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Gareth is an Australian who has lived in JiangSu, SuZhou (Heaven on Earth) for a few years - he is a keen observer of the Chinese people, Chinese culture and the changes that are occurring in China at break-neck speed. He can often be found on his a nightly 'perch' in front of his bar in the famous Bar Street in Suzhou, talking to the locals in his bad Mandarin, teaching the 'flower-selling girls' English, eating street food and smiling at the local chengguan (neighbourhood police). Gareth also has several other businesses in China around Business and English training. His experiences have been varied and interesting and his years in China have taught him to be wary of promises but excited about prospects, not a bad situation to be in!
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Solve somebody else's problem!    

By Garreth Humphris
2707 Views | 6 Comments | 9/26/2012 12:25:06 PM

Demotivation website

Have you ever noticed how 'great’ we are at solving other people’s problems but how hopeless we are at working out our own?

What I mean is, if a friend comes to us with a tale of lost love and Fortune’s missed, we know exactly what to say and exactly what to do! Dump him, get over it, he was a ’bad guy’ anyway! Find another, protect your heart, dream again! Simple!...

But if it is us, it's the end of the world - it’s that vain hope that, in fact, it really isn't oblivion but somehow it was a misunderstanding! That things will go back to where they were last week, or last month or last year, or even last decade (for some of us) and everything will be ok!

I often wondered why this was...I feel it has to do with our emotional investment in a situation - we think because we have contributed ’love currency’ then we should get some payback! We are prepared to wait for this, even if others see it as futile!

But it isn't only in cases of love...It has been found that if you give someone a problem to solve that involves them, they can't do so well! But if you give them a similar problem involving another person, they are 50% more likely to be able to work out the correct answer. It happens at work, on the street, talking to strangers, in a blog or forum - we can clearly give a clear and accurate assessment, propose an action plan and suggest a timeline even when we are bumbling along with the same set of issues! 

The truth is, we never move at the speed we suggest others do it, we never purge things from our heart like we advise others, we never let go of poor experience like we urge others, we never instigate change as quickly and cleanly as we advocate! 

So it might not actually be ’love currency’ - maybe it is hope, or thoughts or even risk!

Given that we are so hopeless at this, how might we be able to do a better job at solving life's problems?

1) listen and believe everything your Mum and Dad tell you. This seems to be the correct thing to do - But maybe they know you like you know yourself and are ’emotionally committed’ so their thinking is as wayward as yours!

2) find yourself a “Problem Swap Buddy” - you go around solving their problems and they solve all yours! And neither of you get stuck on any life dilemmas! That would be ok, if we actually followed what our friends said! But we seldom do, especially if we are hurt!

3) Divide your problems with lots of other people - if we ’share’ a problem then it is halved - that is what my Grandmother used to say! But then everyone knows our problems and they will gossip about them long after they are actually solved!

4) Do something rash to show our commitment - we might try to win back a situation - to snatch Victory from the jaws of Defeat! - or make some foolish bumbling public display (anguish or anger) to crush the last shred of Dignity we can muster!

5) Leave it to Fate - roll a dice, flip a coin, drink lots of wine and wait and see what happens!

6) Lie very still for a long time, wounded and bleeding, hoping that the object of our affection will see our pain and respond positively! But they never do!

Ultimately, even though we might do some or all of the above, when it comes to life's problems, it usually just takes a little more time...

I certainly hope so...it was another birthday for me this week and I'm not getting any younger!

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Comments
(Showing 1 to 6 of 6) 1
#2012-09-26 23:25:45 by xin73 @xin73

When you put one's heart and soul into investment sentiment, and this sentiment is still lacking of time, you said you give up can be so easy to give up?Love is not to go to the market to buy some vegetables so simple, not just want to buy that you can buy.
I am a acracholia woman, but I definitely would not mess invest my feelings.
Once pay the truth, even if the feelings have no result, I also can't literally into another feeling. So I would prefer to select the solitude.
Happy birthday to you and as soon as possible to find the best girl.

#2012-09-27 10:47:42 by anonymous4419 @anonymous4419

Thanks for your summary for the subject. Well we all here looking for the true,the kind,the beauty,the happy life so first we need to know what's happiness: It's a kind of ability including getting along well with people. Adjust quickly to new situation..Here i want to say sth about your 6 items:
1,Totally it's true.
2, We all grown-up adults,already weaned,learn to take responsibilities by thyself.
3, Well that's a choice,sharing privacy or not. It's said Gods made relatives and made us choose to make friends.
4, It's a good way going to gym,which helps us to sweat,stay calm.
5, Leave to fate. Good idea!
6, That's a payment for grown-up,made us strong.
To life,keep smile every day!

#2012-09-30 20:03:01 by gongli @gongli

True love is not easy, love the trauma to use love to make up for, the adjustment point of view, to sum up experience, looking for true love.

Wish you success !

#2012-10-02 16:14:33 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Hi Gerreth,
I've been on vacation and so have a backlog of your blogs to catch up on and thought with the latest. You have certainly diagnosed a real problem. Let me add one additional solution to your list (5 is my personal favorite). I once read a book, "stumbling into Happiness," that addressed precisely this issue. The author agrees with you that we are lousy about deciding what we should do in certain situations and argues that we are better off reading about and finding out what has worked well for others who were in our situation. Following this advice,when I left my job at the university I read a book, called The Third Chapter, about people who had made a similar life transition and found the work helpful--if only I'd listened to it!

#2012-10-08 10:26:19 by warriorsage @warriorsage

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

#2012-10-20 09:20:53 by rs0128 @rs0128

First I let go and let God,next I do the next right thing. For me I would talk to the people I trust to be honest.

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