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Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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They're All So Beautiful, Part 2    

By Peter V
4241 Views | 6 Comments | 8/16/2013 4:20:51 PM

What is the stereotype of the Asian female in the Western mind? Does it play any role in the reason some Western men want to date Asian females? These are the questions that take up the bulk of Pars 2 & 3 of "They're All So Beautiful." This, recall, is the web documentary by Debbie Lum (director of "Single Asian Female"), which examines the phenomenon of Western men attracted to Asian women.

You might recall that the first episode dealt the issue of whether there was something strange, sick or twisted in a Western man’s being attracted to Asian women. In my discussion of that episode, I suggested that the issue was a silly one, since it seemed crazy to criticize someone for who or what attracts them. Thankfully, part 2 begins by agreeing with me. Even the female scholar who earlier called attraction to Asians a fetish admits that “Everybody has something that turns them on. There is nothing wrong with that.”

But as she points out, although there may be nothing wrong with going out with members of a particular race because you find the features of that race physically attractive, “What is wrong with that is when it crosses the line into expectations of behavior.” Right after her comment, an Asian man follows up with the claim that while he has no problem with such cross cultural dating, he hopes it is not because the Western men think Asian females are submissive. This point is driven home by Dr. Benjamin Tong, who provides a list of the dominant stereotypes in the white community, “Latina women are hot and difficult to control…Asian women are more controllable …they live to please…and black women are seen as powerful.” He says that while these are stereotypes, they do exist in many people’s minds.

There seems a real issue here. These stereotypes do exist in the West and I don’t doubt there are some men who buy into them. Thankfully, none of the men interviewed express this point of view. Indeed, the men — both Asian and non-Asian — go out of their way to say that the Asian women they know are about as far from this stereotype as you can imagine. The quotes range from: “I don’t find them any more docile than Caucasian” to “Asian women are quite belligerent, demanding not afraid to say what is on their mind, not afraid to act independently.” Nor have I found an attitude of stereotype among China Love Match males. I would like to think in part this is due to the blogs and forums, which do a great job of serving as a corrective to stereotypical thinking.

Still, at the end I am left with a question: There are obviously some character traits in which Asian and Western women differ, which seems to suggest that there are some stereotypes that are true. For example, I would say generally speaking that family, especially extended family in terms of parents, is more of a value to Asian females than it is to Western women. So is there such a thing as a positive stereotype? And is it OK to appeal to a good stereotype as a rationale for attraction? Or should everyone just be treated as individuals? Are there certain cultural traits that at least in part are responsible for men joining Asian dating sites? I would be interested in having people weigh in on these issues.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 6 of 6) 1
#2013-08-18 12:07:26 by melcyan @melcyan


Generalizations and stereotyping about Chinese women and men and Western women and men are not useful in the pursuit of a life partner. The most useful thing you can is get your own life in order and learn to see yourself as worthy of love. When you do this first you can build a relationship on solid ground and offer a prospective partner so much more.

#2013-08-19 20:03:34 by mary0624 @mary0624

@melcyan
you said what i wanted to say. thank you.

#2013-08-20 19:47:23 by melcyan @melcyan

@mary0624

You are welcome. I like your profile and I wish you all the best for the future.

#2013-08-20 22:03:10 by sandy339 @sandy339

One point I noticed that the people with higher eduction are more liberal, not so blind-minded, and not so easliy to buy the stereotype thing. I suddenly remember I watched a wonderful movie CRASH, a noble best movie, in which Chinese are so belligerent, they quarrel and fight everywhere, but when their family member got sick, they become tender and care about their family so much, very interesting perspective. Also in this movie there are a lot of crush among races, a very interesting movie..

Before I had a a lot of sterotypes about other cultures and races,for example, when I met Germans I thought they might are very logical and accurate; if I met Frenchmen, I thought they might be very romantic; when I met some Italians, I thought they might live leisurely and comfortably,etc, but in my real meeing with them both at my work and life, more than likely they are not. I think the difference between people is much more than the difference in cultures, and culture difference is being narrowed due to globalization. Now if there is something important or interesting happens, almost immediately all the world will know, most of us are exposed in the similar information by medium and website, so gradully we might think quite alike in a lot of aspects. What’s important is still the uniqueness of each individual I think. So I think in general everyone should just be treated as individuals.

#2013-09-08 07:09:16 by Andypanda @Andypanda

I think this is an issue that applies to any race or culture.
Simple physical attraction.
I believe it is very normal for many people to be attracted to a beautiful woman.
Looks are often the first thing that draws us to a person who we have not previously known. So their fore have not yet been attracted by their personality or other qualities.
I am guilty of specifically searching for a Chinese wife. I was at no time even remotely interested in searching for a Western woman.
I am not implying that they are not good enough or I am too good for them in any way. I just believed that my best chance to find happiness was with a Chinese woman. I also felt that I could make a Chinese woman happy with what I have to offer her.
I never once thought I would have a submissive wife if I married a Chinese woman. The thought of a woman like that seems quite boring to me.
I find the Chinese women I have met quite the opposite.
Willing to speak up and express themselves, very brave,capable and strong.
I think there are so many Chinese women who have all the good qualities we men are here searching for and as a added bonus so many of them are so beautiful.
I cant see any negatives in it all.
Best of luck to everyone on CLM

#2014-02-12 09:52:16 by littlehugger @littlehugger

I was married to a Filipina for 11 years. My sons are half-pinoy, and half my lovers have been Asian. Submissive is the last word I would use, but you have to remember, Western women are welded to their ideology, first and foremost. They inherently resent the fact we have alternatives, and MUST blame the male. Thus the, "men are attracted to Asians because they are submissive" myth. They believe it because they need to.
The series is not objective, as it presumes pro and con, and presents them as equal and valid. Oh, really? Would they present gays and gay marriage that way? When they start selling snowballs in hell.
Its hard for me to put into words why Asians are attractive. Feminine, intelligent, self-possessed, womanly, strong. I happen to like small, and long dark hair too.
Asians are more open-minded and approachable. And sex is great! They have not weaponized it manipulate, control and reward.
Its not just Asia, as there are other countries where the ladies find Western men attractive, but not so many chasing our women.

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