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Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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The Enforcer    

By Imi
891 Views | 13 Comments | 5/22/2021 1:35:12 PM

I haven't written anything I would consider pleasant for more than a year. However, lately, I've received a tad of motivation from an unlikely source to write this blog—a fitting topic for this dating site.

 

Let me ask this: Is marrying someone giving you the right to enforce your views on them? My short answer is no. You don't have the right to enforce anything upon anybody. But if you think about it carefully, this simple question could quickly turn into a more complicated matter that requires a thorough examination. 

 

In my simple definition, marriage is a union between two people that endows the participants with certain rights and benefits to move forward in life as a family. I'm not going to talk about the religious, judicial and financial aspects of marriage. Instead, I'd like to focus on more personal matters. Also, I think using the word "enforce" in a private context like this would preconceptionally assert that the marriage we're talking about is abusive in some ways. So, I'd like to use the word impose instead, which sounds less authoritarian (at least to me) and more likely to happen in relationships in principle. So, let's ask the question again. Is marrying someone giving you the right to impose your views on them? In my opinion, yes, sometimes, it gives you the right, and it's imperative to do so.

 

I sincerely believe in extreme situations that endanger the existence of a group (a family in this case), you have to become a leader, a commander to sustain the group's safety. 

 

Let me ask more straightforward questions, however. First, do I have the right to tell Janessa, my Chinese wife, how to act and behave in Canada? Second, can I encourage her to shed her old way of life and rather favor her new adopted country's lifestyle? And third, because I think we're living in dangerous times and trying to survive an unprecedented situation, how far can I go as her husband and impose my views on Janessa to save ourselves from something I consider nefarious?     

 

International relationships are the most difficult ones. I can say this with absolute confidence by being in one. And if you live somewhere where the concept of the family is being disregarded for the deliberate advancement of a dark scheme, saving a family is almost impossible without causing cracks in its foundation. Anyone who thinks that the smallest unit of a civilization will be exempt from destruction while the whole world is crumbling around them is delusional. 

 

The most visible crack in our family foundation is our cultural differences. Growing up in different countries as children but living as legal immigrants in Canada makes Janessa's and my situation even more complex. Adding to this a significant language barrier, our different personalities and age, and we'll end up having several obstacles blocking our clear views on several issues.

 

Interestingly, we can manage all of the above mentioned relatively well. For example, the language barrier dissipates with perseverance and desire for getting better in a foreign language. We can mold our different temperaments by open-mindedly listening to each other's opinions and compromising. And cultural differences are problems only for those who have never traveled the world and confined their souls to a mediocre existence. 

 

When Janessa arrived in Canada nearly two years ago, my mildewed bachelor life went out the window. The change was much overwhelming in the sense of not being alone anymore. Sometimes, Janessa's presence mesmerized me like a ship's sudden appearance would hypnotize someone on a deserted island. It was hard to believe she was a real, flesh and blood person and not just an illusion. My old place, too, submitted itself to a great transformation.

 

Labelling herself a housewife, Janessa slowly transformed my home. The kitchen and the bathroom experienced most of these changes to such an extent that they ultimately converted into a holy place where a heathen like me was only allowed to enter under Janessa's supervision. Had I happened to find myself alone and invade these sacred sanctuaries to feed or, in the bathroom case, relieve myself, Janessa would know what had transpired at the moment she got home from work because of the rules she set to keep the sanctity of these places intact had been violated by me. 

 

Am I suffering in any form by Janessa's set rules? No, I am not. Some of you might say she's the boss of me, but I don't see it that way, and here's why not. If a family goes on a road trip, who usually drives the car? If a family is entertaining guests in their home, who conducts the event, serving foods and drinks? The members of a family have different roles in different circumstances. And these so-called set rules give me the chance to tease her.          

 

I could write many examples, but why should I? Everybody should easily see where I'm going with this article by now. I let Janessa be the woman she's supposed to be, and she allows me to be the man I'm also supposed to be, all granted by nature'design. But, most importantly, I want my wife to be herself with her faults and overt correctness. So if running a tight ship at home leads her to a more comfortable life, I'm all for it. My fridge has never been so organized, anyway, and my home has never been so in order. So what's not to like about it? 

 

All in all, marriage is primarily about negotiations. But the most meaningful thing I have learned during my short marriage is self intervention after each of our argument. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. However, people who can't analyze their actions in situations are not cut out for marriage.            

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2021-05-22 13:33:12 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Imi, I am a partner in a similar marriage. My Chinese wife generally believes that she is the woman and I am the man and that means we each have our very specific duties to perform and jobs to do.

However, she seems to be pretty certain that it is also her who will define which jobs are for the man and which are for the woman. This doesn't always lead to friction as she's usually fairly accurate in who should do what from my own POV. But sometimes her judgment seems a little off to me.

For example we have 2 dogs and until recently 2 cats, now only 1 cat. Generally it is my job to feed the dogs and usually the cat but she will sometimes happily feed them once I have put their meal together and it's ready to be served. But should one of the critters puke something up on the floor, that beyond any doubt is the man's job to clean up. The fact that this job cause me to sometimes add to the vomit makes no difference.

Other examples of strictly the man's job are not jumping out at me right now but you get the drift. 

In spite of this one aspect of her choosing who does what, like you, I am now living in a much better organized home than the one I lived in a single man.

#2021-05-22 20:15:45 by melcyan @melcyan

@Imi5922

My partner thinks more like you than me. That can be a problem.  At times it gets under my skin in a big way.  Now I agree with you that I cannot enforce my views on her.  Can I impose my views on her?  I don't think I can do that either. We love each other. We love each other more than we did 5 years ago and more again than we did 10 years ago. I expect that we will love each other more again in 5 years' time. The most important thing we can do for each other is to allow each other the space to grow and become better human beings. We each think we are in debt to the other no matter how much we give to the other. Accommodating our differences makes us stronger.

 

You said "International relationships are the most difficult ones" This has not been my experience.  My present relationship has been the easiest and the most rewarding that I have ever experienced. One-on-one giving for most of the time feels painless and effortless. ( However, participating in my partner's Guanxi with others is another story)  The more I give to her, the much more I receive from her, or so it seems.

#2021-05-26 22:08:34 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@melcyan

I've known Janessa for a little over six years, but I've been living with her in Canada for less than two. So, yes, I have to disagree with you; international relationships are difficult. But, of course, if I met Janessa here in Canada, I would say it otherwise.

 

You, melcyan, are someone I would consider a renaissance man. And perhaps that is your greatest weakness. You fail to recognize losing your primary survival instinct, and with that, you will ultimately put your loved ones in danger. 

 

I would impose my will on everyone close to me, had coerced events dictated. Even on you, if you were here because it is evident that you don't know how to be a leader anymore. With all that knowledge you possess, you're only a follower--the most useful attribute governments are looking for in citizens nowadays. Anyone else without it is being hunted down, as many videos show it from all over the world (evoking my childhood's memories), but I'm sure you would consider them fake. I can tell you one thing for sure, your social credit will be much higher than mine in the new normal. 

#2021-05-27 16:28:37 by melcyan @melcyan

International relationships

For you and Janessa to end up together in Canada you had to overcome huge obstacles  (well documented on CLM) but now that you are together in Canada the lifelong loving relationship building can take place in earnest. How is your day-to-day relationship building in Canada going? Is it still very difficult? Is it comparable to relationship building in Australia between a Western man and a Chinese woman?  My day-to-day relationship building with my partner in Adelaide has been and continues to be a labour of love. Our perseverance has melted our difficulties away.

 

Renaissance Man

I have never been called a Renaissance man before. I looked it up on the internet and found both matches and mismatches. I am quite happy to accept the tag "Renaissance Man" if it is defined as "a lifelong learner who strives to be their best".

 

Follower

I have never been called a follower before. I have been called a maverick, outsider, mad professor but never a follower. Am I a leader? Not by choice. The crises of life often drag me into leadership positions when others fail to step up. I am bipolar. One of my "crazy" beliefs is that the bipolars of the world are the natural leaders in times of great crisis eg. Winston Churchill in WW2 (not a leader at other times).  In times of great crisis like Anthropogenic Global Warming, my primary survival instinct is front and center. It is unlikely that I will ever take on a leadership role on the world stage but I can still be a Buddhist/Gandhi/Mandela type revolutionary in Adelaide,  Australia. I can act locally to change the world by being the change that I want to see in the world. Changing me for the better changes my partner for the better, changes my children for the better, changes the people around me for the better, and changes the world for the better.

#2021-05-29 04:21:29 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

Our relationship is not like yours. It's never been normal like yours. And it may never be like yours. Growing and getting stronger by the day, that is. The privilege of having a healthy relationship during a time of great despair goes for couples who believe they live in an evolving world. Unfortunately, couples like us who try to build their budding relationships in a world of deceit, hypocrisy, and where the most talked-about thing is whether to get the jab or not as to be able to function in a subjugated future society, are struggling to find their fairy tales as you have done.      

 

Why do I have to argue with Janessa about her eighteen-year-old son, who is only applying for a Chinese passport but forced to get the experimental gene therapy, dubbed vaccine? Why do we have to make decisions, having to feel forced into a corner? Who gives the right to these unelected people to cancel our basic freedoms and rights?

 

My life will come to a full circle if these Globalists accomplish their plans. I was born in oppression, and it seems I will die in oppression. I know you're blind to all this, but I don't blame you. As is anticipated, followers don't see, nor hear, or speak against their rulers. They will only have nothing and be happy, will they?

 

Melcyan, you can proclaim you're deep down a great leader and changing yourself for the better would ultimately change everybody around you. But, in my opinion, these are ideas deliberately planted in your head to create a perfect follower. You're responsibly accepting everything you've been told and onboard with the biggest deception, having followed by the most extensive crime against humanity the world has ever witnessed. If anything, you're only a willing spectator of your own demise.

 

Anthropogenic Global Warming. Really? How many names are you, worshippers of this hoax, going to come up with to describe something periodically occurring for billions of years? It's not humans, but Earth will develop the correct solution for its problems and balanced continuance with or without living souls. But, by all means, if you want to eat bugs, please, be the leader you desire to be and command the war against Global Warming by example. There are already restaurants with special menus for your honorable deed in Europe. But make sure before you go there, get your vaccine passport from the very people who would still be consuming plenty of meat like vultures on carcasses under a layer of chalk powder around the globe to prevent sun rays from burning their butts.   

 

I feel sorry for you, a blind, misguided renaissance man groping about in the dark so far away from the campfire of mavericks. 

#2021-05-29 13:30:35 by melcyan @melcyan

Of all the other males on CLM, there is no male that I have wished a happier life more than you Imi. I don't know exactly where that feeling of connection and goodwill started. Your accounts on CLM of your quest for a partner-in-life struck a chord with me. Your description of your childhood and relationship with your mother and father struck an even deeper chord. We experienced childhoods that shared dysfunction of similar magnitude.

 

"Our relationship is not like yours. It's never been normal like yours. And it may never be like yours. Growing and getting stronger by the day, that is." 

Imi, the last thing I wish for you and Janessa is a normal relationship. I want you to have a great relationship. When you read about great relationships they are not all the same but they do have common characteristics. Each partner has self-love and each provides the other with the space they need to grow to become a better human being.

 

I suspect you see yourself as a maverick. I have always been a maverick too. The fact that our political views and modern science understandings do not match doesn't change that. I know that your life is very difficult right now, whereas mine (and my partner's) by comparison is one of comfort.

 

While we and our partners have experienced considerable hardship in our lives that hardship pales next to the hardship experienced by two of my heroes - Gandhi and Mandela. Their motto was "Be the change you want to see in the world" and show compassion to all. They did not start that way. This is a position that they had to grow into. They both became aware that feelings of FEAR, ANGER, & HATE are inevitably self-destructive. They discovered that the true enemy lies within ourselves. Conquer that enemy and all external enemies start to falter and fade.

 

 

#2021-06-01 05:16:26 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@melcyan

No, I wouldn't call myself a maverick. I'm just one of the millions of immigrants from eastern Europe who feel that they have gone back in time and been forced to relive their childhoods. While our private lives may have similarities, the conditions we grew up in can't be more distinct.

 

Regarding Janessa and me, great relationships need an excellent atmosphere to thrive. You can't cultivate a desert, can you? Unfortunately, in the coming society with its divided races, Marxist views and its citizens being forced to live without moral compass and self-governance, families have only little chance to last. They will be overwhelmed by their government's regulations in all aspects of life. I don't want to sound omniscient, but the new world will be born with terrible cancer. I know this because I experienced it. You didn't.   

#2021-06-01 21:32:35 by melcyan @melcyan

Sorry Imi, I assumed that you were a maverick simply because of your judgment that I was not one. I suppose that is a bit like your assumption that I know nothing of Eastern Europe. My late wife's family was from Eastern Europe. Half the extended family lived in Australia and the other half lived in Eastern Europe. I know the experiences of one Eastern European country through my late wife's family and our visits to her relatives. I felt far more intimidated by Russian soldiers in 1980  than I ever did by Chinese police this century. I am glad that world is gone. I am dismayed that you can see it reappearing in Canada. I thought Australia and Canada were similar democracies. Mistaken again.

 

"great relationships need an excellent atmosphere to thrive" No, it helps, but it is not essential.

Some great relationships have even survived a concentration camp. The last 6 to 7 months of my partner's mother's life were very difficult for my partner and me. I had no idea how hard it was to be a full-time carer. At its worst moments that difficult time felt like it could break us. However, we finished much closer together than we have ever been. Sometimes adversity makes a relationship stronger.

#2021-06-02 12:16:52 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

@melcyan

Adding to my previous comment, you say this about Gandhi and Mandela: They both became aware that feelings of FEAR, ANGER, & HATE are inevitably self-destructive. 

 

Melcyan, you always want to learn, and I have to applaud that. However, you put too much trust in one's credentials. You seem to disregard all those people who have many years of experience in their line of work but never been interested in being in the spotlight. Except now, as the blatant scheme has begun surrounding their lives, they want to be heard. 

 

The new normal is founded on fear, anger and hate. It feeds on them. It thrives on them. Had they been alive, how long would have Gandhi and Mandela lasted in this atmosphere?

 

I repeat it; I admire your thoughts and views on life in general. The only problem is, the new normal doesn't want to hear about it nor speak about it or have individuals hold torches for it, let alone allow a modern messiah to rise. Instead, the new normal looks forward to brainwashing the masses with Critical Race Theory and white supremacy. Individuality will soon be dead.

 

Have you ever thought about why there are no televised debates about this so-called deadly pandemic and the so-called vaccine and the experiment on children with approved-only-for-emergency-use injection? And what about discounting the natural immunity of 50 percent or more of the people who have contracted and recovered from COVID. None of that counts toward reaching herd immunity. Why only the vaccinated get cleared as "immune?" Why are so many people's voice canceled on this matter? Disrespecting someone's views is not the way to get yours heard. There won't be a new Gandhi or Mandela for a very long time. Ideas and theories are peaceful. Reality is violent.         

 

 

 

#2021-06-02 17:55:02 by melcyan @melcyan

The level of violence overcome by Mandela and Gandhi was mind-boggling.

 

Do I put too much faith in the credentials of an individual? I put no faith in the credentials of an individual. For a science-related issue, I put my faith in the process of science. The ultimate marker of the scientific process is the scientific literature.

 

I say with considerable confidence that AGW, global warming, climate change, and enhanced greenhouse effect are real.  You asked why so many names. The original scientific term was part of the year 12 Chemistry syllabus that I taught two decades ago -  "enhanced greenhouse effect". Year 12 Chemistry students understood the term but it was not understood by the general population.  To some, it sounded like it was a good thing rather than a bad thing. My preferred term is AGW but it has been deemed by the scientific community that "Climate Change" gets the message across to the average Joe more effectively. The public name may change but the basic scientific concept behind all of these names has not changed.

 

I have a challenge for you Imi. Spend at least 10 hours researching scientific information on AGW that is anchored in the scientific literature. If you do that I believe you will be much closer to being on the same page as me.  Any challenge that you extend to me that is scientific literature based I will gladly accept.

 

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