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Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Shocking Future Plans for China Revealed    

By Barry Pittman
4966 Views | 20 Comments | 11/8/2013 9:50:40 AM

China is a most magnificent nation yet it has one major problem.  For those who don’t like bad news, please stop reading right here.  For those who get a kick out of reading bad news however, you all should be ashamed of yourselves!

After many months of scientific research, a confidential government report from a small but very elite group of demographic and anthropologic experts has been released.  Results of the report are shocking and quite unexpected.   Only those with official government accreditation are permitted to read further.

The report stipulates that China needs to move somewhere else.  Yes  - the whole country. Well, not exactly the earth and the water -  the land itself  -  but all the Chinese people need to be relocated.

You see, after many thousands of years of supporting the huge and ever expanding  population, China needs a sustained period of replenishment. The ancient kingdom needs a rest, a breather, if you will.  The vast stretches of soil and plains need time to regenerate and be supplied with all the rich nutrients that once existed within them;  the mighty rivers and the streams desperately need a thorough flushing that could take years;  and the sprawling cities are crying out to be extensively beautified and spruced up by an army of industrious street sweepers and cleaners.

You think China is a most marvelous place now?  Imagine how absolutely magnificent it’d be after say, a ten to twenty year break from all its people living there.  Through the passage of time, natural processes of wind, rain and sunshine would slowly and inexorably rejuvenate and revitalize the entire nation.

As it so happens, the head of the elite group of experts who wrote this important treatise is a close friend of mine named Rupert.  I’ve mentioned him in one of my earlier blogs, in fact.  Rupert is the gentleman who quite perceptively suggested that 99 per cent of Chinese ladies suffer from extreme myopia, a controversial idea that’s currently under close scrutiny, if you’ll pardon the pun. 

Rupert’s a veritable giant of a man as far as burgeoning intellect is concerned.  His lofty thoughts transcend the norm, generally soaring ethereally way up in the clouds, far from the dismaying dust and debris of everyday humdrum life.  This explains how he’s able to crystallise with such brilliant concepts, such splendid, bursting thought bubbles that literally no one else on planet Earth dare conceive.

“Rupert”, I asked, “as usual you’ve come up with an extraordinary plan. If it could be pulled off,  it’d do wonders to restore and reenergise the entire Chinese mainland. What a brilliant idea!   But yet, as usual, there are one or two minor details to be evaluated if such a far-sighted strategy could ever be initiated in reality.  For example, where would the 1.3 billion Chinese people live for the ten or twenty year period, whilst their mainland is being rejuvenated and replenished?”

“Simple, my good man”, he politely replied, “Our team have done exhaustive consultation on this.  After extensive modelling with Ultra Deep Blue in Brussels - the world’s most powerful supercomputer -  we’ve confirmed the following.

“One quarter of the current Chinese population could move to the northern part of Canada, one quarter could move to the desert area around Nevada and Utah in the U.S.;  whilst all the rest could easily be accommodated within the great central desert areas of Australia, that are extremely expansive yet largely uninhabited except for marauding dingos, rabid bats and feral goats.”

“But Rupert”, I protested, “Canada is way too cold in winter for people to survive;  Utah is too full of Mormons who may not like living near a bunch of Buddhists;  and Australia is too damn dry!”

“Nonsense!” Rupert responded quickly.  It was a brave man indeed who ever dared question his extreme intellect.  I could feel the muscles in my legs tremble a little under the oppressive weight of his steely glare.

“Because the Chinese are such good workers  - quite unlike the vast majority of Westerners who basically are lazy layabouts  – they’ll quickly be able to construct vast subterranean caves under the extensive ice sheets in Canada, where literally tens of millions could quite happily survive for long periods of time.  They’ll live on flavoured ice shakes; walrus and whale meat, plentiful supplies of all these staples fortunately exist there.

“In Utah, due to the extremely good negotiating skills of the Chinese, they’ll be able to soon form a peace treaty with the Mormons, enabling many millions of Chinese to cohabitate and indeed prosper there, especially when the Mormons explain the virtues of bigamy to the Chinese men, who no doubt will embrace this appealing concept with open and indeed, celebratory arms.

“In Australia, it will be similar to Canada.  Only instead of constructing enormous caverns below sheets of ice, they’ll build these under the windy sand dunes of the central deserts, living off the millions of nomadic camels, kangaroos and leaping skink lizards that are in perpetual plague proportions there!

“Ultra Deep Blue supercomputer has confirmed this plan is foolproof.  It’ll guarantee China can once again in time, become the preeminent country on Earth, a position it sadly relinquished long ago, when Marco Polo furtively opened up the trade route to Europe, allowing the crafty Europeans to pillage and bleed the country dry over the next few decades. It’s time that China fought back!”

I was amazed at all this.  Confounded and confused.  Yet despite Rupert’s lusty affirmations to the contrary, niggling doubts about the scheme’s guaranteed viability danced annoyingly within my head. Either that or I was still suffering from having had one too many beers the night before. Though who was I to question the mighty Ultra Deep Blue supercomputer?  I felt like a mischievous flea, trying to topple a raging bull elephant.

“But Rupert”, I queried, “what about the Canadians, the Americans and the Australians? Do you really believe they’d be amenable to such an outrageous idea?”

“Of course they would!” he snapped back at me, with eyes blazing and nostrils flaring disconcertedly.  At this horrid sight, my knees began wobbling quite uncontrollably, though valiantly I attempted to not show how intimidated I felt, like a meek schoolboy in front of an angry headmaster with cane in hand, ready to deliver a torrid thrashing.  My bladder was almost ready to empty itself embarrassingly onto my pants leg – why did rampaging Rupert always make me feel so frightened.

“As we’ve discussed previously, most Chinese – especially the ladies  - are far more good looking than most Westerners.  And Chinese are more intelligent than them as well.  What the governments in Canada, America and Australia will be secretly hoping for, is an interbreeding program will begin between their slothful races and the industrious Chinese.  The end result will hopefully be a Westerner who in fact looks similar to an Easterner, based on the larger population of Chinese to begin with.

“So instead of all the ugly Westerners craving for a beautiful Chinese lady, finally they’ll be able to marry one of their own kind and not be unhappy every time they look at her!  One of the spin-off benefits of this is it’ll revolutionise Chinese dating as we all know it today.  Instead of having to fly half way around the world to meet a slim, lovely Chinese pearl, all you’ll need  do in the future is walk across the street to one of your interbred, Eastern-looking neighbours.  This plan is a stunning win/win for both East as well as West!”

At this, I realized how closely Rupert’s committee had examined this seemingly impossible and outrageous idea. Every minute detail seemed to have been carefully considered, from the mega-scale rehabilitation of the entire Chinese countryside right down to Asian interbreeding and marriage. Chinese dating websites would never be the same again.

“Rupert”, I exclaimed, “you’re amazing – you must have one of the most brilliant brains on the planet!”

“Well, thank you, my friend”, he cooed responsively, quaffing yet another one of his famous Chardonnays.  “Western society desperately needs to improve and enhance its rapidly deteriorating gene pool.  A massive inoculation of genes from the many millions of genetically superior Chinese ladies out there is the quickest, most effective way to do this.  Otherwise Western society is absolutely doomed.  Unless this daring plan is instigated, the only humans left on this planet in a hundred years or so will be the Chinese – Western society will go the way of the wooly mammoth – extinct as a dead, delerious dodo!”

At this, I finally fainted. It was all too much for me. My fully engorged, bloated bladder finally involuntarily released itself.  I lay on the hard ground in a warm pool of fluid, unconscious and contentedly dreaming of my next date with a beautiful Chinese lady who in fact, was a Westerner.

”Oh, the humanity!” I kept muttering mysteriously to myself, “Oh, the humanity!”

Due to the electric shock of these incredible revelations however, my palpitating and severely debilitated heart soon stopped beating. Though I felt happy, not sad. At last, I became one with God, morphing blithely into spirit and soaring sublimely into the stratosphere, finally unfettered and free, as ever I was meant to be….oh, the glorious humanity of it all.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-11-08 16:51:31 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Wow! I am stunned that someone could write an article that is so tongue in cheek that it almost sounds more like Ken Silver than Ken Silver does! Funny stuff, Barry, although western women may not think so.

#2013-11-08 19:44:56 by prana @prana

Impossible, I prefer to believe that this is a joke.

#2013-11-08 20:08:53 by Anonymouth @Anonymouth

Australia can have the Chinese men, what with the Mormon bigamist requirement for 3 or 5 to one female to male ratio I'm thinking the Western USA needs a much higher proportion of women (i'll even let Canada get some of the women.. But you know the older and more experienced ones)... Seriously, we here in the USA are so generous that we will even provide wives for the many single Chinese men who will be living in the central Australian deserts. We will gladly pack up and ship a large number of our very own Western women out for pick up at the Alice Springs Regional Airport just to make sure the newly arrived Chinese men are not lonely and lacking for company. You know, we must make sure there is room enough for all of the new wiv.. I mean citizens... who will be needing to get onto the already crowded Obama care website... And I think our graciously shipping out so many of our own will greatly help in the transition.

I do hope there ACTUALLY are no Mormons reading this, but if so please accept my sincerest apology secure in the knowledge that I do in fact realize you no longer (admit to the) practice of polygamy as a sanctioned religious thing, you know except for a few outliers living down in Mexico. I only say this as a sneaky ruse to get more Chinese women here for the rest of us.

#2013-11-09 08:54:00 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Interesting stuff Barry

Can I have a pint of whatever it is you have been drinking - lol

#2013-11-09 11:25:23 by anonymous7897 @anonymous7897

Oh we go...

I knew just by looking at the pics at the top of this post that I was about to read something controversial. Looks like you've gone all "Jimmy Kimmel" on us.

Good luck with the response to this.

#2013-11-09 18:49:22 by yeranyi @yeranyi

the article let me think of the first generation Chinese immigrants to the US. they built the first railroad across the United States, 所谓 : 离乡人贱...

Although Chinese are wise, patience, they may endure the hard environment and heavy physical labour. I still hope the new immigrants could get a happy life, not same as the first Chinese generetion...

If one quarter of the current Chinese population need to move to the desert of the US or Australia, why not move to Xinjiang (新疆)or Neimeng(内蒙)of China? there are also wide and wild places to live and reclaim the land?

#2013-11-09 22:13:04 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

For the serious side to this humorous thought experiement, read "The Devouring Dragon: How CHina's Rise Threatens Our Natural World" by Craig Simons.

#2013-11-10 02:14:06 by Barry1 @Barry1


"I am stunned that someone could write an article..."

Thank you for the vote of confidence, John.

I felt it was my personal duty of care to alert all the readers here as to what was possibly going down in official government circles.

My advice is for everyone in China to please start packing all their goods. And as a resident of Australia familiar with conditions here, let me advise also that everyone heading here please ensure to bring plenty of sunburn cream. The inland deserts can be mighty hot here. Oh, and stay away from the leaping skink lizards that are found everywhere here. They have a nasty bite!


" I prefer to believe that this is a joke."

Thank you for the response, Prana. I hope you are correct and all of this proves to be a joke. But just in case it's not, maybe you could start learning how to cook walrus meat, as I thought I saw your name somewhere on the "Canada" list, so it appears that's where you may end up. Please don't tell anyone this though, it's supposed to be a secret. No one is supposed to know at this early stage where they are all going.


"Australia can have the Chinese men..... we will even provide wives for the many single Chinese men who will be living in the central Australian deserts"

Thank you for taking my report seriously, Anonymouth. Good to see. You may have to speak to Prana assuring her of the possible veracity of this report. She may ask for some advice from you on what life in Canada will be like for her, living under the ice sheets. I'm sure she will trust the word of a credible source such as yourself.


"Interesting stuff, Barry"

Thank you, Paul.... I'm glad you are also a believer in all of this. I agree, it certainly is a most interesting report! Any Chinese folks reading this far who doubt the accuracy of anything written here, please simply ask Paul. As a very learned and distinguished gentleman, I'm sure you will be able to trust him completely. He will guide you in the right direction as far as possible action is concerned.


"Looks like you've gone all "Jimmy Kimmel" on us..."

Jimmy Kimmel of course, is a famous television show host. A man who would tell no lies, I'm sure. Thank you for comparing me to him, Anon7897. My posting here was analogous to what Kimmel would have done were he in my place, that is, alert all his listeners and viewers to what's going down in deep government circles. It looks like drastic plans may be in store for the Chinese people, for the ultimate good of the country. As Jimmy Kimmel would say, "You heard it first here". The CLM website scores a major journalistic coup!

#2013-11-10 18:44:36 by prana @prana

Yes, this is a cold joke, that God would be angry.
I know that Canadians harm walrus, I have read some reports.
But I would never appreciate this behavior.
Hurting walrus, there are other animals, human beings would be punished!

#2013-11-10 23:14:34 by haifeng @haifeng

巴厘先生,我坚决地反对“ that 99 per cent of Chinese ladies suffer from extreme myopia“这个判断,在国际交友网站的中国女人是中国女性中极其微小的一部分,如果您愿意,您可以到中国的天涯,新浪等大型的网站去浏览一下,您会发现那里有很多有思想有涵养,敢于面击社会弊端的中国女性,她们会让您心生敬畏。
巴厘先生,我非常喜欢您最后的文字,“At last, I became one with God, morphing blithely into spirit and soaring sublimely into the stratosphere, finally unfettered and free, as ever I was meant to be….oh, the glorious humanity of it all.“优美而壮丽!

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