Silence is the reason why I'm here. Time seems to go slower here. I love this feeling when I can hear my own heart beating and can be myself, no one's watching. I feel that I'm closer to something . . . something that I can't comprehend. This feeling that surrounds me every time I'm here is like when I was at my Mother's home and felt unconditional love. I am closer to home here than anywhere else and I'm accepted for who I am and part of a bigger picture.

I'm lying lazily on a warm rock on the top of Dog Mountain and watching the city below me that has become my home six years ago. Spring has just sprung a few weeks ago and this is my first hike this year and my whole inside enjoys this long overdue hike after the rainy winter.

The first time I've come to this forest six years ago I thought I was in another world. I felt that I stepped into a scene from Jurassic Park. The trees were huge and they dwarfed me, but after six years I've got used to them. They call these forests around Vancouver Pacific temperate rainforests. It definitely rains a lot here, but after the rain always comes sunshine just like after sadness always comes happiness. And when the sun shines after the rain that is the most wonderful scene that I've ever experienced in my life here, around Vancouver.

Just like today as I'm lying here on the top of this warm rock cleaning out the winter mood from my soul and let the awakening spring in with new hopes. This is just an indescribable feeling to be reborn with nature on the top of the mountain. I am alive, I am happy, I am part of something, I belong to Mother Nature.

Everything seems so simple here. My mind is clear, I'm at peace with myself and the world (even Barry doesn't bother me here), I'm in heaven.

“Do I deserve to be here in this small heaven on earth?” My answer is YES.

I am here because of me. And I am here because of my Mother who raised me to become who I am today. I've got her heart, she is always with me watching over me.

But why is it that I still feel a little bit of emptiness inside? Why is it that on this perfect, peaceful day I'm still restless? What is missing from my absolute happiness? Maybe a hand that touches mine or a friendly voice that's warming my heart. Or perhaps someone whom just looking at is not enough only staring would satisfy my hungry eyes.

I've been living in Canada for 19 years now and I lived 12 years out of that 19 by myself. I've got used to loneliness and have become aloof a little bit, but if I want to move forward I need to listen to this urging voice inside and get rid of my habits and let the sunshine in to get something beautiful growing inside again.

I've been watching this Eagle overhead for a few minutes now, circling gracefully without even moving her wings. Probably searching for some small rodents to feed on. Animals, they conduct a simple life unlike us people, who usually over think everything and make it all too complicated.

If animals are hungry, they feed. They're tired, they sleep. They want to have offspring, they breed.

On the other hand if people are hungry they go to restaurants because the wives have gotten headaches and forgot to prepare dinners. But they still can't agree on which restaurant to go to after an hour of argument.

Or at their working places their bosses tell them they can't go home after their shifts are up because they need to work overtime to finish a shipment. Their bosses decide how much time they can spend resting.

They want to have babies, but they have to think about if they can afford to raise a child right now or they should wait a few more years when they would be able to put down a payment for a home. Or even worse the government tells them how many babies they can have.

I envy this Eagle, she is free, but not me.

So that's why I appreciate every second of the time that I spend here at this place that helps me to forget about the noise of the city, jealousy, greediness, hypocrisy, bureaucracy even if it means just a few hours of peace. This place is my small piece of heaven where I can recharge myself to be able to handle my everyday life.

One day I want to show this place to someone who probably has her own small place right now where she is at peace. But I want her to accept my little piece of heaven here on this warm rock where we would be together holding hands, looking out in the distance and looking at our future in each other’s eyes. That would be my absolute happiness.

Is this a big request? I don't think so. I just need to look farther for her and let her know I'm here at this small piece of heaven.