Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Daniel has lived in Toronto, Canada for 28 years. He’s a loving father, practicing dentist, divorcee and a well traveled “citizen of the world”. Having had extensive experience with online dating, travel and life in the Philippines, Daniel will tell it like it is and will no doubt open some eyes. He is currently engaged to a Chinese lady that he met on CLM and will very soon get married. However, he's seen a dark side too. Get ready for the good, the bad and the ugly.
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The Pursuit of Happiness Part III    

By Daniel Chermont
3806 Views | 9 Comments | 3/15/2013 4:58:41 PM

A kiss for an Angel.

Real and true love surely should be able to endure and survive anything life throws at us and make our bond even stronger. A kiss of get well soon, my sweet little angel, I need you, with all my love. - Daniel Chermont

My Angela is seriously ill, the main reason why I am still in Canada and did not go to China to marry her yet. China has excellent doctors and excellent hospitals and other than moral support and prayers, there would be nothing I could possibly do to help. She is in good hands and above all I trust with all my heart that the Lord is protecting her.

She has been sick for a month now, with a devastating respiratory problem. She tells me that the main hospital in her city is overwhelmed with patients suffering all sorts of problems caused by severe air pollution. The most afflicted are the people in the two extremes, the very young and the very old, always the most susceptible and the most vulnerable.

Due to this major unforeseen impediment we had no choice but to postpone our wedding. We will wait till, God willing, she gets back on her feet, which I hope will be very soon and then we will proceed with our plans.

In the meantime, we developed a bond that can not be broken and this is just a chapter that we will face together. Perhaps this is a test that the Almighty is putting us through, but together we will overcome it and get on with our lives.

We did a thoroughly research about what is needed for a Chinese person to immigrate to Canada and as I had promised to you, I will show you what we have learned and mention some highlights.

Immigrating to Canada at this point is difficult and yet under certain conditions can be relatively simple. I will not talk about the immigration of entrepreneurs, refugees etc, let us focus on the immigration of a person that marries a Canadian Citizen.

Canada expects its citizens to marry a foreign person and return to Canada to initiate the immigration process. The most common approach is the “Sponsorship Program”. The Canadian citizen has to satisfy the CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) staff that he or she fulfills all the requirements outlined by this Government Agency which overviews the immigration procedures. For complete information and detailed steps, please refer to the official site They do have the information in different languages, to include Chinese.

Once all the requirements for sponsorship are completed, the wife or husband in China, will have to undergo some routine medical exams, police check (standard universally)’ go for an interview in the Embassy or Consulate of Canada and prepare himself/herself to the arrival to the Land from Sea to Sea. Welcome to Canada !!!!

Different rules apply to different countries and also decisions are made on a case by case basis at the sole discretion of the person that will conduct the interview. It makes a big difference if the bride or groom falls in a professional category which will allow him or her to legally circumvent the standard steps and speed up the process. I will further explain below.

Let us use two scenarios as examples:

Case # I.

The husband is a Canadian Citizen,a bonna fide individual, with a solid financial situation, owns his house or condo, is an established professional, a person that holds a steady job or is a business owner and do not have pending legal issues (including undischarged bankruptcy or being sued for delinquency) or criminal records.

The wife is a Chinese lady, recently graduated in a College or University, does not own a house or an apartment, does not own an automobile, does not have any bank savings and is starting her career or is currently seeking employment. She has no legal problems or criminal records and passed the medical tests required.

In the above scenario, the lady will obviously rely entirely, at least in the beginning of their married life, on her husband earnings to support her.

Chances are that the process will run smoothly with no problems. The problem with this scenario is that due to the backlog on immigration processes, it might take in some cases anywhere from 1 to 2 years for the lady to be granted permission to join her husband in Canada. This can be very frustrating for both specially if a child is involved.

Case #2

The husband is a Canadian Citizen, a bonna fide individual, with a solid financial situation, owns his house or condo, is an established professional, a person that holds a steady job or is a business owner and do not have pending legal issues (including undischarged bankruptcy or being sued for delinquency) or criminal records.

The wife is a Chinese lady, holding a diploma and post-graduation studies in her field. She has no legal or criminal problems in China and has normal results on her standard medical tests. She has being employed steadily for few years, owns property in China and also a car or she owns an established business. She is independent, able to show for example, a 30 thousand dollars savings account and her profession would allow her to easily get employed in Canada, since it falls in the list of professions or trades that are in demand in the country. The icing in the cake would be if she gets a job offer in Canada.

In this case, she could apply to immigrate to Canada on her own without the need of being sponsored by her husband. She will go through a “points system”, that will take many things into consideration. Her age, her ability to communicate in English and/or French, the two official languages of Canada ( a good mark on a IELTS test or equivalent would be a great help), diplomas and certificates, letters of reference from employers or former professors, all these things will help a bit. Being married to a Canadian citizen counts as 10 points. The total minimum points accepted as we speak are 67 (March 2013).

Please, have ALL official documents translated to English or French, notarized and certified by the Canadian Embassy in Beijing or the General Consulate of Canada in Hong Kong. Ask your bank to give you statements for your banking activity for at least the last 6 months. To ask relatives to deposit money in your account overnight as “show money” is a common mistake. The clerks in the Embassy will not be fooled, they are trained to do their job as their counterparts in any Consulate or Embassy of ANY country. This will only make you look bad. Act ALWAYS in good faith.

Purchase a RETURN ticket China-Canada-China from a reputable company (be careful with fake companies in the net), stating clearly that if your visa is refused for any reason whatsoever (which under the circumstances discussed above will be quite unlikely) your money will be returned in FULL, no penalties. Don’t take no for an answer. Shop around, there are flights via Chicago that can save you hundreds of dollars. Flights originated in Hong Kong are much cheaper too.

Make an appointment in the Embassy, look your best, look professional, respond their questions in a truthful and firm way, look eye to eye and chances are that soon you will be on your way to Canada to meet your hubby/or wife.

Be very careful with travel agencies that offer as a side business “consultants” that make wild promises (usually fake) and are out there to extort money (many times hundreds of dollars) from inexperienced and innocent people. They are usually very pleasant, have a used car salesman smile, talk smoothly, claim that they have “people inside that will help”. Do not fall for that. There is no such a thing, it is “scam ahoy”. This people are certifiable crooks and actors. They make you to sign a paper with a disclaimer in fine print which says that “they will do their best efforts, but can not guarantee any results”.... This trick is so old, that it was in the hand of the mummy of Tutankhamun when they opened his sarcophagus. Deal DIRECTLY with the Canadian Embassy or Consulates, no middle man, period. Canadian officials do hire local staff, that obviously are fluent in your language and will help you at no cost. Don’t throw away your hard earned money.

As I said in the beginning, there are a multitude of possible scenarios, I described just two of the most common ones, inherent to married people, but with careful reading of the information provided on the official site of Immigration Canada which I provided to you, you should be able to pretty much assess your chances of being approved. Make notes, do your homework, prepare all the documents before hand, and good luck.

Case #2 is processed in a different avenue, follows different rules and the approval process is usually much faster than in case # I.

It is not my intention to discourage you, but there is no substitute for reality and truth, If you are a student, a person that has limited financial resources, do not own a property, is too young (or too old), don’t have a credit history, don’t pass the medical exam etc, any of these alone or combined, will hinder your chances of being accepted as an immigrant in Canada.

If your loved one can not substantially prove to the Canadian authorities that he/she has the means to support you, if he/she is an undischarged bankrupt, has committed a serious offense (has a police record), does not have a steady job (or runs a successful business), does not have savings, the chances of him/her being accepted as your “sponsor” are NILL. Love alone does not pay bills.....

Keep in mind that if you are refused a visa, they will stamp in your passport “refused with no prejudice” and this will stay on record for ever.

Please, don’t spend hundreds of dollars in “consultant fees”, translating documents, spending your valuable time into something that will get you nowhere.

The guidelines are very simple, straightforward and easy to understand. Canadian officials follow the rules by the book. Never, ever, even try to lie to them, they will never trust you again from that point on. If they perceive you are trying to get away with a false information, that is it. Always say the truth, be sincere, state your situation clearly. In some cases they might consider your application. Once again, each case is different and unique.

Canada is a wonderful country, it is not perfect (no country is) but they play by the rules. Don’t even try to suggest something like “I will give you a gift”, this will kill your chances on the spot. Canadians hate corruption and lies, it does not work in this country. Play by the rules.

In a way, somehow it looks like it is easier to join your bride/groom in the US. The US issues a visa for “fiancee”. Check with them, consult their site to see which rules are in place.

I will ask John Abbott to open a forum thread, where we can talk about this and exchange information. John is a Canadian lawyer and can give us some help from a professional and educated point of view. I hope this will be of some help for Chinese ladies/gentlemen willing to marry a Canadian Citizen.

I sincerely wish you all good luck in both, your immigration and in your married life. Peace, love, tenderness, companionship, harmony, respect and happiness are my wishes for both of you. I promise to keep you updated about Angela and I. At this point. all I can do is pray.

God bless you my friends, today and each and every day of your lives.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-03-16 11:52:38 by zhangxiujin @zhangxiujin

Dear Daniel, thanks for your wonerful article, always looking forward to your next part of writing...

#2013-03-16 17:24:31 by sandy339 @sandy339

Hi Daniel
I am so so sorry for Angela’s illness. It is caused by severe air pollution? It is so terrible, is she from Beijing? I think she needs to hurry to your place after recovering. I can feel there is a strong bond between you two, it is so good, that is a real love from my viewpoint. Yes it is just a chapter between you, and I believe with your love and God’s blessing she will get back on her feet soon:-), and thanks for sharing visa and immigration information.
God bless you!

#2013-03-18 22:15:40 by gaspasser @gaspasser

Hi Daniel,
I read your article with interest...especially the visa and immigration info. This past summer I spent 7 weeks in Harbin and got engaged to a wonderful woman. She was fighting ovarian cancer at the time, and I went to the hospital with her for her IV chemo treatments which made her very tired, and she lost her hair and her sense of taste. She had had surgery and was also on oral chemo meds and ultimately got a couple of biological treatments to strengthen her immune system and keep the cancer from returning. Now she is cancer free, but gets periodic blood work to make sure the cancer has not returned as ovarian cancer is the biggest killer of women. She was very lucky as her cancer was caught early and it was small. I could not do much either except to give her moral support and keep telling her to believe in herself and her body's ability to heal and in her doctors and in her Buddhist teacher who she listened to every day online, and he told her basically the same thing I did and to be positive and confident, and I believe that makes all the difference in the world. And I think my being there with her helped a lot even though there was not much I could do or communicate with her doctors as I don't know very much of the Chinese language. In fact, I believe it helped her a lot and she tells me I was instrumental in saving her life, as when she first heard she had cancer, she was convinced she was going to die, and told me to find another Chinese woman, but I would not give up on her. She has also been growing and drinking wheat grass juice which her doctors recommended to her, and it has helped her to become healthy and strong. We applied for a K1 Fiancee Visa so she can come here to the U.S.A. where we will be married. It has been about 5 months now, and they tell us the average time is 3-5 months but it can also take longer. She is waiting to have an interview at an American Embassy in southern China and then hopefully she will be issued her visa. She will have to marry within 90 days of receiving the visa to remain here in America. I am sorry the immigration process is taking so much longer there in Canada...I don't know why it has to be like that, but I guess that is the government for you. I am a professional nurse anesthetist and altho I am retired, I still work part time when needed and have a pretty good social security and retirement income, so I will be supporting her until she can find some way to make money which she wants to do. She has a degree in agriculture and a background in retail sales, as she had a couple of clothing shops and was doing very well before she got sick. I am having a website built here so we can do online selling of quality Chinese goods anywhere. I know she will do very well as she is the eldest sibling and has taken care of both of her parents and sister and brothers, so she is not afraid of work. She is still the one who is called when her mother has a problem, even though that tires her and often causes her a lot of stress. Her mother has many medical problems, but when she comes here to be with me, her siblings will have to take over caring for their mother which they are perfectly capable of doing. I wish you and your fiancee well, and hope you can be together very soon.

#2013-03-19 09:35:14 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

@sandy 339 Hi Sandy. Thanks from my heart for your kind words which I know are sincere. Angelas leaves 3 hour by plne from Beijing, in a costal city, where her Bureau for Fisheries is located. He graduated and post-graduated in the Dalian Ocean University, which is famous in this field. Her mom lives in Beijing. I am aware ofthe ongoing problem with air pollution in China, which many countries faced before (and some still do) and the truth is that pollution travels with the wind, as we all know. In china, from the size of the country on, everything is or happens in immense proportions. China in 15 years achieved a manufacturing capability which took the rest of the world 50 years to do. This is the price for progress. I trust Mr. Jinping and his capable staff will bring new strict legislation to get this under control. Air, water, food and the Sun are essentials, everything else is luxury. The country that has polluted more our planet is the US, but they also paid heavy price for doing so. I wish the best to China and to the Chinese people. The good news is that Angela is getting better by the day and her lungs are clearing up. Thanks Sandy, God bless

#2013-03-19 09:39:31 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

@zhangxiujin You are always kind and polite and you have always a word of optimism. I ask the Lord to always bless you and your family. It is a honour and privilege to be able to write to our community and I feel happy when people like the thoughts I share, from my heart. Thank you so much. All the best.

#2013-03-22 05:42:14 by RobertB @RobertB

I have been moved by gasspaser story.
Also I can see that Daniel has said:
"Real and true love surely should be able to endure and survive anything life throws at us and make our bond even stronger."

I personally had a similar experience though it may baffle people.
I met a woman in South Africa, she was one of overseas Chinese. Some of the old 华侨 could speak mainly Cantonese, which I do not understand.
Peng Wei, though spoke common language, so mandarin Chinese, that is how we could communicate. People do not realize but it is very difficult to learn English for the Chinese.
So, my lady was very special, also because we did have a special spiritual bond I should say. The type I tend to have mainly with Chinese.
On one occasion, when we were sleeping I had a dream.
We were both window shipping, when I noticed something interesting so, I called my closest and asked: do you think we can buy this?
She was standing maybe 2, 3 meters away, looking at something else.
Then I awoke, as my female companion whispered through sleep:: ·是·
yes, ok. I do not know, I remember her saying that, as I was really surprised. Later I had to leave the country and because of that our ways parted. I know it is hard to imagine.
Still I remember one day, feeling very lonely and longing for her, I stood at the window and wished that the whole Universe would protect her.
Some months later I received her letter. I could not read it at the time and I had so many other things I was preoccupied with.
Then a year passed and I found that letter again. This time, I could read it. Mind you, I had no access to dictionaries at that time.
Somehow I was able to read. (Never mind I know, I had studied Chinese and I had contact with Chinese (on and off) for more than 20 years).
Peng Wei wrote that she had a car accident, still she survived and she thank me for the support.
Moments like this sometimes can make a person realize that life is not wasted. I may have not achieved certain things, but I have had some experiences I dare many people could not have, although I am daily amazed by greatness of others.
Still when you can influence somebody else's life maybe even save sometimes, I know this case is just a spiritual case, so it is for outsiders simply non-transparent. Still other times when I drove someone to hospital and made them survive, gave me that similar feeling.
It is good. At least I have done something someone can benefit.
We often try to achieve greatness by conquering nations, building wealth empires, or simply by gaining excellent qualifications and then high-paying jobs, still a the end, we must realize that it is not about our power. It is about being yourself and love.
yes, we need power to be able to help others, to maintain our independence. We need to know where is our help welcome and when it might be received as interference. Very important, as it is equally applicable to everybody, men and women.
Too much care can turn into control and hindering other person's development. On the other hand, too much independence means we live our lives on our own. Where do we become balanced? Are these not the biggest questions of all time? It is not about energy, about economics, or about space-time. It is about us. We are energy and creation. creative force. If we accept ourselves and our goals, then miracles will happen. They have happened in my life. Many times. For outside observer it could look like prearranged events, bending laws of physics and so on.
Still it was perfectly normal. The main theme is love and acceptance. This is in fact exactly the same thing.
There is no time, no limit. There is only love (acceptance) -- do we agree to something or not. Mind you that for this you need to be in total peace.
So, you are not afraid of anything, then energy will flow and then whatever you desire will happen. ( I guess there might be some limits, but that is extremely advanced topic. ).
We often use outside events as an excuse that we cannot do something.
We do not even realize or do not want that we may be doing that so we can withdraw with "face". NO, I am not saying that people are bad and that you do not love your lady. no. I just say that we are so complex beings that solving our problems has to be complex too. Although when solution is ready is usually very simple.
it is like computer program. Have you ever seen line of code in humanly readable language and then in more system language and finally binary?
It is shocking, how different the three of them are. Still they say exactly the same thing.
I know I have drifted away from the main topic. I do apologize.
Still I believe that it has some relevance.
It is all about love, choice and recognizing the possibilities. Also optimization, in human terms it means minimizing human suffering.

#2013-03-22 17:48:09 by pourquoipasamour @pourquoipasamour

@RobertB You are a real human being and a perfectly normal and well balanced human being. I agree with you in the things you say. Life sometimes brings is to cross roads and in others we have to face though obstacles. If is real love, we should be able to proceed rain or shine. I am fascinated by Metaphysics Philosophy and when you read about people like Tales de Miletus and Aristptle, they send a clear message, everything in life should be done searching a happy medium, or as the Portuguese say "Not too far into the ocean, not too close to land". Yes, I am not in favour of anyone controlling anyone, I would not enjoy a partner which would even try to "control" me, I feel that is a compulsive/obsessive behaviour, usually due to insecurity, it is like castrating, suffocating one's personality, but also the "I don't care what you do" approach is also wrong. I guess the trick is to care, protect, be there when needed and at the same time give the other person room to breathe and be himself/herself. By nature I am a laid back person, a true liberal in most aspects. I simply live and let others live. However, certain points as loyalty, dignity, and truth at all costs are not negotiable. In a perfect world, a couple should work as one and most things should be decided by the two, through an amiable conversation, respect for the other person's points, feeling and concerns etc. One of the things I had trouble with dealing with the few ladies I chatted with in CLM before meeting the one the , God willing, soon will be wife, is that after one or two chats they expected me to pack my stuff and head to China to meet them in person. In my culture, this is unrealistic. I am not saying that one should engage in an endless cyber get nowhere liaison, but to expect a person to jump into a plane and go to the other side of the planet at the drop of a hat, it simply does not and should not happen that way. Most people here are mature, adults, many are divorcees, care for a child, have jobs, careers, business to take care of, so I feel everything should be carefully planned to even optimize the chances of a successful and happy ending. It is not like when we are 18 and we grab few T shirts , an extra pair of running shoes, couple of jeans, clean underwear and so on and off we go. We are not teenagers. I feel that somehow the ladies use this a as a measure of qualifying if the guy has serious intentions or is just having fun. I might write an article about this or open a forum thread. I know that many ladies are divorcees, have children under their care, have professional obligations etc, but sometimes they lose touch with reality a bit. How do you feel about this? Consciously or unconsciously are they "testing" the Western man? Someone once said "if you love someone, set he/she free. If it comes back, is because really loves you, if does not, is because never loved you in the first place". Good luck on your endeavours, God bless.

#2013-03-25 22:39:52 by gaspasser @gaspasser


Thank you Robert. I was very lucky to find a Chinese woman who loves me deeply and comes from a very good and hard working family. I believe there are some younger Chinese women who are just looking for a western man to latch onto so they can come here and get a green card. I even had one tell me that was her intent, so at least she was honest with me, but that was the exception. I also believe that it was her devout study of Buddhism that was so instrumental in changing her attitude about her cancer and her life and living. Cancer is a terrible disease, but it can also be a great teacher if one is willing to listen to the lessons it imparts. She told me that it along with her Buddhist teacher who she listens to online two hours every day, it has taught her many positive things about living and life and what is important in life and what is not.

Since I have worked for many years in the medical field, I have heard that from many cancer patients... those who survived and those who did not, as it was not quantity of life that they discovered was so important, but it was quality of life no matter how much time they had. It was important to live each and every day as though it were your last, as it could very well be your last since none of us know what the future will bring. As the gentle and caring woman she is, she is teaching me much that I still had not learned now even at my advanced age. Things like anger management which I have struggled with all my life, as well as self control, and inner peace and happiness with the little things in life, and appreciation of all the good and positive things that life has to offer.

I think it is too easy to get caught up in the acquisition of things that we often tend to forget that we cannot take any of those things with us when we leave this life. All that we have are memories, and hopefully most of them will be good memories. We all make mistakes that we need to forget and forgive ourselves for... but that is not as easy for us to do as it is for a supreme being to do. I was married for 16 years to a wonderful western woman, and we had been together for 31 years, but I drove her to leave me by my bad behavior toward her. I stopped talking or listening to her... I stopped doing the little non-sexual affectionate things like touching her, hugging her, kissing her and paying attention to her so that she would know that she was number one in my life... I would get angry and short tempered about little inconsequential things and as a result she had her fill of it and left me on December 27th. of 2011 and divorced me last June of 2012.

I was devastated by it as I'd thought we would grow old together even though she is 20 years younger than me. I have learned from what I did wrong and was not doing right, and I would pass this lesson along to any man who wants to learn from my mistakes. I can tell you that a woman, any woman from any culture, will take such negative behavior toward them for only so long, until they reach their limit, and then they will leave you. And if you have truly cared for that woman and have had any kind of history with her, it will hurt you more than you can imagine. So, what I am telling all of you men for whatever it's worth, is to treat your woman right if you want a long term relationship or sooner or later you will find yourself alone.

None of us is perfect... my ex-wife snored... I also snored even tho her snoring used to bother me by keeping me awake when I had to get up early the next morning and go to work. Bodies change as we get older... fat tends to accumulate and muscle tends to decrease... we become more prone to illnesses... very few women look like a Barbie doll and very few men look like Ken... it is essential to accept and love your partner in spite of these changes. They say that beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone. I believe that to be true.

I was also a womanizer... I have always loved women ever since I was a child, and as a result I did not make my ex-wife feel as though she was number one in my life... so if you're a womanizer and want to be with more than one woman for short term relationships, there is nothing wrong with that if you accept it about yourself, but do not think that a woman who wants a true, exclusive and loving relationship or marriage, as most of the Chinese women on this website want, is going to accept or put up with that.

From what I have seen here, a lot of them have been married young and their Chinese husbands left them for an even younger woman, or because of drinking or gambling or some type of verbal, mental and/or physical treatment by their spouse, which is why there are so many beautiful older women looking for a good western man on this website. I saw many very beautiful and intelligent Chinese women here on this website that I'm sure I could have had a relationship with and been very happy with, and I sort of felt like a kid in a candy store, but I could chose only one and I was very lucky to find a really good one.

So we western men really have a big advantage here because most of the women are looking for a good western man for a long term relationship. Many have been very disappointed with their Chinese men and are looking for a "good" western man. And the word "good" is the key. Most of the "good" Chinese women are not into playing games with men... they have been there and done that... just sayin'...

#2013-03-26 10:10:24 by RobertB @RobertB

I have to respond by saying thank you.

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