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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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The Art of Chinglish - I love it !    

By Paul Fox
3332 Views | 10 Comments | 4/2/2014 6:28:12 PM

Chinglish.... we all love it right? I have referred to it many times in the past and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.



Apart from my wonderful 'Slip Carefully' sign (that I love), I was in a Shanghai Hotel recently and emblazoned above the front door in big, red, illuminated letters were the words .......SHANGHAI BOUTIQUE HOETL

Forgive me here, but if the signmaker is going to get anything wrong, surely it would be the word 'Boutique' - at least you would think so - to screw up the word HOTEL is pretty unbelievable - but nonetheless, it now takes pride of place in my collection and is now above SLIP CAREFULLY when it comes to my favourite top ten

Others include "GUSET ROOMS" (Should be GUEST rooms and was seen in a hotel elevator), GOLVES (should be 'gloves' and was seen above the entrance to a huge golf shop). However funny these may be, they are simply spelling mistakes and what you are about to read is completely different and made me roll with laughter



I have no wish to offend the lovely Chinese members here and I certainly do not want them to think I am making fun of them, but what you are about to read is an actual word-for-word translation of a hotel brochure from Mandarin to English



Below is the e-mail that I received from a good friend - I have simply copied and pasted it here. - Enjoy!






A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English - read it carefully - it's HILARIOUS!

 

 

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

 

The Hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

 

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

 

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

 

The Bed:

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

 

Above All:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 10) 1
#2014-04-02 18:37:29 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, this hotel brochure is truly way, way too funny. This is Chinglish at its very best.

#2014-04-02 22:11:45 by Marrisa @Marrisa

This is really HILARIOUS! I can't help laughing into tears.(rofl)

#2014-04-02 22:20:02 by Grace172 @Grace172

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)

#2014-04-03 10:47:27 by dancingshoes @dancingshoes

Actually we have more funny Chinglish here. I like to see such translations and they are too humourous!

We have a local snack " Hot Dry Noodles" ( 热干面) in Wuhan. And I saw one time in a small restaurant in the countryside it was translated as " Hot Fuck Noodles" ! So amazing!

#2014-04-03 11:16:26 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

Very funny Paul, but sadly Chinglish is slowly but surely being eradicated from parts of China, predominantly the big tourst cities such as Beijing or Shanghai.

The "Mail Online" reported some time ago that Shanghai for example, now has a department of "quality inspectors" who claimed it was winning its war against Chinglish. It reported that the accuracy of English language signs in public spaces there had improved 85 per cent since it took action three years ago.

This is actually bad news in one way, as most tourists appreciated the quirky charm of the signs. They were something to stand beside and be photographed with.

Teams of student volunteers also have been assembled to scour the city for Chinglish and a website was launched to collect complaints, run by the city's Language Work Committee.

Among the signs to go was one forbidding "ragamuffin, drunken people and psychotic" from entering the Pearl Tower, one of Shanghai's most famous attractions.

Further signs that were removed included: "Prohibit carrying animals and the articles which disturb common sanitation (including the peculiar smell of effluvium)" and a ban on "dangerous germs, pests and other baleful biology".

Shen Weimin, the vice-director of Shanghai's municipal bureau of quality and technical supervision, boasted that English gaffes were increasingly rare.

"We created standards in the use of English in twelve of our major departments, ranging from public transportation to tourism," he said.

However, fortunately Chinglish hasn't totally disappeared from Shanghai: One sign placed in the window of a boutique there still reads: "SALE: 50 per cent UP".

I agree it'll be a sad day indeed, if Chinglish signs disappear from China. They're a great source of good natured humour and Westerners love them. I especially liked the sign in the men's clothing store that said,

"Please don't touch yourself. Let us help you do this for you!"

Or the sign in the railway station,

"Western men please bend over backwards when entering carriage to stop head hurt".

#2014-04-05 08:30:19 by sandy339 @sandy339

haha, ok thanks for the fun :)
I like the two signs below, do they mean : Be Careful, gentlemen (especially to those deformed ones), you should be well-behaved, otherwise your b***s will be removed by Chinese? haha

#2014-04-09 22:14:32 by lydiawen @lydiawen

(rofl)Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water
(rofl)The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
(rofl)But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar
(rofl)our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you

(rofl)Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

(rofl)If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

(rofl)When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
(rofl)"Please don't touch yourself. Let us help you do this for you!"

#2014-04-10 10:21:17 by lydiawen @lydiawen

(sun)(sun)(sun) Paul Fox, I love Chinlish too ! (poolparty)(poolparty)(poolparty)

#2014-04-11 11:26:16 by dancingshoes @dancingshoes

Just read a funny news about the search of MH370 that, the Australian officer declared there was found some " silt" only on the seabed of the located area. But our Chinese translator reported it as , there was found some "silk" on the seabed so everybody here was excited to see the upcoming result! (Silk means the things with humans...)

While they realized the translation mistake, they published another news to correct it agan!

#2014-04-13 23:02:18 by tonyk @tonyk

LMAO!

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