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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Sanctity or Sanctimonious ?    

By Paul Fox
4412 Views | 25 Comments | 9/17/2015 10:58:45 AM
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(Showing 11 to 20 of 25) Previous 1 2 3 More...
#2015-09-21 15:57:03 by anonymous13981 @anonymous13981

@anonymous13980
你说的也不是很详细。是不是你跟这个人1年零四个月以前认识的。因为一点小矛盾,从圣诞节开始没联系。他刚刚又来找你了。
如果换做我,我会问他想干什么。而且将近一年了。期间他有没有在CLM上跟别人聊,都在做什么要搞清楚的。
所以你能不能说的清楚一点,大家好帮你参谋啊。哈哈!

#2015-09-22 09:19:37 by anonymous13984 @anonymous13984

@anonymous13981
很很感谢你的慷慨相助!!
昨年11月底发生的事,一点小矛盾,他也知道错了,我希望他说出他的错误,连续3天聊天,我只是简单地回答他“嗯、是”,后来我们再也没聊天。我想圣诞节、新年节、情人节他会联系我么?我的期望失败了,我想他是彻底地离开我了,消失4个月。
今年3月,我决定重新寻找更好的人,我想苍天总是给我最好的,不好的去了,更好的才会来。
今年5月他回来找我,我说你曾经有很多机会找我,我等待你很久,为什么现在才回头?他说他跟另外的3个女人,她们不是太好。我知道他个独人,需要聊天打发时间。我说已经有新的男朋友了,我们现在很好,我把照片发给他。他说希望我二选一,他等待答复,一星期后,我告诉他,你的性格,我们只能做朋友是最好的,如果做恋爱或者夫妻是很危险的。从些我们再也没联系。
这个人的性格与论坛上有一位妹妹的性格太相似了。我是真的很害怕。我想早些离开最好,我还认为离开的太晚了,浪费我的时间。我总结,谈恋爱有一些矛盾或者摩擦是好事,才能认识一个人的人休养和胸怀和竟界。
如果不是一个优秀的人,我们舍近求远为那般??我希望这里的朋友们,站在西方男人的角度,给予评论,谢谢!!

#2015-09-23 13:27:37 by anonymous13988 @anonymous13988

哦!事情都过去这么久了。没有必要再想了吧?
虽说date阶段可以跟不同人约会,但发生在自己身上还是接受不了吧?反正我是接受不了。从认识那天起,就是醋坛子一个。唯独这条红线他不敢越过。
只能说你们俩感觉不到位,感情没到份儿吧?不是彼此的菜。你也不用太自责。凡事无绝对,相处方式只要彼此接受、舒服就行。一对情侣,从相识到相知再到相爱,至少要两年时间。一天不联系都受不了,哪有半年没消息的?
5月份来找,矜持一点很正确。说不定他跟别的女人闹别扭了来找你,等那边好了他100%要回去的。一年时间不算短。多考察一下还是正确的!别那么快投入。
建议你还是move on吧!8份邮件半年不回复,还有什么戏啊?要我看是没有了。

#2015-09-23 19:18:32 by anonymous13989 @anonymous13989

我不明白,还没见面,怎么可以达到 “ 一天不联系都受不了 ”。我早就不在乎有戏没戏。在我决定不与他联系的时候,才给他写8封信。因为,一旦我走了,我永不回头,无论他是世界首富还是国家元首。他的性格跟论坛上有一位妹妹的美国老公相同,。。。 。。

#2015-09-24 07:49:13 by linda1974 @linda1974

@JohnAbbot I agree to your point. It seems that you know a lot about China.

#2015-09-26 13:21:28 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

There seems to be a perception of stereotypes popping up in this thread. Chinese women are like this, Western men are like that, etc. Obviously marriage is important to many Chinese women, just like it is important too a lot of Western women.

I think it is wrong though to say that marriage is more important in China than in Australia or the USA for instance. I have lived in China before and I have heard Western men say "marriage means nothing in China". The divorce rate in China is very high these days, there are many divorced Chinese women, and you will find there are many women in China in their late 20's who had a very brief marriage, say three to six months.

There are many professional Chinese women in cities like Shanghai and Guangzhou who are happy and don't want to marry or have children, they are content just to have a boyfriend, similar to in cities like Tokyo and Seoul. It is the Chinese women from poorer provinces and lower socio-economic backgrounds who are more likely to marry, especially in their early 20's.

Some Chinese women think Western men don't want to marry them: I think this is not true, a lot of guys from the West want to marry Asian women, but only for certain reasons. For love for instance, but certainly not just so a woman can get a visa and have a "better life" in the West. I can understand why Western men want to marry Asian girls, I was married to one before. I can't understand why however there are many men who come onto websites like this and others to find wives, but want to marry them in the West and get them visas to come to USA or Australia, wherever.

It is even divorced men in their late 40's and 50's who are doing this. They are leaving themselves financially exposed. You would think after being burned once they would learn. It seems a lot of these men don't want to marry in China and live in China, or elsewhere in Asia.

As well ,I have always found it strange that uneducated Chinese women with no money and almost zero grasp of the English language want to move to Western countries. I mean, how do they expect to find employment and be able to communicate?

I would much rather find and marry a woman who is reasonably well educated and established who has a career in China and wants to stay there. For foreign men who have a reasonable grasp of Chinese this situation is not a problem. If the woman can speak English it is even better.

Getting back to marriage, I feel that in China many women have previously just married because of family pressure. "You are "getting old" ( maybe the woman is only 28 or 29 ) so you should find a husband quickly". I realize there is enormous pressure on Chinese women to marry after 27 years of age. So some women will end up marrying men they are not emotionally, physically, or sexually attracted to. Often it is just for security, because the man has a house and a car. I am not solely blaming the women for this, maybe it is just because she did not have the willpower to resist pressure from family or friends.

Intelligent Chinese women will know what and who is good for them. They don't need pressure from family and friends or colleagues. I pity those Chinese women who feel they were pressured into marriage. It is a horrible situation to find themselves in.

#2015-09-27 10:25:44 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@AussieBhoy74
Thank you for your comments - well written !
What you wrote here is PRECISELY the reason for my initial blog

I have been discussing this same issue with some of my 17-year-old students, just to get their 'handle' on it and it seems that 'financial security' is pretty much the #1 reason for wanting to get married

One female student said 'Well if you and I were married it would stop you sleeping with another woman!'

To which I replied - 'If I really WANTED to sleep with another woman, do you really think that a PIECE OF PAPER would stop me?"

She said 'No, but if I found out I would divorce you and take half your money!'

#2015-09-28 16:32:15 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

Interesting responses from your students Paul. I also asked some older university students in China, 19-22 year olds about marriage when I was working there and mostly the response was "he must have a sense of responsibility", that was when I asked the students ( nearly all young women ) about the type of man they like.

A few said they like handsome kind and funny men, but mostly it was about money or financial security. One girl said "he must give me EVERYTHING", and that particular student was not really very attractive or smart at all.

#2015-09-28 20:19:04 by Barry1 @Barry1

@AussieBhoy74

"I have always found it strange that uneducated Chinese women with no money and almost zero grasp of the English language want to move to Western countries."

I agree with Paul your comments were quite informative and thought provoking, mate.

The reason of course that lower socio-economic ladies are willing to sacrifice their family situation and familiar surroundings and move overseas is simply to try to help secure a better future for themselves. And who can blame them for this? These are brave ladies who are willing to proactively improve their situation. Who knows - maybe it'll even work out for them?

I place a lot of responsibility on the MEN in these situations. If a man is encouraging a Chinese or Asian lady to move to his country, he should be at pains to ensure she'll lead at least a half-way fulfilling life and won't be bored out of her brains when she lives there, doing nothing all day whilst he's at work. Otherwise the man is acting very selfishly indeed.

In fact,I wrote a blog article closely related to this topic that can be seen here:

https://blog.chinalovematch.net/blog/article/Employment-Problem-for-Chinese-Ladies-in-Western-Countries

#2015-09-30 14:32:57 by AussieBhoy74 @AussieBhoy74

Barry, I agree with a lot of what you said. I don't think Western men have a responsibility to save Asian women from poverty, but if a man does plan to marry a Chinese woman with no skills, no money, and no education then bring her back to his country, then I'd agree with you, he does have a fair amount of responsibility to her. Not to give her a bucket load of cash, but to help her to get skilled ( or re-skilled ) and to provide money for decent English classes so she will not have to be totally financially reliable on her husband.

It is the old saying "a hand up", not a hand out. I for one would not want to take on that responsibility at my age. At 47 I would hope to find a Chinese woman who will give me a bit of TLC, as well as me taking care of her needs.

One criticism I have of many Chinese woman is that they are very focused on material things. This may change in the next ten years or so. When I was younger ( a fair bit younger ) I think I was very materialistic. Now I am more interested in a simple life. To me, consumerism is a bit like drug taking, you may feel good for a few days, then the high wears off. It is hollow and meaningless.

Even on a legitimate dating site like this I wonder how important money is to most women on here. For example, if a guy had no house and savings and his sole income was teaching English in China. I have known several guys in this situation. One of them (50 ) told me he had "almost no hope" of finding a wife in China. Can men like this be attractive to Chinese gals?

Sorry for veering off topic a bit, maybe this could be a topic for another thread. BTW, not saying ALL Chinese women are greedy or anything like that, not trying to disparage foreign men working as English teachers in China either.

Maybe a Chinese woman on here could answer some of my questions, or it could be "It is easy for poor Western men to find wives in Asia". ???? I'm not poor, but in my experience from living in Asia and observing, I'd say yes, it can be difficult. More so in China than in Thailand however.

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