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Born and raised in a small and remote village of China with two siblings, Zoe had a childhood with wild freedom in nature. After finishing her education at Dalian Foreign Languages University, she has been living and working in Dalian. A woman of strong feelings and a passion for life, Zoe's first series of vibrant articles will tell you about the rollercoaster ride that was her first serious relationship with a Western man. There is much you can learn from her telling story. After that we'll see where else she can take us and what other wonderful experiences she might share.
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The End of Our Relationship Part 26 - Out of the Ashes    

By Zoe
16531 Views | 47 Comments | 9/26/2013 4:25:50 PM

From a broken heart to new beginnings - time will heal your wounds.

Not long ago, I met a European guy. The first impression I had was that he was like a wolf, solitary and untamed. It’s written in his business card ‘xxxx International Hotel G.M.’ I felt heavy when reading this.

He was quite frank, told me that in recently two years he was in severe depression, still taking medicine to handle it.

I admire wolf, but not brave enough to dance with wolf; I am not happy either, doesn’t need another reason to be unhappier. So, I’d better walk away.

Another day, I went to the appointment to meet an American guy. The moment he was walking towards me, I seemed to see a pile of fat meat surging to me.

For being polite, I took off the glove and shook hands with him. He was holding my hand for a long time but didn’t release me, meanwhile saying ‘Zoe, oh, you are cold…’ then it’s not only disliking but nausea I felt. I pulled back my hand with power and said, sorry, I don’t see the possibility that we could continue… I left him there and ran away.

Last weekend, a friend set me with one of her friends. Before the blind date, I told myself, I must start a relationship even if for the sake of moving on from H. When I saw his shoes, of which the original color was hardly recognized; his wrinkled pants, his hair which was stuck into locks for being oily, I felt sick again. I knew he was doing project supervision, he might just have come from the work floor, but I could not see it the reason of someone’s sloppy. I put my coffee bill on the table and said goodbye.

A good friend said, if someone loved me as his life, I would devote my love whole heartedly.

I answered, for me, only wish someone could cherish my love if I loved him as my life.

I would end my story with a song :

If not being in love in you
Why being wide awake in midnight
All the thoughts are about you
Miss, miss, missing you

If not being in love in you
Why sigh unconsciously
In every random day
Miss, miss, missing you

Love tortures
But I’d not give it up
Trying to read you
If there is my name written in your heart

If not being in love in you
Why sigh unconsciously
Feeling incomplete
Love, love, loving in you

前不久,认识了另一个欧洲人。初见他,感觉他似一匹狼,孤独又桀骜不驯。
他递过来的名片上印有‘某某国际酒店 总经理’。心里对自己‘哦’,不免又有些发紧。
他很坦诚地告诉我说这两年曾经有很严重的抑郁症,现在还在吃药。
我敬畏狼,但我知道自己绝没有与狼共舞的勇气;我的生活已经很不开心,不需要再多一条不开心的理由。所以,还是疏远吧。

上周末,见了一个美国人,他朝我走来的那一刻,我仿佛只看到那一身肥肉在忽涌忽涌朝我涌来。
因为礼貌,我摘掉手套跟他握手,他居然抓着我的手不放开,说‘Hi, Zoe, you are cold.’我已经从反感上升到恶心了。我把手抽回来,说,很抱歉,但是我不认为我们有继续交往的可能。
不管三七二十一,扔下他,转头跑了。

前天,朋友热心地介绍她的一个朋友给我,大连人。见面前,我对自己说,无论如何,哪怕为了忘掉H,这次一定要跟人家交往下去。可是看到他脚上那双已经看不出原来颜色的鞋子,和那条皱巴巴的裤子,以及油滋滋的已经一绺一绺的头发,我很反感。知道他做工程监理,也许刚从工地上过来,但这都不是一个人不修边幅的理由。我把自己的咖啡钱放在桌上,委婉告辞。

朋友说,如果能碰到一个爱我如生命的人,我当全心爱他。
我说,不奢望能有人爱我如生命,只求我爱之如生命的人能珍惜。

最后,用一首《爱情》做结语吧。

若不是因为爱着你
怎么会夜深还没睡意
每个念头都关於你
想你想你好想你

若不是因为爱着你
怎会不经意就叹息
每个莫名的日子里
我想你想你好想你

爱是折磨人的东西
却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里
可有我姓名

若不是因为爱着你
怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情
爱你爱你爱着你

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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 47) 1 2 3 4 5 More...
#2013-09-26 16:40:05 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I can't speak for everyone, but I'm very thankful for your courage in telling us your story Zoe. It has been a very candid look into a broken heart, and into the mind and soul of a lovely Chinese woman.

Not all Western men are wolves or piles of fat meat. I have no doubt that in time you shall find a kind, loving heart of a good western man to beat next to yours, and then you'll be forever thankful that your relationship with H ended when it did. This is the way of love.

Thank you for an emotional but enjoyable ride. I hope this is also the beginning of a new series of blogs from you. I'd miss seeing you here.

#2013-09-26 17:23:07 by purplesea1970 @purplesea1970

Zoe:you need time,maybe 3 years or more.but keep moving on.thanks for your blog,really tired of those silly arguments threads on CLM,and you do the best.

#2013-09-26 18:17:23 by panda2009 @panda2009

All of these emotional issues are routines. As if you see a movie, after starring was clarity in the first seconds, certainly will appear behind; Or the emphasis teacher told you, it is likely to appear in the exam paper. They all have their own path to follow, when you were clear the apprach, basiclly would not see any exception, nor be surprised for those relationships trend.
You should be more gentle, you don't deserve him, no longer fantasy, control your desire...

#2013-09-26 18:32:35 by anonymous7423 @anonymous7423

如果H的影子哪怕还存留在你心里一分钟,你就不要再见别的人了,见了也是白见,瞎耽务功夫,除非你再次遇见H相似的男人,但这样的几率可能太低了。

#2013-09-26 18:46:33 by anonymous7424 @anonymous7424

女人总是很难忘怀睡过她的男人,一日情人百日恩,由其是长的帅的男人更是如此,理解你的心情。任何劝你的语言都是多余的,只有时间能疗你的伤,

#2013-09-26 20:03:32 by shellnong @shellnong

祝好祝好,开开心心的,哈哈

#2013-09-26 21:25:52 by luyennmengreal @luyennmengreal

Thanks Zoe, give us such a beautiful story from the beginning to the end.
For me, i also only wish someone could cherish my love if I loved him as my life.
Good luck to you. Wish you have a great future.

#2013-09-26 22:25:15 by yeranyi @yeranyi


after reading your story and the poem ,i am sad, women's attetion is love ,but young men's focus is sex.所谓 男人重性,女人重情。女人容易伤到自己。

#2013-09-27 01:15:07 by anonymous7429 @anonymous7429

"I seemed to see a pile of fat meat surging to me"

Classic!

#2013-09-27 01:23:06 by anonymous7430 @anonymous7430

anonymous7424 - you wrote "女人总是很难忘怀睡过她的男人"

I think this is the same for some men as well. For some people, making love is a spiritual experience shared by a caring couple.

I know some guys who can sleep with a different woman every night. As exciting as that sounds from a male testosterone standpoint, it is a completely empty experience. What is the point if there is no true connection? It is not love, it is purely an animal act.

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