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By Ken Silver About Asia
3198 Views | 3 Comments | 10/14/2013 10:08:04 AM

Asian women from Cambodia are straight, direct and unsophisticated, not plush but very practical.

Bad month! I’d gotten in trouble with the President for mistranslating that top secret Syrian communiqué as “Syrian President….poison gas!” when it should really have been “Syrian President ….passing gas!”. Who knew Syrian President Assad was so secretive about his social embarrassment?

As a result, Obama went on global TV and pounded the table about a gas attack that didn’t really kill thousands at all, but only offended President Assad’s very expensive dinner date. When the CIA learned the truth – Little Ms. Ten Thousand a Night gossiped to Russia’s Putin;-well you can imagine the trouble the Syrians and the Russians and the Americans and the Iranians and even the Israelis went to to make sure Obama’s dramatic speech didn’t become a farce!

Fortunately, finding a thousand dead bodies to haul into position was no problem…

What? You think the people running the world actually care or act on global issues? They only act to protect their wealth and their egos. Readers, no matter how cynical you are, you’re not cynical enough. Only I selflessly work for the betterment of humanity!

Trust nobody but me.

Anyhow, it was all quite embarrassing, and so I signed a couple of hundred thousand dollars out of the defense budget and flew off to Cambodia. My stated mission – to find a tough, simple, ruthless, warrior tribe. So, naturally I focused my research on Cambodian women.

Cambodia, as any middle aged man knows, is right next to Thailand on the map.
Thai Asian women are Mercedes Benz convertibles. They can be sleek, sophisticated, unnervingly ethereal, and then they get together and eat bugs.

Cambodian Asian women are jeeps, period. Simple, basic country girls. Village women living in the big city. To see them running around town in their t-shirts and frayed jeans is to watch Daisy Duke bend over to feed the chickens. Hillbilly girls, still acting like water comes from a well even when they work for the finest hotels. Tough enough for you, Romeo?

Born tough out in the country side jungles. Raised tough. At the age of five both boys and girls are out on the front lines of earning a living, guilt tripping tourists into “buy my postcards, only five dollars”. Perhaps you’ve seen them on National Geo TV? For some reason the same cameras never shows these charming youngsters, in their squeaky little voices, telling tourists to “go f*ck yourself” when no such purchase occurs.

From there on its work, work, charm the tourists, giggle, sell overpriced guide books, grow up, giggle some more, wash dishes, put out the souvenirs in the morning, take in the souvenirs at night, grow up some more, and giggle together at how easy it is to sell anything to the balding, overweight male tourists.

Those finally fortunate enough to find steady, 80 hour a week jobs as waitresses or shop girls all seem to hold the common dream of meeting a foreigner who will take them away from their drudgery, even if only to a 20 hour work week. As my name has repeatedly been linked to that of a Malaysian heiress I have had to repeatedly decline. Too bad! But casual sex isn’t on their priority list anyhow. Long term dating and long term relationships are. Village and tribal social groups put a high premium on female purity, as in reputation.

Interestingly, the few women who break with tradition and become bar girls, their toughness and practicality increase exponentially, giving them a no nonsense, hard edged charm. If Thai bar girls give off the vibe of a yoga instructor- “Now we Boom-Boom, but this is all Illusion anyhow”; Cambodian “taxi girls” give off the vibe of a no nonsense aerobics instructor- “Now we “Boom Boom Boom! One more time, Boom Boom Boom!”

Tough, realistic, earthy, straight to the main opportunity like thirsty lionesses to a waterhole; Cambodian women are not for the faint hearted! Honestly, fellas, perhaps it’s best you try online Asian dating, as found in the few legitimate Asian dating sites such as

Or, at least, stick to Bangkok.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-10-14 10:15:23 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Fun read Ken, but pretty informative too. I've never been one for the unsophisticated country girl type of woman, but I'd have a lot more money in the bank if I had been. Thanks for this.

#2013-10-14 16:44:09 by Barry1 @Barry1

An informative and no doubt very accurate record of international events you've described here Ken, but you made one awful mistake.

You said, "Trust nobody but me."

To all those lovely Chinese ladies who've dared to send a note to my inbox lately, please let me revise the above statement. It should in actuality say,

"Trust nobody but me and Barry from Australia!"

I'm sure this is what you intended to say, mate. A simple typo omitted my name in your column, is all. Either that or you had one beer too many!

So to all those sweet innocents reading this, please know that you can implicitly trust me to meticulously uphold your honour and dignity in every possible area.

If you're a little leery about this though (as many millions quite credibly would be!), just ask my mate Ken! :)

#2013-10-16 21:59:29 by lhui @lhui


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