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Born and raised in Maryland, USA, and attended the University of Maryland, but now living in Pennsylvania, RTByrum is an author and publisher of 9 books but does not make a living at it. His places traveled include Britain and China. His past marriage was to a Chinese woman for 3 years. He since claims to have found the secret to happiness and hopes to share that happiness with someone special, and through his blogs, perhaps also with you.
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The Peanut Gallery    

By RWByrum
1688 Views | 27 Comments | 3/24/2018 2:20:25 PM
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#2018-03-28 23:55:28 by autumn2066 @autumn2066


@melcyan

Thanks.Best wishes for you and your family.

You are so right about that the number of good match is very small. We all might have experienced similar disappointment before: Sometimes people physically attracted to someone, but find out their inner world too different.Sometimes people have great spark in conversation and happily thinking each other as soul mate but still break up since they can't personality complementarity or emotionally support or behavior appreciate.Sometimes different religion or value conflict makes people apart......Good match is really hard to find.

Wish could find a good match which hopefuly attracted to each other not only physically, but also harmonious emotionally and intellectual maturity equal.

#2018-03-29 00:52:27 by autumn2066 @autumn2066


@RWByrum

Smile reading your last comment.

Physically attraction is just an intuitive attraction,it might be wrong.Inner attraction should take time to sure. Only physically appreciation or only inner appreciation is not good enough for a relationship.I think a good match should include both.

It is not only because your clothes, yes, and your hair.:) Honesty even. I am not your type, vice versa. :)

#2018-03-30 10:29:14 by fj1383 @fj1383

LOVE IS IN THE AIR = COMPETITION

I believe that's what CLM offers to single men and women out there, a chance to look through hundreds of profiles and finding someone who you think is your perfect match. The only hope left is that person you found also thinks you are his/her perfect match!.

Now I also believe that, nowadays and regardless of age, most of us are visual creatures but this trait doesn't make us less romantic, less passionate or less worthy of people who express their love with words and actions. 

So why do I mention COMPETITION?? Because in my eyes this is what CLM also offers to people, a chance to stand out from all the other hunters who are trying to catch your most precious prey. NOW there might be many ways to "skin a cat" but we must choose the fastest and most effective way in my opinion, otherwise what could've been will never be and that's really a sad broken dream.


@RWByrum  I'm really sorry for offending you and being so harsh on you. If you want to stick to your guns and keep the same approach, then you're free to do so. I just hope you understand we are all rooting for you.

#2018-03-30 17:35:13 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@autumn2066

I think John was being a little too rational about something that is usually not all that rational, at least not for me.  I often have no idea why I am attracted to one woman and not another.

#2018-03-30 17:36:38 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@fj1383

I am sorry, too.  I think we just got off on the wrong foot and how well I take criticism often depends upon my mood which more often than not, has nothing to do with what is going on online.

#2018-03-30 23:42:57 by anonymous16979 @anonymous16979

@RWByrum, autumn2066 says in her reply 

``Smile reading your last comment.

Physically attraction is just an intuitive attraction,it might be wrong.Inner attraction should take time to sure. Only physically appreciation or only inner appreciation is not good enough for a relationship.I think a good match should include both.

It is not only because your clothes, yes, and your hair. Honesty even. I am not your type, vice versa. ``

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

#2018-03-31 12:51:06 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@anonymous16979

Funny thing is that particular statement didn't bother me in the least.

#2018-03-31 15:37:13 by autumn2066 @autumn2066


@anonymous16979 
@RWByrum

lol.Don't be naughty.I don't want provoking any dissension.:)))

Totally no affront in all my messages. I just being honest since I think RWByrum can take it.:)

I do appreciate RWByrum's thought and his self description in his profile but I don't feel any attraction by his looking, so I know clearly even at the first sight there won't be any further more than friendship with him. And I was a bit sympathizing him might feel hurted by other people's suggestion which was quite reasonable and helpful but maybe could be more gentle in expression.

I think language is not only a tool for conveying information, but also should be an art of expressing emotions. Always see the good part in a person, everyone here deserts appreciation and encouragement.Whatever agree with someone or not, I prefer showing my respect and choise a warm way to express.

I just reread RWByrum's profile. He has indeed bad photos but a good profile in describing himself.

 "I am the author of 9 self-published books. I attended the University of Maryland."------- Ok, now we know he is educated.

"I like to dress casually." -------- Ok, it might mean he is easy going and down to earth, or maybe a bit lazy.:)

"I do not visit bars or nightclubs"-------- Ok, safe type.

"and I do not usually dance but I will do so if my love wants to. "------- Ok, he is restrained but also could be accommodationist.

"I am patient and easy going. I am completely loyal, kind and considerate. I can also be quite affectionate and romantic with the right lady."-------- This is a key point! Nice! Very important characters for a serious relationship, ok, viewing from my women's eyes.

"I would like to have children of my own but that is not a deal breaker."------- Ok, good. He is flexible.

"Above all I am completely honest. I will never lie to you."-------Another key point here! I guess this word "completely honest and never lie to you " will totally get many Chinese women's attention quickly!

See, that is why I said RWByrum makes a good profile( except his photos.:):p)

Have a nice day, everyone!:)

#2018-04-02 15:30:20 by RWByrum @RWByrum

@autumn2066

Actually, I didn't feel any affront from your message, so I was a little puzzled at first by anonymous 16979's comment.

"but I don't feel any attraction by his looking, so I know clearly even at the first sight there won't be any further more than friendship with him."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Different women have different tastes and different priorities.  I don't appeal to a lot of women but I do appeal to some.  Unfortunately, most of the women to whom I appeal don't appeal to me.  Sometimes I think there is too much of a "one size fits all" mentality about this website.  There is also a strong tendency to focus on the forest so much that the miss the trees.

"Ok, it might mean he is easy going and down to earth, or maybe a bit lazy."

Perhaps even both :)

"He has indeed bad photos"

I respectfully disagree with you on that point, Autumn.  My photos display me the way that I am.  I won't appeal to everyone.  Heck, I fully expect not to appeal to very many at all.  But consider this though, you know that I am not the man that you are looking for.  Isn't it far better to discover that now by looking at my profile pictures than discovering that months later only after meeting me for the first time?

 

#2018-04-04 11:28:21 by Barry1 @Barry1

@RWByrum

 

"Some of the harsher comments my most recent blog entries have garnered put me in mind of the Vaudeville Peanut Gallery.........  It is hard to maintain your equanimity when being subjected to ad hominems or criticism dressed up as "advice".  But that is part of the price one must pay for this degree of openness and honesty. .."

 

Roger, let me advise that there are a small number of people on this website who in my view, are unnecessarily rude and narrow minded. So much so that like you, I considered abandoning a blog series because of the overt rudeness received.  But unlike you, I actually did this. Witness the "My First Date After Lily" series, that was abrubtly terminated due to incredible ill will on the part of some members here. 

 


@JohnAbbot

 

"As owner/moderator of the blogs and forum for 10 years now, I can tell you that even the harshest criticisms are meant well 99% of the time."

 

As a long-term blogger here, John  -  one who I proudly state has received more comments/replies in total to his blogs than any other blogger  -  let me say I disagree with your view that the worst criticisms here are "meant well 99 per cent of the time".

 

In fact, in the past I have respectfully admonished you for - in my view  - not properly performing your duties as a moderator. You only need to reread Part 7 of "My First date After Lily" blog to see what I mean. I won't go into specifics as these have already been well documented.

 

So whilst I can see it is in your interests to pursue the line that all the bloggers on CLM are white-hatted good guys and everything is sweet and rosey in the land of ChinaLoveMatch.net, let me respectfully beg to differ.

 

I could proffer multiple examples of extreme rudeness and caustic comments to illustrate my point, but this is unnecessary.

 

Sorry to be a stick-in-the-mud killjoy, interrupting this ingratiating lovefest, but someone has to speak up, in order to act as a counter to the copious "sunshine and roses", overly saccharine sentimentality and dancing fairies so abundantly portrayed here.   :^)

 

You also asked,  "How should we deal with these problems on the blogs?".

 

Let me answer in six words:  perform your role as moderator properly.  If you don't have either the inclination or time, then I'll be happy to do it for you.

 

I hope you'll accept my in good faith criticisms in the spirit in which they were offered.  :^)

 

 

 

 

 

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