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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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Should The Forum Be Discontinued?    

By John Abbot
10865 Views | 34 Comments | 7/23/2013 1:17:06 PM

We're tired of negative people spoiling the joy for everyone else.

We have been receiving letters, and noting some comments on the Forum, that have forced us to really do some intense examination of the Forum and many of the comments and new threads that we have been publishing there, and some soul searching as to whether or not we can continue to publish them, or even whether we should continue to operate the forum.

First, in order for you to better understand our concerns, here is one letter (of many) we have received in Chinese and had professionally translated into English:

亲爱的CLM Staff,
其实我很想谈点自己的感受和建议,最近CLM改版,没找到地方,所以请容许我在这里说说我的感受:
我觉得那些博客和论坛,如一位会员所说,大家表现出无奈,似乎这里成了宣泄情绪的地方。我们是来找寻幸福的,每天繁重的工作家务过后,希望看到的是轻松的,积极的,喜气洋洋的东西,不是要看人们在这里倒垃圾。知道你们办网站宗旨,所以应该拿成绩说话!有自己的游戏规则,而这里这个网站过于展示出一些消极负面的东西,我相信有些会员以前在论坛里已经说过。象国内的珍爱网,佳缘网,虽然也有不少人投诉,可是他们在自己网站里,从来都是展示自己成功案例,根本根本完全不触及那些不好的东西。我希望贵网站不要娇惯甚至是纵容那些人,难道你们都是想展示出,来这里就是找不到幸福?那谁还来呢?最终的结果就是被那些好玩的人利用。其实显而易见的,长期在这里写的人就不是来寻找幸福的,这样的人宣扬的思想不误导大家才怪!
西方人尊重言论自由,但是呢也要认清办网站的宗旨,无关的,对自己不利的言论没必要张贴,拿出成绩说话!
谢谢!

Dear CLM Staff

I really want to talk about my feelings and suggestions.

I think the Blogs and Forum, just like one member says, expresses lots of desperation and negativity, like an explosion releasing anger and disappointment. We come here looking for happiness, after busy work and housework everyday we want to see relaxed, positive, happy things, we don't come here to see people dump their rubbish.

You know the purpose of your website, so talk about the good results. It is up to you to set up your own rules. This website shows too many negative things. I believe there are already members complaining in the forums about this.

In the Chinese to Chinese dating sites there are surely many disappointed members, but they never publish any negative things on their site, only the good things like success stories. Absolutely, completely no negative things.

I hope your website will not spoil and encourage these negative members, otherwise you just show the people who come here that they cannot find happiness. If you show this who will want to come to your website?

And the final result will be that the website will be used by these people. It is clear to see these people who are here for a long time, and always writing negative comments, do not come here looking for happiness, and their thoughts and comments will mislead all the other members into failing!

Western people respect free speech, but you know your website's purpose. If the comments are irrelevant and not good for your website, you don't need to publish them, and only your successful stories need to speak!

Thank you!

This letter very much expresses a concern we have been feeling and one that many members are also feeling. Several members have expressed concern that some of the negative comments are from members who have been registered as “plants” by our competitors to try to make us look bad. And we are concerned that this could very well be true.

Even though we receive letters on almost a daily basis from members who have found each other and are starting a new committed relationship with each other, letters thanking us for being the one Chinese dating site or one Asian dating site that is real, because of the negativity being so loudly demonstrated in Forum threads and comments, our new members and visitors are being scared away. These comments and threads are from those members who seem to assume that because they haven’t had any luck yet, or have had one bad experience with another member, that all members are suffering the same fate.

Those same negative members fail to consider that maybe they are not presenting themselves in the best light, maybe they need to change their approach, maybe their own negativity is preventing them from succeeding. Instead of looking at themselves, at their profiles and photos, at the way they respond to members who are interested in them, and seeking the help of their fellow members to improve their own chances of success through Forum threads and comments, they choose to use the Forum threads and comments to attack others or the websites. This is no longer acceptable.

The Blogs and Forum were originally created with a view to allowing members to help each other with understanding and overcoming cross cultural barriers, and thereby assisting them to succeed. It was never intended as simply a place for unsuccessful members to come and have a bitch session that would only discourage other members from even trying to find a good lifemate.

The thing that we know is that we have a website on which many, many members are succeeding, and we don’t intend to let negative comments and threads on the forum ruin things for our members, or damage our sites’ reputation for quality. On the other hand, we do not wish to discontinue the Forum because we do believe that it can be a very positive component of the websites.

So, as of now we have decided not to post comments or threads that paint a negative picture of the websites, or of the membership of the sites.

From now on, if you really want your comment to be read by your fellow members, then find a way to make it a positive and helpful comment, rather than a negative and discouraging one. Help us convert the Forum to what it was intended to be, a tool for members to use to accomplish their dreams, not a weapon to be used to shatter those dreams.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 34) 1 2 3 4 More...
#2013-07-23 13:59:11 by wait123 @wait123

hi 我很感谢你!我喜欢这个论坛!因为这个论坛使我发现了我的灵魂伴侣!很神奇! 我是在论坛中发现 他!然后我们见面第一眼就爱上了彼此!约翰我希望论坛可以告诉我们更多k1的事情!我和我的他商量 会写下博客告诉所有的人请相信爱情! 我在这个也曾经失败过但是现在我找到了我的灵魂伴侣! 请相信爱情不要放弃 !他也许在不远的地方等你! 在论坛中我发现很多人写下的抱怨! 和如何对待西方的男人等等 但是当我们发现彼此的时候! 我发现那是错误的 爱情改变是我们疯狂 我们忘记了所有的防备! 

#2013-07-23 15:26:12 by prana @prana

喜欢你们的论坛,因为可以让会员展示自己,如果能上传图片就更好。

#2013-07-23 20:50:01 by anonymous6956 @anonymous6956

Strangely enough, similar thoughts about the forum had entered my mind recently. I think the problem is that the forum/blogs are too one-sided. You can find plenty of posts on scammers and predatory males. But I would like to see the occasional post about a guy who went to China and met the love of his life. NOT the harem of his life. The one true love of his life.

#2013-07-23 23:03:54 by anonymous6958 @anonymous6958

我觉得这里的博客论谈很好,真实可信。大家互相交流这样更好地了解中西方文化。如果都是成功案例显得很假。我感觉伊甸园办得很好,是最好最真最可信的国际交友平台。非常谢谢伊甸园这个平台!

#2013-07-23 23:49:21 by xin73 @xin73

Hi John,
how are you recently? I support you to stop forum published! There was a time forum about some useless topic make CLM a foul atomsphere. Then I once said to you don't need to post some boring subject, is my English expression is not in place.Maybe you don't understand what I said.I used to have its own travel website, I know the tenet of operating a website what is about.You readjust the's not too late now. I am glad that you finally accept all suggest.Strive for further improvement it's my Good Wishes for CLM.

I am very busy recently,I have some business to go to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia.I have a blog is complete when I joined blog commitment.When I have free time I will to update the blog.
Xin

#2013-07-24 02:57:49 by TimG @TimG

I'm always uncomfortable with censorship. The reason is that it reflects real thoughts of real people. If you drive the 'unpleasant' from being able to express on the internet, people feeling and thinking this way are still there. Removing a place where they can express drives dark thought underground to a possibly darker place. It also makes the rest of us a bit ignorant of what is really going on out there.

However, I also respect that some people do not want to deal with this unpleasantness. This must also be respected. May I suggest that you create a section that is an open free forum where people are free not to read if they do not want to? Not to invite dysfunctional people, but at least create an open honest space. For the people that don't want this, perhaps create a section (or a dominant blog) where only positive comments can be expressed? Make it clear at the top that one forum is freer whereas the other one strives only for positivity?

That way both mindsets are catered for. As long as things are clearly labelled, how can offense occur?

I do find it odd that some people on the internet complain about posts that are clearly labelled in the title. In other words, they read the title, then chose to open, then chose to read, then chose offense, and then chose complaint. It is my feeling that these people would choose to rule the world if they could and sanitize it to their image of perfection.

#2013-07-24 05:55:10 by ruready @ruready

@johnabbot sorry to see the about face from reality. Fact of the matter is- if people feel the comments are negative-don't read them. Move on to more positive and happier people and places. I'm no fan of negativity but it does exist. Without negativity there is Never, Never Land or China....take your pick.
I am so happy to have met some many wonderful, and beautiful- inside and outside, Chinese women. You ladies are the best ( manybe a little too cleaver sometimes) Love to you all. Robert

#2013-07-24 07:15:09 by Proteus @Proteus

Perhaps I'm not really qualified to comment about the forum as to date I've not been active there, and I haven't seen the kind of negative threads that are doing the damage. I also joined CLM many moons ago, but have never completely finished my profile page or been active. (one of these days I will) Thought I'd finally break my silence when I read this blog. Apologies if I'm unnecessarily long-winded - it's a habit of mine.

Forums in general are often an invaluable source of information, whether that be through good or bad experiences. I would hope that no single negative thread would ever scare me off as that is only that one person's experience. It doesn't mean the same would happen to me or anyone else.

Contrary to your translated Chinese letter, I don't think seeing only positive stories is desirable. This simply paints a picture that everything is a bed of roses....which in reality it isn't. If the the potential pitfalls or horror stories go unheard more people will no doubt succumb to them because they were unaware. As long as they are true and illustrated in such a way that is not abusive, each individual can assess it for themselves. Much like being given advice about something...you listen...and then you decide whether to take it or not.

Anyone starting negative threads deliberately to mislead others' into failing, will surely have the more positive (and possibly more experienced and well balanced) majority of members pointing out the flaws in their argument.

I must say I've been thoroughly absorbed by some of the blogs. My thanks go to all concerned for putting them together, even the Chinese blogs which don't always translate into English too well, but are interesting all the same. I wish I had the chance to travel as much through work etc as many of you seem to. Some of the observations and debates are most helpful.

#2013-07-24 08:52:39 by anonymous6966 @anonymous6966

所有的交友网站,都不是十全十美,每个的网站都有自己的优势和不足,这是在正常不过的事,几个成功例子并不足以证明它是行业里的龙头和精英,不成功的事例存在,也不能说明这就是个网站就是个失败不能来的网站,不必那么再意一些批评和持不同看法的人,如果论坛和博客里没有一叮点的‘杂音’和批评的声音,所有参与的人都全口径一至,人人都是‘你好,我好,大家好,,,’你认为这正常吗??我看这不是交友网站,说它是经神病治疗中心到是更准确一些。

#2013-07-24 09:46:54 by kahnsfury @kahnsfury

I for one wouldn’t be in China if it hadn’t been for the forum. It was a rich source of information and support. I am really surprised and disappointed at the negativity that has reared it’s ugly head there now.... I for hope that the forum can return to being a place of support and encouragement.

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