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Peter lived for nearly a half-decade in China, including two as a Peace Corps volunteer, and is the author of Socrates in Sichuan: Chinese Students Search for Truth, Justice and the (Chinese) Way. It is the intention of his blog to foster the sort of intercultural understanding necessary for long term relationships.
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Sex in China    

By Peter V
6177 Views | 10 Comments | 9/20/2012 12:07:28 PM

People are curious about sex, and people are curious about China. So why has it taken so long for there to be a book about sex in China? I’m not sure, but with the publication of “Behind the Red Door: Sex in China” Richard Burger has filled an obvious need in the literature. Of course there have been other books on the topic. But most of them, to judge from the bibliography, have come from the academic arena, with the usual narrow focus and undoubtedly inscrutable prose. “Behind the Red Door,” by contrast, is a broad overview of the issue of sexuality in China aimed at the general reader that at the same time serves as an excellent introduction to modern China itself.

The author is a friend so I have an obvious prejudice in this matter. But his blog The Peking Duck (www.pekingduck.org) is one of the most respected Chinese blogs, and the likes of The Atlantic’s James Fallows has written a blurb for the book. O.K. I did too, but don’t hold that against him. In any case, his pedigree is indisputable and his book is a must read. Here are some quotes from the chapter that will have the most relevance to readers of this blog, “Dating and Marriage.”

“But throughout China one thing remains the same: Parents are consulted and usually become actively involved before a couple agrees on marriage. If it actually gets to the point where the woman invites her boyfriend to meet her family it means she expects to marry him, and Chinese men understand the arrangement. If he doesn’t intend to marry here, the man will decline the invitation.”

“In the eyes of most Chinese, frequent dating with different suitors is a good measurement of the person’s character and reputation, signaling they might me immoral or promiscuous.”

“The Chinese still see dating as a means of finding a spouse, and as the first step in a process leading to marriage.”

“Most Chinese women still believe it is best to date only one man and to marry him. Once the man invites her on a second or third date, he is indicating that he’s serious, that he is hoping for an exclusive relationship, and that marriage may be in the cards.”

Other chapters include, “Sex in Imperial China,” “The Sex Trade,” “The Family,” “Homosexuality,” “Education and Health,” and “China’s Shifting Sexual Landscape.” Those new to China and/or China dating will find a wealth of information. As I have said here many times, the more you know about China, the better you will be at this. Plus there is just a lot of fascinating information in here. This book will give you both plenty to think about as well as a lot on interesting conversation starters for your next cocktail party. It’s available on ebooks at Amazon.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 10 of 10) 1
#2012-09-20 14:17:09 by aussieghump @aussieghump

Just as well I didn't write it...would only be 2 pages long!

#2012-09-20 18:34:27 by anonymous4388 @anonymous4388

There is another book covering China's 21st century sex scene called "People's Pornography". After reading books like these, it makes me think China's women are more "open" than the women in the west. They are so wild...

#2012-09-21 10:32:43 by jonno @jonno

"Most Chinese women still believe it is best to date only one man and to marry him. Once the man invites her on a second or third date, he is indicating that he’s serious, that he is hoping for an exclusive relationship, and that marriage may be in the cards.”

Are you an American? Have you dated any American women other than frickin' bar flies? I will never forget what two older brothers told me back in the early 1970's. They'd come home from college and room with me. I was 9 or ten years younger. I'd be their liaison out at the street as young, beautiful women paraded by over the summers with messages to give them. This is the advice they'd give me: "Remember this Johnny. The only thing women want is to get married. You must resist them at all costs."

There is nothing here that is any different than what any respectable American girl expects. I mean, wholly shit! you act as if all other women in the world are nothing but sluts who are indifferent towards the number of girlfriends their dates have, and could care less about marriage.

#2012-09-21 14:30:33 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@aussieghump - I cannot decide if your comment is meant to be a little self deprecating as to your own love life, or means that you think 2 pages could sum up the totality of what can be said about "Sex in China", but either way it's one of the funniest lines I've read in a long time. Thanks for lightening up what has been a long, tedious day.

@anonymous - let me think, there are two known books about sex in China and roughly 2,000,000 in America, complete with hardcore pictures of couples hard at it. I'm really struggling to find how you could conclude based on all the evidence that Chinese women are as "wild" as American women. More below...

@jonno - I think the flaw in your argument is that you're not forgetting a line you were told in the 70's but you're trying to apply it to now. China today, is likely about where America was back then, but America sure isn't. American women today seem to be largely in a race to see who can score the most different sex partners, much like most males were even back then. Perhaps American women are still looking to dance to the "Wedding Waltz", but it seems not until they have boogied on down with a whole lot of dance partners to a very different tune than that old melody.

And @Peter - good topic, and once again showing your uncanny ability to get "sex" into the title and thereby double your viewings. You've become very adept at that and I salute you for it.

#2012-09-23 02:29:46 by anonymous4396 @anonymous4396

John, you wrote "American women today seem to be largely in a race to see who can score the most different sex partners". I could not agree more. This is one of the main reasons I will not consider dating an American woman anymore. These women have been with everyone and their brother. It's truly disgusting.

#2012-09-30 23:23:59 by lotusmaster @lotusmaster

In my personal Experiences, in America it's largely culture based with women. For example I, a black man, could go and find sex from a complete stranger with in the hour. But I, in the place I live would have no chance of that happening with a black women. I could guarantee that result with a white women however. Not to say that its only white women who behave this way because I wouldn't be surprised to learn that a white man would report the opposite...

#2012-10-01 13:18:31 by Grace172 @Grace172

"American women today seem to be largely in a race to see who can score the most different sex partners". God. They are not afraid of get infected with sex disease???

#2012-10-03 12:10:05 by anonymous4450 @anonymous4450

Grace172: No, they are not afraid to get infected, because they have already caught so many diseases already. Modern medicine can cure most venereal diseases, with the exception of some viral types. Perhaps this explains their confidence? There are some American women who brag about having slept with 30-50 partners. I would not touch an American woman with a 10-foot pole.

#2012-10-03 16:34:05 by Grace172 @Grace172

I really agree with the blog “Dating and Marriage” . What it said is completely right, even though not represent every case, but mose of cases. Of course many high educated Chinese women are open mind now, they can understand and accept the men whom are dating with also date with other women at the same time. But not that mean they would like to share their men with other. (I mean date here only healthy friendship communcation or dinner out. not mean flirt or intimacy) Most of Chinese women still consider sex is very serious private life. Most of woman can not separate love from sex. So they can understand and allow you contact with other women while you are just only in the first step of dating with them. But once your relation go further more than friends, have intimacy, that mean they have fallen in love with you and of course they think you are in love with her.They consider your friendship is boyfriend and girlfriend. Can not share it with other. At this time, if you are still dating with other women, or even have sex with other women, then they will think that you are a playboy. So if you are not a playboy and really want to find a good woman whom with healthy mind and loyalty, then better respect these Chinese women whom keep up fine tradition, unless you want to find a woman who easy to sleep with many different foreign men, and it won't be too difficult for you to find such women, because some women are really beyond "open mind" now in China, like someboday mentioned above more "wild" then the western women.. I feel so bad for that.

#2012-12-14 11:07:40 by hello141 @hello141

In response to "No, they [American women' are not afraid to get infected, because they have already caught so many diseases already." As a scientist, I look to actual facts to evaluate claims. Both the Center for Disease Control and Avert keep STD infection statistics. About 2% of those residing in North America are infected annually. It's about double this in East Asia. Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and South East Asia have far higher infection rates (~12% and 5% for the latter two). Perhaps the broad generalizations are due to personal reasons.

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