Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born and raised in a small and remote village of China with two siblings, Zoe had a childhood with wild freedom in nature. After finishing her education at Dalian Foreign Languages University, she has been living and working in Dalian. A woman of strong feelings and a passion for life, Zoe's first series of vibrant articles will tell you about the rollercoaster ride that was her first serious relationship with a Western man. There is much you can learn from her telling story. After that we'll see where else she can take us and what other wonderful experiences she might share.
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The Door Is Closed 门已关上    

By Zoe
28793 Views | 118 Comments | 10/4/2014 3:08:25 PM

When one door closes, another door opens. Kiss him or her goodbye and find someone better!

Today, or more precisely, yesterday, September 6th, because I just now turned to my left side and looked at the clock, it is 2am now, I met H. yes, my dear readers, after two years, or 23 months (I visited him in Germany and was back to China on the 6th of October in 2012), I met this guy again, in city B, Germany. We were sitting for three hours and had coffee together. 

Last month, I sent him a message, Hi, H, I am in city B, Germany, studying here. If you happen to be nearby, let me know, maybe we have a coffee together. 

But immediately I hated myself the moment I pressed the SEND button, perhaps it’s a mistake again, I wanted to slap myself. 

He didn’t reply, and I was released that he didn’t, I thought maybe he didn’t want to, or maybe he didn’t get my message. Anyway, it’s the best that I would not see him again. Why? Maybe because I felt so embarrassed for acting that crazy back then. Although deeply in me, I wanted to see him again. 

Last week I got a message in facebook from H, Hi, Zoe, I will be in your area on 06, 09. Will you be available to meet? 

The moment I saw his message, I “jumped” straight up from the chair (please forgive me my English, I don’t know which word to use here to tell my shock) and started circling in my room, actually there is not much space for me to circle, besides the table, bed and chair, there are perhaps 2 square meters left on the floor. Half hour later, I sat in the chair back to my computer, wanted to say NO, but my fingers were not moving according to my brain, and typed YES. 

The previous day, 05, 09, I wanted to send him a message to say, Please don’t come, I cannot meet you. I picked up the phone 50 times, and put it down again 50 times, I could not decide. I took my bike and rode on the street randomly, I didn’t know where I was riding to, until I reached somewhere in the forest, still couldn’t decide. Then got a phone call from a friend, she asked if I had time for coffee, she just had a fight with her boyfriend. Yes, yes, I have time, of course. 

She came to me, we had coffee, and I cooked something for us for dinner, I listened to her bullshit, it’s good, that I could put away mine. 

By the time she left, it was 11:30 in the evening. I turned off the phone, lying on bed, read some pages, turned off the light, said to myself in dark, let it come, whatever. 

He didn’t change, not at all. 

Sitting beside him again in his car on the way to the city center, I was quite moony and blur, but I played cool, minimum I think I did. 

I am not going to bother my readers with details of what we said in the three hours sitting. He was quite surprised that I made it to study now in Germany. Most of the time we made jokes, he is quite good at jokes, and I was surprised by myself that I could be that cool although I saw my hand was shaking when holding the cup. 

His eyes were gentle again looking at me, he told me, you shall eat more, you are extremely slim now. I dared not look at his eyes, I said to myself, please don’t be so gentle, so good to me. 

He then brought up the topic why he disappeared suddenly after my visit back two years ago:

The time before, during and after your visit, I was extremely under pressure in this job, I just moved back to Germany, I wanted to spend more time with you, I was happy that you came to visit me, but I was just not there, everything was in a mess, two weeks after your left, I lost my mother – the most important and close person in my life, but I had to start working one week after. The whole me was in a black hole, I could not put even one nerve on a relationship. I knew it was totally not right that I didn’t answer you for one word, but I thought you might be cool down after a while, if I talked back to you, I might light the fire again in you. 

I appreciated what he said to me, but I knew the true reason was that I was not the type of woman he wanted. 

He also told me that he was in a serious relationship right now, and they might get married soon. 

When he was telling me this, I said, good, wow, good, wow, good for you. And I was still smiling. But, damn it, I hate myself.  

He drove me back to my dormitory, and would drive another 4 hours back to his place. We shook hands, he said, Zoe, remember what I say now, if you need anything, any help, just give me a call, I will do everything to help you. I said, thanks, I will. 

Came into my room, my legs were limp as a dish rag, my head aching as hammer hamming inside. I threw myself onto bed, started to cry, loudly. 

It’s the first time to cry since I came to Germany. I didn’t cry when I got off the train at midnight and found that I came to the wrong city; I didn’t cry that I had to work 4.5 hours for free only to pay for a stupid glass jar that I broke in the shop, which costs maybe only 10RMB in China; I didn’t cry when I had only 2 Euros in my pocket and thought no problem because I would work that day, only then did I get informed by my boss, Zoe, you don’t need to work this week, we close the shop for a week. 

That moment I was crying, loudly.

For what, I don’t know. Perhaps, for what I went through in these two years; for my stupidity; for my toughness; for his being so gentle to me today; for his driving 4 hours to come see me”; for his “might get married soon”; for “why it’s not me”; for “why couldn’t he just say, Zoe, sorry, you are just not my type”; for my stupid decision to meet him again.

I know I will never ask help from him, no matter how difficult it will be for living in a foreign country, maybe I will when I am homeless and hungry on the street, but I know I would never get there. 

I stood up from bed, called to my friends, girls, let’s go for a drink, I must see you now.

We, four girls, pretty and sexy, sitting in our favorite bar, drank and laughed our bullshit, fuck off, guys, fuck off, relationship!

We walked back in midnight, steps peddled on the old street of this old city, only our laughter is heard…

Now I am sitting here, 3am, typing the last part of “me and H”. Wait, I shall close the door.

Yes, the door is closed… 


今天,确切地说,是昨天,9月6日,因为我刚刚看了看表,现在是凌晨2点, 我见到了H。是的,我亲爱的读者,两年后,不,应该说是23个月后,因为我在2012年的10月份来看他,10月6号离开回大连,整整23个月后的这天,我又见到了这个人,在德国B市,我们坐在大街上一起喝咖啡,整整喝了3个小时。


























我们四个女人,或漂亮或性感,坐在经常去的酒吧里,大说大笑,嘲笑女人的愚蠢,诅咒男人的无情 – 见鬼去吧,爱情,见鬼去吧,男人。




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(Showing 1 to 10 of 118) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 More... Last
#2014-10-04 15:27:53 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Zoe - this was a stunning piece of writing, both eloquent and raw, both sophisticated and simple. I have been deeply moved by your entire series about H and the end of your relationship. But I am doubly moved now.

I only hope that you really have closed that door. The time has come my girl, the time has come. When one door closes, another door opens. Quickly now, step through that open door and out into the sunshine where you so deserve to be!

Cheers to you Zoe, great blog, great ending (clap)

#2014-10-04 15:36:21 by RobertB @RobertB

Dear Zoe. It is life. In fact, you were somewhat "lucky" that you could still meet him and talk to him and he told you the truth. It is not your fault of course that they found each other and liked as much as to hope for life together.
Now, you have a good chance to go out and meet someone who can be your match.
It is hard to find someone right. That is why we try so hard. Still if you look at the world, there are so many people.. All of them were born because of relationship success - this is a simplification but yes people find each other.
Don't be scared or ashamed. Life and love is like air, you cannot see it, you can feel it.
How do you look for something you cannot see?

#2014-10-04 15:36:48 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Although the ending story seems crue for you but you absolutely need that. Love blindly, without principle, lose self-ego, unlimited forgiving, concession and compromise can't win the love you want...I wish you have a brand new start in Germany including study, caree and love...

#2014-10-04 16:09:01 by anonymous12137 @anonymous12137


#2014-10-04 16:29:20 by destiny1 @destiny1


#2014-10-04 16:30:06 by RobertB @RobertB

Forget all that. Imagine that you are just living your life.
Sometimes things happen very easily, some other times they cannot.
By the way I would like to point one thing to you.
Please take it easy. When you refer to the past, and you are telling a story where essentially you were in the past then,, please use word "before" instead of "ago".
"Ago" refers to the past looked at from now.
So, like 3 000 years ago... that is 2000 BC.
My convoluted example goes here: "Two years before I came to China for the first time, I decided to not give up on dating Chinese women. ".
If I used two years ago, I would have meant 2012, if we are in 2014 now. But I have used before, I came to China. so, if I came to China last year, that makes 3 years back and it is 2011 that this happened.
Now, I think that deep down you knew the outcome and that is why you were hesitant to meet him in the first place. It is not unknown for people to have the gut feeling that stops them sometimes from making mistakes.
Still I am sure you wanted to see him for the last time and see any changes in him.
There is always a hope..
Well, it is not nice but we have to get through our lives ..
I wish you the best.

#2014-10-04 18:27:59 by QinQL @QinQL

I could not help to want to call you, Zoe, when I read what you write:

“It’s the first time to cry since I came to Germany.”

“I didn’t cry when I got off the train at midnight and found that I came to the wrong city; ”

“I didn’t cry …”

“I didn’t cry …”

“That moment I was crying, loudly.”

You have shown us your best personality both strong and weak. I admire you, Zoe.

I also like these 2 sentences you left in the picture

“A new door cannot be opened until you have the courage to close the one behind. ”

“When one door closes, another door opens. Kiss him or her goodbye and find someone better! ”

#2014-10-04 18:33:46 by purplesea1970 @purplesea1970

H was part of your memories,part of your life,although you got few from him,although you tried your best to catch him,but it is life.
Scientists say,it is take 7 years to forget love totally.
So just move on,Zoe,this door is closed,and a new window will be opened.
Take care,nice girl.

#2014-10-04 19:16:07 by 2396julia @2396julia

Sorry Zoe,之前不知道你去德国重新开始。所以说了“难得你还没看透这虚伪的人生……”之类的话。不该给你增加压力的,Sorry。

#2014-10-04 19:35:09 by 2396julia @2396julia


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