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Sarah Wang, a native Chinese, who could let you know more about Chinese culture and traditional custom and the way how Chinese female think and etc via the blogs. With these information, you might understand your Chinese spouse easier and reduce the clash between you and her. Certainly, I also would like to see more cultures from you through CLM platform. Everybody is my eyes.
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Understanding the Clash Between International Couples    

By Sarah Wang
9221 Views | 23 Comments | 5/14/2010 1:10:38 PM
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#2010-05-09 00:49:14 by northernlights @northernlights

5. To wojiao and h08serch and aussieghump: In China, the marriage is a thing between two familys rather than two persons. Anything has both sides. As long as you handle the difficulties with Chinese wife's family, it will be fine. Mostly, your wife's attitude is very vital who could decline her parents' involved your life, such as too much comments or suggestions for kids' educaiton.
If you and your wife locate in China, then it's better to live separately with parents-in law, but don't forget to visit them frequently for being nice.

#2010-05-09 01:02:04 by northernlights @northernlights

6. To panda2009: We have own characters reflected by our thousands of culture. If forming a family together, why can not share everything?! That's one of our views from the culture. Lack of privacy, is a issue for the mixed couple from differ background. Neither party wrong or right. Mention it, just for keep the relationship going on after better understanding or compromise.
If Chinese culture alike the western culture, the world will become boring instead of colorful. Why more and more westerners visit or settle down in China? Cauz our unique culture and Chinese thoughts atrract them.

#2010-05-22 15:58:13 by ajlujan @ajlujan

I agree about language differences. My fiance and I would get into arguments when we first knew each other. I finally figured out that it was misunderstandings in language. So when she would get upset I would say, "Stop" and ask her what she was understanding. After discussion it turned out that she misunderstood what I was trying to say or vice versa. I am now trying to learn mandarin, albeit it is a difficult language. I have lived in China now for almost one year and really like the culture, food and way of thinking.
I think once you go chinese you never want another.

#2010-05-23 00:33:34 by northernlights @northernlights

To ajlujan: Ya, the language is a vital tool for communication. If you understand Chinese little by little, you will understand your Chinese fiance better and better.

#2010-05-30 01:02:10 by h08serch @h08serch

Thanks, Sarah.
Yes, I know a little about the role of the Family in China. I wonder how chinese women cope with these problems (westerners think that they marry the woman, not her family :)), as not all husbands, for example, would like to visit their parents-in-law frequently. It makes some courage for the woman, who understands it, to choose the individual. But is there any pattern how Chinese women make decisions in case of cultural failures of their husbands?

And, by the way, thanks a lot for such a thorough and interesting overview!

#2010-08-01 01:39:12 by qwlianghuhai @qwlianghuhai

?会中国话吗

#2010-11-01 04:03:41 by rgk1048 @rgk1048

Well, since China had a one child policy for so many decades, just how much family is there to deal with. Few have brothers or sisters, just parents and if the parents are divorced, then one parent..or if they have passed on, then nobody. Sounds less complicated than in most places such Thailand and Philippines where you would have to deal with dozens of family members.

Anyways, I find it an advantage not to be able to speak the language. That way I just smile and never have arguments with anyone. No need to talk..just smile and eat. If I need a long chat, I'll go find another Expat.

If knowing the same language is so important, then why is the divorce rate in North America 50% and rising. No communication problem there....or is there?

#2011-02-10 16:01:31 by sailorcanada @sailorcanada

I agree with most what you said.. i have been in diffrent relations, Familly is important in China.. no privacy .. too much talking on the phone... QQ...plus many ladies here do not know how to make love..Man have to pay for evrything,, i have to say that i met woman that paid for me...but the money comes from another sources, receipts going to the job..
I have to say that i am scepticale now about Chinese woman if they realy love, or if they only love the man because of his Job, or because he can take theme abroad..and this comes after they already have been married to a chinese man..i know parents here do not agree for the girls to marry a foreigner, but after divorce it;s ok.
Also the problem with communication is another major thing.the tradition are a killer for us foreigners.
having found all these things..i ask all the foreigners in China..why would you marry a Chinese girl..i know some couples that the relation is going ok. but you know we can have an ok relation in our country..or more than ok..
So i am enjoying my self of having sex with many and moving on..no marriage till i find the right one for me. if not well i go back home and say to my self i enjoyed sex in China.

#2011-02-11 16:08:29 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

SailorCanada - sorry to be blunt but to me there is little difference between a Chinese woman who is deceitfully chasing Western men for their money and a Western man who is deceitfully chasing Chinese women for sex. They both are sadly lacking in character. You've painted a pretty sad picture of yourself - not sure why you would want to do that?

#2011-02-12 12:23:27 by sailorcanada @sailorcanada

Well .. this is what i lived in China for the last 2 years..
Not chasing sex .. looking for a seriouys relation, but there is always a problem.. For example one lady wanted me to marry here but live seperate because of here son and the relation with his father...others are too young... others do not speak English and want me to take care of theme and there son's or daughters... etc
I would love to hear a good story if you have one.. please chare it with me

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