Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Sad Story of Yan Zi    

By Barry Pittman
5715 Views | 18 Comments | 8/7/2014 8:26:45 PM

Please forgive me, but this article has nothing directly relevant to online Chinese dating, but is a crucial one nevertheless, to me at least.  I hope to you also.

Yan Zi, aged 23, died yesterday (06 August, 2014) in Chongqing.


Her sad story touched me, as I know it touched many others also.


Her passing also drew Tina and I closer together, for reasons as explained below.


This is Yan Zi’s story.  Because most of the reports were in Chinese, you’ll have to please excuse me for any slight discrepancies.  But the overall thrust or moral of the true life drama remains the same.


It was July 10, 2014.   Tina and I had just started chatting on QQ, as we routinely did every day.

“Barry, I need to ask you something.  Wendy (Tina’s daughter) has agreed to my request, but I need to ask you also.”

“Sure, Tina”, I replied, “What’s up?”

“Barry, do you mind if I go to Chongqing for some time?”


“Sorry Tina, I don’t quite understand.  Where is Chongqing?  Why do you want to go there?”

“Chongqing is a big city in south-west China.  A young girl there is dying.  I want to accompany her, be with her, if she dies.  I have had experience with this.  Five years ago, my older sister Zhan Qi left this world.  I was with her during this time.  I know how much comfort it was for her to have someone with her.”

I was taken aback at this.  Quite surprised.  It came totally out of the blue. 


“How far away is Chongqing from here?”


“Oh, I can be there in a few hours”, Tina replied.

“You wish to be with a dying girl, to help her?  Then of course you can go.  Wendy can stay with her grandparents;  you and I can still chat via the internet. Things will be fine."

“Thank you, Barry  - I shall send a text message to Jun Ou, offering my services.”

“Who’s Jun Ou?”, I asked.

“He’s the coordinator of a group of people trying to help Yan Zi.”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Tina?  You’ll be leaving home, travelling to a strange town, then living with a young person who is very sick.”

“Yes Barry, I want to do it.  I’ll go now and we’ll speak later, okay?”

“Bye bye Tina.  Chat later!”, I said.

I didn’t tell her at the time, but I was extremely touched by Tina’s selflessness.  The depth of her profound character was yet to be plumbed by me, no matter how well I thought I knew her.  She was indeed a person of extreme magnanimity.  I was an utter bastard, compared to her.

Later that day, we communicated again.

“Hi Tina, what’s happening with the sick young lady in Chongqing?”, I immediated asked.

Oh, I don’t know, Barry.  I’ve sent several messages and tred to phone the man coordinating all this  -  Jun Ou  -  but I cannot reach him.  I’ll keep trying.”

The rest of our chat that day was about trivialities, nothing important.  The following day however,  there was news.

“Tina, has Jun Ou contacted you yet?”, I asked.

“Yes, I spoke to him late last night.  He’s decided to have local people from Chongqing look after Yan Zi.  So I left my details with him in case they need me at any time.  I also sent 500 yuan to the bank account he gave me, to help with her medical expenses.  She's from a poor farming family.”


“You’re so kind, Tina!”, I exclaimed.  “But what exactly is wrong with Yan Zi?  And why are so many people involved with her?”

“She has leukemia, Barry.  She’s had it for the past one or two years and it suddenly began getting much worse.  Her father died last year and her mother has no money for medical care. So she wrote to a Chinese website, asking for help.”

Where did she write to?”, I asked  “Can you give me the website?”

“Yes, here it is

After Yan Zi wrote this, a reporter from another website picked up her story:

And following this, the kind man Jun Ou set up a group on QQ, trying to organize help for her.  She has been overwhelmed with offers of help but the doctors tell her there is nothing they can do.   There is no cure for leukemia.  Nor do they even know what causes it.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about all of this, Tina.  I can see from her pictures that Yan Zi is very ill indeed.  And that photo of her mother sitting beside her in hospital is heart breaking!”


“Yes, it is.  My sister Zhan Qi died about five years ago now from a congenital heart condition.  As children, she could never run and play with us, her other sisters.  Her chest would always hurt.  She was also told there was nothing that could be done about it.  Yet our family was so proud that despite all of this, Zhan Qi achieved a Law degree, the only person in our family to have ever achieved such a thing.  But soon after this, her condition became worse and worse.  I was with her when she passed away.  My parents weren’t strong enough to do this.  But despite my tears, I made myself do it.  I knew someone had to be with her when she left this world. I’m so glad I was there.  And now I would like to do the same with Yan Zi.”


I was almost in tears myself, listening to all of this. I felt very moved by Tina’s enormous inner strength.  Her unbridled kindness and compassion.


All of the above happened last month.  Over the past three or four weeks, Tina and I would intermittently discuss Yan Zi’s progress.  Tina kept in touch regularly with the QQ group who was helping the young lady.  Then about four days ago at the time of writing, Yan Zi was discharged from hospital.  The doctors had said there was nothing more they could do for her.  She was told she may as well go home.

The QQ group knew that her home was too far away, that she should stay close to the hospital.  So using their own money, they rented an apartment nearby, then cleaned and prepared it for her.  Soon Yan Zi arrived, being carried on the back of a volunteer.  She was looked after twenty four hours per day by volunteers, cooking meals and keeping her company.  But sadly, after just two or three days in the new apartment, Yan Zi's condition deteriorated.  She had a fever; she couldn’t eat and was shivering and vomiting.  

So yesterday morning at the time of writing (06 August, 2014), the volunteers carried her back to the hospital.  Yan Zi despite her pain was able to tell her brother that if anything happened, to please let all the good people who had helped her, to eat together.  In China, this is a way of saying thank you very much to everyone.

As the afternoon progressed, blood started coming from Yan Zi’s mouth.  Her legs and arms began to feel cold.  Everyone's worst fears were being tragically realised.   Then at 4.25pm, at just 23 years of age, Yan Zi left this world. 

“I think I am strong before, but I cry now.” Tina said to me.  As the tears flowed down her face as viewed on the webcam, I had to bite my lip not to join her.  My God, life can be unfair to some poor people.


To everyone reading this, please stop worrying about small stuff.  Learn a lesson from Yan Zi’s tragic passing.  Think about the courage that she showed.  All the way through, she'd told her supporters she wanted to fight this despicable disease.  True courage and determination to the very end was shown, but the odds proved overwhelming.


Think also of the wonderful love and support she was shown by a large number of total strangers.  People such as dear Tina, who was serious in her intent to move house to another city and live with Yan Zi, caring for her, accompanying her on her final life journey.  The utter kindness and profound empathy shown here by caring souls such as her is jaw dropping.


If you possess the will, go out and do something good for someone else, without them needing to ask.  Do it for yourself.  Do it in remembrance of Yan Zi.


Please remember also that at the end of the day, love will always conquer hate.  And health is far more important than money.  When you're on your death bed, will you be thinking about the wealth you possess?  The flashy car or the nice house that you own?

Yan Zi, though you never knew me, you will not be forgotten.  Your death will not have been in vain.  I know also that your soul is immortal.  You will live again.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-08-08 04:34:38 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, you say at the beginning of this blog that it is not "directly relevant to online Chinese dating", but I can't see much that could be more relevant. For real Western men seeking real relationships with Chinese women, it is crucial that we understand those women as REAL HUMAN BEINGS, not just pretty fantasies we've concocted in our vivid imaginations.

You have painted a very strong picture for us of two very REAL and WONDERFUL Chinese ladies. Loving, giving, caring and remarkably warm and generous Tina (no wonder you are so strongly attached to this very fine woman of China) and strong, stoic, fight to the end Yan Zi, whose last gesture was to think about the people who had helped her, rather than wallowing in self pity.

These are the kinds of Chinese women our CLM men should be searching for, and hopefully they will be able to find them here.

Thank you for posting this, it has caused a huge lump in my throat, thinking selfishly about how I would feel if Yan Zi was my daughter.

#2014-08-08 11:01:41 by Barry1 @Barry1


Thanks for this, John.

The main purpose of my writing this article was for selfish reasons. Though I hope others may read it and give them pause to reflect, the article was actually written for myself as a constant reminder of the lessons learned here. Had I not penned it, in six or twelve months down the track, Yan Zi would slowly fade from my memory, like the sands through an hourglass.

But being able to write about her strength, courage and determination via this website, in a way Yan Zi has become memorialised. Every time I find myself feeling angry, greedy or otherwise in a negative mood, I'll hopefully be able to refer back to this article, to remind myself to stop being a stupid dickhead and concentrate on the important priorities in life.

I don't want Yan Zi's life to have been without a purpose, as short as it was. Through the generous auspices of, hopefully this aim has been at least in part achieved.

#2014-08-08 11:56:22 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Thanks Barry for your good article. I can feel great love,caring and compassion to all creatures in the world of you,Tina and all the other volunteers shown to Yan Zi. I am with tearing too when finished reading this story.I have to accept Tina has a very big heart under her slim body that I have never thought of. Although I have been thinking what I can do for the world in my mind, my actual behavior is still limited within those people in the families and around. I am shamed about myself as compared with Tina and all the volunteers. I know exactly Tina's feeling to those dying person. She only want to give her best love, caring, comfort, compassion and accompany to them so that the dying person can leave the world happily, peacefully and without much of regrets. This is what I intend to show in my heart but I failed on my actual behavior facing my father's leaving in 4 years ago..

These days I have been watching videos related with dogs especial those vagrant ones on Youku. I was deeply and timely touched by loyalty of dog given to his accompany, lover, parents, child and the host and those kind people who would like accept and take care of those vagrant dogs even if they are very dirty and with all kinds of disease. I really hope those people who abandon their dog can be more responsible and compassionate.. I believe in Karma, what you give out to the world and you will receive back the very same...I am shamed when face Tina..

Talking about leukemia, I would suggest you especial the little baby/ young child to be away from those new decorated house or cars (especial for luxuriously decorated one). Most of those decoration materials are very harmful for the body...The leukemia patients used to highly involved into such environments for a long time..

I especially appreciate the sentences of "If you possess the will, go out and do something good for someone else, without them needing to ask. Do it for yourself. Do it in remembrance of Yan Zi.

Please remember also that at the end of the day, love will always conquer hate. And health is far more important than money. When you're on your death bed, will you be thinking about the wealth you possess? The flashy car or the nice house that you own?" Maybe each reader can more or less learn something from these sentences and Yan Zi's story.

Please take good care of yourself and do everything you want to do for yourself or any related one before it is too late!

Thanks for your sharing!

#2014-08-08 22:00:05 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Hi Barry

Thanks for sharing

Words cannot express

#2014-08-08 22:10:43 by evahuihan @evahuihan

Tearful reading educational sadness .hv to sustain the sadness for heart reason.gud writing and remindness for all.

#2014-08-09 08:40:51 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Tina has a very big heart under her slim body"

Thanks for your kind thoughts and useful comments, Lily.

I feel especially sad for Yan Zi's mother. Just one year ago, her husband died. And now this. I can barely imagine the grief she must be feeling. Thank heaven for the large number of kind hearted volunteers who must be doing their damndest to help her through this awful period.

I've never met anyone as innately kind and compassionate as Tina is. I feel she's an advanced soul well on her way to reaching enlightenment, the ultimate goal of us all. I write this in the spirit of Buddhism, where principles of both karma and reincarnation are key concepts. As written elsewhere, I have no idea what she sees in me. I simply feel very privileged that she sees something however.

I'm sorry you feel you failed in your actions towards your dying father four years ago. Let me say that I feel the same as you. Even though I wasn't around when my parents passed away, I know I should have exhibited more caring and selflessness towards both of them whilst they were still alive. Sadly, I think most people would feel similarly, when looking back on the death of a parent.

"I really hope those people who abandon their dog can be more responsible and compassionate."

I haven't heard about the vagrant dogs you mentioned in Youku. Show me a person who ill treats their dog and I'll show you a person who most likely ill treats others around him or her self also. It's inexcusable behaviour.

"Most of those decoration materials are very harmful for the body."

Yes, I've heard that long term exposure to fresh oil paint and other solvents can be harmful to one's body. I looked up possible causes for leukemia. They were listed as the following:

1. Heredity or genetic disposition (family history)
2. Smoking (cigarette smoke contains many chemicals, which is why passive smoking is also dangerous).
3. Benzene, formaldehyde and other solvents used in various manufacturing industries.
4. Radiation as used in chemotherapy

As yet though, a definitive cause for the disease remains unknown.

Best wishes to you, Lily. (f)

#2014-08-09 22:12:51 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


First it is really very sadly for Yanzi's mother who has lost her husband and daughter one after another.However,from the her face in the photo here, I seems see some coldness and selfishness.This is from my sixth sense. Maybe we can find some reason from your mentioned Karma or reincarnation of the Buddhism.. I just simply hope she can be "forgiven" on what she has done previously or in her last life after having lost two of her dearest persons.

Yes, for Tina, I have the same impression on her. I can feel your appreciation and affirmation to Tina through your blog series and really think you two have much in common and thus should be a good match each other. I always say "time will tell us more about someone or something".

Experience mostly means growing up. We always need pay big or small price on our growing up each time. After my father's issue, I learned several: money can't only for being saved up and need a good balance between enjoyment and saving up; there is something more important for us than working hard and making money in life; when you have the capability, you need do some right thing in no time before it is too late; The less regret you feel, the more happy and peaceful your life will be.

For leukemia, thanks for your supplementary. All of us will learn much from your helpful information. Hope those who have been involving in those related environments could consider to change another job after some time there. I heard some one who has ever been working in a painting factory for 10 years and finally diagnosed to be cancer and died soon. He was a young father at that time. I know many people from rural villages of China have been working under such situations. The recent Kunshan Dust Explosion is a real sample.

For the dog's stories on Youku, there are many like the links of;

Each time my eyes will puff up with tears when watching these videos. At this time, it always remind me thinking of all the other creatures on the table like pig, duck, chicken... I really want to be a vegetarian but I don't know how to start on that and the most important is I have a young son to be with...

Seems my words are too much each time..

Same best wish to you..

#2014-08-10 06:56:08 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Thanks for sharing... Words cannot express"

You've hit the nail on the head, Paul. I agree with you, words cannot properly express the situation here. Where through sheer grit and determination, a young girl from a poor farming family is becoming a well known figure. She's a hero in my eyes.

#2014-08-10 07:03:20 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Tearful reading, educational sadness"

Thanks for your comments, Evahuihan.

One of the many lessons I've learnt here is from the volunteers who helped Yan Zi. It would have been all too easy for them to have sent cards and flowers to her, but they did much more than this, They rented an apartment for her and probably did a thousand other little things for both her and her family that we'll never hear about.

They put their kind thoughts in ACTION. This is the hallmark of true kindness and charity. Not just offering sympathy as most of us would do, but performing actual work and good deeds in order to help the situation. An inspiration to us all. (y)

#2014-08-10 19:51:46 by Belle77 @Belle77

This is a sad story, i think the spirit of yang zi is still there, her life is short, but meaningful
I believe she is now in the heaven.

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