Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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Sleeping with the Enemy    

By Peter V
3113 Views | 1 Comments | 7/4/2010 2:05:47 AM

I wrote earlier about a story in ChinaSMACK, a website that translates popular articles on the Chinese Internet. This particular essay was titled “Chinese Women, Please Don’t Sleep with Foreigners” and, well, I probably don’t have to tell you what the author’s point was. Since its publication the article has gone viral, garnering over seven hundred comments and counting.

As both the passion and the volume of the replies demonstrate, the author has touched a raw nerve. For this reason, I would urge readers to check them out for themselves (see previous post for details). But be prepared to meet a level of racism and crudeness—as well as an inordinate number of comments about race and penis size. Despite these shortcomings, I think the article and the responses are important for Westerners who will be dating Chinese women. Now, no one is going to tell you these things to your face. This is China, after all. But as the article and the responses demonstrate, the comments are representative of an attitude that is out there. It may represent a minority opinion, but if so it is a particularly vocal minority and one you need to be aware of and ready to confront. Forewarned is forearmed.

The following, all translated from Chinese, are only a fraction of what was said against us lao wai (老外) in the comments. Mirroring the nature of the totality of comments, the ones listed here fall into two main categories: complaints about the predatory nature of foreigners and their lack of professionalism.

1.“An American guy I met at a short-term university training course once said: ‘My extra-curricular activities involve getting as many Chinese girls as I can. I’m a white guy so I can get all the pretty university students, models, actresses etc. The only thing I have to do is speak my own country’s language (English) with them, this is simply heaven.’”

2.“We had a foreign teacher in the past that was a complete foreign pervert, often telling the girls to go to his house for one on one tutoring, even telling us to go take showers at his house. Last time, he even said that the earthquake was a good thing for China. I erased everything he’d written on the board. The sad thing was that the first few students that responded all actually said “yes”. I’m guessing they had not yet realized what he was saying.”

3.“There are many examples of this around me, and only when you see it with your own eyes will you understand how ridiculous this is. The foreign teacher at my school is a sixty year old with a head full of white hair, but he’s able walk on the streets with schoolgirls not yet twenty on both arms.”

4.“However, these days in china laowai are very popular and there are even many women who are afraid they’re unable to get in their beds is definitely true, especially in universities where there is plenty of this happening.”

5.“I have spoken with many so called “teachers” who went overseas. Most of them told me the job was a joke and all they did was sing and dance all day. None of them seemed to have any pride in their past work. How am I supposed to think that these people were to be taken seriously?”

6.“SOME white men in China would do as well in their own country, but very few. I can’t count the number of grossly unqualified white men given high positions out of the stereotype that they MUST be capable because they’re from a rich country, and are white… and what foreigner in China isn’t aware of that?”

7.“From personal experience, most of the foreigners I met in China were losers. Some of them were in China on a forged college degrees provided by an unscrupulous teaching agency. Others would show up to their English class drunk. Others would try to get Chinese to pay for their meals when we went out, or would sponge off their meals and generosity. Seriously, the mentality of these guys was ridiculous. And their laziness was impressive.”

8. “But for the most part I have to say a lot of foreigners in China, are straight up losers. Seriously.”

So you will be coming with two strikes against you in many people’s minds. This is just a fact. There is not much you can do about that. But you can control that third strike somewhat, and I think foreign men need to be especially careful to appear competent and respectful at all times. Not that you would ever do otherwise. I close with one of the few balanced, perceptive comments:

“I have a crazy and wild idea China, instead of ranting and raving about how foreigners are only here for sex or because they couldn’t do good at home and bitching about how Chinese girls just want money why not look at your culture which treats females like commodities and tells them that the best thing they can do is help their family have a bright future. Chinese girls that are with foreigners that I know have all said they are with foreigners either because A) They just like the guy they’re with or B) Foreigners treat them better than Chinese guys who treat them like objects they own. When Chinese women are treated like decent people they behave like decent people, if you treat your daughters like they are property to be sold off to improve their parents old age they will marry whoever they think can give them the best future. It’s not a hard concept…. Unless of course you refuse to actually acknowledge the problem and instead just want to bitch and whine how foreigners are all evil.”

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#2010-07-06 22:16:08 by alanx @alanx

I am English and think Chinese women are very beautiful. I am always courteous and respect their customs. If I do something wrong I want to know. I am looking for a wife but maybe some men just want some fun. Women should perhaps find out the man's intentions first. We have different customs we both need to ask questions I think.

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