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Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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They're All So Beautiful    

By Peter V
3859 Views | 7 Comments | 8/7/2013 3:25:13 AM

I just finished watching a web miniseries on Western men dating Asian women. Titled “They’re All So Beautiful,” the series was created by Debbie Lum, who directed the documentary film “Seeking Asian Female,” a film that has been discussed in blogs on this site.

The web series is a set of five segments each between 7-10 minutes long. Titled “What is Yellow Fever?” the first episode begins with a variety of Western men describing their attraction to Asia women. Some of these guys are sweet and appealing and some you would cross the street to avoid. All admit their attraction to women of Asian descent, although not a few feel the need to apologize for it. It soon becomes clear, however, that what’s at stake in this episode is not so much a definition of "yellow fever" (a term which I despise but which I feel compelled to use given the context) as an inquiry into whether it is a good or bad thing for Western men to be attracted to Asians.

Now the sane among us realize that attraction is really not something you can control, and that unless there is a demonstrable social harm such as is the case with pedophilia it makes no sense to criticize someone for who they are attracted to. But this is not enough to discourage a couple of (female) scholars from weighing in on the other side. Professor Elaine Kim declares that the attraction to women from Asia has to do with “the fascination of something that seems physiologically different, like bound feet and horizontal vaginas,” while Sheridan Prasso, author “The Asian Mystique,” compares the phenomenon to a leather fetish or shoe fetish.

To address the first point, if to be attracted to what is physiologically different is a pathological, you might as well condemn all heterosexuals as pathological, since by definition heterosexuals are attracted to someone who is physiologically different. Regarding the claim that being attracted to Asians is a fetish, there is no standard psychological interpretation of the term in which attraction to a particular race can be called a fetish. In fact, there is a rather fixed definition psychologically of what a fetish is: To get sexually aroused by a physical object like a shoe is a fetish; to be sexually aroused by one’s conception of beauty is, well, human nature.

To her credit, Lum does not take sides on this issue but merely presents the opposing points of view in order to open up a discussion, although I doubt any minds will be changed. If like me you think the attraction to Asian women is normal and natural, you will see the scholars as illogical ideologues, while if you happen to think there is something sick and twisted about the phenomenon, you will probably see the men as creepy. In any case, anyone engaged in cross cultural dating (which I guess would mean anyone on this website) should watch the series. I would be interested in your views and will be commenting on the other parts of the series in upcoming blog posts.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 7 of 7) 1
#2013-08-08 09:00:38 by anonymous7113 @anonymous7113

Peter, I saw the documentary "Seeking Asian Female". Everyone on CLM needs to view it. Male and female. It shows the reality of it all. I can't recommend it highly enough.

#2013-08-09 17:28:27 by Tyler72 @Tyler72

Truthfully, i find this kind of thing Jerry Springer/train wreck tv interesting, but really I hate them because they more than anything propagate the idea in others minds that we are weirdoes.

Its true, she tries to be pretty objective in her exploration of the topic, but for every balanced, normal, non creepy guy on there (and lets face it the normal folk just dont have the mental glue factor necessary to permanantly stick themselves into your memory) theres three total losers who the viewers will remember forever and associate with every caucasian guy they ever see walking arm and arm or eating dinner with an Asian woman.

My "fetish" didnt come from Asian porn, it came from working in China and meeting all these great, smart, attractive women through work and out with my Chinese friends, dating some, and coming home after each trip, looking around and coming to a gradual realization (ok maybe no that gradual, i am a fast learner) that i just wasnt interested in 90% of the women back home anymore for a combination of socio cultural and physiological reasons.. Lol none of which includes horizontal pussy or passive personalities. In fact, i hate overly passive, wallflower women. ...but you know there was no mention of the guys who spend time in Asia and come home with a different perspective. There definitely was a combination of ABC and FOB (not my terms) Asian women represented in the videos though. The fact that i absolutely am not attracted to 75% of Asian women and still attracted to good looking white/black/hispanic/etc women should somehow defetishize my particular preference, I think, and skew it into a simple matter of choice instead. We all have the right to make our own decisions when seeking a spouce. Some women certainly choose height and income first, lol, much to my detriment, ok im not exactly poor, But nobody is making documentaries holding these women up to be freaks with fetishes. Lol maybe a closer comparison is, guys who dont date alcoholics, smokers, morbidly obese girls, sociopaths, and women who are too free with casual sex outside of any kind of long term relationships... But that sounds bitter and angry, and really Im not. I just came home from China and found my tastes and outlook on what constitutes a healthy relationship had changed. Why dont I get fair representation in that show, or anywhere in stateside media portrayal?

#2013-08-10 00:01:17 by Jaguarguy @Jaguarguy

Interesting read and documentaries and I did check them both out. I would say the Yellow fever thing is kind of a joke IMHO. I mean in the 80's I only dated then married a blonde with blue eyes. In the 90's it was all brunettes with dark brown eyes and that included my late wife (who looked Greek). My interest in Asian women at this time is more for there values then looks but then that's just me.

#2013-08-13 15:34:19 by sandy339 @sandy339

I watched the documentary film "Seeking Asian Female", it is great. Stevern is so cute and sincere, although he is not my type, I really like him, he might be a good neighbor or friend in reality. Sandy is abosolutely true to her heart and nature. She is mostly a material girl, but with her true heart and soul. Steven said she is more than he deserved. Wow, surprising…I guess it is impossible for him to find such a young and beautiful girl, it is also a kind of reality? I worried about their future, to my great surprise, they get better and better, at their first year wedding ceremony:
Sandy said “I LOVE YOU!”natually,
and Steven said “WHY?” lol, (I guess Sandy didn't say much about it in their life.)
Sandy said “NO WHY” lol a lot, it is so great the film ended in it with a lot of flower in background.

In this film, Stevern analyzed why he finally wanted a Chinese wife, he said China is such a big and great country, (I heard about it before.) so I think any kind of relationship or marriage must be a combination of many factors, not only personal fetish …

#2013-08-16 08:23:50 by oceanpotion1 @oceanpotion1

@peter.. i have also watched this. but in my opinion. don't watch any "one" commentary about china and believe in the maker.. view "many" and make your own opinion.. i have traveled many parts of china and the views vary depending on the "area" and the religion you visit. i do not like the commentary of people that visit "westernized" cities and make assumptions of the true chinese culture. Americans will have a difficult time understanding true chinese tradition in "so called" westernized cities..i am a US citizen but i own a home in china (20 miles N.W. of urumqi). where my wifes' family is from. these famiies are hans that live among a heavy muslim population. their views of american people and culture are vastly different from the people of the most populated (westernized ideas)parts of china.
now my opinion on why american men want asian woman. first , i am not a young man, and i married my wife about a year ago. i visit china often.. it is important to my wife (she's the boss)
traditional chinese woman are very submissive to the male counterpart.. in my case that is not true.. altho i like the thought of it.. (remember my age)
i am capable of taking care of her.. not only financially, but as a woman. i can do the laundry, wash the floors, and do the dishes.. she will insist that this is her job... and i insist we share.. they will work themselves to death.. this woman is the love of my life.. but i must add this.. i rarely dated american woman.. because the baggage is always an issue. american woman feel as the man owes them a living.. chinese woman have honor for their family values that american men lost many years ago..
if you marry into a chinese family.. you are family.. you are as one.. you will be closer to their family than you are of your own.. and you will be the better person for it. they will embrace your family and wonder why you don't see them every week..
my wife is 44 and she is the most wonderful woman i have ever met. if anyone of your readers doubt the loyalty, compassion or honor of the true chinese culture they do not belong here. you have not only married the love of your life.. you have also married her family... AND you will be a better person for it. trust me.. i feel there are many men on this site looking for a fantasy.. yes! the fantasy is here.. but not for men with out commitment to the chinese tradition of family... i know many chinese people, mothers, daughters and fathers.. To have the daughters marry an american is NOT the first choice of chinese society.. it is the last resort to marry off a daughter.. but to the daughter that is over the age of acceptance (in china) it becomes the first choice. if the woman has a son or daughter (under the age of 18. it is a priority to get them to america..
i have never seen a heart more fragile than the chinese woman. it is nothing to be toyed with.. it is a heart that is more sacred than any you will ever see.. and it is untrusting to the american man.. this is a heart you must win.. not only with her ..but with her family and friends.. if you do not.. you will not be accepted in their family.. tradition runs deep.. the region of the family decides this..
So,, a little word to american men seeking a chinese wife.. if you are not in it for keeps.. forever..move on.. this site is not for you.. good luck
"oceanpotion1"

#2013-08-17 07:41:00 by Eugene8899 @Eugene8899


I quote from the article above:
Professor Elaine Kim declares that the attraction to women from Asia has to do with “the fascination of something that seems physiologically different, like bound feet and horizontal vaginas,”


Folks, this is such a sick twisted statement that I can hardly believe anybody would say such a thing!!!

I have never heard of such a thing! And I'm shocked that a so-called 'Professor' would make such a ridiculous statement! Most Americans don't know about the old customs of 'bound feet' in China. And the comment about vaginas just insults anybody's intelligence.

Personally, I am interested in Asian Ladies because I think they have great morals and values. They hold precious the things that truly matter in life, such as being faithful to their husband for the rest of their lives. The Asian Ladies appear to believe that true love exists! And they value family more than almost anything! These are the things I want in my life and that is why I look seriously for an Asian Wife. I do not search for the stupid idiotic things stated by the so-called 'Professor'!!! What an INSULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

#2013-08-17 23:43:26 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

@Eugene8899 I agree some of the commentary on the web documentary shows a tremendous lack of, well, intelligence. Fortunately I think the comments from the men in the documentary offset these remarks and make them look rather petty in contrast. Indeed, it is pretty clear the filmmaker herself started off with a bias against Western men who are attracted to Asian women and tried her best to make a film that would show them in a bad light. But despite her best efforts she wound up making a very different film. ANd I would certainly recommend her film Single Asian Female to anyone on the site

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