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Jasmine Huang, member of CLM, born and raised in the southeast of China, is sharing with you one Chinese woman's point of view regarding western men, Chinese women, online dating and cross cultural relationships. Not an expert, but would be willing to learn and grow with you all.
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Something we’ll all go through: challenge NO. 1    

By Jasmine Huang
4802 Views | 12 Comments | 9/16/2010 12:02:29 AM
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art by : CLARE ROJAS

Of all the successful stories I read on CLM, I am most impressed by the one shared by Lanikai & GTX888 on emagazine. Their story is quite real with many details that we all have to be through anyhow when we are about to be in a relationship online.

So you guys must remember in the last article ‘Are you a pryer’ when I discussed about my fantastic habit of googling for a guy’s traces online to make sure I don’t meet any ‘bad guys’. It is not the guarantee and it shows most probably one person’s past behaviors or interests or maybe business promotions or something else.

And here I want to discuss about another trust issue that we all are likely to encounter when two people feel connected somehow and want to have further communication and contact. Like Lanikai’s wife GTX888, she doubted of him when they finished their chatting online, he still spent some time on CLM at the very beginning of their chat. Or maybe in another version, he still signed in there in late night or even early morning while you two said goodbye to each other and you signed out of CLM. What will be in your mind then?

1. Is he still looking for other sexy hot girls while he said he is interested in you?

2. Could he be serious of what he said that on asialovematch there are many philippinos who are less classy than Chinese girls, while he still signed in there, and the only reason is he is curious of checking the profiles of the girls who sent him kisses or messages?

And now my questions are:

1. If two people really feel that connected and share much time together, trying to know more of each other and starting to have big future dreams, how curious will you be to the kisses and messages from the other girls/guys? Quote from a friend: a field with a fence in middle and the grass is a little greener on one of the fields? (Wow, I found this friend a genious. Thumbs up!)

2. ‘’----If I sign in there to check the other guys' profiles? How do you feel?
----It is your freedom to do so, as long as you said you are serious of us. I really would not be very offended.’’ Could this be the satisfactory answer to you when you two try to figure out how to solve this trust issue?

3. If your answer is YES to the 2nd answer, then my extra question will be:
‘Hypothetically if we were married and if there are other guys showing me affection and asking me out, and I tell you I just want to be friends with them, so going out with them does not count as dates, how do you feel?’

Does this ring the bell when you said you were just curious about those girls’ profiles while you in fact are not interested in them?

So far, the things I said above are always in my mind when it comes to online dating. How can we trust each other as we said to be serious about each other? When is the due time to discuss this issue? What will be the perfect solution? It could be a challenge of what you are having or going through and I’d like to call it challenge NO. 1. The discussion of this issue will definitely affect your relationship. So better think before you leap. Openness and understanding will always do some help. Or maybe a little faith and less doubt? But based on what?

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 10 of 12) 1 2 More...
#2010-09-16 00:13:43 by kahnsfury @kahnsfury

There is no perfect solutions to this problem. The only answer is compromise and honesty. It is a very difficult thing to have faith in the face of such an issue but you should base that faith on reason and logic. Do not be blinded by love but also do not be overcome by suspicion.

#2010-09-16 01:44:30 by oneforall @oneforall

Speaking just for myself...I would have reservations about a person that stays online after chatting with a person I said I cared for. My reply is uni-sexual and applies to both parties. Myself...I could never tolerate another man showing extra "appreciation" towards a woman I cared for. Whether or not friendship would follow would depend upon much. My question to you is this: Suppose you are "connected" with a person on this site and things go along smoothly. Perhaps you are just scrolling through pictures waiting for your "other" to appear. Suddenly you find another picture, or name, very similar to your "others" profile. When you check you find it is the same person. Then you notice he/she is already online...what do you do? I have seen this on CLM several times.

#2010-09-16 02:04:05 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I personally believe, and have so stated in my blogs and emagazine articles, that anyone who is prepared to commit their heart and soul to someone on a long distant dating site like CLM is playing a fool's game. This dating site, like all other dating sites, is a platform for meeting many people and weeding out the one's who very clearly will never be a match. The only reasonable goal here is to meet and develop relationships with several people who could be your match. To narrow your chances down to one person before you have even physically met them is almost sure to lead to disappointment and a loss of much time and energy for nothing. Both sides of the pairing should accept and understand that the other one, like them, will communicate with several potential matches, not just one.

And oneforall or anyone else who has seen duplicate memberships, it is a clear breach of our terms for one person to have two memberships here, so if you spot this happening please take the time to report the person (both usernames please) and we'll investigate. We stop many of them but it isn't possible to catch them all without member reporting.

#2010-09-16 09:48:22 by dearjasmine @dearjasmine

To oneforall,
Wow, a tough question. I think your question may also have other versions: 1. To have a profile very very similar to another profile, that is not wise. But what if he/she creates another profile with no pic and/or simply changes some details? 2. Even if he/she promises to make his/her profile invisable, what if he/she knows about your daily routin and goes online while it is your sleeping time? HMM, I think I am at my wit's end.

John, what if we are just the one woman man or one man woman, and we do mind that the one who is connected to us and sounds serious to contact other members? He/she may have the time to weed out the ones who are not his/her match before he/she sound serious to you. If he/she still keeps on searching that sound to me that he/she is just playing.

#2010-09-19 20:25:33 by easterndream @easterndream

Ni hao ma !

SIMPLICITY you have to be realistic - overall it takes several correspondances between the man and the women to staqrt knowing if their suitable. But giving the lady some assurance many men are so uncertain before they start talking of the long term commitment that they must share with a cultured lady. Nobody should manipulate their emotions
before knowing what they really want - easy said than done.

Regards,

Eastern Dream

#2010-09-22 00:26:13 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

Knowledge of compatibility only comes with personal meeting. Even if you believe through talking and online webcam visits that you are compatible, meeting in person may change all that. Online, people are generally at their best. When you meet in person it is harder to keep up appearances as many of us have discovered when dating in our home country. Why should you think it is any different if you are talking to someone on the other side of the world? Sometimes Chinese women jump to conclusions that are not warranted even if you were seeing her here. Remember, most know nothing about dating because they have never dated in the western sense. So this comment applies to the women as well. Are you willing to settle for any warm body or do you want the best warm body for you?

#2010-09-22 00:37:40 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

to dearjasmine: It seems that you just want the warm body regardless of whether you are compatible with the warm body. How do you define serious? Do you get serious when you have never met someone? Sounds too much like Chinese matchmaking. Seems you have made this argument before but it doesn't wash. There is no way you know that someone is right for you without meeting in person. Online dating is not dating in the true sense of the word. Here you are meeting people and hopefully you are as honest with them as they are with you. CLM is like a meet and greet location. This goes on in China where large groups of singles meet in the hope of finding someone they can begin to talk to. I think you expect too much with a modicum of meeting and greeting. You are not being realistic.

#2010-09-22 00:57:55 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

Dearjasmine: How do you define "serious"? Would you be serious with someone you never met in person but only through a webcam chat? It is possible to talk about your dreams and what you want and wish for without making a commitment. Hopefully these are some of the things you would discuss with someone. If you are not willing to bare yourself to someone before you meet, then you are wasting your time and his

#2010-12-27 09:11:12 by javance @javance

To jasmine, yes trust is one of the main desires in a relationship, but trust does not arrive on cue or remain without prove. Trust is something that is developed over time, many people have lost all through trusting too quickly. Would you buy a car from a sweet talking salesman? Would you invest your life savings with a door knocking 'investor' and, understand, we are all investing something far more valuable here than our money, we are investing our hearts, for always. And here, we are 'meeting' people a if we are in the dark, not truly 'seeing' them, there are none of the trait indicators we can observe when face to face, only the persona the 'suitor' shows us.
There is a difference between 'dating' and being married. It is relatively accepted in Western culture that once you are married you must forsake all other options. If you were pursuing a menu at a restaurant for a meal you may approach many options and, select the one that satisfies you. However, once you have made your selection, then you must be satisfied, content or at least committed to your choice.
I think it is an example of great wisdom if the people who are 'dating' online keep there 'options' open whilst 'dating', then when they choose, each can be satisfied they have made the best choice for a happy future.

#2013-08-30 13:41:02 by Swimgirl @Swimgirl

I just want to ask how can I put my article in the blogs here

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