i have to wait 30 old? Chinese women for marriage 30 is too old. Everwoman like you are married around 20 old.” I said.

“Just listen to me otherwise i will not let you get into the house. Dont have to worry nobody will not marry with you, When you old enough come back to home town, the matchmaker will introduce for you.” Mom said, serious and angrily. I can see that she is mean it. Then i perfunctory her said “ok” .

At noon finished my lunch plan to go meet my grandma if there something i can help. On the way i meet my big uncle (dads same parents older brother). He see me and asked “Why didn`t go to school?” I tell my thought and he nodded in understanding.

“Yi Xiu (my childhood name) go there, have to work hard, half of salary send back to support family, half you safe it for yourself. Do not wear bad and with patched clothes a lot. People will be looked down upon on you, will lose our familys face. Also the first impression is not good to the people, Girls need to dress yourself and be pretty, it is really helpful.” he said, serious.
“Ok dont worry i know what to do. Thank you.” I said, In fact, I’m plan send most of my salary for family retention, some for myself prevention in case.

Stay at grandma home until afternoon when i leave it was between 3pm to 5pm. From grandma house go straight to uncle three (dads same parents brother) want to check if sister three and sister four have some interesting hang out with. But uncle three catch me give me a lesson.

“Why dont you go to school you are so young. Do you know the importance of knowledge? We know you want to help mom support the family but you were their eldest sister set a good example for the younger brother sister. If you dont they maybe will have the same mind as your then you will be a bad example. Leaders.our rural people must study hard, university graduate later to find a good job future life more stability a good income. Not like us just went to elementary school a few years. There is no choose only can do a farm work, Sometime do little business be cheated also, If you determined to go par attention to learn technology that is good for you. If you dont have good educate a lot of people are relying on technical for live.” he said.

I keep nodded agree with he, except bad leaders example i believe that will not happen. Uncle three and sisters are keep try to persuade me go to Guangdong after university, but i have make my decide and no one can change it.

As soon as sun set im going home, prepare dinner for family, just then dad is back home. Usual rarely see him hope he can often come home to have a look us. I’m glad to see him but didn’t greet, he is not a responsibility to family of man. Although full of complaints to him he was my dad i was his favorite daughter. He see me come to kitchen. “Are you cooking? I have bring some food back, can you make fire for me? I can help you to cook the dinner.” he said.

The way we began to talk. “Daughter i hear that you drop out school want to go Guangdong. When you are there dont try to work in hotel.” he said while cooking. I psychological thinking about why a lot of question marks come out. Hotel is nice, high upscale rich people to go for eat and enjoys of place, why i must cant go for work in there? I was very naive girl - ask why?

“Where it is easy to learn bad, there is many young girls of miss the age as your in hotel, they lose face of whole family, everbody look down on them. People will say ‘Oh she is the miss in the hotel, she is the miss in the hotel.’ Then you cant stand up forever.” he said.

I thinking "Miss? This word is a courtesy call to all woman. Why for hotel ‘miss’ are become bad now?” Then i ask “Why? What the ‘miss’ do in the hotel?”

“Miss is prostitute in hotel, sleep with many man. Daughter promise dad dont go to work in hotel to be a ‘miss’?” he said.

“Ok i promise you but how about waiter?” i ask.

“No way, i dont let you to go. That is good for you, protect you, people in the hotel are very complex. If you close to hotel very easy to be bad and degenerate. We dont need you make a lot of money do you understand?” he said very angrily. I get scare also believe what he said

The above three person said to me i often think about and very reasonable for life in China for a Chinese girl:

1. Big uncle: “girls need to dress up.” I thought he just dont want me to lose his face and the family face, 20 old i began to dress myself after that people and thing around me change a lot. Good karma and lucky and be jolly .

2. Uncle three: “Knowledge is the fate, technology is the food.” Also at the age of 20 to deeply understand knowledge is really can change the fate, because when i was 20 i safe the money to learn the computer. Later work in the office of local company. After know people from different levels, always keep learning the technology with different professional. First is make when i was in Guanddong. Now intend to learn nail artist and infant care practices then tattoo artist to see which one i will like.

3. Dad: “must cant be a hooker”. Glad my family are infusion me face is importance, make me understand what i cant do. I didnt look down upon a "miss" part of them have difficulties. Some are forced to be, some are lazy, etc.

For my mom i can only say sorry because after one year i leave home town i got a boyfriend and married in 22 old too. I didn’t promise her because I don't know what will happen in the future. I love you Mom!











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#2013-03-22 11:17:49 by xin73 @xin73

Hi Amy
Read your article, there is a pure and fresh and pure feeling.Very well, please continue to work hard.
Each person in the process of growing up, is a continuous improvement of the process of self-care ability.Only a free-standing self-improvement, to win the dignity and power of a country, a nation, a person also is such!
At any time to grasp the fate in their own hands,China has an old saying: "it yourself, have ample food and clothing."
I wish you good luck!

#2013-03-22 16:33:10 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

AmyLu - this has really struck a chord with me. During my first few years in China, among other things I owned a bar in Shenzhen, in partnership with my then Chinese mate. Almost all of our employees were young people just like yourself, some young men but mostly young girls or women.

All of them had come to SZ from the distant countryside, from every province of China. It was an eclectic and (to me) fascinating mix. Of course in SZ that mix was common to all the bars, hotels and restaurants, and likely all the factories as well.

Unlike most Chinese bars at the time, we forbade our female staff to act as hookers on the side, but they were expected to sit and visit with the foreign men and keep them company. No doubt when your Dad insisted you not work for a hotel, he meant that to include bars. There's no doubt that a great many of the bars female employees were hooking, if not for the bar, then certainly on the side.

We had to fire a few of our staff for doing the same. One young woman from the countryside was sneaking men out to their cars and selling them some instant pleasure. I'm not a prude by any stretch, and I appreciate that she was doing this out of a desire to send lots of money home, maybe to buy a sibling a university education, maybe to pay for medical attention for a suffering parent, but this wasn't an image we wanted for our bar so we had to let her go.

But it was amazing to me that all of our employees, and all the bar employees in other bars I visited, were diligently sending home much, if not most, of their income to their families. This included even those bar girls who were hooking like the one I mentioned. I really couldn't believe it. That they were prepared to sacrifice so much to help feed and educate their parents and siblings back home.

Canadian kids would have never dreamed of making such a sacrifice. My own kids would have struggled to give up their video games to help out the family, let alone half their wages when they were basically making about $100 USD per month (and we paid more than the Crowne Plaza bar just up the stairs from us).

I grew to really love all those young people as if they were my own kids, and I admired them intensely. Of interest, my son came over to China to work with us, and fell in love with one of our employees. He ultimately turned to teaching English here for several years, and they married and had two beautiful little girls. They have since moved back to Canada as a family where they live in my home province. I get to see them much less than I would like and miss them intensely.

Anyway, you have taken me back to that time, and you have so eloquently described what those kids could not possibly explain to me, and that is how it was all seen by their parents and families. You painted such a clear picture, and it has helped fill in one more piece of the puzzle that is China for me.

Thank you for that.

#2013-03-23 21:50:58 by panda2009 @panda2009

Amylu, You let me to recall another girl who is my mother's little fellow-villager. My mon used to back her village where she lived before 30 years. This girl's family live in where is my mom's house foundation. Just her granny know my mom. The girl is very diligent, only she was willing to clean the chamber pot for her granny. Her father sent his three daughters into colleges. She is the second daughter. In her last summer vacation, I invited her to live with me two months. I taught her five stroke type, cooking, and recited New Concept English 2. She is not enough clever. My sister helped her to find a nice job in a high-school of Zhongshan. She can't become a teacher, but she is a floor senior now, problem in the field of aspect , safe job and life holding the post of long post of apartment house building , being in charge of schoolmates living. Gratifying is that she found her husband last year whose family operate a water company, supply spring water to schools and residents.

Thank you for sharing your story here. You are really a pretty girl.

#2013-03-24 02:24:22 by anonymous5822 @anonymous5822

@JohnAbbot - "That they were prepared to sacrifice so much to help feed and educate their parents and siblings back home." At what price to themselves and their bodies? I, like you, am not a prude. But at a certain point I believe we should all draw a line at what we will or will NOT do for money.

#2013-03-24 08:09:00 by anonymous5823 @anonymous5823

Never to be too old to marry if you find a true love!

#2013-03-25 01:00:07 by DanielButler @DanielButler

Thank you again for your blog. The insight you provide is invaluable. To be honest I really didn't think that in this day and age that Chinese women still struggled so much. Reading this really makes me understand my own ignorance. Every time I read your blog my attitude toward how I think of Chinese women changes. I think that their self sacrificing mindset is very noble. Though, I would also hope that things in China will change so that such sacrifices are no longer necessary.

I feel I can not thank you enough for this kind of education. I feel I am clueless about so much. I treasure these insights. I wish for you the best of luck. Please keep writing.


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