Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Sandy is a professional teacher of English. She has a consistant curiosity in all things that are worthwhile, and she has a very frank nature to her personality, which plays two sides in her life. Studying and teaching English for so many years makes her feel close to and appreciate mainstream western culture. Her spiritual beliefs in this world are closest to being a Buddhist, so she tends to just let things go forward naturally. Among other things she will blog about Chinese women, traditional and not so traditional.
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By Sandy
2758 Views | 15 Comments | 10/9/2015 12:40:33 PM

Sex Education in the USA. Is it right for China?

I have been in the States for almost two months now as a visiting scholar; there is nothing relevant I could share with you guys until I attended a special lecture on sex and relationship education for women. Now I would like to share with you some of it and what do I feel about it:


Sex and relationship education emphasizes intimacy. Intimacy leads to safely trusting the other person while choosing to remain healthy by avoiding emotional, mental, physical baggage.  It is creating an investment of respect for yourself while getting to know your future spouse intimately rather than physically before marriage.  

---First she let us list five characteristics we would like to have in a spouse: mine are kind, intelligent, humorous, insightful and tolerant.

---And then she made a distinguish between love and infatuation.

--- What is Oxytocin (our bonding chemistry) 

---Levels of intimacy

---Marriage and cohabitation (it is surprising known that cohabitation often lead to break up.)

“repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19

It is really a unique experience to me. I never thought they are exactly like us, (most of American women) cherishing intimacy more, and feel safe about life commitment. The coolest part in this lecture is that the teacher showed five heavy bags, and asked what if you were burdened by all these bags, how could you enjoy life with your partner with these? It is so powerful, and it is much better than just talking… a cool lecture, isn’t it? I think we need such kind of education in China desperately, how and where could young kids get all these wise or life guidance lectures I am wondering…

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#2015-10-09 12:40:14 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Sandy, the most amazing thing you wrote is "I have been in the States for almost two months now as a visiting scholar". Wow!! That's really impressive and I for one would love to hear some details, like:

1. Where in the States are you?

2. What educational institution?

3. What is your role as a "visiting scholar"?

4. What are you doing for leisure?

5. Are you traveling at all?

6. What are your impressions of America so far?

7. How would you compare life there to life in China?

Now, regarding your blog itself, 2 things leapt out at me:

First, you said "Marriage and cohabitation (it is surprising known that cohabitation often lead to break up.)". I don't understand why it would be surprising to you that cohabitation often leads to break up. Generally, I think the whole point of living together for a while before marrying is to test how you get along before getting into something you can't get out of, before having children and later leaving them in a broken home, before tieing your financial future to a boat that isn't going to float, etc.

It is exactly why so many western couples feel it is necessary to test the relationship through cohabitation before making a final commitment, to avoid entering into a lifelong relationship that is doomed to fail. So of course lots of those relationships fail and end in breakup, because the couple was not meant to be together. It's one of the few things we do in the West that I think is damned smart, and that the Chinese would do well to adopt as a practice too.

Second, you wrote "“repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19"

Maybe I am being thick, but I don't quite get the reason for this being here. Was this part of the lecture, or did you add this here. While I can see the relevance of the quote to a person coming out of a breakup, it seems kind of out of place to in the general context of what you wrote. Can you enlighten me on this?

#2015-10-09 13:09:09 by melcyan @melcyan

Interesting blog. Regardless of whether you are contemplating cohabitation or marriage the five bags shown in the photos must be emptied, sorted and fully dealt with before either cohabitation or marriage are started.

#2015-10-09 15:44:12 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Hi Sandy,

Happy to hear you are in America for a visiting scholar and thanks for your sharing. I have to say it is a great article and sharing that I can read here! The content is very interesting and attractive for me. It make me realize how the sex, relationship and intimacy education has been completed, developed and easily attained in America. I also read there are a lot of professional relationship experts in America as well. This make me feel great admiration on all kinds of attainable world-class top education there even if the tuition is normally very high.

Did you go by yourself or were sent by your school you are teaching? What will you intend to do/learn or accomplish on this scholar visiting? Please share us more of your experience and learnings there. Anyway, could you clarify what is the meaning of "feelings used" and "withdrawal" in the bags?

Look forward to reading more of your sharing.

Thanks and have a nice trip.


#2015-10-09 22:41:11 by anonymous14071 @anonymous14071

Hi Sandy, I was really enjoying this article until I read this "“repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19" I have no idea if this is part of the study or it is something you added to this. I feel the fastest way to turn someone away from your article is to quote religion while writing about a subject that is not about religion.

I had to skip over that quote and clear it form my mind as I was reading the rest of the article in order to ingest the rest of your article. I did find the article informative and you write well (except religious quote).

I look forward to your next article.

#2015-10-13 05:59:35 by twhite725 @twhite725

"A man who rises early praising the Lord in a loud voice; by his neighbor it will be considered a curse."
"A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping
of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;
Restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand."
Speak for yourself about religion turning someone away, Anon!
It is clueless to ignore the debt the English language owes to the Bible and what a role Christianity plays in world history and thought...

#2015-10-15 02:57:51 by anonymous14087 @anonymous14087

twhite75- your reply is well written but way off the target. I was not insulting nor admonishing religion. My point was this article had no place for a religious quote as it was not about religion. Sandy is a skilled writer and a highly intelligent person and I respect that, I merely stated some people will be scared off replying as the quote has no context in this matter, otherwise it is highly informative and skillfully written.

It is interesting that you automatically think I am not a religious person.....I do not doubt that the church of Christ had a lot to do with influencing the English language as I have no doubt that Latin did as well. Yes it has a lot to do with world history and thought, some good and some bad. Please enlighten me as to what would your thoughts and comments would be if the quote was Muslim, Pagan or from any myriad of other religions and not a Christian quote?

Sandy....keep up the great writing and I look forward to your next article with keen interest.

#2015-10-17 02:38:12 by twhite725 @twhite725

That was my point: you assume that a religious quote has no global or common sense significance which is clueless logic. Which people are scared away from a "religious quote" other than yourself? And why except for their inability to see beyond the source and context to the content?

#2015-10-18 02:34:42 by anonymous14105 @anonymous14105

Sandy I want to apologise if it appears we have hijacked your thread, this is not my intentions.

twhite725- my point is made thank you. You are highly intelligent and make a good case, I now believe my words "scared off" should have been "put off" as I have no problem with religious quotes, I just believe this article would have been better off without it but to each their own.

This article has received 324 views and exactly 7 comments at the time I write this reply, of the 7 you and I have contributed 4, this reply makes 5.

I rest my case.......


#2015-10-18 11:18:17 by sandy339 @sandy339

Ok John:)
1. Nevada
2. I am doing research at university.
3. Researcher
4. A lot of activities and classes and researches keep me busy and meaningful here.
5. I am travelling in the neighborhood now and will travel at the east and west coast of America, maybe Canada and Mexico too in winter vocation with my daughter.
6. My impression about America? I am invisible, because there are so many Chinese here. America is really a united nation, all kind of people, culture shock? Sure, I was shocked several times until I am numb now, hehe.
7. Everyone seems caring about their own stuff and is comfortable (maybe). America is not what I ever thought, creation and innovation only belongs to a handful of elites, I think, most of them are so ordinary like here in China.
You don’t understand what I said "Marriage and cohabitation (it is surprising known that cohabitation often lead to break up.)".I understand it now, I think mostly in my generation we are more moral driven or socially correct, which means if you sleep with somebody, you should be responsible, it must sound ridiculous to you, but it is real in my generation. But now I think it is changing, I like it, younger people cherish and are true to their heart, rather than being bound by socially recognized morals.

What do you mean by being thick? You mean your face is thick?:) Yes you are right, it is part of lecture words, I find it is cool to quote some verse in Bible, the teacher wrote it in her lecture paper, so I copy it, now I see it is weird, hehe. Just for fun. John there is no much meaning for me...

#2015-10-18 12:25:14 by sandy339 @sandy339

Hi Melcyan, thanks for your comments again, I always feel so warm and encouraged by your words:)
It is impossible for me to unburden all the five bags now in my situation, but I try to make a balance, hope it will work. Have a nice weekend and enjoy your life:)

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