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John Abbot is co-owner of Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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The Chinese Dating Blogs: Where Do We Go From Here    

By John Abbot
5325 Views | 12 Comments | 8/5/2012 1:00:59 PM

Recently, long time member “HistGuy” posted a Forum thread entitled “I Miss The Old CLM”. I welcome you to give it a read, along with the comments (especially mine), and then return here for further discussion. In his forum thread HistGuy basically indicates that he feels CLM has become less friendly and the blogs have stopped being helpful and are no longer about seriously seeking a life partner. You’ll see from my first comment on his thread that I take some offence at his approach in the thread, but on second thought I believe that HistGuy’s concerns, regardless of whether I agree with his approach, deserve some serious consideration.

This is not about CLM in my opinion, as I don’t see any of the comments made by HistGuy in his thread as being about CLM. He seems to be really discussing the blogs and not the website itself. And I am not concerned about CLM myself, as frankly it is healthier than ever, and continues to grow and gain respect both among the members and the dating community at large. However, I too have had some nagging concerns about the blogs that were boiling just below the surface of my consciousness, and HistGuy’s thread has brought them closer to having some clarity, but far from being clear.

The blogs have been a great part of CLM/ALM in my opinion, and have set us apart from almost all other dating sites in giving a place for people to find answers to help them explore online dating, information about what is happening both onsite but also in countries on the other side of the world from many members, and a way to see the world of Chinese and Asian dating through the eyes of others. More than any other single factor, the blogs have told members of CLM/ALM that our sites are real, and that they are members of a real community where people count, and not merely customers of a business. More than any other aspect of CLM/ALM, with the possible exception of Scammer Prison, the blogs have made we owners feel proud of the efforts we are making to genuinely help people find real love in a safe and secure setting. Almost all of our bloggers have done themselves proud and have delivered of themselves far beyond what we originally expected or even hoped for and to all of them we are truly grateful.

We desperately do not wish to have the blogs slowly lose their way.

I’m really hoping that some of our regular blog readers, and especially our long termers, including HistGuy, and many others of you who have been members of CLM/ALM and followed the blogs regularly, and especially also the bloggers themselves, will give some serious thought to the questions I am about to pose here and will provide some comments to give us a little guidance.

Basically, let’s look at the blogs as they exist today and consider the following questions:

1. We have always taken the position that so long as the blogs related in some way to online dating or to China or Asia in some way, they were relevant and would be acceptable.

Is this too broad a subject range, too narrow or does it remain appropriate?

Please expand on your answer with suggestions?

2. What do you like or enjoy most about the blogs currently?

3. What do you dislike most or enjoy least about the blogs currently?

4. Have the blogs changed over time?

If yes, how have they changed and were those changes good or bad?

5. If there was one thing you could do to improve the blogs, what would that one thing be?

6. Please add any general comments that you feel have not been addressed in the above questions.

We would really appreciate as much input from as many members as possible. We hope to receive honest and heartfelt comments and concerns about the blogs, and to use the accumulated responses to ensure that the blogs continue to add a real benefit to being a member of CLM and/or ALM. So please take some time from your busy schedule and from your quest for a great Chinese or Asian woman or a great Western guy, and give us your honest and considered comments or suggestions.

With respect,

John Abbot

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2012-08-05 22:55:51 by aussieghump @aussieghump

I think the blogs have changed with time...for the better! You are getting the thought and words of Chinese women much more than before - when the blogs started they were mostly men writing and were quite 'blokey' focusing on the whys and wherefores of Chinese dating. 2 bloggers were coming to China to find love who unfortunately don't write as much as before.

The addition of the Chinese ladies has given viewers a greater appreciation of the subtle Chinese prose, some great reads about travel and personal life events in the Middle Kingdom and some quite interesting pieces on relationships from a Chinese viewpoint.

One thing I would be in favour of is the 'anonymous' part being removed... I understand that people might want their 'name withheld' from a greater audience if the comment is personal etc, but the completely 'unknown blog post' should be removed, or at least heavily vetted for language and concepts that personally attack others.

That's my 5 jiao.

#2012-08-06 00:31:58 by Chicano @Chicano

Ni Hao people

Chicano never has been into blogs, but blogs are a good avenue for expression of one's current thoughts.

Keep-up the good work with CLM and lets see more selections options on "Send a Kiss". Many readers do not want to reject members, rudely with no reply but do not have appropriate options. Chicano surprised that no one has blogged on this "non-selection" for reply's.

#2012-08-06 00:42:28 by doctorj @doctorj

john, for the most part these blogs are outstanding. you have an exceptional range of writers with different interests and perspectives, i dare say rivaled by no other business like yours.

bren, welcome back! one day i plan to go back to the east coast and look you up! and next trip to china am hoping to hook up with some of you other regulars!

#2012-08-06 02:03:57 by stoken @stoken

John, I've read the Forum thread and it seems both of you make good and valid points. I'm a reader by my nature and enjoy reading blogs by people that are not writers by profession. They can be informative in many ways. This doesn't mean they all hold my attention or that I agree with all that I read. Some have offended me mildly in different ways also. There's nothing wrong with that. I can choose to stop reading or form a reply or simply shrug and forget it. If I agreed with them all it would be very boring and I would probably not read any of them. Opposing thoughts and opinions are largely what forms our own view of life. It would never cross my mind to criticize someone that has taken the time to write because I disagree. I might post my own opinion and why I have that opinion though. That brings about a discussion that might give me a new point of view. Society today needs a high level of tolerance and communication.

#2012-08-06 12:50:02 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Thanks for the comments so far - this is a good start to what I hope will be a long list. Please keep them coming.

#2012-08-08 02:17:16 by twilightsmith @twilightsmith

Well, I've been a long term blogger on CLM.
Firstly, I'd like to express my appreciation to John Abbot for creating and maintaining such a great site.
Secondly, I hope I'm not the blogger who was described by the current critic as being "babble incoherently like someone going through syphilitic madness". My whole purpose has been to entertain and introduce a little humor and light warmheartedness about a serious quest.
Thirdly, its true that the easiest thing in the world is to pontificate when sharing knowledge, as the critic said. But writing has to have some force and direction to it, other wise nobody will believe in what you say.
I like the influx of Chinese female bloggers, myself.
Maybe John could introduce "guest blogs" in which any member gets a chance to write about their situation?

#2012-08-08 23:08:20 by aku1234 @aku1234

1) I think the subject range is good.

2) I like the wide variety of subjects and many bloggers. A lot to choose from and many different view points!

3) Nothing to complain about really. Well, if you insist: using the word "sex" in the caption to lure readers is bit of a cheap trick when the article handles something completely else. At least I feel a bit deceived!

4) Can't really answer this since I am a new member and still browsing through the older entries. Maybe the increasing number of Chinese female bloggers, that is a really great thing!

5) Some of the blogs obviously made with the help of machine translation are sometimes a bit hard to understand. Maybe some help from CLM could be offered? But I understand that this is a sensitive subject and maybe such resources are not even available.

6) As a new member I find the blog articles invaluable, I am also spending time reading through the old blogs and learn a lot about China, Chinese women and dating them. For me the blogs are a very good source of information.

#2012-08-27 21:34:36 by ShenyangIrish @ShenyangIrish

Hello John,

I think the blogs are great. But do not allow aussieghump to leave. I don't care if you have to get down on your verbal knees and beg. He is a great blogger, one of the best. So don't, don't, don't let him walk away ! The site would be much the poorer without him.
I like the suggestion of guest bloggers. Please give it consideration. Not everyone has the time, or the talent, to produce great with regularity. But you might find the occasional one-hit-wonder if you had these guest bloggers. And about that as a title for the guest blog articles? The ONE HIT WONDER BLOGS !!! What do you think, John ?
Lastly, I think the anonymous feature on the forums and comments is not fair on the bloggers. I would like to see all anonymous contributions removed. If someone takes a shot at you, it is only fair that you can see the face of the person who is holding the gun. If comments or problems are personal, and need to be hidden behind a cloak of secrecy, there should perhaps be an agony aunt, or agony uncle, column provided for these distressed people. But hiding behind the anonymity curtain, for reasons of attack and ambush on bloggers is, in my view, unacceptable. These people are cowards. They should be treated as such.

#2012-08-28 16:19:57 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I really posted this to find out if people generally are tiring of the blogs or it was just a couple of people, or if many members would like to see changes in the blogs in some manner, and I think the answer is pretty clear that people like the blogs a lot now, just as they did at the beginning and there's really nothing to worry about. There were fewer responses than I expected but the comments made were pretty well 100% pro-blog. Even the shortage of responses stands as an endorsement of the blogs in my opinion. If people didn't like them just fine the way they are they'd have been more likely to respond, not less.

So for me the issue of where do the blogs go from here has been answered resoundingly that they go forward in the same direction they've always been going. Thank you all for clarifying that for us.

In response to specific suggestions for change I'd say this:

1. Guest Blogs - I have thought about this, and at one time almost instituted it, but I keep thinking what's the difference between a Guest Blog and a Forum Thread. Members are free to start a Forum Thread at anytime, and on any topic they want, so won't Guest Blogs just detract somewhat from the Forum? I personally love the blogs, but the Forum has recently also caught fire and started to develop some real life, especially with the Chinese women, and I'd hate to diminish that in any way. But more discussion on the point is welcome because I'm really on the fence on this and could easily be persuaded to go with guest blogs if most members clearly favoured that.

2. Eliminating anonymous comments or at least restricting them.

I'm dead set against eliminating anonymity across the board because I think as a dating site we owe a duty to allow members to remain anonymous. A member may have good reasons for wishing to be anonymous as a member of a dating site, and those reasons aren't restricted to marital status (although that's a good enough reason in my mind) but can include fear of losing employment, fear of peers or family members being critical, etc. But whatever their reasons, we shouldn't deny them the right to have an opinion on the blogs or forum because they need to remain anonymous.

As to restricting personal comments that are malicious or disparaging I actually believe that sniping at someone from a cloak of anonymity with personally disparaging remarks is greatly to the benefit of the person being attacked and is the kiss of death to the anonymous commenter. As recent events have proven no one even considered the possible validity of the disparaging remarks at all, they were so upset that someone would utter them anonymously.

However, even if I'm correct that it is not to the disadvantage of the person being attacked that the remarks are made anonymously, that doesn't make it right, as a great number of you obviously feel. So I've decided that out of deference to the clear majority in future I'm going to restrict anonymous commenters to not making any personally disparaging remarks about bloggers or members. To some degree I'm going to apply that restriction to comments in general as best as I am able.

@ShenyangIrish - I agree with you 110% about not wanting Gareth to stop blogging. I'm truly hoping Gareth hasn't left us, and there are hopeful signs in that he is still commenting. As for begging, I'm not sure how I could beg much harder than in my response to his last comment on Jean-Baptiste's blog. In any event I'm just waiting like the rest of you to hopefully see another blog by Gareth show up in the queue to be published. Nobody will feel worse than me if it fails to arrive.

#2012-08-29 07:04:29 by jonno @jonno

Hello. New (unpaid) member here. WOW! what a concept! I've been to 2 filiipina sites and 1 latina dating site in last 5 months that were void of blogs and a forums. Blogging and dating definately go together, especially for one like me who enjoys writing. Only problem is i am having trouble navigating the blogs here. I have written 3 responses in my first week but can only find one. Is there no place on "myspace" that tracks former blogs of interest? or how about "someone has responded to your post"? thanks. Hopefully, i can find any response i may get here.

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