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Born and raised in a small and remote village of China with two siblings, Zoe had a childhood with wild freedom in nature. After finishing her education at Dalian Foreign Languages University, she has been living and working in Dalian. A woman of strong feelings and a passion for life, Zoe's first series of vibrant articles will tell you about the rollercoaster ride that was her first serious relationship with a Western man. There is much you can learn from her telling story. After that we'll see where else she can take us and what other wonderful experiences she might share.
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The End of Our Relationship Part 21 - Heavy Heart    

By Zoe
8216 Views | 20 Comments | 7/25/2013 5:10:15 PM

Staying at home later on and watched a movie, meanwhile waiting for H to come from work. He bought things to eat on the way home, typical German cold dishes. I was not hungry at all after a big pizza at noon, so he would not bother making himself things to eat either.

Looked at him holding a piece of black bread and eating, I was very sorry, although I knew that westerns were used for cold stuff. I shall have made him some dinner, a piece of fried beef and some vegetable soup would be nice for him. I washed an apple for him, said to myself, definitely I will make him dinner tomorrow.

The next day he was off from work for one day and took me out. We went to Lake Constance, it connects German, Switzerland and Austria, with picturesque view of blue sky and clear water.

While walking along the board-walk which is extending to the lake, I saw an old couple sitting on the wood bench facing to the lake reading books, I couldn’t help wondering, how far H and I could go, this couple looked so peaceful, but confronting in such a painted like scenery, I was not in ease at all.

On the hand rails, there were scrawls by people wrote or carved, I guessed it was like everywhere people would leave their evidence as ‘xxx has been here’ or some young loving birds left their promises and testify of forever love.

H pointed to some words and said, it must be from a girl.

Why?

He then translated to me: xxx, you are a jerk, we fell in love three month ago, but you broke up with me in MSN now. H said again, this xxx is a boy’s name.

I was a bit upset though, it seems no matter in east or west, always girls are who get hurt in a relationship.

How far could we go? If someday H wants to break up with me, in what way would he do it?

We had dinner in the small town where the lake is, H took me to a Chinese restaurant named ‘PANADA’. Perhaps H thought because I am a Chinese, he had to take me to eat Chinese food.

To be honest, the food in there was terrible, it seems to Westerners, a plate of rice covered by some stir fried vegetable and meat, plus a pair of chopsticks, would make a Chinese dish. Eh, what a pity of my profound and multifarious Chinese food!

On the way back, we exchanged very few words, actually all the day we didn’t talk that much either.

There was music on from the radio, he was whistling and singing by followed the songs. However, I could feel his unhappy, he was not happy being with me!

His silence made me heavy, the heavy feeling made me more reserved, and all these thickened the air above us.

When there were red lights or traffic, he took out a pen and piece of paper, writing something down. I asked what he was doing, he said that suddenly he remembered there was something he got to talk in the meeting the next day.

坐在家里看电影,等H下班。
他回来买了吃的,典型的德国冷食。我因为中午吃了一个大披萨,一点都不饿。他也就懒得给自己张罗着弄吃的了。
看着他捧着黑面包吃,虽然知道西方人习惯吃冷的,我心里还是很愧疚,应该给他做点吃的,比如煎一小块牛排,做点蔬菜汤之类的,他肯定喜欢吃。
我洗了苹果给他,想着明天一定要给他弄晚餐。

第二天H休息一天,带我出去玩。我们去了博登湖,位于德国、瑞士和奥地利的交界处。这里风景优美,湖水清冽,天空一片晴蓝。
沿着伸向湖面的栈道漫步时,有一对老夫妻坐在湖边的长木椅上看书,禁不住想,我和H会走多远呢?他们看起来多么安详,而我面对这如画美景,内心却焦躁不安。
湖边的扶栏上不时有人们或写下或刻下的涂鸦,我猜不外乎类似 XXX到此一游,或小情侣们记下的海誓山盟甜言蜜语。
H指着一行字说,这肯定是个女孩写的。我问何以见得。
他把那行字翻译给我:XXX,你是个混蛋,三个月前我们相恋,三个月后你在MSN上跟我分手。
H说,这个XXX是个男孩的名字。
我心里有点难过,难道无论中外,总是女孩受伤多些吗?
我们会走多远,如果有一天H要跟我结束,会是何种方式。

在博登湖边上的小镇吃了晚饭,去了一个叫‘熊猫’的中餐馆,大概H认为,我是中国人,所以必须带我吃中餐。
说实话,饭菜味道不好,糊弄洋鬼子好像挺容易,弄一盘盖浇饭,再上一双筷子,就是中餐了。唉,真可惜了我博大精深五光十色的中华料理了。

回去的路上,我们话很少,其实这一天我们的话都很少。
他车里放着音乐,他时而伴着节奏吹口哨,时而跟着哼唱。
可是,我感觉到他似乎不开心,跟我在一起不开心。
他的沉默让我心事重重,心思的沉重又让我更加不苟言笑,我们之间更加沉默。

遇红灯或有些堵车时,他掏出笔,翻出一张纸片,在上面写了几个字。问他在干吗,他说忽然想起来明天开会时有件事必须讲。

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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 20) 1 2 More...
#2013-07-25 18:11:40 by prana @prana

你人现在在哪里啊,希望你一切都安好!

#2013-07-25 21:09:43 by Tinaz @Tinaz

come on, try to make each other happy and find sth. in common.
I read about blog and pay attention to your happiness with your Mr. Right.
Hope he will be the right person for you.

#2013-07-25 22:09:49 by haifeng @haifeng

亲,改变,立刻改变你自己,信息是想通的,两个人的气场是可以相互影响,产生共鸣的,你必须调整你的心态,无论你多么的焦躁不安,你都要利用你快乐阳光的正能量,把你不好的感觉和坏能量压制下去,一定要给你男朋友展示一个快乐开心幸福的你,不要去过多地考虑结果,当下是最重要的,一定要让你的男朋友感觉你的到来,给他带来的是幸福而不是压力。

#2013-07-25 22:45:18 by springflower06 @springflower06

@ Zoe

I really like to read your blogs.

Your words show that there are some worries in your mind. To be honest, being Chinese females we always overlook that a good communication plays an important role to build up a relationship. Especially, in an international dating process we have to express our opinions more frankly and straight forward in order to avoid misunderstandings.

Zoe, you need tell him what actually your thoughts and worries are.

#2013-07-26 11:09:08 by shazaohua @shazaohua

一个人的情绪会影响到另一个人,与其这样压抑,不如先让自己有点自信,感染对方,爱情不能卑微,若真的没有幸福的未来,不如华丽转身。

我真希望你和他有一个幸福的未来。

#2013-07-26 14:30:47 by lisa0221bj @lisa0221bj

赞同HAIFENG的观点,女人的患得患失总是体现在各个方面,越是得到了反而怕失去,文中充满了你的焦虑,让人担忧;“活在当下”说起来容易,做到很难!但是请记住亲爱的,你是幸运的,要让这份幸运长久你要加油啊!你的故事让我感动,关注你!

#2013-07-26 23:39:45 by zhangxiujin @zhangxiujin

@prana

我现在大连,一切安好,谢谢您。

#2013-07-27 09:11:24 by grace2013china @grace2013china

Dream is beautiful, at the same time it is too heavy to seek for.

梦想是美丽的,同时也是无法负其重的.

#2013-07-27 13:22:32 by anonymous7011 @anonymous7011

Zoe:你好!你的故事我全部都看了,写得很好。其实,很多女人都经历过这样的故事。我这段时间,刚好勇敢地放弃了一段将近一年的柏拉图式的感情。我与他通了将近一年的邮件,但从没视频过。我想是该放弃的时候了。你比我年轻,我比你大几岁,但不要因为我们不是年轻女孩了,就巴着老外不放,或随便找个老外。那么多的寂寞,我们都熬过来了。我们还害怕什么呢?在这上面不是还有很多三四十岁的,四五十岁的优秀姐妹吗?我们为什么要去勉强自己呢?单身又有什么了不起,更何况,我们又不会孤单一辈子,迟早会有一个人爱你的。

#2013-07-27 15:30:41 by grace2013china @grace2013china

你把你的这段经历描述得充满了美丽,哀怨和惊心动魄,让我叹为观止! 你似乎是想把心中巨大的失落用文字永远铭刻和铭记下来,使其上升为永恒的精华并永留存于宇宙.虽然他已离你而去,浪漫的故事已经结束,但那段故事你会不屈不挠地让它的美丽永留世间.

你也是个唯美主义者,和我一样.

但在巨大的东西文化差异面前,在不同的成长背景面前,我们不得不面对现实.

但我们仍旧在追求着心中美好的东西,永不放弃.

You describe your story so beautiful and sad, also touching, I'm very impressed. I know you want to keep the beautiful moment forever. You want to write it down with your words to let it alive in the universe.

You are seaching the most beautiful thing in the world.

The different culture between west and east is huge, and we grow up from different background, those we have to face the reality.

But we know we'll never give up our dream.

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