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Georg Vilefort first lived in Hong Kong in 2006. He has now been living in China since early 2009, first in Nanjing and now in Dalian. Georg comes from a background in Engineering and Public Health but is currently teaching English while exploring and appreciating China. Georg has traveled extensively in China and is also exploring a new relationship with a Chinese lady.
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Trying to Find Love - Stories from China (Part 1) - Marriage, Divorce, Love, and Life    

By Georg Vilefort
3483 Views | 5 Comments | 8/10/2010 2:14:16 AM
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I have recently been to Shenyang looking into a business opportunity so I have been a bit remiss in updating my blog. I have been thinking about a few things though and one of the CLM members suggested I write about some of my experiences with women since I have been living in China. Do not make the assumption that all women are like the ones in my experiences but you will find some just like I found. Maybe what you read here will help you to avoid my errors?

Some of the problems I have encountered may be the result of the dating practices here, or the lack of dating and the subsequent lack of understanding of the opposite sex. There are many assumptions made about Chinese men by Chinese women that are patently false; so too, the assumptions made about Chinese women by many. You all probably think of Chinese women as "flowers". Many are, but there are many too that are full of thorns. These are the ones that make their sisters objects of suspicion.

I need to make a clarification before I relate my first story. All of the Chinese and Asian women I know from the USA are women of excellent character. Many of the women I can call my friends here in China are of excellent character. I am also sure that there are many I will never meet that also have excellent characters and uphold the traditional values that made China a great civilization. Nevertheless, make no mistake, there are ones that make other Chinese women shudder when they hear stories lake the one I am about to relate.

My first experience with a Chinese woman outside of the USA began in 2006. I did not meet her on CLM but on another popular website. I was looking for someone with English language abilities, so I restricted my searches to those that indicated they could speak and write English as well as locations where I would most likely find English speakers. I found many in places like Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, and most notably Hong Kong (HK). HK is a great place to find English speaking Chinese women and many of them can travel to the west without a visa because they have a UK passport. The passport they have allows them to travel but not work in the UK. I think it is one of the benefits that came to HK while it was a British colony.

We communicated by email, webcam, and telephone for a few months and then she came to visit me while I was in graduate school. At the time I could not get away and she had never been to the US, so she decided it would be a good opportunity to meet in person and she could see a bit of the 4th largest city in the USA. We seemed to have similar goals and while she was visiting I asked her to marry me and she agreed. She went back to her job in HK and I visited in December of the same year. In mid 2007, I moved to HK with the intent of staying there permanently. We visited the USA during her school break in July and early August and then returned to HK. Unfortunately, even the best plans do not always work out. I had a job lined up but it fell through after I arrived. I ended up doing consulting work for a charitable foundation, but I failed to find full-time employment.

In December 2007, we decided that I should to return to the USA because I had a number of jobs lined up. She began to prepare to join me, so she said. During February 2008 after I returned to the US, a friend of my brother found that she was advertising herself as single and searching for a relationship online. When I talked to her about it she said she did not know anything about it since she had canceled her membership on the website after she met me. At first I believed her because the page that was found was a cached internet page and it was not dated. We continued to talk about her coming to the USA and she said she put in her resignation at her school. She was going to join me during her July August break and complete the move by December. When July came, she informed me that she had to return home to China because her mother was sick. We talked while she was in Nanjing visiting her mother and family.

In early August, I received a strange email from a man in the UK that said in part, "I am enjoying your wife's favors", and "she is really good in bed". As you can imagine, I was shocked and didn't believe what I was reading until I got an email from her an hour later confirming she was in the UK, staying with a doctor she had met online, and that she was going to move to the UK to be with him. Two weeks later, I received an letter from a solicitor in HK stating that she had filed for a divorce. During the divorce proceeding I asked her to return the things I left with her in HK and she agreed, if I sent her $1,000US for the shipping. It only cost me a few hundred to ship my things there, but I wanted my books and other things back so I agreed. After the divorce, she proceeded to try to shake my down for the money she spent for her trips. When I refused, she told me she was going to dispose of all my belongings I left in HK. The only thing I regretted was losing the family heirlooms my parents gave me before I left for HK. I asked her why she did not ask for the money in the divorce. She would not tell me but I found out through the court that she was not entitled to any money. So she tried to shake me down for it. I think you can guess what I told her and I did not save it for an email. I called her on the telephone.

Now there are going to be some of you that will say I was a jerk or worse and did not check her out better; I agree. If I had done some homework, I could have found out that this was a pattern with her and she had done it to six men in China before leaving for the UK to do graduate studies and then did the same to a man in HK.

On to the second story. Now this one is not so sad, but I relate it so that some of you might see what you can encounter in your searches. I quit the online dating scene for a while. At a different website from CLM, I met a number of Chinese women. It was surprising how good looking they were. Some had snapshot photos and some had photos that looked like snapshots, but were professionally done. All I can say is beware what your eyes may see, because what you see may not be what you get. This has been mentioned more than once on David's blog and John has also commented on the "quality" of photos. One woman I met while she was visiting her mother in California and she flew to Houston to visit me. When I met her at the airport, she looked a bit different from her online pictures; not a bit but a whole lot different so that I almost did not recognize her. This was because she was doing the "Beijing diet" in which women lose a lot of weight to "regain" their youth.

This was the first person I ever met where her blue jeans looked like tights. Let me make this clear though, she was very nice, but she was taking the healthy eating to an extreme. She was deathly afraid of getting fat so much so that she refused to eat anything that seemed to have fat in it. But a bit of fat is what she needed because she was so skinny. It also turns out that her online pictures were taken before she started the dieting and some were more than a few years old. We lost contact when she returned to Beijing. I should clarify in that she stopped returning my emails.

Did I learn anything from my first two experiences? Yes, do not be afraid to rely on your gut feelings. If something does not seem to be quite right, postpone making a commitment. If you meet someone that wants to pressure you into making a commitment before you can even know each other that is one to avoid. Sorry ladies, this is not a game no matter what you think. You say you do not want game players but most of us have been burned before and we will be damned if we are going to jump into a permanent relationship when we know little or nothing about you. In China, many of you go with the first man that comes along because you figure no one else will be available. I know, it is the pressure of family, etc. However, I imagine you regretted being pushed into your first marriage otherwise, you would not be divorced and looking again. We do not want to make the same mistake, so being selective and careful is necessary.

Part 2, next.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 5 of 5) 1
#2010-08-10 06:48:49 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

I think it took courage to share these stories and I'm glad you did. I know I found them useful and I'm sure others will as well. Thanks.

#2010-08-11 21:16:58 by roselady2000 @roselady2000

Hope you better luck in the future.
There are still some good Chinese woman, and I am one of them....

#2010-08-11 23:20:26 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

Yes, I agree. Bravo. It seems many men are experiencing these ill women. David Lee seen some bumpy roads too. Kudos to all the men who experience these bad women in the past and still maintain a positive outlook on life. Keep it movin' fellas. Peace!

#2010-08-12 16:34:38 by archon262 @archon262

thank you for your stries, they started me thinking. I am new to web dating and the internet in general. How do you go about checking out someone who lives in another country. I would like to know, to avoid making the Mistake in your first story.

#2012-01-19 02:20:26 by pingcheung @pingcheung

thanks for share the story,Good Luck!!

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