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Lily, originally from Sichuan province (home of spicy food), has lived in Zhejiang province since 2007. She has over 10 years of work experience in international companies in Shenzhen, using English daily; thus having a relatively good command of English. An honest, caring, communicative, appreciative and positive person, Lily enjoys reading, thinking, learning, listening music, nature & dogs. Continuous learning and self-improvement is her life-time goal. She will blog about: keeping a positive outlook on people, things and life; the importance of maintaining good-balance in all aspects of life; Know yourself and what you want before searching for and finding the one most suitable for you. Lily hopes to share her knowledge with others while also learning from them.
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To Those Who Have Ever Suffered or Are Suffering Now    

By Lily
2833 Views | 10 Comments | 8/14/2014 3:40:19 PM

Life is made of all kinds this or that, big or small self-fighting battles. The biggest enemy of us is ourselves.  During your life journey, have you ever suffered or currently suffering these situations?



1.      You persist to think、express and behave strictly according to those rigid “standards or rules or experience”  accumulated all the years in your mind and refuse to focus on the individual thing or person self ?



Are you or used to a slave of the “standard or rule or order or experience”?



Are you always too serious、seldom smile & less flexible to thing and person even to a child?



Have you ever times thinking of make some adjusts to those “standards、rules or experience” but just can’t make a compromise in the end?



It was said that “standard or rule is dead and we human being is alive”. We individual person in the world varies from each other. There is on one same “standard or rule or experience” can work for all the different persons or things. The core of all thinking and consideration has to be the thing and the person self instead of the “standard or rule or experience”.



2.      You declare some point through words expression but you think & behave contrarily.



Who are you?



Who is the authentic you, the one who say the words or the one who think or behave?



Which one you prefer to be or how you could let the two (inside and outside) of you to work together?



How tired、frustrated、depressed & contradictive you are after the battle between the internal and external you?



Get Lost or confused is some kind of messy mental situation. What you mostly need is “self-awareness” on all aspects mentioned above. Self-awareness means you already on the way to be successful and very helpful for you to figure out the problem and fix it. It must to be heard as a same voice from a same person no matter from inside and outside, words, thinking or behavior. Only in this way, you could feel happy, harmony & peaceful in heart and self-blaming together regret will not be piled up more and more…



3.      You easily criticize, blame, deny or intend to change or control others including yourself ?



How often you yelling to the 5 years old little child inside of you: stop crying, calm down, let him/her go! And then heavily & firmly close the door and let him/her desperately sitting self in the dark corner of the house?



Is his/her crying in your head all the time?



How you could looks so seriously and cold-hearted even before a little child?



How many times you finally found you were badly & hopelessly hurt by yourself?



Have you heard of perfectionism?



Are you probably a perfectionist?



How the perfectionism influence all your relationships?



A perfectionist usually has high requirements or criteria on person and thing. They intend to measure thing or person with their accumulated standards or rules or experience in mind. They are less flexible and there are only two colors of black or white in their eyes or mind world. They behave strongly and stubborn sometime. They easily go to the extreme side. They are serious to thing and people in most of time but very kind & gratitude in heart. They give much pressure to people around and also themselves. Learning, self-reflecting & self-improvements is important for them. Perfectionism is a big flaw with personality.



Try best to be self-aware & present, love, well treat & forgive yourself especial the 5 years old child inside, listen to your heart and to be yourself. Try to release requirements, anxiety, pressure, expectation, rules & standard from your mind…



The one who know you especial all your flaws but still shows their completely understanding、acceptance (who you are)、respect、appreciation、compassion、forgiving、supporting and would like to or intend to offer you a positive & intelligent guidance will probably be the right person for you (perfectionist) including a good friend or life partner.


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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 10) 1
#2014-08-14 15:56:13 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Lily, you seem to be examining yourself through a fine microscope in this article, and doing so in a highly critical mood. I hope if you are being introspective here, and describing yourself with your own words, that you will choose to be very forgiving of yourself, because you clearly have a good heart and a deep and caring soul, perfectionist though that you are.

I think that most Chinese women, and probably Chinese men as well, are guilty of being perfectionists to a great degree. Much more so than we Westerners. And I think it tends to cause you to enjoy life less than we do, and to stress out more than we do, but it also leads you to be more successful than we are as well.

That does not apply, however, to our German friends, who take perfectionism to new extremes everyday of their lives. ;)

#2014-08-14 20:57:02 by Barry1 @Barry1

I really do like William Faulkner's ideas about perfectionism. He said that we should always dream and shoot higher than what we think we can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.

The important thing here is not to compare yourself with others. Just try to be the best that you can be, according to your own individual circumstances. This means some will need to aim higher than others, as inherently they have more ability or more opportunity. For those whom much has been given, much in turn will be expected.

Interesting words, thanks for sharing Lily. :)

#2014-08-14 21:20:58 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

@JohnAbbot
Hi John, thanks for your timely post on my blog. Write down what having in mind and try to ask back more questions can make us to be more self-aware on what's going on with us, what is good & what is bad, which is the right way to go.This is not only for me and also for those similar ones here like it was said "standers-by see more than gamesters".

As mentioned,different degrees of perfectionism is commonly existed in many people no matter from China or western country.You can more or less immediately feel some kind of strong forcing or controlling strength from them through first several communication.

Yes, it is true that there is less enjoyment & more stress in the perfectionist's life and possible more successful on their field. However, it is first time for me to hear that German people naturally enjoys perfectionism everyday..(rofl)

#2014-08-15 15:53:42 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

@Barry1

Hi Barry:thanks for your reading and sharing.

Yes, perfectionism to be reasonable degree is good enough. So as a perfectionist, being self-aware and present is important to avoid going to any possible extremes. Long time of stress & anxiety is not good for the body、mental and healthy.As per my understanding, a perfectionist have been working on self-challenging and self-surpassing for the final target of perfection.

Thanks again.

#2014-08-17 17:16:17 by shirley168 @shirley168

Lily : 英语还没完全读懂8-|

#2014-08-19 08:20:54 by ocean58 @ocean58

Lily After reading this one and how hard you are being on yourself i am reminded of two phrases i like very much .
1)wherever you go..... there you are
2) so how is that working for you

#2014-08-19 19:58:56 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

@shirley168

哪里不懂,可以问我,有些单词也有写错的!如果不是同文章有类似性格或是经历的人,可能不太容易理解,里面有部分是有关心理方面的。

@ocean58
Thanks for your reading and sharing.But your quoted phrases are too intelligent to understand for me, could you please share with me on more details?

#2014-08-27 10:09:49 by anonymous11560 @anonymous11560

i google , and this is what i found

Wherever you go, there you are
http://www.thedailyawe.com/2012/06/wherever-you-go-there-you-are/

So, How’s That Working Out For You?
http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2013/01/19/so-hows-that-working-out-for-you/

#2014-09-09 09:39:50 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

@anonymous11560
Thanks for your kindness to help me to check out through internet and sorry for my late response.

Wherever you go, there you are means: happiness is a internal job and we are responsible for that. We can't count on any other person for our happiness! Then we really need to make every single decision as according to our own heart and that way will guide us to the right place..

Sorry, I can't open the 2nd link....

The purpose for me to write this article means tell there are a lot of conflicts inside of us(between the one of us inside and the one of us outside).Only the two of us get well along with each other, we could be happy. As for me, at least I am already aware of this and I am sure it is a good beginning for real happiness...

I guess I already know who you are. Thanks for your kindly help...

Have a nice day.

Lily

#2014-11-14 02:25:45 by RobertB @RobertB

This article is so accurate on the subject. It shows that there are people who treat life and a kind of exam, exam or rather series of exams. In the meantime , we need to live and we need to experience. There are some people who say that there is no such thing as a bad life. I have noticed that sometimes when I get relaxed or when I have maybe achieved something good I release energy, this can be felt as relief, Pleasure. The problem is that when we try to do something we need more energy but we may tend to deny ourselves that "luxury". So, this is wrong and logically ridiculous in fact. When we need to do something we should give ourselves more energy, that is joy and acceptance. In the meantime we often say: "I will give you more energy when you have completed the task. ". We need to do it consciously. Normally we learn this from childhood and even later it is reinforced by social interactions.
We have to work first and then we are paid. Yet when we want to work, we need to deliver energy first and then we can reap benefit of work.
Stress, feeling rigid and inability to move, turning into pain.. stiffness.
We need to be more relaxed. Aware but relaxed.
I wish you all the best,

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