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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International Dating: My Story - Thoughts On Dating Asian Women    

By Ryan Hendry
1511 Views | 8 Comments | 5/17/2016 1:32:50 PM

Dating Asian Women - Noi

“Ryan” “Ryan” I heard my name called. This was in spite of the shouts of vendors and honking car horns.  The air outside Phuket International Airport was full of noises.  They assaulted me from all directions. I turned toward the direction of the voice and saw a diminutive Thai woman running toward me. I recognized her immediately. It was Noi, “the little one.”



Noi was exactly as she looked in her photographs but better. She was small just like the meaning of her name. I had imagined Asian beauty in all my planning stages. Yet, Noi bowled me over on seeing her. Like ten pins in a bowling alley.



She had long black hair below her shoulders. It was thick and glistened with a reddish tinge when the sun touched the ends. Above all else she had the widest smile I have ever since in my life. Her eyes were dark but were on fire. They spoke of life itself and fun, of youth and vitality. Noi was shapely in a feminine way. Not skinny and not fat. I sighed an inward sigh of relief. I was physically attracted to her. Noi was not overtly sexy looking. She dressed casually and looked good. Her looks certainly had played a part when we were chatting online. There were Thai ladies on the dating site that were sexier looking. But that didn’t appeal to me. 



She was touchy feely in a subdued, discreet manner. There was no kiss. She took my hand and squeezed it gently. She also squeezed my arm. It felt intimate and at the same time affectionate. I had read a lot about Thailand before my arrival. I learned many things. Thai people are not prone to public displays of affection. Indeed, it is frowned upon. So, it was no surprise to me that Noi was muted in her physical manifestations of pleasure at seeing me. No one observing us would have guessed that we were both excited at meeting for the first time. But we both felt the joy. One of the other many things I learned about Thai culture and women was the importance of ‘jai dee.’



Roughly translated it means ‘kind heart.’ It is a quality that Thai women desire in their choice of man whether he be a farang (foreigner) or a Thai man. I always felt that put me in pole position in my quest to find an Asian soul mate. My natural first instincts are to be kind and see the best in people. I sensed that Noi was also possessed of ‘jai dee.’ Yet, these were early days so I guessed time would tell. Allow me to interject some thoughts on dating Asian women before I continue my journey with Noi.



Thais are the same as people all over Asia. They are ‘big’ on family. They try to help and support other family members as much as possible. Some family members make sacrifices to send money home to impoverished parents in the poorer provinces. Those sacrifices extend to working in the sex trade in places like Patong and Pattaya. Whereas many westerners disapprove of such things, Thais quietly have great respect for those girls who work in bars and sell sex in order to feed parents and siblings.



You must understand as a farang that Thais, indeed many Asians, have a very different attitude towards sex than we do in the west. They regard it as a normal bodily function. Nothing more and nothing less. The act itself is nothing to be ashamed of. It is normal human behavior. 



That attitude is in sharp contrast to the hang-ups that so many westerners have about sex. It is a complex subject and some of you may think - hold on; that westerners are more sexually liberated now than ever before. Well, yes to a degree. But, most of that is superficial and part of a western culture that cheapens sex and uses it as a marketing tool. Many western women believe they are sexually liberated because they can choose to hop in and out of various beds. I call that promiscuity. Promiscuity in an Asian woman will result in her being scorned and censured. Asian women tend to be far more faithful than their western counterparts. I still believe that a basic attitudinal difference exists between East and West when it comes down to sex.



As a westerner you also need to accept another truth about Asian culture. At least you do if you truly want to settle happily in the region. You will be viewed as a walking ATM by your girlfriend’s family. Most of Asian society views all western foreigners as rich. Many of us who migrate to Asian countries are not rich by any stretch of the imagination. But, always remember everything is relative. Even a small regular pension paid monthly is something many Thais and ordinary people all over Asia can only dream of. So, in many ways you are rich in their eyes.



The best girlfriends and wives do their utmost to protect their foreigner boyfriend/husband from the excesses of family money grabbing. In some ways, this part of my tale may seem to be out of synch with the chronology. For me, it is important for you to know what was in my head in these early days. I need you to know what information I had gleaned from my reading research prior to leaving the UK. Furthermore, I impart that knowledge to you, the reader, who may wish to follow in my footsteps. I write it now as modified in the light of experience.



If you are an older man, like me, do not despair. Age is no barrier to finding an Asian woman who truly loves you. Thai women have an expression for the philandering man. He is called a ‘butterfly.’ Thai and Asian culture in general is more accepting of the ‘oxen who graze on young grass.’ They look on age, maturity and stability as attributes in a man and a prospect for a long term partnership.



However, knowing all there is to know about Asian culture does not prevent catastrophic choices. Neither does it prevent scams. But, at the very least if things do go wrong you will be in a better place to understand. Meanwhile, back in Phuket, Thailand ...



I climbed into the front seat of the Mercedes taxi at the airport. Noi suggested it would be better for my long legs. She sat behind me on the 45-minute trip to the Patong hotel. She threw her arms around my neck and kept them there all the way to the hotel I had booked before leaving England.



Do Chinese or other Asian cultures have a similar saying to the Thai ‘jai dee’ (kind heart)? Let me know.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 8 of 8) 1
#2016-05-17 13:51:13 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Ryan, you've done a great job of explaining the difference between the Asian attitude towards sex and the Western attitude, the best job I've seen yet on the blogs I think, although maybe we should be saying the South East Asian attitude towards sex. I don't think it is quite the same in China.

Until quite recently sex with someone before marriage, for Chinese women, was quite unacceptable and hugely frowned upon, and even now I think it is only the younger generations who accept it as ok. Older females maybe coming around to casual sex being acceptable, but for the older males it is only acceptable for them, not for the females. At least not for any females who hope to marry someday.

Of course there are many plusses and minuses to any culture, but in my experience the SE Asian sexual culture is by far the healthiest and frankly the most honourable of any culture.

Thanks for another great read. Hopefully the new members will read it and learn something valuable from it.

#2016-05-17 22:13:57 by Barry1 @Barry1

Ryan, why does everyone in your blogs wear sunglasses? Not just Noi, but even your caricature up the top is wearing them, for Pete's sake. No one's trying to hide themselves from the government or the tax collectors, are they? (giggle)

Seriously though, this is a very interesting read.

Good job, mate! (clap)(clap)

#2016-05-18 14:03:29 by Sunshineinwinter @Sunshineinwinter

First, I want to say I think Thailand is a nice country, and Thai people are nice people, I have been to Phuket and saw there are so many old western men with very young Thai girls, I don't have any opinion on that, I believe anything exists with reasons there, that is, I try to understand it.
But, I am just curious for one thing, you said:Thais quietly have great respect for those girls who work in bars and sell sex in order to feed parents and siblings.
Where did you get this conclusion? it is your thought or the general thought of Thai people?
I don't think Thai people respect those people work in sex industry, from what I know, the local Thai people are laughing at the fact that one bar girls may have several western boyfriends and the bar girls fool around the western men to send them money
The local Thai people, as far as I know, are laughing at the fact that the bar girls can fool those stupid western men
Thai people welcome those real tourists who go to Thailand for sightseeing, but they don't like those western men who go to Thailand for sex, because prostition would cause many social problem, the more intelligent Thai people can far see it
In China, prostition is illegal but it still exists, those people work for prostition is not respectable at all, they are just the people who are lazy and want to earn quick money, it is very easy in China for them to find a job in the factories, I respect those people who work in the factories, but I don't respect people who work in prostition.
Another fact is people who work in prostition are not poor at all, at least in China, many people work for prostition earn lots and lots of money
Also Thai is a buddist country, it is very interesting a buddist country would have so good prostition industry
I just don't agree that Thai people respect those people work in sex industry, I am curious where did you get this conclusion?

#2016-05-19 08:57:05 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

I've spent a good amount of time in Thailand and everything you say about Thai culture strikes me as dead on accurate: sexual attitude, importance of stability (including financial), the inevitability of being viewed as a walking ATM. As John points out, Chinese attitudes towards sexuality (at least female attitudes) are quite different. Another thing that is different from China is the number of single mothers.CHinese men even when they are a**hole husbands tend to be devoted fathers. Thai men (again in my experience) are mostly absent fathers). Although the family is important in Thailand, marriage not so much, at least for men, and at least in comparison with China. So there are a lot of women looking for steady partner and as you say, age is not necessarily a barrier. Another difference with China is that Chinese women often look suspiciously upon a foreigner living in country, while this is not the case with Thai women. It is also the case that Thai women are much less likely to leave Thailand, so if you want a Thai wife, plan on living in Thailand. Fortunately, you don't have to twist a lot of people's arms to get them to live in Thailand, and the Thai government makes it relatively easy (especially in comparison to China). In any case, I greatly enjoy the writing and am looking forward to future installments.

#2016-05-22 23:07:38 by anonymous14963 @anonymous14963

Enlightening read about Thai culture. I agree with John that the Chinese have different attitude toward sex from the Thai. Premarital sex is more common in China nowadays yet the society is more tolerant to men than to women, presumably as a result of its long feudal history. I am surprised to read about expectations of "virgin gf" or slandering so on non-virgins on Chinese forums at this age. After all, great changes have taken place in people's ways of thinking and dating styles, this type of double standards seem unrealistic and outdated.

Maybe it is just a stereotype, I have noticed that many tropical countries have a more open attitude toward sex, therefore more single moms with absent fathers....

It is likely that most Asian countries view Westerners as rich people, as China used to. It is not the case nowadays in China. As more Chinese are leading a comfortable life and have more exposure to other countries, the stereotype is left behind. It was more common to see Chinese women marry Westerners to "climb up the social ladder" so to speak whereas nowadays Chinese women who are disppointed with men of their own country try to seek emotional connection with someone with similar values and social class.

Annie

#2016-05-23 16:22:54 by surpurisena @surpurisena

Hi Ryan
thank you share the story of you with everyone here . l do not travel to Thailand yet so l do not know about Thailand . altough china and Thailand are belong ASIA but there have different cutlture l think so l am agreen with sunshineinwinter what her said that there are illegal sell sex in china mean nobody respect these girls who sell sex in china.
l do have a little curious just like Barry said : why does everyone in your blogs wear sunglasses ? hehe
we are looking forward to reading your next post
thank you so much

#2016-05-29 12:06:41 by RHendry @RHendry

Thank you to all for your comments and insights. I learned a lot about Chinese attitudes to sex outside of marriage. @Sunshineinwinter I respect your views but I do not necessarily concur with all of them. The subject of sex workers in Thailand is a complicated one and worthy of a book in its own right. I concede one point - I should have written 'many' Thais to make my point clearer.
I make my comments from first-hand knowledge. More will be revealed in due course. Prostitution is also illegal in Thailand but everyone turns a blind eye. I also think that you confuse two types of bar girls. There are scammers and non-scammers. Yes, Thais and foreigners alike laugh at the situation where a Thai bar girl has several foreign "boyfriends." But, again from my own knowledge and observations, they are the minority. The majority are from the poor Isaan region and work in bars to feed families back home. There are no large factories to work in. I can assure you that the 'honest' bar girl is respected by her family and peers.
But it's an interesting topic :)

#2016-05-29 12:09:11 by RHendry @RHendry

@Barry1 @surpurisena The sunglasses? I own a sunglasses company!

Only kidding :)

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