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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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The Difference Between Thai Women and Chinese Women    

By John Abbot
27369 Views | 10 Comments | 4/28/2013 2:05:51 PM

Is Thailand Fever stronger than China Fever?

Recently a thread was opened on the CLM Forum in which an anonymous Chinese woman member indicated she had lost or was losing her western boyfriend to a Thai woman. The thread is “Is he still like me? What is difference Chinese Woman and Thai Woman”. In one comment another (or perhaps the same) anonymous lady member specifically commented “actually what i want to ask someone like johnabbot had thai girl friend before and chinese wife now so what do you think about it what is the different JohnAbbot?” This blog is my response.

First, while I did have a Thai girlfriend at one time it was only for a few months and hardly qualifies me to comment generally on what I view as the common characteristics of Thai women. I’ve had several Thai women as “friends” because they were girlfriends of my friends, so that gives me a little more information to go by, and I have read two books about Thailand and Thai women so maybe that makes me somewhat knowledgeable on the subject if the authors of those books were to be believed. The bottom line is that anything I say here about Thai women is based upon the above and should not be taken to be anything more than comments based on personal experience or on the teachings of others.

Second, after living in China for 10 years and having had two long term relationships with Chinese women, including my current relationship with my Chinese wife, as well as many friendships with Chinese wives of both Expat and Chinese friends and countless Chinese female employees from many parts of China, I am slightly more qualified to speak about Chinese women in generalities, but still, anything I say here remains based upon personal observation and not on any qualified studies of any kind.

Finally, before I get into Thai women vs Chinese women, at all, I have to say to the anonymous lady who wrote the thread, does it really matter that she was a Thai woman? You are in pain because you really cared for this man and he chose another woman over you. That is a terrible pain to bear, and one that we have all borne at least once in our lives, some of us several times. But would the pain be any less if she was another Chinese woman, or an Asian woman from a different country than Thailand, or a woman form his homeland?

Personally, I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. For some reason, unknowable to anyone but him, this man chose a different lady than you. There probably is no definable reason, because usually, for most men if not for most women, our reasons are not even known to us. It is a feeling we have, and we can’t define why we are feeling it, but one woman has sparked it in us more than another one has.

However, if you really wish to know, since you are still communicating with him, there remains one way to find out – just ask him. You have nothing to lose, including “face”, so simply say to him “By the way, I’m curious, why did you choose your girlfriend over me?” If he even knows why, and chooses to tell you, then you will know.

And then, if you think there is some sound thinking behind his reason, you can decide if maybe you need to change a little so this doesn’t happen to you again. Or, if you think his reason is stupid, you can now move forward knowing you have been fortunate to escape being in a relationship with a stupid man.

As to the differences between Thai women and Chinese women, in my own view women of all colours, ethnicities, cultures and nationalities generally are like snowflakes – no two of them are ever the same. Every woman is different from every other woman, so is it even possible to say that generally Thai women are different than Chinese women?

I have generally experienced that Chinese women from one part of China seem to differ from Chinese women from another part, but not dramatically so. But to me it is likely that women from Shanghai differ as much from women of Guangdong and from women of Yunnan as “Chinese women” differ from “Thai women”. Likewise I tend to think that well educated, middle and upper class women raised in the major Chinese cities differ more from their country cousins than they do from the middle and upper class Thai women raised in Bangkok or Changmai, and vice versa.

Having said that here is my take on how Thai women differ from Chinese women:

Thai women (and Thai people generally) are among the happiest people in the world. They don’t call Thailand the “Land of Smiles” for nothing. Thai women seem to be always happy and laughing and having fun. And this seems to be a cultural thing, they just don’t seem to take life too seriously, and they rarely stress out, just facing and dealing with each problem as it arises. From my limited experience it takes a lot to make a Thai woman angry.

In that I think they differ from Chinese women, but I could also say that in that they differ from Canadian women, American women, Australian women and European women based on my personal observations.

However, I think that it has been an ongoing subject of the blogs and forum, and frequently discussed by the Chinese members themselves, that Chinese women grow up under a lot of traditional pressures to live up to their parents expectations that they marry early, have babies early and begin to care for their parents and their siblings early.

As a result of those eternal pressures, Chinese women seem more serious to me, more afraid to get things wrong, more concerned to plan everything out way in advance, more inclined to have a clear picture of what they want and a clear plan of how to get it.

That is not to say that Chinese women are never happy, because they are frequently happy, and when a Chinese woman smiles, there is nothing more beautiful. However, Thai women smile their way through life and frown when there is suddenly a bump in the road, whereas Chinese women carefully plan their way through life, and smile when the plan is working.

Which of these is better? That depends upon the man in the picture. Some men, for whatever reason, need a woman who is happy all the time, and doesn’t take life too seriously. Other men, for other reasons, crave order and good planning in their lives, and find happiness in that.

For myself, I am very adept at solving emergencies as they arise, but I’m not a great planner and organizer. My Chinese wife is a very good planner and organizer. We each frequently are frustrated with the other, me by what seem sometimes like her endless rules for everything and her by my seeming lack of rules for anything, but somehow it all works and our marriage is a strong one.

Because of that she smiles more than enough for me, and I follow her rules just enough for her. So for me, this Chinese woman is a good match, but perhaps a Thai woman other than my then Thai girlfriend would have been a good match too, but in a different way.

We will never know...

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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 10) 1
#2013-04-29 01:51:17 by twilightsmith @twilightsmith

One thing I have noticed about Thai women as opposite to other Southeast Asian women -first let me say Mr Abbot has very accurately and precisely caught their basic attitude towards life -what I have noticed is that there is an "ethereal" quality to Thai women -one has the sense of "other, less earthy realms" about them, even when they are being -and they usually are -very matter of fact and practical. There is an "apsara" quality (the heavenly nymphs of Eastern mythology, beautiful, supernatural female beings) to them even when they are chowing down on bugs and hustling drinks. Go figure. Maybe, as Mr Abbot says, this is how you are when you don't take this transitory Maya too seriously?
Also, even Thailand's worst critics concede it is a truly Buddhist country, which probably helps.

#2013-04-29 11:37:22 by younyoun @younyoun

yes .John is right, the smile, a relaxed and happy smile is very important!
I have a neighbor, primary culture, family economic difficulties, but she always happy smile, pressure hidden in the heart, three years ago she found a American guy, master degree, americans smile like her very much, now to go to America to life.

#2013-04-29 14:09:43 by 212lady @212lady

Very incisive express !Is different for each chinese woman, not to mention
compared to exotic woman.

Believe,every woman is unique !

I think,the girl should be from their own behavior to find a cause , ask a few why ?why is this man will leave you choose others?

As long as a woman live a beautiful self, I believe that this man will be attracted to your here......




#2013-04-29 23:46:32 by anonymous6081 @anonymous6081

thanks john i agree with you i know that everthing on the world are different and west or south of china and city with city they are all different .i know about chinese woman form different pleace .but i only know thai woman are smile at you love and need money ever much also they are nice too.and they will have couple different men in the same time too asking for help you know my mean i dont mean all the thai woman do that but alot will do.also chiness woman will happen too but i never hear this yet.if she is not form thai but form other country or other city of china i will also ask this question too bec i think i loved this man.im a good woman young smart nice loving caring streat he very good .when we stop date we talk on phone he told me he meet someone form thai and he been ask for her so many time for date. he get it .i can hear that he is very happy form the laugh and talking .but i think he doesnt know that i love he yet. he after away form me bec he feel that im pushing he to get marry with me soon .but i did i just do my way to show he how much i like he and scare he away now i can only tell my self the way i love he is wrong and we are not
match or maybe in the wrong time bec there he also interesting at someone .he have been told me you dont just meet one person in the same time you should looking around and decide to be with who .i just silly did`t put it on my mind .i should know that he was trying to tell me something. and once he had a firends come to china visit he and he ask me if i like i can go to meet his firend .i just told he no bec you are not at home i feel strange if i go meet he . how stupid is this im .everthing in my heart is he he he he he .nothing eles .i can tell you he is my true love. but pity .im just not the type for he. that is the reason i make he feel i push he and tell my doubt.to make he dont want to lie to me .he is a good guy gentleman also treat me well he can remeber everthing i say two years ago and when we go out he`s eyes always on me never watch other woman help me wear my thigh boots and carry my bag always praise me when he get a chance etc. well here i dont want to say too much .when i meet he i lose myself .i know i should let it go .im trying to make he get out of my head . and really appreciate he 51old still try hard to find what he love not who love he.
bye the way “face"not so important for me . im not going be afraid someone talk about me . i just know im not going to do something bad or hurt anyone
thank john again and everone i tell everbody about this
good luck everbody to find your love match

#2013-04-30 07:17:53 by RobertB @RobertB

I would say that the problem here refers not only differences between Chinese and Thai women, it refers to men, or particular man expectations to lady's behavior and looks and all that but also to actual fate.
By fate I understand all the events, conduct and behavior of the people involved and often other people who accompany them.
It is not limited to that of'course.
I just want to say that we are not fully aware of reasons of our own behavior and let alone of others or maybe even why certain things turn out the way they do.
I would say ,that more likely than not we have some hidden desires and qualities that emerge only at certain times.
Also it is important to know, that we cannot change that the way we want or think we want to achieve some goals.
If this lady even starts to behave like a Thai, she actually may still not be Thai. She would not understand with all her being and soul, how to behave like Thai. I understand her pain. We sometimes have to let go.
All will be well. Maybe there is someone else that is perfect for that lady and she should instead be happy that when she meets him, she will be free to join him. It is a great pain, when you are with someone and you want to be with another. The whole love idea is to accept as is. We just have to find someone that either is so close to our ideal, or someone that is so important for some reason(not financial gain) that we easily change, and in fact we do not change we discover ourselves in another being.
I am not writing person, as this is gender neutral but most importantly person is a mask we have in our life. What is important is that spirit we meet. Not everyone can see that. If we see that in another human then we are in love.
Every human is different and that is good, we can choose different paths and still walk together.
As for national and ethnic differences, everybody has some different characteristics, actually color is the least significant. What I mean is the way we behave, talk, our gait, our way of thinking, feeling. Energy. Aura.
There are many things that make a huge difference.
When we define something then we put limits on the objects.
In the meantime we are talking about live people, who have the means and rights to change. Even without notice. So, our definitions are simply our way to find some order in the ever evolving world.
I hope my comment makes some sense here, it is late now and I am a bit tired. Still I like writing here, so I take this opportunity.

#2013-04-30 22:31:26 by Grace172 @Grace172

John, I admire your incisive view and appropriate words to our women(Thai and Chinese woman). I can not agree with you more.
I like having vacations in Thailand and I like most Thai people there. They are very friendly. Their smile are very attractive too. I notice that the yound Thai women are very beautiful and the young Thai men are very handsome. Of course I met some cheaters there, this happen all over the world.
For my opinion, the most difference between Thai women and the Chinese women is the language, they speak Thai, we, of course speak Chinese. haha...See... not all Chinese woman always be serious, at lease I am not. Sometimes I like making joke for something.

#2013-05-04 20:16:34 by Apinkapple @Apinkapple

Smiling is the most beautiful language in the world.We ladies should learn to smile sweetly although we often have to face the pressure from the work and life. Girls who often smile will be lucky enough.

@Grace172
Hi,Grace,long time no see.How are you? You know ,you are like one of my old friends...
I seldom came here recently.
Some things very unfair happened to me recently,which makes me in a very low mood these two days. Reading postings and blogs here are always beneficial.
I will always smile no matter how bad things happened to me from now on.
Take care.

#2013-05-06 13:26:19 by anonymous6130 @anonymous6130

I have went to Thailand twice and lived with a Thai woman for two weeks ,to be honest ,Thai women wasnot that bossing like Chinese women,Chinese women always worried about losing so they always try to control all of things around of them especially a man who belong to .and yes they less smile than others because they have used to following those plans of future .but what i want to say that Thai women more listen to the man more than Chinese cause that was their culture for what they learn ,man always like a king of the family and women almost does all of homework in a family.
Otherwise ,so many foriegners came to Asian just for enjoy ,because everything so easy and cheap including sexy and women.if they got a little money and a good looking face would be a lot more easier to have almost everything what they want to have.love,sometime just a reason for enjoy and happy.they would not ever stay for anyone but themselves .and this is some of Chinese women deserve for it cause they were just wanted get some dreams from those relationship .
Anyway ,if someone really love you then would not left ,if they gone then nothing can be holding .

#2013-05-06 14:03:35 by Grace172 @Grace172

@Apinkapple

Hi, sweet pinkapple. Thank you so much for your concern to me.. Everything is ok to me so far. I have been very busy in my work lately. I am not able to visit here often too.
I am so sorry to hear the unfair thing happened to you. But this often happens in our life, right? When the bad thing happens to you, it must has a good luck waiting for you. People said the back luck or the misery is a very good present from the God. It can make you more stronger. So when I have bad luck or deeply hurt, I will write down, "Thanks God giving me a good present today." I remember I had got seven presents in one day. Sometimes, the 'present' was very big and heavy beyond I could carry. But these really make me stronger and stronger.
So when the unfair thing comes to you, just accept it, and do not let anything disturb your peace of mind. Only while you are in peace and calm down, your mind will be clear and you will find out the way to out of the dilemma soon.
You are a very kind and special good girl. I believe after you have experiented the heat and cold in your life, you will smile from your heart.
Well, when I have bad mood. I always say to myself: " I have promised myself these: to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind; to look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true; to think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best; to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet; to give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize other; to live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best is in me."
All my best wished to you.
Take care my best friend.

#2013-05-12 01:58:09 by Zhenaiyouduomei @Zhenaiyouduomei

I have went to Thailand twice and lived with a Thai woman for two weeks ,to be honest ,Thai women wasnot that bossing like Chinese women,Chinese women always worried about losing so they always try to control all of things around of them especially a man who belong to .and yes they less smile than others because they have used to following those plans of future .but what i want to say that Thai women more listen to the man more than Chinese cause that was their culture for what they learn ,man always like a king of the family and women almost does all of homework in a family.
Otherwise ,so many foriegners came to Asian just for enjoy ,because everything so easy and cheap including sexy and women.if they got a little money and a good looking face would be a lot more easier to have almost everything what they want to have.love,sometime just a reason for enjoy and happy.they would not ever stay for anyone but themselves .and this is some of Chinese women deserve for it cause they were just wanted get some dreams from those relationship .
Anyway ,if someone really love you then would not left ,if they gone then nothing can be holding .

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